'Cause Love Is A Selfish Thing

"Happy New Year," Oliver said as soon as I had answered and put the phone to my ear. How he knew I was actually listening, I had no clue. Before I could say anything in reply, he was chuckling. "Okay, so it's a few minutes late. But the intention's still there," he reasoned. My eyes flashed to the clock on my dash to see that it was five minutes passed midnight. Being caught up in Alex, I hadn't even heard all of our friends celebrating on the first floor of the house. "You don't sound very excited. Not partying, I take it?" Oliver asked after I had taken too long to correct anything he had said.

I snapped out of my small reverie, shaking my head in response to his question as I picked my car key out of the few on my keyring. "No, actually. I just wasn't feeling up to it," I told him while I twisted the key in the ignition. Technically, this was true. So what if I had been at a party? After what I had just walked away from, I certainly wasn't up to what the rest of the night would hold. "I'm on my way home now," I informed him, pulling out from my space in front of the house that was in full party mode now that it was the first of January. By thinking of who was left to celebrate, I realized something and looked over to the passenger seat. "Damn it!" I exclaimed at taking in the fact that I had left my purse somewhere in the living room. The only key I didn't have with the rest was the one to Hadley's house, and it remained in the front pocket of my bag unless I was locking or unlocking her front door.

"What's wrong?" Oliver asked, sounding alarmed. I wasn't sure why. I hadn't sounded anything but a little angry, and he should know it wasn't directed toward him.

"I left my-" I paused instantly, having to think up something different. "I think I left my apartment keys on my coffee table. I don't have a way to get in tonight." Partially true. It just wasn't my apartment I couldn't get into. I could very well turn around and get my purse to solve this problem. But I knew that someone would, at the very least, convince me to stay and I would definitely be tempted to. I was wracking my brain, trying to think of something else I could do because if all else failed, I would most certainly have to go back. I was coming up exceptionally short though.

"No one else has a key?" he inquired, thoughtful now. I had to think a moment about which key we were speaking. But I then lied that Hadley had one but was out of town. This lying thing seemed to be coming easier now that I was mixing it with some truth. "Come here," he suggested simply. It took him nothing at all for him to think this was a liable option.

My eyebrows pulled together as I wondered what exactly could have caused him to just say it. "No, no. I couldn't. I'll figure something out until morning," I declined, trying to make it sound convincing. I was already so close to Hadley's anyway. I could just call Rian and see if anyone was sober enough to bring my bag to me.

"No," Oliver said, once again halting everything I was thinking. It wasn't so much just the words this time as it was the tone. "Just come over here," he proposed once more, his voice so subtly firm it made a chill run through me. He had never seemed like the kind of guy to put so much force into anything he said outside of his career. In the moment, it confused me more than scared me. I couldn't see any reason for it. "It'll just be for the night. No big deal." This wasn't as intense, but still not like anything else he had said to me.

Attempting to forget all about how he was acting, I tried to think of the cons. But for me, the pro of not having to backtrack to the party was outweighing everything else. It shouldn't have been, and I knew that beyond anything. It would just be easier to accept and get on with it than to solve problems when I didn't want to. Oliver was a lot cheerier when I agreed and gave me directions like he hadn't been behaving strangely. After promising to be there in fifteen minutes, we both hung up. I couldn't say I was still shaken. Not over this, at least. Being able to think about Alex was a different story. I was sure Oliver was just trying to look out for me though. That was the best I could come up with and would try to stick with until proven otherwise.

It wasn't tough finding his apartment, despite the highly confusing streets of Baltimore. It wasn't exactly an apartment either. Much more a condo than anything else, and extremely fancy-looking even from the outside. It wasn't an event of any kind and I was only walking down the hall, yet it still made me feel underdressed and self-conscious. I knocked lightly on his door at the end of the hall and stepped back with my hands clasped together and my front teeth clamped on my bottom lip. I didn't have to wait long though before the door opened and Oliver was beaming at me. Him coming out the few steps into the hall with his arms open felt like it took no time at all. Him throwing his arms around me and pressing his lips to mine, on the other hand, slowed everything down.

It wasn't exactly in the good way, considering it made me jump back. Fingertips to my lips, I stared back at him with what I could tell were widened eyes. "Whoa there," I said instantly, the words easily breaking through the spaces between my fingers. I couldn't find the will to drop my hand in fear he might take it as an okay to kiss me again.

Oliver didn't particularly look apologetic or like he was realizing he'd made a mistake. But it looked as if he was attempting to fake it. "Oh, I shouldn't have done that, should I?" he wondered, stepping closer to me again. I matched it and could feel the wall behind me. "I'm sorry. That was idiotic," he claimed, hands up in defense. I wouldn't disagree that it was stupid, but I didn't think he was sorry.

I shook my head to make him believe I wasn't as disgruntled as I really was. "No, it's just…" That I had just come back from the verge of having sex with my ex-boyfriend. That I wasn't positive I was ready for any kind of relationship already even though I had been considering the option. That I was still confused as to what the firm tone he had used with me earlier had meant. Any reason would do. "We still barely know each other. I'm not a jump into something kind of person. If anything… is coming of us, let's take it slow, all right? Things are still confusing in my life right now," I explained. I didn't feel the need to give him any of the other options, but thought this one sufficed fairly well. "Maybe I should go," I pondered, finally dropping my hand to rest back at my side. I was so tempted to walk away immediately. The one thing that stopped me was his hand taking hold of my arm.

"Don't. I won't do it again," he promised. "Come in. It's late. We'll just go to sleep. The guest room is all yours." He didn't even wait for my answer, just pulled me inside. Despite saying that we would go right to sleep, he lead me across the plush white carpet to the couch against the opposite wall. He fell onto the cushions, inadvertently dragging me along with him. I landed too close to him and scrambled to right myself, taking my hand from his and making sure I was at least a half cushion away from touching him. He either didn't notice my need to keep away from him or didn't let it bother him at all. He leaned over the end of the couch to grab the remote from the end table and flipped the television on. It lit up and filled the room with sound. "Any preferences?" he asked, not affected one bit by this awkward silence we were sitting in. Jumping some, I turned to him while shaking my head. I didn't even want to watch TV. He mumbled something about finding a game to watch and I was left to think.

The sound of some football commentator blaring from the speakers didn't disturb me. I was used to this kind of thing because of the boys. All I wanted was to sleep. To wake up and for it to be this morning so that I could redo tonight. If I could just fall asleep, I could at least dream about things being different. I couldn't foresee it happening so easily. After pushing my shoes off though and allowing the minutes to wear on, I found myself drifting off. I had thrown my jacket off, and was curled up into a tight ball to fit into a minuscule space against the arm of the sofa. I was trying hard to stay awake since I was still not completely comfortable here with Oliver. But the next thing I remembered was sunlight streaming in through the window behind the couch.

I blinked rapidly as soon as I opened my eyes, not failing to remember where I was. Nothing came rushing back, simply because it had all been sitting at the forefront of my mind all night. I bolted up, hoping desperately that my head had ended up in Oliver's lap by complete accident as we both slept and that this all hadn't been some cheap, clever ploy on his part. I stood up in a hurry and snatched my shoes up from the floor and my coat from the back of the couch. I waited until I had shut the door gently behind me before I put either back on. I only wanted to leave as soon as possible. Walking toward the front of the building, I patted around my jacket pockets to find my phone and hastily extracted it the second I came in contact with it. It was early, but I knew Rian would be up. I called him as soon as I was in my car and he had no problem agreeing to meet me at Hadley's. I had never been more happy to see his car sitting in front of a familiar house in my life.

He stepped out of his car once he saw me get out of my own, and he was already beaming at me. In his hand, he held my forgotten purse. "Flyzik said you got a new car. What is it?" he asked after he had paced across the street, handing my bag out to me. It was clear on his face that he too thought the car was small. He was just nice enough not to make fun of it right off the bat.

I shook my head at him, digging through the pocket of my purse I knew the key I needed would be in. "It's an Echo. And before you say anything," I scolded, pausing my actions to point a stern finger at him, "it's not that tiny." He chuckled but didn't give any words of argument. Finally finding Hadley's key, I gave a silent sigh of relief. I was irrationally afraid that it may have mysteriously disappeared. "Do you wanna come in?" I asked hopefully. I didn't want to push anything on him, and was afraid it would happen without a doubt if he asked why I appeared as if I was pulling a walk of shame. But it would have been nice to have someone to hang around for a while until Hadley and Marshall got back with Daniel. I was turned halfway toward the house, already expected him to say yes when I saw the shake of his head.

"I would. Cass and I are going to get cupcakes for the neighbors though. You know, the normal day-after-a-party ritual," he explained, and gestured toward his car where I now noticed Cassadee occupying the passenger seat.

She waved excitedly at me which I returned, but there was still a pout on my face when I faced Rian again. "All right," I dragged out like it pained me to say. I gave him a hug as well as thanked him for bringing my purse and then watched him and Cassadee drive away before continuing to the door.

It took me longer than it really should have to realize there was a car in the driveway. The door wasn't locked, and it made sense that it wouldn't be since the owners of the house were obviously here. I hadn't expected them to be though. It was a complete surprise to walk into the living room and see the three of them sitting on the couch when I had been anticipating their return later tonight. They waved at me, tearing their heavy-lidded eyes from the television. Daniel was already asleep between Marshall and Hadley. I stood staring at them though, wondering exactly why they were early but unable to ask.

"My parents are psychotic," Marshall claimed, predicting what was probably on my mind to keep me from moving. "We left right after midnight, mostly because I'd had enough of them," he explained shortly. He pet Daniel's hair then, silently saying that the little boy had gotten completely worn out during their stay.

"Where have you been?" Hadley inquired sleepily, her head rolling to look at me. I could tell she actually wanted to sleep, but felt obligated to feel interested in my night. Of course, there was also that natural Hadley that needed to know why I was just getting in after a party.

Finally, I found my limbs working and threw myself in the chair adjacent to them. "For once, can we just talk about the wedding or something instead of the craziness that has become my life?" I wondered, suddenly feeling as tired as they looked. I wasn't angry that she had asked. It just didn't feel like the time or place to run off with everything that was going on, everything I hadn't told her. It would turn into verbal vomit, and I didn't have the energy to get it over with.

My best friend scoffed, bringing my attention back to her. In the time between my arrival and now, Marshall had dozed off. "If I have to talk about the wedding one more time this week, I'm calling it off," she threatened with hardly any fervor behind it. It did a good job of summing up their trip for me though. She grunted lightly and then rolled her head again so that she was no longer facing me. It didn't take more than thirty seconds for her breathing to even out to let me know she was asleep like her family.

If I hadn't spent the night sleeping on a foreign couch, I probably would have made myself comfortable where I sat to mimic my friends. I was longing for a bed though. I forced myself up, vowing to vent to my best friend the next time she asked while heading to my room. After shedding my clothes and pulling on my pajamas, I crawled into bed thinking about nothing but the wedding so that I would have a nice change in dreams this morning.