'Cause Love Is A Selfish Thing

"He lives down here?" Hadley questioned skeptically from the other end of the phone, her high voice filling the entire car. "Is he stalking you?" she wondered idly. At least, I hoped it was idly. There was no reason for her to put a lot of effort into the thought. Sure, I had only known Oliver for a few short days, but I liked him and found no reason that my best friend should think bad of him. I stared at my phone where it rested in the space underneath the dashboard and waited for her to say something more since there was usually more with her. When she didn't, I put up a light defensive front.

"I've never even seen him in Maryland, and I think I would have by now if he was stalking me," I replied, and I found there wasn't any acid in my voice. That was probably for the best. I shouldn't be angry and sticking up so strongly for someone I had just met and only spent time with on less than a handful of occasions. "He moves around a lot. It was completely a chance meeting," I assured her, calming myself down. My temper had been unnecessarily up and down the entire week and a half in Maine and for the last three days that I had spent driving back home. I wasn't sure if it was all the time spent with my parents or the breakup that was making it that way. Either way, I was going to be happy when my emotions were in check again. "I don't know. He's a nice guy. I didn't see anything wrong with the coincidence, honestly," I sighed after a moment.

Hadley sighed, too, and I couldn't exactly place what fueled it. "Do you plan on seeing him when you get home then?" she asked after quite a few moments.

I had almost forgotten I was on the phone since it was on speaker, and jumped slightly. I quickly regained my composure to focus on the road again and wracked my brain for an answer to her words. "Not as soon as I get home, no. I plan on falling onto your couch and sleeping until Daniel wakes me up," I answered somewhat sarcastically. It was inevitable that he would wake me up the moment I closed my eyes if I did try that. "But he has my number in case he happens to come down. And I gave him the address to the apartment if he does end up in town and wants to hang out. That way he doesn't know where you live or where I'm actually staying. I'm not too thick," I promised like she should know better than to think that I was careless when it came to strangers. It wasn't like I was going to climb into his van after being offered a lollipop.

She didn't seem as worried now that I'd told her my strategy. I knew that she was only wary to cover up the disappointment she felt at losing the hope of me changing my mind. She would be over it by the time I pulled into her driveway. I wasn't too far away from being able to do just that, so I told her I would see her soon. I left out how I hoped she wouldn't bring up Oliver when we were face-to-face. After she'd said goodbye, I reached through the spaces in the steering wheel and grabbed my phone to hang it up. I set it in my lap then, wanting to ignore it but keep it close just in case at the same time. All that I really cared about now was the remaining drive ahead.

I had been taking my time driving back home, taking the complete opposite approach from what I had used to get to Augusta. This had been part of the original plan; I just hadn't been sure I would go through with it after what I had pulled getting to Maine. I had let it be known that I believed I had a dismal life and that my job was part of the problem. So I'd decided that I was going to take the time traveling down the coast attempting to look for something better. Nothing had really caught my eye though, and I was sure that was because I would feel guilty leaving Maryland. My best friend and her fiancé had moved so we could all be close. I didn't want to ruin that. And I was sure there would be no place better for me anyway, because I would never let it be that way. I was going to keep a happy demeanor while I continued the search.

My mood hadn't really been negative since the first day at my parents. Not anything that stuck anyway. There was even a smile on my face as I took the Towson exit and knew I was even closer to home. That was about the same time my phone began going off again from its resting place in my lap. Too excited to take my eyes from the road, I answered the call and brought my phone to my ear without looking at the screen. "Hello?" I greeted pleasantly, thinking anyone calling would be worth talking to. It was such a strange thing to hear myself this way, especially with what I was going through.

"Hi," Alex responded hesitantly. My heart automatically leapt into my throat while the grin dropped from my face. I damned my disregard for not checking the caller ID. "Are you there?" he questioned when I hadn't said anything for several seconds.

I had to take another couple to collect myself. I swallowed my heart and made sure my eyes were dry. "Yeah, I'm- I'm here," I told him. "Is there a reason you've decided to finally call me?" I demanded, my voice hardly sounding as firm as it should have. As much as I didn't want to get my hopes up because I was sure I wanted it all to be over, I knew they were rising quickly. It was tough to keep them anchored when all they wanted to do was be in the clouds.

"My mom… She doesn't have your number and she wanted to invite you to the Christmas party tonight. She thought it would be ridiculous to simply ask for your number to call and ask you herself. So here's your official invite from the Gaskarths," he said bleakly. He didn't have any trouble hiding all emotions from his voice. I wondered if the effort was being applied to his face as well and almost wished we were in each other's presence so I could see. I found it hard to believe he could be such a robot about this.

It was nice to know though that even though he had clearly told Isobel about the breakup that I was still welcome in their home. Accepting the invitation was probably going to call for more time to think about. However, I wasn't going to be granted enough time. "Tell her I'm coming," I informed him, quickly flicking on my turn signal to turn onto Hadley's street. I was attempting furiously to overshadow my hopes crashing down from their airborne state with rejoicing over being home. If I wanted, I could always remember I could scold them for going without my permission in the first place. "Look, I've got to go." I had been about to tell him I would see him tonight, but was sure I'd do my best to avoid him. Instead, I pulled my phone away and hung up. Letting it fall back into my lap, I was directing the car into Hadley's driveway at the same time.

My mother had piled things she thought I should have into my arms before I walked out their front door. It was all now in the backseat. I skipped passed it to go to the trunk and get the bags I had left here with and made my way to the front door once the two of them were gripped in my fingers. The door flew open before I could even knock and I was happily ushered in. Hadley snatched one of my bags from me so I wasn't so weighed down after she had hugged me and then we headed to the bedroom I would be occupying again. As we ascended the stairs, I automatically invited her and Marshall to go with me to the Christmas party tonight. The two of us had already reached the room and she turned to me with a questioning expression. Even if I had wanted to keep the call a secret from her, there was no way I could when she gave me that look. And the enraged one she gave me when I told her how Alex had acted made me almost wish that I hadn't brought it up and that I had declined the invite altogether.

"Does he have amnesia or something?" she nearly screeched, shoving some of my dirty laundry into the hamper. She was so obviously envisioning that it was Alex and that she was beating his head in. "He can't pretend like you two hardly even know each other. I don't care how long you went without talking to him, there's still five years worth of history between you," she spit like I had no clue.

I opened my mouth to tell her that I was sure he wasn't trying to make it seem like he was erasing all that time. I wanted to point out how he had must have been hiding whatever he was feeling. I was always up for defending him when it was someone else who was pissed off at him. But the moment my lips parted, my phone began to ring once more. I gave a low growl while mumbling a complaint about being way too popular today and answered it. I had glimpsed who it was before saying hello, but I didn't mention it to Hadley.

"I'm coming into town tonight, and I think I would like it if we got to see each other," Oliver said instantly, apparently forgetting all about a lead up. In the few times that we had talked, I had learned that he didn't like to beat around the bush and that getting to the point was something he was rather good at.

I giggled lightly, going back to unpacking. My best friend had her gaze fixed on me, waving her hands around frantically so she could find out who I was talking to. I turned my back on her to head to the closet. "Though that sounds lovely," I responded, and it was obvious that I unintentionally flirting, "I actually already have plans for the night. What about tomorrow? If I'm not completely hungover from a bit too much of burying my feelings in alcohol, I'm free for lunch." I slid one of the closet's doors open and went to drop a stack of clean jeans into the dresser within. I was still avoiding every move my best friend made to get a better listen to who was on the other end. She wouldn't like it because this was exactly what she had been afraid would happen.

"Aww," Oliver pouted but ended with a chuckle. "I'll check my schedule. But that should work out. You better come with bells on," he insisted smoothly.

"Oh, every piece of clothing I own is riddled with bells. I'll see you tomorrow," I promised and hung up when he had agreed. Hadley had finally given up on her task, and I was sure it was because she had figured out who had called for herself after my last words. If she was mad, she didn't vent it. I was glad, because I was even still confused with myself. I was hurting from the end of a relationship that hadn't even been finalized yet and I was already rebounding. I never let my walls down for any boy outside of Jack and the others. Maybe they were still down from Alex, and I was too worn to be on guard. Right now, it didn't matter. I was glad not to have to answer questions.

"I'm going to go talk to Marsh and see if he wants to go tonight. I'll send Daniel up to see you though. He's been asking when you'd be here since he woke up," she told me, smiling lightly. She waved her hands, in a shooing motion this time to tell me to start getting ready. She was much more aware of the time than I was, and she didn't want me to be late to my chance at seeing Isobel and Peter.

I hurriedly finished unpacking all of my things, setting things aside to be properly organized later. I had to take a moment to dig in a box full of clothes from my apartment, but it didn't take long to find a dress nice enough for the occasion. I surely looked a mess from the drive I had endured today. I overlooked it like I did most things lately and did my make up with Daniel sitting on my lap after he had pushed his way into the room. His curiosity got the best of him and he was shoving several different eyeshadows at me after peeking at each container's contents. In the end, I made him pick his favorite two when I had done everything else and he was delighted when I said I'd use them.

His tiny hand clasped in mine, we made our way downstairs and to the kitchen. Daniel's short legs carried him to the closest chair and he climbed into it to sit at the table while I leaned against the threshold. "I'm gonna get going. Rian texted me. He's already there, waiting for me," I announced to Hadley and Marshall who were leaning against the counter, talking in whispers. I tried not to look into it.

Startled, they both jumped and looked up at me. Clearly, they were hoping I hadn't heard their conversation while I had been standing here. "All right, hon. We're going to drop Daniel off at Diane's, then meet you there," my best friend declared, slapping yet another smile on her face. This one, unlike the last, was definitely faked and forced. I was hoping too many of those wouldn't be getting thrown my way.

I simply nodded my head and quickly turned to hide the expression that said I thought they were both crazy. I bid the three of them goodbye over my shoulder as I headed out the front door. I was happy to still have the rental car in my possession. It meant I didn't have to wait around for a ride with people who liked to find out if I was all right. As I climbed into the driver's seat and set off, I figured that it was time to get my first car in much too long and began to think of how I'd pay for it. I didn't want to get myself too far down before this night began though, and I was elated when I realized I was absentmindedly driving. It had been a long time since I had been able to get over my fears enough to do that. I was able to pull a smile off again when I pulled up to the large, white house.

Each side of my coat got caught in the cold breeze of December as I paced toward the door, but I made no move to pull the fabric tight. I knew it would only be a small amount of time before someone was letting me in and I was able to take the jacket off anyway. My arm reached out, my finger pushing the button of the doorbell in and sending a ringing throughout the entire house. The laughing and talking inside was already easily heard out here on the doorstep. Someone still having a conversation with another person wherever they had been left was coming toward the door. I already knew who it was by the familiar voice, and Alex's mother instantly wrapped me instantly in a warm embrace after she'd thrown the door open. She was adamant about telling me how badly she had missed me and that I needed to start stopping in more often. I hadn't even been able to get a word in to greet her yet.

"I know, Isobel. I'm definitely going to start trying. We'll have tea or something," I declared somewhat jokingly. She hated to admit that she still preferred tea over coffee and I loved to point it out. I would marry coffee if I could, but I would definitely come over for a cup of tea weekly if she asked. I still loved her company.

She scoffed now, although it wasn't about what I had said. "Honey, call me mom. If all the boys do, I certainly have no problem with you doing so," she insisted, and finally hauled me into the house with a light grip on my arm. She helped me out of my coat once we were both shielded from the cold and hung it up with all the others in the closet next to the front door. I was only really able to nod in reply to her request because she was already leading me into the house. She was predicting that I would surely want to see the boys since she was aware that I hadn't since I'd left the tour, and brought me right to where they had seated themselves in a corner of the living room. She gave me one last hug before promising that she'd come back around in a little while.

"Clarke!" the boys all seemed to exclaim simultaneously. I did a quick scan of each of them, hoping to discover that they were at least one short. Rian, Jack, Zack, Evan, Matt, and Greico all sat and stood before me. The others clearly hadn't been able to make it but they weren't the ones I was making sure were absent. Alex wasn't part of the group but that didn't mean that he wasn't around here somewhere.

"He's not here yet," Rian assured me, since they had all noticed that I hadn't moved because I was studying the group. "He left after I did, said he had to stop somewhere before he came." He stood up then from the couch he had been occupying and took my hand to drag me back to sit with him. I didn't protest. I didn't think I could find it in me with the relief that was coursing through my veins. I wasn't ready to face him, not after that phone call. "Please tell me you've been more pleasant than I have lately, because I don't think I'd be happy to hear about anyone smiling more than you," Rian pleaded, letting his arm fall around my shoulders and pulling me into his side.

I managed a minuscule smile at his words. The others had already started talking amongst each other again, but I could tell they were each still listening to what I had to say. They all wanted to make sure that I hadn't been losing it. "More pleasant than you? I don't think that's quite possible, my dear," I responded, looking over at him. "But I haven't been terrible. I took a few days to go see my parents, and I think I cleared my head some while I was up there." I realized, perhaps too late, that he looked somewhat uncomfortable. I tried to look farther into what I had said to figure out what could make him such.

He was biting his lip, which was a very un-Rian like thing to do. One of his perfect teeth was digging into the flesh of his lower lip, making his expression so much like one of mine that we could have been related in that moment. "As chipper as I usually am, it's been hard to keep it up with Alex suddenly turning into such a crotchety old man at random intervals," he finally enlightened me with a sigh. "He's been tearing down every Goddamn decoration I put up. I think he threw the mistletoe down the garbage disposal, because I can't find it. I'm going to have to lock him in his room before Cassadee comes so the place at least looks decent," he went on, shaking his head steadily as he finished. I was glad he wasn't feeling the need not to talk about Alex. It was confusing what he was trying to convey with telling me this though.

I decided to stay on brighter topics, skipping passed everything gloomy he had said. Tonight didn't have to be about what was ruined. "Cass is coming up? When?" I inquired cheerily. I had always like Cassadee, and couldn't have been happier when she and Rian had started dating.

He didn't seem to mind my change of subject. "Yep, for New Year's. You'll have to come to the party. I know you guys love talking." He had begun this proposition with nothing but delight in his voice. By the end of it though, he was sounding worried again and only trailed off. "Oh, that's what he was doing," he muttered under his breath.

I felt the skin between my eyebrows wrinkle as they furrowed in confusion. I noticed that the others had quieted as well and were all giving off a nervous air. I looked up, pointing my gaze where each of them were trying to inconspicuously keep their eyes from going. My own bulged immediately and my jaw couldn't help but drop. "Oh… He brought a date," I announced quietly like those around me couldn't already see Alex standing on the other side of the room with a petite brunette I was sure looked familiar.