Keep Your Girl Out of My Shoe Cabinet, Your Wife

The bright sun hurt in my eyes and a throbbing pain shot through my head. Hungover I lowered my forehead on my crossed hands and waited for it to end. My one year older cousin stood against the counter in my parents kitchen and sipped at her coffee.
„Someone really had a drink or two too much huh?“
Last night we spent in Halifax to celebrate our ‚reunion’, as she liked to call it. She had called her relationship of 4 years to an end and decided to move back home to Nova Scotia. Somehow she never got accustomed to the superficiality in California. I had put my modeling career on a break and left Paris behind. One of the many reasons for our decisions to come back was the bad condition and the high age of our beloved grandfather.
So last night we had gone out and got slightly drunk. The last thing I remember was leaving the club with a person I hadn’t seen since junior high and back then I swore myself that I’d never talk to him again. Don’t ask me how I came home. I really have no answer to that question.

„Tell me about it. My head feels like there is a hamster inside.“

„Haha I doubt you had... do I wanna know what you did after leaving the club? Nice car that dropped you of. Who in this down is to afford such a baby?“

„Ugh you don’t want to know... believe me.“

Sighing she emptied her coffe mug, set it on the counter and walked over, putting her hand between my shoulder blades.

„Anyways... let’t Halifax and go shopping.“, she squealed and ran upstairs.

Moaning in pain of the sudden loud noise, I pressed my hands over my ears and lifted the head carefully. Lacking of alternatives I had to follow her will and jumped under the shower. Well the „jumping“ was more a slow movement... my grandma could’ve beaten me on the way to the bathroom. That’s fer sure.

I picked a knee lenghty white summer dress and brown sandals for the day. Then I threw my half dry, light brown wavy hair into a messy bun and put some large brown sunglasses on the top of my head. On the way out I grabbed a beige Guess bag and collected keys, wallet, phone and lipgloss into it. The average handbag things I guess.

It was a usual day like it had been during the last summers. Eventhough I had had a fair success in the modeling industry during the last 7 years, people in Halifax soon learned to give me my privacy and rarely approached in the streets.
After the press conference some weeks ago rumours had been flying around like leafs in October. I never was a person that put her personal life into public so I just stated that I wouldn’t work for the next time because of family reasons.
Who had to know how my grandfather was like and why I wanted to stay home?
Right, no one.

-3 weeks later-
July 23rd, 2011, 10:30am, my aunt, uncle and my parents still were on their cruise and Jaqueline still had ‚my’ house for ourselves. Our best friend from High School-which we attended together until I moved to Paris at the age of 17- Lisa would fly in in 3 hours and we were having a late breakfast before getting ready to pick her up. Lisa was studying Law in Harvard. She had always been the best in class so she recieved a scholar ship for the Ivy League School.

While Jackie was chopping apples, I flipped the pan cakes.

„I hate this time of the month“, she mumbled and pressed her hands on her lower stomach sitting.

„Are you okay? Can I get you something? Advil?“

„Just got my spezial week. You know how much I hate it. An advils would be great thanks.“

„You mind keeping an eye on the pan? I’ll be back downstairs in a minute.“

„Sure. Thanks sweetie.“

Quickly I finished flipping the pan caked and went upstairs. In the bathroom I got the small bag with the painkillers, tampons and so on that hadn’t been touched since my return. I ran back into the kitchen and handed it to her. „Take whatever you need. There are like 5 different kinds of painkillers... whichever you use.“

Jackie laughed: „Why do you have 5 different painkillers?“

„Believe it or not but there are countries that don’t have advil or it has a different name so you have to go with what you get.“

„Makes sense... damn you.“

I turned back to the pancakes, put them onto two plates and went over to the fridge to get orange juice.

„Tell me Viv, are you late or did you forget filling out your calendar?“ she asked suddenly.
„Uhm... what?“ I replied not really getting what she was talking about. After getting the juice and pouring it into to glasses I turned around again to put them on the table.

Jackie was holding up my little calendar, her eyebrows pulled up in an asking manner. The glasses contacted with the table faster and louder than expected.
„Let me see...“
A bad feeling build in the lower pit of my stomach and a knot formed in my throat. She handed it over and I grabbed it with slightly shaking fingers. I flipped it open and looked on the current page. Since 5 weeks there hadn’t been a cross.

„Uhm....“I sat down. „That’s impossible, I mean I’m on the pill and it’s not like I had had Sex in what 2 years?“

„Are you kidding me? Stop lying!“

„I’m not lying. I’ve been taking them every day since I’m sixteen. Do you think I would have ruined my career? And about the last part... I didn’t want to risk it so I just didn’t do it. Can you imagine how many girls there would kill for being Chanel’s face? Really... that’s like the Lombardi in modeling.“

„Sweety I hate football you know that... I think you’re still lying I mean... do you remember the night some weeks ago? Where you had me driving home from Halifax in a cab all by myself because you ran off with some dude that dropped you off in the wee hours in some bigass car?“

Reality hit me. Snapshots of that night flashed through my mind and suddenly there were not only about dancing and drinking in that club but also what happend in an unknown bedroom. I blushed slightly.
„Fuck...“

„Maybe it’s something else... we could get you checked before pick up Lisa... come on breakfast and let’s go.“

She was right. Like usual. I got up again while she swallowed the painkillers and grabbed the plates with the pancaked and the marple syrup from the counter to put it all on the table. Jackie handed me one off the bowls with the apples and bananas and started digging in. I put some bananas on a pancake and poured marple syrup over it but after a bite I laid knife and fork back down.

„Sorry Jacky... I just can’t eat now.“

„Viv, you can eat whatever you want. No one checks your meassures anymore.“

„It’s not about meassures... it’s about you know what!“
Realisation dawned on her face and slowly she nodded.
„oh yeah... I get it. Why don’t you get ready, I’ll finish everything down here and we’ll go see a doctor a s soon as you’re done. Sound good?“

I just nodded and hugged her. „Thanks. You are the best cousin I could ask for and my favourite sister I never had“

„If I wasn’t your only cousin there could’ve been a chance to flatter me“ she joked and poked me when I passed here carrying my plate to the sink.

After showering I put on a washed out capri jeans, a white blue striped tank top, a mid-sleeved white Dion jacket and some blue flats.

An hour later I found myself in the waiting area of the hospital anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell me the results of the tests recently taken. Jacqueline was pacing next to me probably more nervous than I was. I had the most understanding and open parents and quite the financial foundation to take care of me and the kid in question. So whatever would be the answer to the question hung in the air, I would have to face it and deal with it.

„Vivian Laraque, please.“, the bubblegum chewing nurse said.
Jackie stopped dead in her tracks and turned to me. „Now it’s time... let’s go figure it out.“

„Relax Jacks“, I laughed and walked towards the door. She followed me close and sat down net to me in front of the doctors desk. The doctor looked up from the sheets in his hands and a genuine smile flashed over his face. „Well Miss Laraque, I’m glad to tell you, that you indeed are pregnant. You are not far along yet somewhere in the first month. Nurse Hannah will give you some information leaflets and you are always welcome to call. I wish you all the best taking care of your ‚family reasons’“ At the end he winked. For a matter of a second my head shot down but I gained constitution pretty quickly.
So it was true... I was going to get baby... with the person I hoped to never see again. The person that pretty much broke my heart in High School. Awesome. Welcome to my life.

Jacky and I left the hospital and headed to the airport. No one said a word until we were in the car, back on the road.

„Soooo.....“ Jacky asked „What are you gonna do now?“

„Keep it obviously? My parents rised me better and imagine my parents wouldn’t have kept me back in the day... your childhood would’ve been quite boring.“

She just nodded: „You know who tha father is right?“

Now it was my turn to nod.

„You so have to tell him.“

„No way... Fer sure not.“

„You have to Viv. To quote yourself, your parents rised you better.“

„We’ll see.“

Soon after we pulled up into the parking lot of Halifax International.

„Don’t tell Lisa anything yet okay?“

„Okay.“

As soon as we walked into the waiting area close to the baggage claim Lisa should arrive at, Jackie turned really excited and started to jump up and down to look over the crowd, trying to spot her.

„I really don’t wanna break it to you, but we are like 45 minutes early and there’s no way you’ll see her just yet so let’s go and grab some coffee.“

„Yeahy... that’s what I love about home. California might be nice and all but they have like no Tim Hortons... can you imagine a life without Timbits and this awesome coffe???“, she mocked a junkie on rehab.

„Sweets I lived in Paris for 7 years and I haven’t eaten a Timbit in 8, so try me.“

Her eyes grew wide. „You haven’t had a Timbit since you were 16??? You are kidding me right? What about all your past visits?“

„You guys had them all... really... they are like the death of a size 0. I mean you can’t stop at one. You know it. You start and you’ll only stop once you’ve finished the entire box.“

„So true.... what a horrible life you’ve had... now you can eat all the junk food you want since you won’t return for like 2 years unless you pull a Heidi Klum move.“

„Yeah scream it, even louder so it will be on the cover of any paper and magazin by tomorrow.“

„Sorry... totally forgot about being in public“
She looked around to see whether anyone caught their conversation. Obviously not.
Jacky pulled me towards the Tim Horton’s that was really nearby and whispered in my ear: „But forget about coffee. You’ll get like a chocolate or something but no caffeine for the baby.“

I threw my head back and laughed about her goofiness. Only she could turn in a matter of seconds from a squealing overexcited 25 year old teenager into an overprotective secret service agent. We linked our arms and strolled into the shop. We must’ve had „VERY IMPOTANT GOOFS“ tattooed on our foreheads because some people gave us dismissive, yet curious glances but no one came up to us what I was really thankful for.
Jacqueline went to get our drinks and food. My mouth started watering at the memory of eating Timbits. I found some nice seats at the window, so we could sit down and watch the people walking by and catch the arrival board so we would make it to the baggage claim on time. I collected the magazines that were shattered on the seats and the table and put them on the smaller table next to seats. On one of the covers I found myself smiling at me, waiting into the camera. Obviously my „quit“ had also been in the news in Canada. It hadn’t been an easy decision but at that point, my family and my grandfather had been more important to me than getting more shoots, campaigns and shows. There had been a good and a bad side about going into a hiatus but facing the news I got today, I was more than happy that I already quit. In the first week after the conference paparazzis had swarmed my place in Paris as I moved out. Now 2 months later I had all the privacy to get along with the situation I got in. Deep down in my heart I knew Jackie was right. The kids father had a right to know about it. As much as I despised him for what happend now almost 9 years ago. As much as I wished to never see him again. As much as I didn’t want him to know. He still had the right to know.

Jacky’s hand waved in front of my face and pulled me back into reality.

„Where were you?“she asked.

„Thinking about...him...“

Jackie handed me a box full of Timbits with the comment „Eat. All.“ And smiled at a large cup of coffee, regardless of the hot weather outside.

I took one Timbit out of the box and let my taste buds cherish the long missed taste. A low sigh escaped. My dearest cousin giggled at it. „You still are a real Canadian, no matter how long the frog eaters tried to get it out of you.“
But I barely heard that comment because of what my eyes had focused on.

„Do you really want to know who it was?“ I asked pointing onto myself. She nodded eagerly... of course. In a whisper I said. „The guy with the grey cap right next to the rental car sign.“
Jacqueline looked out of the window too and saw how he picked up some petite blond girl, swirled her around and kissed her square on the lips.
„Him??? Are you kidding me??“