Keep Your Girl Out of My Shoe Cabinet, Your Wife

Sidney woke up early the next morning. Even before the 9am morning skate he had an appointment with his doctor to reevaluate the changes since being cleared for practice with contact. It was 6:30 when the alarm clock went of. He shifted a little and hit the snooze button. The few hours of sleep hadn’t helped him one bit and all he wanted to do was pull up the covers and hide from the world.

5 minutes later the alarm clock went off again. Sidney groaned. It didn’t help anything. Duty was calling and there was no way to back out as the captain. Slowly he swung his legs out of the bed and his feet touched the cold hard wood floor. You should turn on the floor heating tonight, he made a mental note and walked towards the master bedroom. After picking some random jeans pants, boxers, socks, some shirt and a penguins hoodie, he headed into the bathroom and took a short shower to wake up and ease the stiff muscles.

The scenes of last night played through his head again and again. Viviane would freak out if she found out. Minutes later he turned the water off and grabbed a towel. After getting dressed he took his phone from the charger and put it into his pockets along with his wallet. On the way down he passed the door to Viviane’s room. The door was opened a little. On his toes he tippled towards in and pushed it a little more. She was semi covered with a blanket as if had fallen halfway onto the floor and laid on her side facing the window. The curtains weren’t fully closed so the light of a street lamp shone onto her face. Sid stepped a little closer and picked the blanket up to cover her again.

Hesitating a second he took in what he saw. Her growing belly now peeked over the pants she was wearing and was easy to make out through the oversized penguins shirt. Bags had formed under her eyes and dark circles normally hidden under cover up showed how exhausted she was.

Sidney let out a sigh and tucked the blanket in before pulling the curtains close and silently disappearing out of the room.

In the kitchen he quickly put some muesli and milk into a bowl and added some apple. After finishing this small breakfast he filled his travel mug with his usual morning coffee and headed towards the door pulling on shoes, toque and a jacket on the way out. Quickly he turned off the alarm system and grabbed his keys voting for the Jaguar because he knew how much Viviane disliked driving with it. After turning on the heater he turned up the volume of the radio and pulled onto the road.
Currently they were playing the retro-Charts and an unknown song started

every morning I wake up and I'm laying next to you 

I wanna thank god and the devil for sending you 

cause you're my girl, my wife, my sis, mother of my son

Sidney shook his head as he passed Mario’s driveway and tried to shake the feeling that the lyrics described his life.

you're my favorite color and the air that I breath all day 

you like a drug when I feel fucked up 

you’ve come to save my day one in a million 

like a pearl that’s so hard to find 

I'm so happy I met you and so thankful that 
you're mine

He stopped at a red traffic light and listened to the lyrics more closely. As much as he hated to admit it, he was happy to have Viviane in his life again and even though it wasn’t the way he would have liked it to be he was glad that she was in Pittsburgh with him. She had changed, he had changed a lot and as much as he wanted to undo his actions she still was the girl that used to be his best friends and he hated everyone who put any harm to her. Right now it was himself.

Baby I would kill for you would give up everything I got 

just to stay with you for a lifetime 

believe it or not I love everything you do 

and would do anything for you

It felt like some of these lines had been written right from his heart. While the chorus repeated itself he checked the display of the media center. The song was called ‘Pearls and Beauty’ by a band named ‘4Lyn’. He tried to keep it in mind as the DJ started another tune.

Impatiently he started drumming on the steering wheel as he stopped at the next red light. Pittsburgh was an amazing city and he really loved living here but at times like this he wished for the freedom of Nova Scotia. It was 7:35 when he pulled into the still almost vacant parking lot. The strange warmth of the garage engulfed him as he stepped out of the car. Nodding towards the lone security guard he walked into the familiar halls of the rink and went straight to the locker room.

After changing into under armour, a thin jacket and work out short he put on his running shoes and his stenched hat, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked to the doctor’s office.

10 minutes later he left it with dragging feet. All the motivation had left his body with the resuming words. ‘No change in plans. No playing just practice. Keep on going and keep calm.’ He had heard these words for what 300 times now? That was almost a year. Sidney Crosby had never spend this amount of time without playing a game. He missed the rush of the game. The energy of the fans, the chants of the haters, even the mouth offs with the opponents at the face off circles or the refs making stupid calls. It was what he lived for. He was born to play hockey and slowly it felt like they were taking away the air he needed to breath.

Arriving back at the locker room he could see that some of his team mates, namely Cookie, Duper, Johnny, Flower, Nisky and Ash. They were changing into their workout gear. He shortly greeted them and headed towards the gym for his 8am warm up. It was silent in there. No cheers yet. He sat down on a bike, turned the cap backwards and rested his head onto his crossed underarms for a second.

Will this ever change? Will I ever be able to go back on the ice to play or will I always be in the locker room or in the press box watching the others?

Closing the eyes for a moment he inhaled deeply and exhaled again. By now he should have gotten used to it but facing the doctors again and again, telling them about what he did and how he felt. To him it seemed like he had progressed so much but the doctors would just shake their heads and say “Not yet.”

“Gud murnin Seed” the deep voice with a trade mark accent of one of his best friend greeted.
Sidney opened his eyes and turned the head slightly without lifting it.

“Good morning Geno.”

It seemed like the Russian had just arrived because he still wore jeans, a buttoned coat and a toque.

“No gud news?” he asked.

“No just the same old keep practicing. The practice is mandatory, Viviane has an important appointment and I’m missing out again. It’s frustrating you know?”

Evgeni nodded and answered: “I know. Oksana take Dixie to vet today and I no there. Poor littul pussy”

Sidney bit his lower lip to not laugh and agreed with a semi-enthusiastic nod.

“I change. See you. Cheer up Seed.”

---------

Back at the house Viviane woke up feeling all warm being tugged in closely. It was 8am and it felt good to sleep in a little. She stood up, slipping into her slippers, stretching a little and opening the curtains and windows to let the day in. After putting on a robe she went to the kitchen for breakfast. She was surprised to find the kitchen all cleaned up even with the bowl and spoon of his breakfast washed and dry on the drying rag.
Viviane put washed and cut some apples, bananas, kiwis and took some frozen strawberries from the freezer and put them together with oatmeal into the blender. Seconds later she poured herself a giant glass of the delicious smoothie and snuggled onto the couch. Suddenly she relived last nights scene. What had happened that they grew apart like that? How could people turn around and turn into opposites within 8 years after spending a decade and a half together day in and day out?
But what bothered her the most was Sidney’s behavior last night. The repeating apologies. What had happened last night that was unlike the nights before?
After a quick shower she put up her hair in a somewhat messy bun and got dressed for her appointment. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge she headed out, locking the house behind her. To her pleasant surprise the large Landrover stood in the driveway just where Sidney had dropped it off last night.

Her leather boots clicked slightly as she hurried towards to car cradling the coat closer around her body. The beep signaled her that the doors now were unlocked and she jumped onto the driver’s seat. After placing her bag on the passenger seat she turned up the heat and moves the seat some inches closer to the wheel. Sidney didn’t have a lot on her and she would almost swear that her legs were longer. Still he always moved the seat all the way back… men.

At the office she got greeted in the parking lot by one of girls who worked at the front desk of the office. The doctor herself was married to a former Pirates player so she understood the stress that came along with being married to a well known athlete in this town. That’s why she always sent down one of the girls so she could be ushered into one of the rooms without any waiting or causing attention. Camille, her doctor, confirmed that nothing had changed and everything looked good. Like every time she came here she was asked whether she wanted to know the gender or not. Again she shook her head no, explaining it with a simple ‘I want to find out when my husband is here but practice is mandatory and his job is pretty important to us right now.’

After receiving the pictures of the ultrasound she decided head further downtown instead of heading home. When she put the car into park next to the Jaguar, the security guard looked at her strangely.
Viviane never came here on her own. Normally she either came with Sidney together or with Vero. She grabbed her bag and headed inside. “Good morning Sebo” she greeted him.
“Good morning Mrs. Crosby. The team still is on ice. They had a longer pre game meeting so they only started at 10am instead of 9.”

“Thanks a lot. That’s perfect and still it’s Viviane or Viv” she answered him and walked towards the locker room. she greeted everyone she met but some looked at her strangely. Until today it hadn’t hit the fan and the internet hadn’t blown up with the news. Sure there were rumors but no statement or really convincing picture had surfaced.
Viviane got into the locker room without any problems and found the captain’s locker pretty quickly. With a small piece of tape she stuck one of the ultrasound graphics into the locker and walked out again.

--------------

After the 90 minute practice Sid’s legs hurt. He had pushed himself to the limit. Skating extra hard, battling for each puck during scrimmage and going each extra spot the roster offered. Dan looked at him a little worried but he knew what his motive was. He wanted to show everyone that he was ready to go. Wobbling a little Sidney followed his team mates to the locker room finding some of them gathered around his locker.
“Awww” Flower said and passed his captain patting his back. The other guys turned around, smirked at him and quickly disappeared to their spots.
He stepped closer and saw what everyone was staring at.
Two ultrasound pictures had been stuck in his locker. In awe he threw his gloves into the box in the middle of the room, dried his sweaty hands on a towel and picked them up before taking a seat. The first picture was a normal sonogram showing roughly the baby so he could see that arms and legs looked normal. He was surprise how big it already looked. The other picture was one of this modern 3D pictures and showed the facial structures. The tiny eyes were closed and to Sidney it seemed like it was sleeping. One hand was raised a little and hid one cheek as it the kid was trying to hide.
He couldn’t help but to smile and felt a little twitch in his chest. His kid had a face.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You could have skipped practice. You are no where close to playing and you practice harder than anyone on this team no matter if they are rehabbing or in playing condition. Sidney this is more important than playing. No one will give you any trouble if you take a day off to go to the doctor with your wife. Right now you guys have so many things to think of and deal with. Finding a good doctor, the perfect nurse, the hospital Viviane feels good at. You have to find names, throw a baby shower think of god-parents, buy furniture. Believe me I remember what a pain it was. My wife flew across half the country looking at hospitals because her family has a history of tough pregnancies so she wanted the perfect team around her.” Coach Dan had found Sidney sitting in his stall still in his gear even after most of his team mates had left. The captain hadn’t moved one inch and simply stared at the tiny graphic. Bylsma had asked his key player into his office for a one on one.
“So what hospitals have you checked out so far? How’s Viviane’s family background? I know quite a bunch of the WAG’s went to Dr. Graham. Have you visited him yet? What do you guys think about him?”

The coach looked at his captain expectantly but he just stared back as if Dan had spoken Chinese. A cloudy emptiness had formed in Sidney’s head as he realized that he had no clue.
Did she have any background? What about his own family? Were there any complications during his or Taylor’s birth? He had no clue.
Had Viviane visited hospitals yet? Or thought about names?

He headed back to the locker room, put the pictures into his wallet, ripped the gear off and almost sprinted under the shower. Only 15 minutes later he was on his way home. Bursting into the house he found it empty. No one was home. After taking off his shoes he went upstairs to the room they had planned as the nursery and found it painted and furnished. It felt like everything that was missing was the nameplate above the bed, some gender specific decoration and the baby. The shelves already were filled up with cloths and all the other things you needed. Diapers, oil, wet towels, powder.
Lowering his head a little he went to his office. After switching on his iMac he changed his jeans for sweat pants and lounged himself in front of it. Safari quickly opened and he googled several hospitals and doctors but he wasn’t sure what to look for.

Defeated he checked the clock, took the phone and dialed his home number. After 3 or 4 rings his mother greeted him with a simple
“Yes” like she always did to not give their identity away in case someone got the number somehow.

“Hey Mom”

“Hey honey. How are you?”

“I’m okay I guess. I had a heart to heart with Dan today and I feel really bad right now. There are so many things I still have to learn about and I don’t know already. I guess I wasn’t there enough for Viviane yet and I feel really horrible. So many things I didn’t know I had to think about. Like complications and family background. Do we have any history? Do you know anything? I’m really desperate. And how the hell are we supposed to find the right hospital? I mean what do we have to look out for? What makes a good hospital a good hospital and a perfect doctor perfect? Mom I need you.”

His mother laughed at his son’s words.
“Oh Sidney do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this call from you? Viviane called about this 3 months ago. You are slow Sid. Well first of we don’t have any history your dad, your nana’s and I know of. Viviane’s grandmother had some complications but it was in a different time and I can calm you down Viviane has a brilliant doctor and she goes there for weekly check ups. If anything happens you will know it. Don’t worry. With hospitals. You have the luxury to live in a big city so you can go to each hospital. Firstly I would check how the reputation of the surgeons and the neonatal ward is. Secondly you have to feel well. When Viviane doesn’t feel home there you shouldn’t pick it. We all don’t hope for it, but it happens that women have to stay at the hospital for many weeks before giving birth or they have to receive a quick c-section in case they get a uterine tetany. That means that the muscles of the uterus contract like in a contraction but they pull really close and don’t let go or only a little. In one of the books I read back in the day they showed a picture and you could see the body of the baby through the skin of the mother because the muscles pulled so much. I don’t want to scare you but those are all things that might happen. Maybe you want to talk to some of the wife’s that gave birth in Pittsburgh.”

“Thank you Mom… I really need to grow up I think. I just… the last thing the 15 year old me wanted to do was hurt or disappoint her. The 24 year old me messed up big time.”

“Don’t worry too much Sidney. You have too much on your plate right now. Just try to be there for you. Be the person your father and I raised you to be and you will be fine. Sometimes I wonder if it really was the right decision to make you marry her, but you always have been close and it’s the right thing for the kid, both of your careers and your country. You know if you had only been a mechanic at a work shop and a florist, you could have just stayed unmarried but shared custody but you two have thousands of little girls and boys looking up to you all over the world. I just hope you will forgive us one day. Now don’t take it all too hard. It will be just fine and you will raise a precious little kid that will make your friendship grow.”

“Okay… I’ll call you later Mom.”

After hanging up the phone he leaned back, closed his eyes and exhaled. Who was the right wife to ask? Natalie was one of the women in this town he trusted the most but somehow it felt like asking her was like making your parents have the talk with you. She had been like a second mother when he moved here just turning 18 so the last thing he wanted was to ruin the picture he had of her by imagining her giving birth to the girls and Austin.
Carole-Lyne Dupuis or Michelle Cooke?

Mentally discussing about it for a few seconds he decided to call Caeole-Lyne.

“Dupuis?” she greeted him.

“Hey Carole-Lyne, it’s Sid.”

“Oh hi Sid, Pascal isn’t home right now. He’s out with Matt I don’t know what they are doing.”

“That’s actually great. I wanted to talk to you anyways. It’s about the baby I have a bunch of questions and I hoped you could help me a little. I mean you’ve been through this more than once and maybe you can give me some pointers what to think of.”

“Sure. The kids are all out and I’m just doing some cleaning up. These fake spider webs are everywhere. Pascal and the kids went all the way out. The house looked like the place in the forbidden forest where Hagrid’s spider lives.”

“Oh wow. That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. Why don’t you just come over? I’ll try to help you anywhere you seek advice in.”

“Really? That’s so great. Thank you.”

Hanging up he shut down the Mac, changed back into jeans and drove to the Dupuis’ house. The petit brunette opened the door as soon as he pulled up in front of it. Smilingly she greeted him and they went inside. There still were a lot of traces of webs so you didn’t need a lot fantasy to figure out how it looked earlier. Sidney smiled about it trying to imagine how their house might look 4 or 5 years down the road on Halloween. He followed Carole-Lyne into the kitchen and gladly accepted the steaming mug of Tim Horton’s.
She started telling him about the things she and Duper found important and what she thought made a good doctor good. Sidney felt like a sponge trying to suck in as many information as possible. There were things he had never heard about and other thing he’s never thought that they could be of any value. 30 minutes later they heard a key in the lock and the significant voices of Matt Cooke and Pascal echoed through the halls.

“Hey Mrs. Dupuis, I brought your husband home. Nice try to hide your boy toy where ever the two of you are but he parked his car right infront of your house.”

“Caro-Lyne? We’re back” they both yelled their parts at the same time only that Cookie’s statement was followed but a ‘thud’ what made Sid assumed that Pascal tried to ass some intelligence into Matt’s grey cells by patting his head.
The eyes of the two forwards grew wide when they stepped into the kitchen and found their captain in it.

“I told you it was Crosby.” Duper muttered before walking over to his wife greeting her with a peck on the cheek.

“Captain. What are you doing here?” Matt asked.

“See this is the reason why I went to see you, not Michelle.” Sid winked at Carole-Lyne and she laughed.

“Yeah I get you.”

Matt looked at them confused. Pascal on the other hand leaned against the counter next to his wife with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“I just had some questions about several thing like doctors and hospitals but honestly was a little scared you’d be in the other room and I’d never hear the end of it. With Dups over there I know that Carole-Lyne wears the pants and he would leave it here and it wouldn’t be all over the locker room.”
Cookie looked at Sidney like he had just kicked his puppy.

“Sidney, I might be a goof, yeah I also might behave like an ass at times, but you of all people should know that I never make fun of anything when it is about someone’s kids. I love my kids and let me tell you something I will never ever make fun of anyone because he cares about his family. The first time we were pregnant I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do what to think. I talked to every wife on the team that ever got a kid I talked to my mom on a daily base checking every thing that changed. If it was up to me I would have wrapped her into bubble wrap so nothing could harm her or the baby. I almost got kicked from the team for skipping practice to go to the check ups. Sidney, your wife is pregnant, she will go through hell pressing your kid through her vagina. All you can do is stand next to her talk to her and hold her hand, but she will scream at you, make up words no hockey player would even bother thinking about. She will cry and sweat, there will be blood, there will be noises you never dreamed of. If you are brave enough watching your kid come out instead of wiping your wife’s forehead you will see her tiny vagina, the place you love spending hours down south, being all stretched. Instead of 0.75, maybe one inch video it will be 3 to 4 inches wide. It will not be pretty, it may scare you, but once you will have to bundle of joy in your arms and see it drink his first sip of breast fed milk you will put it all far back in your head. Yes you will never see your wife the way you did until the birth of your first child, but seeing her sweaty, tired but with a newborn in the arm that drinks right from her breast. Believe me that will make you fall for her all over again.
In that moment you just want to cherish that moment. You don’t want to worry about the hygiene at the hospital or about the qualifications of the doctors and nurses. You just want to be happy and know your little family in the right hands. I understand what you are going through. Everyone on this team with a family went through this before. I spent nights awake too scared to move because I didn’t want to wake her up or before games I slept in the guest room but still woke up every two or three ours, went to our bedroom to check if she was breathing. It’s natural. Sidney you are our captain, our leader. You are used to be the one who is always there for us, to be the one everyone looks up to, to be the one everyone can always ask for help and rely on. But we are a family Sidney. Everyone in the locker room is there for you no matter what will happen. If you need advice, have questions or simply need someone to listen to your fears or panics but you don’t want to put in to your parents or wife. You can call anyone of us. You are 24 for heavens sake. You can be the scared kid now and let us be the grown ups that worry for you. Let us be the wise elderly people for once. We have been through this and we’ll be glad to help you go through this. You might be our captain and our number one star on ice, but most importantly you are one of our best friends and friends are there for each others no matter what happens.”

“Thanks Cookie” Sidney stood up, walked over to the winger and pulled him into a hug. Matt patted his friends back and hugged him back.

Pascal and Carole-Lyne Dupuis stood by the stove watching their friends interact and smiled.