'Cause Love Is A Selfish Thing

We didn't get to soak in our reunion for very long. Once the doctor came to check on me and saw that I was actually awake, he wasn't too happy. Both Alex and I were scolded, him for not informing someone that I was up and also for being here passed visiting hours, and me for apparently not taking my recovery seriously. Personally, I thought putting myself in a good mood was a step in the right direction but I guess I was wrong. I didn't want Alex to leave even though it was being demanded and he didn't want to go without me. I just wanted to hold his hand and go back to sleep for a little while. It wasn't going to be allowed though -which meant Hadley wouldn't be let back in and I couldn't see Jack- and I had to let him go. Still reluctant, he kissed me slowly before promising he would be back in the morning and would start to push to get me home sooner. I tried not to watch him walk away and also not to glare at the doctor, but I knew he wasn't walking away for good and that he would be back.

Like probably everyone else was assuming, my doctor believed I had attempted suicide. Unlike everyone else, he was not listening to me that it was all solely an accident. He forbade me from using the sleeping pills again until I was deemed stable again. That was fine with me. Whatever was left of them were going to be thrown out the moment I stepped into my room again. I didn't think I would need them anyway after all of this. The rules that did bother me were his orders that someone needed to monitor me when I took even aspirin and that I had to report once a week to a therapist. Wholly unnecessary in my opinion. But I was willing to agree to anything that was going to get me out of here sooner. Complying to whatever I was told to do got me home in three days.

Alex was pleased to finally get me home and what he called properly take care of me. He refused to bring me to my house, worried it might dredge up some sort of memory that would cause me to have some sort of breakdown even though he knew the truth. I was happy to stay with him and Rian though because it felt like the way it was supposed to feel. Plus, everyone was just as content with coming to see me there as they would have been at my own place, besides my parents of course. For a week or two, there seemed to be an influx of people in the house, not to party but to simply be together. Unfortunately, it faded quickly and I was finally left to go home since the boys would be gone nearly every day until the wedding. I was only complaining because I hardly wanted to be away from Alex after just getting back together. But I had my hands full with once again fretting over the wedding. This time, I didn't need it to keep anything off my mind. My mind was as clear and pleased as it had ever been.

Before I could even realize it was happening, I was waking up on the day my best friend was to be married. Blinking a few times, I rolled my head on my pillow to face her sleeping form. To make sure Marshall didn't see her until she was walking down the aisle, she had slept over. Even before this though, I had hardly been allowed the chance to sleep on my own and I was pretty sure this was on Alex's orders. So someone was always asking for me to come over for the night or initiating a sleepover in my room like we were ten. No one was scared I would make the same mistake again. Sure it had been an accident. But there had been reasons to fuel it, reasons that were no longer a problem. Everyone apparently just wanted to make use of time when reminded of how quickly one of us could be gone. And it gave my mood a chance to go beyond what I had already been feeling. Hadley however had gone a little crazy being away from her son and had passed out early after worrying for too long. It was nice to finally pass it off to her.

Though she looked peaceful in this moment, I reached out from underneath my blanket to shake her shoulder. "Hadley," I cooed, continuing to rock her back and forth. "Time to get up." When my singsong voice did nothing to rouse her, I tried my gentle shouts and even reminding her that she was getting married today. All I got in return were some mumbled curses about me before she turned on her side and clutched the pillow under her head. I glared at her playfully and finally sat up, and reached behind me to grab my alarm clock. It had yet to go off for this morning, but I quickly reset it for a few minutes and settled it carefully against the edge of her pillow. Pleased with myself, I shuffled out of the bed and headed to the bathroom.

Two minutes later as I was washing my hands, I heard the blare of the alarm followed by Hadley's aggravated scream. I could hear her stomping toward the bathroom but I couldn't get the smirk off my face before she flung the door open. "You are so cruel!" she exclaimed, staring me down. The sight of my expression only made her glare more intense. I didn't say a word, only grabbed a towel to dry my hands. The silence did exactly what I wanted, letting the enormity of the day sink into her conscious brain. "Oh my God! I'm getting married today!" she screeched, clapping both hands to her mouth.

I chuckled, nodding slightly and throwing the towel back to the counter. "That, you are. Hence my cruelty. Now get dressed!" I demanded of her. "Kim'll be here in a half hour so we can go to breakfast. Then we have to get to the Gramercy for our hair and makeup," I reminded. It had always been my job as Maiden of Honor to keep her on schedule. But with how flustered she had grown, I was actually able to put my duty in action.

For a second, she looked absolutely panicked. In the next moment though, she became a whirlwind. She flew from the doorway and began digging through the clothes in the small bag she'd packed. I couldn't help but giggle at her again, but I was careful to obey her when she sprinted into the bathroom again and shooed me out. I rummaged around my closet for a minute before coming out with a tank top so I could enjoy the warm weather easily and grabbed a pair of jeans since I had ignored pants for months. I was dressed before she emerged again, looking more scared than I had ever seen her. I wasn't sure if it would do any good to try to calm her down.

I convinced her that she didn't have to continuously pace my floor and that we could wait for Kim in the kitchen. She managed to make small conversation with Meg and Ashleigh, but I was the half of the two of us that talked most. When Kim announced her arrival by beeping her horn, Hadley sprang from her seat and all but sprinted to the front door. I bid goodbye to the girls with a giggle at my best friend, promising to see them both later. Hadley was already in the backseat, visibly fidgeting to find a position that would help her calm down.

The rest of the morning passed relatively quickly, flowing easily into the afternoon. Eating breakfast appeared to do for Hadley what words couldn't. She was able to see things in the positive light that surrounded the day and talk and laugh with Kim and I. By ten, we were on our way to the mansion, keeping everything in good spirits. Kim and I were through with our hair and makeup way sooner than Hadley, agreeing on neutral since she was the star of the day. I had to spend a lot of time after that running around, making sure everything was being set up correctly and tending to my best friend. The latter mostly consisted of stealing Daniel away from Marshall and Justin so that she could cuddle with him like she hadn't been able to last night. He didn't seem to fully understand that his parents were actually taking the step to be together permanently, but he was just as caught up in the excitement as the rest of us. Plus, he was looking forward to wearing his suit more than I had ever remembered him getting excited for anything. By half passed twelve, I had him dressed as well as myself and had helped Hadley into her dress. I had never been so perfectly on time for anything in my life.

With a few minutes to kill before everything went down, I sat in the room just inside the gardens with Daniel on my lap. Hadley was still in the room where we had gotten dressed and I knew she would be all right until she joined us. Marshall was nervously pacing the floor in front of the doors that led outside, looking almost crazed in his effort to act normal.

"Daddy!" Daniel called in a clear voice. It still made me smile at how well he spoke. "Sit down," he demanded when Marshall's head snapped up. He smiled and chuckled, but obeyed his son because it seemed like the right thing to do. Daniel, pleased with the result, began to run his tiny fingers along the satin on the skirt of my dress. After another short moment, he turned his head to face me with a question poised on his lips. "Clarke, is Uncle Alex gonna be here?" He was only a child. He had no reason to be bashful about the wording.

I wasn't mad at him because of this same reason. But I wasn't even mad at Alex like I had been when he had first called himself that. Coming from Daniel, it had a nice ring to it. A new smile on my face, I nodded. "He certainly is, buddy. And so is Jack and Rian and Zack. You'll get to see everyone," I informed him, squeezing him tight to make him giggle. "More importantly, little man, are you stoked to be the Best Man?" I asked him, leaning my chin on his shoulder. He turned to look at me from the corner of his eye, nodding rapidly to express just how excited he was. "You're sure you're ready?" I teased, tickling him through his suit jacket.

He laughed loudly and squirmed, sliding around on my lap. Between high-pitched chuckles, he nodded again and managed a cute, "Yes, I am!"

I laughed along with him but refrained from tickling him anymore. The few chuckles still escaping us were cut off completely by the music starting up outside. Automatically, I set him on his feet and straightened his jacket and the tie that matched the espresso color of my dress, and then picked up my bouquet from where it rested next to our chair. Marshall hurried out the now open doors, waving and smiling at everyone as he walked down the aisle like he wasn't have supposed to enter from the other side. I let out a light snort at him, but took Daniel's hand so we could position ourselves behind Kim and Justin. I couldn't help shooting glances over my shoulder, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Hadley was finally there with her father. She gave me a wide grin, showing absolutely no sign that she had been going crazy only a few hours ago.

"Ready?" I mouthed to her, getting the exact response I was expecting with her nod and widening smile. Satisfied, I faced forward once more, gripping Daniel's tiny hand a little tighter as well as my bouquet in my other hand before we began our descent down the aisle. I found my palms growing sweaty, oddly nervous. Not about any of this, about the wonderful thing that was happening to my best friend. It was the thought of seeing Alex in that crowd of onlookers, of him seeing me. This was going to be a foreshadow of our future, in its own strange way. It made me scared yet way too joyous to think about it. Trying to rid of the giant smile on my face was pointless, but it could easily be used for the situation at hand.

The spring day was showing signs that it was anxious to be summer. Daniel, too, was anxious, but to get down the aisle between the rows of chairs. I had to hold him back from running while attempting to hold in the laugh that wanted desperately to burst from my lips as well as enjoying the sun on my bare shoulders. Nearly all eyes were turned in our direction, something that would normally make me extremely uncomfortable. But I was able to shake it off knowing that they were all just waiting for Hadley. At the end of the aisle, I led Daniel into his spot between Justin and Marshall before taking my own between Kim and the alter. And just like that, the music changed and everyone rose from their seats. In the seconds before she stepped outside, I ran through all the time we had discussed this over the years and how much we had stepped it up since her engagement. I wasn't going to deny that I quickly became a baby and was on the verge of tears when she emerged from the doors.

The gold tulle of her skirt and the beading on her bodice shimmered in the sunlight. She had chosen not to wear a vail, deciding it would take away from the beauty of the dress, so her face was unobscured and shining with her smile. Her hair was piled on top of her head with a few curls falling down around her face, strings of fake pearls threaded throughout the strands. It was the right choice for Kim and I to look simple, but Hadley could have outshone us no matter what with how stunning she looked. I had to resist the urge to hug her and squeal when her dad let her go and she handed me her own bouquet before she faced Marshall and took his hands.

It was hard not to let my mind wander after that. It wasn't from boredom or lack of interest, but rather from all the good things that wanted to take center stage. Life had never been this good despite all the past times I had surely said this. Plus, this time, I had no Oliver to worry about, nothing in the foreseeable future that was going to ruin this. What I hoped was subtly, I scanned the rows closest to me for Alex. In the front were both my parents and Hadley's, both our mother's holding hands and being shameless with the tears rolling down their cheeks. I found Alex seated between Rian and Zack a few rows back, his eyes on me instead of Hadley and Marshall. Somehow, I knew it wasn't just because he had sensed me looking for him, that his gaze had been locked on me for a while. Instantly, I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks and I smirked at him. He winked at me, snorting because he knew how cheesy it must of looked. It would be a miracle if I ever got this smile off my face after today.

Hadley and Marshall had stuck with the basic vows, so they had gotten through them without a problem. I had just looked back to them and was able to get myself to focus as Hadley had finished repeating the last line. They were both visibly eager to get to the next part, my best friend even bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet.

Before the minister could even get Marshall's full name out, he had exclaimed, "I do!" It earned a chuckle from the crowd of friends and family, and he gave an embarrassed grin. But I could tell he was pleased to have done it.

Hadley let the whole of Hadley Shannon Parsons, do you- reach her ears. But that was clearly all she could handle because she said, "I do," and threw her arms around Marshall's neck to kiss him full on the mouth. And with a few more words that neither they nor I could hear while wrapped up in their perfection, it was official. My best friend was married to the boy who had stolen her heart way back in psychology class on a chilly October day. I wasn't sure anyone was happier for them than I was.

Pulling apart -which I was sure was aided by the cheering and clapping- Marshall scooped Daniel up, and the three of them headed back down the aisle. The bounce in their step and the giant smiles on their faces had every single person looking just as thrilled as I was. As they disappeared back through the doors, the rows slowly emptied. The reception was going to be in the back garden, so most of the guests began the short trip around the building. Kim passed me, smiling at me as she went. I, however, kept still and lazily admired the flowers growing nearby that I had wanted so desperately months ago to watch fill with life. I was stuck in my own little world, wanting to stay here until I was the only person left in this garden.

"Hey," I heard somewhere in front of me. My head snapped up to find Alex there, handsome in his black pants and white button up. He'd disregarded a tie for this occasion, and I couldn't say I was disappointed. It was one less thing to get in my way later. "You look so beautiful today," he stated, stepping closer now that I recognized his presence.

Blushing again, I looked down at my dress. It was gorgeous with its asymmetrical bodice and the skirt that had the slightest bubble effect to it. Of course, the dress wasn't what had him stating this. I still simply shrugged, never able to agree that I was the pretty one. "I'm nothing compared to how Hadley looked today," I claimed truthfully, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I only had my own bouquet now, but Alex took it from me and set it on the nearest chair. When he came back those few steps, he took both of my hands. "You know I wasn't looking at anyone but you," he pointed out, making me see. Before I could even let the corners of my lips head in the upward direction, he had pressed his lips to mine. I leaned into him and he let go of my hands so he could rest his own on the small of my back, pulling me closer. "You're all slippery and stuff in this dress. Slippery seal," he chuckled, breaking from me.

I laughed at him. "I missed you," I said, laying my head on his chest. My arms went around him, my fingers locking together once my hands met behind him. If I had my own world to be a part of, I wanted him to be a part of it, too, and I wasn't going to let him go. We had barely gotten to see each other since I had been back home. Even when he was home, he was too busy or I was too busy. It hadn't been ideal, but I thought that maybe it had been necessary. Now that it was over though, we were able to get back on track. That sounded like the perfect addition to the day. "We should probably get over to the reception," I suggested after a few quiet moments. At least, as quiet as nature provided.

"Guess we should," he agreed, easing out of my grip and taking my hand again. It was always a comforting sight to see our fingers laced together. "You've got some important things to follow through with, huh? Being just a step away from the bride herself and all," he said as I began leading us to everyone else.

I nodded, trying to look important. "I can't wait to put her through some of the same torture. I'll have to make sure I play up the nerves at giving a public speech when I make a toast. Just so she'll feel guilty," I joked. The happiness in his eyes at the mention of someday getting to do all of this for the two of us was enough to make the butterflies start up. But neither of us said a word until all of the others were in sight. "The guys are already at your table. It's close to the bridal party. It won't be tough to find each other after all the major festivities have died down," I promised, and leaned up on my toes to kiss him once more despite the fact that I was wearing heels. He nodded in understanding when we pulled away and shot me another smile as he walked towards the others.

Taking my seat next to Kim at the only rectangular table in sight, I gladly waited for everything to play out. Mr. And Mrs. Marshall Evans were announced for the first time ever, and they reappeared with Daniel between them. Dinner was served, the cake was cut, the first dance was danced. Everything was in full swing by the time I joined up with Alex again. We had spent a while dancing but eventually made our way back to the table with the others. I pulled up Jack's vacated chair and sat close to Alex, holding his hand under the table. We were all laughing and joking around, easily pretending like I hadn't spend so much time away from them. When I looked up though, my stomach simultaneously dropped and tied itself into a thousand unbreakable knots. Standing on the patio fifty yards away was the one person I had never wanted to see again.