'Cause Love Is A Selfish Thing

"Alex, wake up," I whispered in his ear as I bent over him. It must have tickled because he squirmed a bit, pushing his face into the pillow beneath his head. I ruffled the hair that was already sticking up on the side of his head before bending down again to get close to his ear once more. "I made you breakfast. Lots and lots of waffles," I informed him, kissing his neck when he stirred a little more. He was clearly awake because now he pulled the blanket up over his head to hide himself from me and my attempts to wake him up. I settled my hands on my hips and looked down at the dogs who were anxiously awaiting the moment they could get fed scraps. "Baz, where's daddy? Find daddy!" I told the little one excitedly. Automatically, his furry tail began to wag and he jumped onto the bed. He climbed onto the lump that was probably Alex's arm resting against his torso, and curled up obediently. He was rather pleased with himself for completing the task I'd set for him, and he looked at me expectantly.

Under the comforter, Alex chuckled. The shaking caused Sebastian to jump to the other side of the bed, looking irritated now as he settled on the pillow I always used. Alex breathed deeply to wake himself up completely, rolling over onto his back and stretching enough to expose his face from underneath the covers. When he opened his eyes, he smiled up at me. "All right, all right. I'm up. And even though they were, at one point, frozen, I will eat the waffles because I know you made them with extra love just for me," he stated with the smirk I loved so much. He sat up then, pushing the blanket down to his waist and sitting against the wall behind him.

"Ugh, put some clothes on," I demanded, faking disgust at the sight of his bare chest. "Then you can have your breakfast, you slag," I said, chuckling and gesturing to the plate I had set on his nightstand. I sat on the bed while he leaned over the edge of it to grab his clothes.

He pulled the shirt he had worn to bed the night before over his head. "As I recall, you're the one that rid this slag of his clothes at four o'clock this morning… and liked it," he pointed out as he stepped into his pajama pants. He was amused by this fact, his eyes shining as he sat down again with his plate.

I found it amusing, too. It had been great to have the chance to fall asleep next to him last night after such a wonderful and eventful day. But I had woken up in the middle of the night only to realize that I had wanted to be closer. He didn't have a problem with it then, and neither of us had a problem with it now. I scooted to sit next to him, coaxing Peyton up onto the bed so I could scratch his ears. Alex settled his plate on his lap so that he could wrap his arm around my waist, clearly content. "Those weren't frozen, by the way," I enlightened him, suddenly remembering what he had said. "They're homemade," I stated proudly with a smile.

"Rian and I like to buy shiny appliances we'll most likely never use. But I'm pretty sure we don't have a waffle maker," he said, somewhat confused. It didn't really appear to bother him though since he continued to eat.

I shook my head. "You don't. But I was feeling sassy this morning and brought it back from home," I told him with a shrug. I opened my mouth then, silently asking for a bite.

Without a second thought, he obliged. "You went back home? Sounds like you were a busy bee this morning," he pondered. "Did you do anything else while I was still sleeping in this cold, cold bed without you?" he wondered before quickly finishing off his breakfast. He set his plate back on the table, lying back and pulling me with him to lie on his chest.

"Well, I showered here when I got up, and that's when I decided I wanted to make something. So I drove to the house which meant that I could also drop my dress off. I changed into clothes that were actually my own and made use of having my makeup and curling iron. Then I gabbed the waffle iron. On my way back here, I called Hadley -who should be on her way to the Bahamas by now- to check on her and make sure Daniel was all right with her parents," I listed, using my fingers to tick off the items. The next one made me slow down though, hesitant to see his reaction. "And then I went to Oliver's," I admitted lowly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear. It had been a quick stop and felt like it had happened days ago rather than only two hours. But I knew it would make him uneasy.

And just like I thought he would, Alex sat up quickly, inadvertently pushing me away from him. "You went to see him?" he asked angrily. "Why didn't you wake me up to go with you? Or- or wait? If you would have just waited until I woke up, we could have gone together. You shouldn't be alone with him at all," he vented, beyond frustrated with me. He launched himself off the bed, ready to start pacing but simply ran a hand over his face.

"Alex, calm down. Please," I said, crawling to the edge of the bed. I took the hand that was hanging at his side, holding it in mine as I knelt on the bed. "It was spur of the moment. I remembered how I said we could deal with him some other time, and I just decided to do it on my own. I didn't need to wake you. I just… I knew I could do this alone because he's nothing. He never was anything. I had let both him and myself believe that he had some kind of power over me. But he didn't and now that I know that, it was time to let him know it, too," I explained, lifting his other hand from his eyes. "I didn't want you to come because I was protecting you again. You need this hand, in case you forgot. I think one scar on you knuckles is quite enough." I ran my thumb over the one small cut he had walked away with. "If it makes you feel better, you broke his nose. It looks horrid," I claimed, not bothering to rid my expression of the smile that came with how pleased I was at relaying this information.

I watched him fight back the smirk that was trying to make itself seen on his lips. I wished he wouldn't because I only wanted him to be happy. "Is he gone for good then? What did he say? If he ever shows up again, we're automatically pressing charges. No objections. And I swear to God, if I find one tiny bruise on your body, I will track him down and kill him. I don't care if I have to pull a Dexter or if I have to feed him to a herd of pigs. He's gone," he threatened, hurriedly getting serious again and expressing everything he felt about the situation in one breath.

"I am bruise free," I promised. I thought about telling him that he was welcome to check, but knew he wouldn't take the bait when he was clinging to anger. Instead, I told him how Oliver had tried to give me a sob story about getting fired after his coworkers had heard my outburst at the pharmacy and how everything had apparently just been downhill from there. I hadn't been sure how to convince an obvious sociopath that I had had nothing to do with that because I was never a permanent part of his life anyway. But I managed and convinced him to leave me alone, to move far away from Baltimore if he felt so inclined. He hadn't touched me and hadn't even gotten angry. There was a time where I would have felt guilty for walking away from him when he looked so sad and vulnerable. I was pleased that I no longer felt that, even though what had gotten me there had been terrible. I hadn't even given him a second glance when I walked out of his building.

Alex heaved a sigh, rubbing his chin where a light stubble was growing. He appeared torn, wanting to still be mad that I had gone alone but happy that I was okay and had done what I had gone to do. After a minute, the latter won. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head, not letting go for several minutes. "All right!" he exclaimed when he pulled away. "As long as we never have to deal with him again, I guess I can overlook this. I don't like to have to worry about you in bad situations is all. I think we've had enough of that in the last month alone. We'll put this behind us though. ...Mostly because I have a lot of clothes to go through to give away and I'd love to have you as my slave," he announced, finally letting his smile win.

He pulled me up off the bed with his arms around my waist, holding me off the ground for a few seconds while he kissed me again. "Guess we better get to work then, before we get tempted to get carried away," I suggested as he set me on my feet though there was nothing I wanted to do more than get carried away. I took his hands from behind my back and swiftly led him to the closet, pulling the door open. "Jesus Christ, what happened in here?" I wondered in disbelief, staring into the contents. A large pile of shirts lay on the floor at my feet and most of the ones that were still on the hangers were hanging haphazardly and sticking out at all angles.

He laughed, stepping around me to grab a handful of hangers. "I packed in a hurry last time I left. After that, I had to search my closet for the clothes I wore yesterday. It left my closet in complete ruins, obviously," he replied, throwing the shirts down onto the bed.

"I leave for a month, and you turn into a messy organizer," I shook my head, sinking to the floor and crossing my legs. Dutifully, I began picking up shirts from the pile and folding them, starting a neat pile to stack them into.

He bent down just enough to let his lips hover over mine when I looked up to him still standing there. "Maybe you shouldn't leave me alone for that long again," he proposed in jest, a slight seduction to his voice and a gentle smile curving his lips.

"I don't think I'm going to want to," I confessed against his smile. Quickly, I pressed our lips together before pulling away to get back to my task.

I heard him chuckle lightly as he grabbed more hangers to sort through. My own grin wasn't coming off now that it had no reason to. I was glad it didn't leave all through our small bout of cleaning. Such a simple chore was enjoyable as long as it meant that we got to spend some time together. As I continued to rid the pile before me of the clothes he had dropped there, I realized that the reason it appeared so large was because the core wasn't made up of shirts. Slowly, a brown cardboard box began to peek through. Though curiosity was getting the better of me, I waited until I had cleared the floor and had two large stacks of shirts leaning against the dresser next to me before I decided to search its contents. I slid it close to me, enough to touch my knees, and pulled the flaps apart to see some familiar objects.

"What's this?" I questioned, turning around to look at him seated on the bed doing the exact thing I had just finished. I already knew what the box was, but I was confused as to why it was still all packed away. "Were you hiding this?" I wondered, growing even more baffled by the possibility that he hadn't wanted to look at it anymore.

Alex craned his neck so that he could see what I was talking about and I tipped it toward him some to make it viewable. He laughed a bit and shook his head to answer my last question. "That's the box of my shit that I had at your last apartment and that you had Hadley bring to me. But now I'm hoping that I can bring it all to your new place," he said, somewhat sheepishly. "You still have some things here, like a toothbrush and a bottle of your perfume. But I want more here again. I want three homes. Here, the bus, and your house," he declared, sounding more confident now.

I liked the sound of being surrounded by an array of his things in my room again. And to have some of my own doing the same for him. It was sharing bits and pieces of our homes when we weren't with each other. Without even having to think about it, I nodded. "Of course," I responded, hopping back to my feet. I bent down to pick the box up, resting it on my hip. "You need a beanie there though. Because it's not a true Gaskarth household until there's one lying around somewhere," I insisted, and swiped up the maroon one lying on the dresser. It hadn't occurred to me that there would be anything hidden beneath it, but the speed at which I grabbed the hat caused something to shoot out from underneath it and land on my foot. I had managed to get the hat in the box, but the object had hit my foot before I could properly set it down. It dropped out of my hands as I let a few curses fly out passed my lips and I looked around for the culprit. It only took me a second to spot the other, much smaller box lying on its side next to my foot. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the blue velvet. Oddly though, my reaction was nothing like it had been the first time I'd seen it.

I knelt down to pick it up, staying there to study it like I'd never seen anything like it. I ran my fingers over the soft fabric, wondering why I had completely forgotten about what was inside. I hadn't thought that he would get rid of it or that he might put it away somewhere where he no longer had to think about the first failed attempt at giving it to me. I just hadn't expected it to be so out in the open, lying someplace I could have easily seen it had it not been obscured by the beanie. Barely thinking, my thumb slid to the front of the seam under the lid. I dropped my hand quickly though at the sound of Alex's voice.

"I meant to put that away," he said, appearing next to me. "I can do it now. I remember what you said: too much. It's just us right now. No pressure," he reminded hurriedly while reaching for it. I kept it a couple of inches out of his reach though, taking a second to look at the box once more before gazing up at him. He looked utterly confused for a moment, moving forward a little more to see if he could get it from me. "Do you want to see it?" he asked, somewhat shocked when I pulled it from his reach once more but with a smile playing on his lips.

I tried not to look so enthusiastic as I nodded, but I was sure I failed. I knew that I shouldn't want to see the one thing that had the ability to tie me to a definite future. Not after the fight I put up not to accept it, not for a good while. Even if I would be ready to accept it soon, I should want to wait to see it. Like a groom and his bride's dress, I should want it to be a complete surprise for when Alex planned to present it to me and ask the important question. So much of me just didn't want to hold back though.

I didn't prevent him from taking it this time around, standing when he had the small box in his hand. We were standing close together, our bodies only a foot apart. I could hear the tiny sound of the hinges as he pulled the lid up. I didn't exactly gasp, but an Oh my did escape my throat. The band was a light gold, covered in a filigree pattern all around it. Rather than a classically cut diamond set on in its prongs that ended in an even more elegant pattern, a circular sapphire sat in its place. The ring was obviously old and, just as I knew it would, it shined in the light like nothing I'd ever seen.

"Where'd you get it?" I questioned, reaching out to touch it lightly. I didn't dare pick it out of its cushion though. With my luck, I would drop it and it would somehow get lost on the bare floor so we could never find it again. Only because I loved it so much. My eyes broke from it again to see his bright expression.

His smile was large, obviously beyond pleased with how I was reacting to it. This was something he hadn't expected after how quickly I had dismissed it after only seeing the box for the first time. "That little vintage shop in Boston. I saw it while you were looking at dresses, and it reminded me too much of your eyes not to get it. Like I said before, I couldn't even wait to give it to you, but it made more sense to propose than to just hand it to you," he explained with a small shrug. "Do you wanna try it on? It doesn't even have to be an engagement ring if you really like it. You can just keep it." He sounded both eager and nervous, and it had my stomach doing flips.

I shook my head, my gaze still locked on the ring. "It is… so gorgeous. …But no," I answered. Just trying it on was still too much, even after discovering how badly I actually wanted to. Without even having to look at him, I knew his expression fell. "I want it to be my engagement ring. It's too pretty not to have that meaning behind it. And I want the timing to be right. I want you to want to get it on my finger for a reason," I assured him. After a final glance, I ran my fingers over the lid to shut it and then looked up at him. I took a step toward him so that our chests were touching and connected our lips, closing his hand over the box. "I really do love it though," I confirmed when I broke from him.

Alex seemed to have been holding his breath, just waiting to hear me say this since I had once again declined the ring. He let it go now and kissed me once more with extra enthusiasm. "I've been wanting to hear you say that since October. Now I'll be anticipating the moment you tell me that you're ready for it," he said excitedly. He reached to the side, blindly pulling open the top drawer of the dresser and stuffing the box inside among his socks. "In the meantime, feel free to get it out and admire it. Maybe take it for a spin," he joked, knowing the latter probably wouldn't happen.

I giggled. "Shouldn't I be the one anxious to get married and you the one who's terrified by the idea?" I asked, taking his hand. "I never pictured you wanting to attach yourself to someone permanently so soon, even if it was me," I admitted.

"But it is you, and that's the exact reason it's important to me already," he replied automatically, not even having to think about it. He led me to the bed then, ignoring the clothes still strewn across it and pulling the both of us down.

I didn't even care that we clearly had something that needed to be finished right before us or that it was only noon. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head in the crook of his neck. His hands slipped over my own around his torso and he thread his fingers between mine. We lay there for a while, peaceful in the time we were getting to spend together. He joked about how he was finally the little spoon in a cuddle session, and sarcastically asked if I enjoyed acting like a jet pack since I was obviously more suited to the position he was in. My cheeks hurt from the giggling that kept a smile on my face. After a few minutes of laughing, he turned around in my grip with a satisfied expression on his face. As he kissed me, I slipped my hands under his shirt but simply rested my palms against his back. I shivered when his fingers ran through my hair and I pulled him closer ever so slightly. I barely heard when his phone started ringing, but he heard the interruption and reluctantly detached himself from me.

While he answered the call, I rested my head on the pillow and tried to settle myself. My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest. Months ago, I had believed that I would never get to kiss him again or lie with him like this. I had thought that we had been done for good and that I would be lucky to even see his face again. Just knowing that that hadn't been the end and that we had a long future stretching ahead of us kept my heartbeat strong.

"Wanna go swimming at my parents?" he asked, turning to me and stopping my thoughts. He had already hung up, so I had a feeling he had already told them we'd be there.

I sat up, smoothing my hair back into place. "I don't have a bathing suit," I told him, shaking my head. I hadn't been swimming since high school and I was sure any of the suits I'd had then hadn't even made it to New York with me.

He shrugged. "Cassadee probably has one left here somewhere. I'm sure she'd be fine with you borrowing it," he suggested as he picked up a shirt from the pile of clothes that he was keeping. Him getting dressed confirmed that we were leaving no matter what.

"Baby, that'd be kind of weird to just wear her bathing suit," I pointed out. When he realized I was right, he nodded his head from side-to-side in agreement. "And anyway, Cassadee's a small, sweet princess. I am not. I would look terrible," I stated firmly. Suddenly self-conscious, I pulled on the top of my romper and wished I had decided to put something else on, something that covered more skin.

Alex paused in his attempt to get dressed, leaving his belt unbuckled so he could come over to me. He pressed his hands into the mattress to lean across it, bringing his face close to mine. "You'd think that with as often as I tell you that you're beautiful, your confidence would soar," he speculated, and kissed the tip of my nose.

"What can I say? I'm stubborn." This was truthful, especially when it came to my appearance. He shook his head though, disappointed that I would probably never see myself the way he saw me. He straightened out and finished with his belt before helping me up. "Let's go anyway," I decided as if he hadn't already. "I'll figure something out, and it'll get us out of the house anyway. We'll go to the movies after hanging out there for a while, if all else fails. I just want to be together before you leave again."

This perked him up again, and he instantly took hold of my hand once more to lead us out the door. Time was all either of us really wanted with each other because we continued to lose it and waste it, not seeming to appreciate it until I'd messed up again and we were apart. Right now, we didn't care where we were. We just wanted to make up for my mistake.