'Cause Love Is A Selfish Thing

For what felt like entirely too long, I couldn't get words out passed the block in my throat. With a death grip, I squeezed Alex's hand resting on his knee and heard his small ow. I wanted to apologize, but it just got struck behind the words I wanted to spit out about Oliver being in our vicinity, way too close for comfort. I couldn't help but to think that I had been beyond stupid. There wasn't any other way to put it. It wasn't even about the whole situation that I had put myself in with him either. I had told him where the wedding was going to be, had explained the whole process to him. It was the only location for any place I would ever be I had revealed to him. It hadn't seemed like such a big deal then, just venting some of my frustrations that came along with helping to plan a wedding. But now I wanted to hit myself for how positively careless it had been. Of course, he just might do that for me. I was terrified of that possibility. It made me want to run and hide. It made me want to be the coward I knew I wasn't.

Alex had stopped trying to extract his fingers from mine when he realized it was hopeless. He tried to look me in the eye then to see what was wrong, but obviously only found the terror there. Now scared for me, he followed my gaze and I knew the exact moment his eyes found Oliver. His hand squeezed mine just as tightly and he swore under his breath. It just happened to be the same second Oliver found what he had been searching the crowd for: me. I was still nearly frozen and his eyes on me didn't do much good in my attempt to appear strong. Alex was nearly growling, wanting so badly to jump up and do what I had promised him he could. But he was also torn on wanting to protect me, maybe hide me completely with his own body. All of our friends simply stared at us, confused as to why we had stopped speaking and what had us acting so strangely.

"I have to go talk to him," I finally managed out, knowing that everyone else heard as well. Was this me being unintelligent again? Probably. But I had to tell him what I already had once before. No matter what, I wanted to make this the last time I ever saw his stupid, well-dressed self again.

Alex was shaking his head, attempting to get his point across. "No, you don't. You have to stay far away from him. And I probably should, too, for that matter. I'm thinking of some pretty creative ways to use my spoon to gut him," he stated, shrugging like it was no big deal. He went to reach for the cutlery with the hand that wasn't gripping mine, but I pushed his arm down. He wasn't too thrilled about being stopped.

"He won't do anything around all these people. If I don't tell him to fuck off now though, who knows where else he's going to show up. I won't be alone. You're coming with me," I told him like it should have been obvious. It really should have been. I wouldn't even think about facing Oliver again if Alex wasn't with me. "But you're going to stay ten feet behind me, and only come over if I ask you to or if I really look like I'm in trouble. I know what I promised you but not here, please," I begged, meeting his gaze. I could tell he wanted to make a protest, put up the best argument of his life. But he sighed, defeated, knowing that I was right, and nodded.

I stood then, pulling him with me. The others hadn't started up even a fake conversation to make it seem like they weren't eavesdropping. They stood with us and followed behind, trying to keep their distance to make sure it didn't look like we were some kind of gang. I didn't even care that they felt that they needed to come. It made me feel better. I left Alex on the grass, finding it hard to take my hand from his when we were both still gripping so tightly. I shook feeling back into it, whispering to him that it would be okay. As I turned and walked toward Oliver, I heard the boys asking Alex what was going on. So he hadn't told them what I'd been through. It was still our secret.

"You need to leave, right now," I demanded the moment I was close enough to Oliver. I kept a good distance between us when I stopped, knowing that he would try to grab me. Now that I was near him, I realized that he wasn't so well-dressed today. He was in jeans, as he always was when he didn't have to be at the office. But they appeared as if he hadn't taken them off in the three weeks since I'd last seen him. I had never seen him in a t-shirt, and the one he wore now had questionable stains all around and a couple of holes even adorned it at the hem and neck. His usually elegant hair was clearly unwashed and stuck up in odd directions, somehow accentuating the dark circles under his eyes. He looked pathetic but not for one second was I going to feel sorry for him.

He stepped forward, instinctively reaching toward me. But he pulled back hurriedly, and I knew it was due to a nasty look Alex was more than likely aiming over my shoulder at him. "Clarke," Oliver stammered, tripping over my name like it was the most complicated word in history. "I just want to talk. We can go inside and discuss what happened. I don't want you to just not be in my life because it's not the same without you," he claimed, his voice cracking.

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to hide it from him. "Yes, let me be naive enough to leave all of these witnesses to go somewhere private to talk with you. I can say what I need to here. Your life is no different without me because it's not like I was ever allowed or ever wanted to provide anything for it. Except maybe someone to smack around every once in a while. That was something you liked me to be," I pondered with a shrug. I was slowly fuming, so angry that he was here. Another demand for him to leave was poised on my lips.

"You don't understand!" he exclaimed, interrupting me before I could even get another word out. "I'm not like that all the time. I've been so stressed out and I felt like I was losing you each of those times I hurt you. You just frustrated me with all those hints that you were going to leave me."

"My fault, was it? It was never my fault," I shot, my tone acerbic. "And we were never together!"

"Yes, we were!" he yelled back. It was a complete surprise no one was alerted to this conversation who wasn't within a ten foot radius.

In only a second, I felt Alex next to me and he slipped his hand into mine. For the time being, I knew this was only so he could restrain himself. "You need to get out of here. I know Clarke's already told you, and you should probably listen," he suggested, his voice low. I didn't like to hear him like this, so filled with rage at someone. I was sure he had never been like this. The few moments when he did get angry, it was never anywhere near this point.

When it looked as if Oliver was simply going to scoff because he didn't care what Alex had to say, Alex dropped my hand. He had done enough holding back. Apparently, the other boys had, too, because as Alex took a step in front of me, they had each appeared near me. Even Jack, whom I had thought was trying to hit on Kim, was there and put his arm around my shoulders protectively. "Do you even understand what you've put her through?" Alex demanded of Oliver, pointing at me while he stayed facing forward. I could only imagine the fire in his eyes. "This woman whom I've loved since I was seventeen, even when we forgot about each other. Keeping her away from me is tolerable because I am happy for her no matter what she chooses. But making her feel like she can't come back to me because you'll hurt her if she even thinks about it is unforgivable. She wasn't choosing to be with you. You were choosing that for her by being an absolute tool who thinks hitting women is okay," he spat.

Oliver didn't seem so scared of Alex like he had been when we were talking. This made no sense. He should have been shaking where he stood with how close they were now. He looked smug, like the man I had grown to hate. "And what exactly are you going to do about it?" No panic. No denying that he had hit me or that he thought it was perfectly acceptable. Just one question he believed he could get away with.

It was obviously the wrong choice.

I watched Alex's fist reel back and he didn't even hesitate. Time seemed to slow down in front of my eyes though. So much so that I had to question what his knuckles were going to connect with. I gasped when time sped up again at the same moment that his fist smashed into the side of Oliver's face. After a satisfyingly loud crack, Alex pulled back to make it happen once more.

I couldn't stand on the sidelines anymore. "Alex, stop!" I screamed, running out from underneath Jack's arm toward Alex to gingerly pull his arm down to cradle it in both of my own. I could vaguely hear Rian and the other boys running forward to join the fight if they had to.

It took Alex a moment to be calm enough to look at me. His expression was instantly pained and confused. "Why the fuck should I?" he bellowed, automatically letting an apology mix with his expression so I didn't take the yelling personally.

I moved the fingers of one hand down to his hand that had just attempted to become one with Oliver's face. I didn't even spare a glance at the other man crouched on the ground and over-exaggeratedly moaning in pain. I moved to stand directly in front of Alex, toe-to-toe, and looked up into his eyes as he stared down at our shoes. "Because one, this is my best friend's wedding, and I'm going to be damned if it gets ruined by anything that leads back to me no matter how you play it. And two, because I don't want you hurt anymore than this. Not because of him," I whispered. His hand was already shaking from the force of the punch. He had never hit someone like that before and I could tell that he was probably shaking at his core, too. I ran my fingers along his, attempting to straighten his out from the bent, rigid state they were stuck in. I knew they had to hurt and I touched them as gently as possible. When I managed them to a normal position, I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed each fingertip softly. "Let me call security and they'll get rid of him. If you promise not to be protective enough to hit him again, we'll deal with him tomorrow," I reasoned, looking him in the eye so he would see that it wasn't worth it to even want to hit the asshole again.

Alex tried his best to keep his eyes from locking with mine, continuing to find the pattern on my heels to be extra interesting. After a moment though, he looked at me and nodded minutely. I moved to his other side then, replacing the still shaking hand with the other. Neither of us had paid any attention to what was going on around us the past few seconds and were now brought back to the others that were part of our confrontation and the music of the reception. Seeing that the boys seemed to be making sure that Oliver didn't try to get away while no one was looking, I didn't want to deal with the former just yet. So I began to lead the two of us to the latter, steering clear of Oliver still on the ground. I imagined myself kicking him as we passed for all the trouble he'd caused me or even spitting on him if I wanted to be extra dramatic and a little unsanitary. But I did neither, keeping my eyes forward and focusing solely on my hand in Alex's.

"You know who probably isn't happy at all with this?" I asked, lifting our hands slightly to indicate our small public display of affection. It obviously wasn't our first since we had gotten back together, and I hoped that it was just one in a long line of many because I didn't want to have to go through another first as a result of breaking up again. He looked over at me with an eyebrow raised to let me know he was interested in hearing. I was glad I had succeeded in getting his mind off the pain in his other hand and what had caused it. I nodded my head toward the two people rushing toward us. It should have made my stomach flip to see them, knowing that they couldn't have been the only two to see what had happened. But I didn't even think twice about it. "My parents might disown me this time. Besides the fact that he was a dick and abusive, Oliver's exactly the kind of guy I imagine they would have wanted me to end up with. But I like you so much better," I smiled, stopping us in our attempt to rejoin the party and facing him again.

He grinned at me, letting go of my hand so he could wrap his arm around my waist. He had long ago gotten over my parents' distaste of him and clearly didn't care what they thought of him now as he kissed me lightly. "Good, because I like you best and I don't ever want to see you go through something like that again," he told me softly, his forehead against mine.

Before he could say anything else, we were hit by the hurricane that was my mother. If possible, she gently tore me away from Alex's grasp to wrap her own arms around me and spew words about thanking God that I was all right. When she pulled away, she held me at an arm's length to make sure her assessment had been correct and then threw her gaze to Alex. "We should get some ice for your hand, dear. The swelling won't be bad then," she insisted, dropping her hands from my shoulders to take a closer look at his knuckles. He shot me a confused look while she turned his hand every which way in both of her own.

"Not ice, Sarah," my father piped up, wanting to add his two cents. He hadn't seen my shrug toward Alex, simply because he pushed himself in front of me. "A raw steak helps with swelling!"

I couldn't help but to snort. All those years of him thinking that I was hilarious while I was trying to be serious and now the tables were turning. "That's for a black eye, dad. It's not going to do anything for a split knuckle," I stated, trying to hold in my full laugh. I stepped to his side, looping my arm through his and resting my head on his shoulder to apologize for correcting him.

My mom though was openly chuckling at him. "Yeah, Mark. The boy didn't get into a full out fight. We'll break out the steak later," she said, humoring him. I could hear him grumbling some, but he didn't say anymore about it. "Really, dear, thank you. We owe you for how well you treat our daughter," my mother continued, speaking again to Alex. She still had his hand and gave it a reassuring pat now.

"Mom, it's great that you… approve… of us now. But we have to get rid of him," I said, removing myself from my dad and taking Alex's hand. With a small nod of my head, I gestured behind them with my chin to where Oliver now sat on the ground, looking gruff. I was still perplexed as to why Alex was suddenly okay in their eyes, and I questioned it in the ten seconds that they turned around to look. They had only seen him punch a man they didn't know. Shouldn't that technically make their feelings for him worse than they already had been?

"Oh, honey, we already have someone coming. Don't worry about it anymore," my mom smiled at me when she turned to face us again. They were already on top of something that weren't even supposed to see. She finally let go of Alex and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. It brought me back to a thousand goodnight kisses when I was just a kid and, along with the knowledge that they were going to take care of Oliver, it instantly made me smile. "Go have fun. We'll tell your friends to come over, too," she promised while she took my father's arm just as I had.

Realizing the enormity of their acceptance, I nodded with a smile full of mixed emotions. I was simply thankful for my parents and couldn't believe how much they had gotten me through. "Thanks, mom. We'll find you later," I told her, trying to cheer myself up. I had to admit that sometimes I hated seeing my parents because they annoyed me to no end. But I certainly wanted to spend time with them before they went back home. After another smile and a nod of understanding from my mother, Alex and I headed toward the dance floor where I knew Hadley and Marshall would probably be mingling. It was tough to comprehend what all had happened in the last fifteen minutes alone, not even factoring in the entire day. I wanted to get back to the positive aspects of the day.

"I'm sorry," I expressed to my best friend the second Alex and I were in front of her. Because of the music, I had to raise my voice. I considered this a good thing. Whoever else heard could take it with them because who knew how many of them had seen that whole fiasco play out. "Today was supposed to be perfect. Something I let slip had the potential to ruin it all." Alex squeezed my hand lightly to comfort me, trying to let me know that nothing was my fault.

Hadley waved a hand in the air, dismissing it with a smile. "Honey, I wasn't blessed with even a slightly dysfunctional family for minimal entertainment here. And Marsh's family appears to be relatively sane. So we needed something to shake it up," she admitted with a shrug. "Did I want Oliver here after what he's done? Of course not. I would have really liked to see you hit him. But he got what he deserved by Alex here being a badass. Nice showcase, by the way," she admired, looking to him.

He laughed. "Thanks, Hadley. Glad to be of service on your wedding day. Which I have not congratulated you on yet, so congratulations."

Suddenly, she was teary-eyed just as I had been while she walked down the aisle. I knew her so well. I knew she had to be thinking about those last months of high school we had all spent running around together, being better friends with each other than we had known until then. I would have to warn the others that they would have to prepare for the tear-fest that would come when they congratulated her. "Thanks, Alex," she sniffled, stepping forward to hug him. For good measure, she hugged me, too. "I suppose I should apologize, too, though. I told your parents about everything that happened," she confessed after she let me go. For a moment, I stared at her, clearly confused as to when she could have done this. "They've been staying at my house for weeks, and all they were doing was bitching about how you were still with Alex. I guess when you have to spend a lot of time with that, you just snap and have to let them know that you could have done a lot worse. Like a lot worse. When even Daniel's defending didn't work, well… it was time for some tough love," she explained, huffy but satisfied. "Changed their tune pretty quickly, didn't they?" she pointed out, crossing her arms over the beaded corset of her dress.

A laugh came to my lips instantly, and I threw my arms around her once more. "That's not something for you to apologize for. That's something for us to celebrate over!" I exclaimed, and kissed her cheek. When I pulled away from her, I found myself in Alex's embrace and I wrapped my arms around his neck while he held me sideways. "And it explains what just happened over there. Us Hollidays are just so damn cryptic," I joked, causing the both of them to laugh.

There were still people around that Hadley had to talk to to thank them for coming and so many still to be danced with, so Alex and I let her slip away before doing so ourselves. Right away, we found Marshall and went through some of the same routine with apologizing and congratulating. The other boys met back up with us after just a few minutes, and I was glad to see that they were all right. I apologized to them for keeping so much a secret and thanked them for helping, only to have them remind me that they would always help me out and understand. So many moments today were threatening to make me break down in tears over how filled with joy I had come to be. It was a paradox, and a great one. But I could let my emotions win because I wanted nothing to obscure my memory of the night, especially when Oliver was escorted off the property. There was nothing that could ruin what was such a big day. Not the sight of my father's terrible dancing or having to give my toast when I was horrible at speaking. I simply enjoyed being able to dance with all of my friends and know that I would never truly be without them.