Welcome to the Black Parade, Jules

"Julian Kingston was a much loved friend, son, and brother..."

I stared ahead at the mahogany coffin, my mind elsewhere. I didn't have the mental strength to listen to the priest's speech. I already knew how much he meant to us, how much he meant to me. I didn't need to hear it again, and bring back all the emotion that I was trying to disguise. I think I was trying too hard, though, because I could feel absolutely nothing. No pain, no fear, no worry. Nothing.

"Isa?" the gentle voice came from beside me, snapping me out of my daze. I turned to the beautiful man beside me and he smiled weakly, holding my hand. He didn't need to say much more; I already knew he was there for me. Like he was when my mum died.

"...and now his sister Isa will come to say a few words."

I sighed shakily and looked back to Frank, who gripped my hand tighter. His hand was so warm...it was comforting, and I tried to smile, but failed. You try smiling when the boy who saved your life is dead. I stood up slowly and walked up the small steps, taking my place behind the coffin. I didn't want to speak from anything, but my heart. I breathed in deeply and slowly, and gulped my tears.

"G-goo-good evening everyone," I spoke to my family and friends, his family and friends. I mentally cursed at my inability to speak, before continuing. "Thank you for coming all the way across the world to say goodbye to Jules, he would really appreciate it," I gulped again, near tears at the thought. Most of these people had flown from the USA for Jules. He had moved to there for university, and had done so well for himself...made so many new friends, got a new girlfriend...I looked up and saw Jilly wiping her tears. I felt her pain, and felt the tears return. Maybe this was a good time to carry on.

"He had always loved Scotland, and decided from a young age that he would have his funeral here, no matter what. But I know now, he'd be even more glad that you all have showed..." My breath caught in my throat, as a disheartening reminder came to me. "...unlike Ron- my father." I gulped again to swallow the anger I knew was coming. The crowd shifted uncomfortably, and I saw a few people clench their fists.

"Jules saved my life," I said, looking up at them all. "He put his own life on the line to bring me to safety..." I stared ahead as the memory popped back into my head.

"HELP ME!" I screamed, barely keeping my head above water. The current was picking up, and fast. If I never got help within the next few minutes, I was a goner. I frantically pushed my hands down, in an effort to get above sea level. "PLEASE!" I screamed. I tried again, but it came out as merely a gargle. Suddenly, I found myself begin to lose energy, and I realised i was starting to drift. No. Please no, I can't die. Not yet
I tried one last time before giving up, and letting the ocean capture me....before I felt something hit my back. I would've screamed out if it wasn't for my lack of energy. It was an irregular feeling, like I was being pulled to the surface...

"ISA!"

"ISA!"

I felt myself slowly drifting back into consciousness, just to receive a slap on the face. I lunged forward, spluttering and coughing. Soon oxygen met my nostrils, and I sighed with relief. That was, until a muscly pair of arms wrapped tight around me.

"SHIT! Isa! Are you ok? You fucking scared me!" I rubbed my eyes open to see my worried looking 16 year old brother.

"Jules," I spluttered. "What the fuck just happened?" He squeezed my shoulders.

"You were about to drown, for god sakes! What were you doing?" I let my mind find the memory.

"I was just going for a swim, but- but, I- I just," I burst out crying, and Jules brought me back into his arms.

"Sssh, it's ok now. You're ok. Come on, let's get you home. How about some hot chocolate? Just don't tell dad," He said, and winked at me. I giggled and nodded childishly.

"Yes please,"

The memory ended with his loving smile, boring into my eyes.

I found myself staring directly at the ground, lost in the memory. I looked over to the coffin, fully aware of the tears in my eyes.

"I love you Jules," I whispered. "You meant more to me than you'll ever know. You weren't just the best big brother anyone would wish for, but you were my hero." I sang the song in my head. It was his favourite song, and meant almost as much to me. The lyrics seemed to fit right in.

"And when you're gone we want you all to know,
We'll carry on,
We'll carry on,
And though you're, dead and gone believe me,
Your memory will carry on,"

I sang softly, but with emotion. With one last look, walked back to the space beside Frank. Without hesitation he pulled me into his arms, and I gladly held onto him. Now that Jules was gone, Frankie was the only person that I had left. The only one that mattered.

"It's ok, i'm here for you Isa," he whispered in my ear, and I nodded, still sobbing gently. He nuzzled his face into my neck and held me close. I felt my sobs gradually begin to fade.

~*~

The funeral had ended, and Frank and I were talking with Jules' friends. It had been a few months since I had spoken to Jilly, and she was absolutely devastated. Surprisingly, she came to me as soon as the funeral ended.

"Oh Isa," she said, hugging me tightly, and sobbing gently. I hugged her, rubbing her back. I tried to think of something to say, but there was nothing. My mind was just completely blank. We had been hugging for a few minutes before I managed to form words with my mouth.

"He loved you, Jilly. More than you probably know." I smiled remembering how he would go on and on about how he met her, how much he loved her, how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. I repeated his words to Jilly, and she cried uncontrollably.

"What am I going to do now?" She wailed, and I held her at arms length.

"Remember his song," I whispered, and her face changed. She was singing it in her head, I could tell. I saw a small smile trying to grace her lips, but all it done was create more tears.

"I will," she said, nodding, and I hugged her. We were cut off by a hand being put on my shoulder. I turned around to see a big bulky man smiling weakly down at me. I immediately recognised him as Adam, one of Jules' best friends.

"Adam! Hi! I'm so glad you could make it!" I hugged him, and I felt him sigh. Adam was tough, he never cried. Not even when his own mother died.

"I would never miss Jules' funeral, never. Not that guy. He....he fucking got me out of drugs...he saved my life," I nodded in understanding, and he pulled away. "I can't believe he's gone...and ain't coming back." I nodded again, wiping a tear from my eye.

"I know," I whispered, and he turned to Jilly.

"Hey Jilly," he said and hugged her. She was still crying. I walked away to find Frank, leaving Adam to console his friend. I finally spotted him, but not before spotting someone else, behind him.

"What are you doing here!?" I shrieked, and everyone gasped, turning to see what had made me so angry. Of course,they gasped even louder when they saw Ronnie stumble in. He came right up to me, ignoring the glares from the people around us.

"What do you fucking mean what am I doing here? It's my fucking son's fucking funeral!" I couldn't help but cringe at my father's lack of manners. Why couldn't he just leave? I tried to stay calm, but it didn't work out too well.

"Your son? NOW you consider him your son? After, what, 7 years of neglect? Letting him fly to the USA with no money?" He growled at me.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that young lady-"

"Ronnie! Go away! You're not welcome here!" I shouted, and he snarled, but Paula, my older cousin, Adam, and a few others I didn't recognise stood in his path.

"She's right, you should leave," Paula said, polite, but firm. When he didn't budge I pushed through their barrier into that son-of-a-bitch's face. Sorry - I was pretty damn angry.

"Get the hell out of here! It's your fault he's dead! If you hadn't been an arse and picked him up from the airport he'd still be alive!" I didn't realise I had began to scream, but that didn't stop me. "It's your fault he's gone! Both mum and now Jules lost in a car crash! BOTH OF THEM YOUR FAULT!" I was pulled back by Frank, and I soon realised how aggressive I was behaving. I stopped almost immediately, and watched the clergy and some others escort him away from the funeral. Son of a bitch. What gives him the right to show up at Jules' funeral? When- urgh, GOD!

I sat on the grass and pulled my knees up to my head. It was impossible not to cry, but soon I felt the warmth of Frankie's arms across my back.

"Hey, come on, Isa," he said, and pulled me into a hug. That man was a magician, i'm telling you. How did he always manage to make me stop crying with just a hug? He smiled at me, before leaning in to kiss me on the lips. He pulled away almost immediately, but I held his shoulders and brought him back to me, kissing him deeply. I sighed into the kiss, feeling comfort and security in his arms. When we both pulled away I managed a smile, much to my delight. Sure, it was a funeral, but I especially knew that Jules wouldn't want us all to be crying our guts out, he'd want us to be smiling, laughing, remembering the stupid things he had done. I almost giggled as a few memories popped into my mind, but I was cut off by Frankie kissing my cheek.

"Why don't you go say goodbye one last time?" He said, nodding towards the coffin, which was open for people to say their goodbyes. I swallowed before nodding slowly. I made my way over, and stood in front of the coffin, Jules' head and abdomen in view. He was dressed in the tux he was wearing at his prom night, complete with that red rose he had in his pocket. I smiled weakly, but was already shaking terribly.

"Hey Jules," I whispered, and walked closer to the coffin. "I...I....I'm sorry for Ronnie barging in there...if I would have known..." I felt my hands clench into fists, but I soon released them. "You're with mum now, right? You're in a better place...away from that bastard. You're...happy...," I blinked back tears. "...right?" Before breaking down, a thought popped into my mind, and I smiled. His song.

"We'll carry on, we'll carry on..." I softly sang the chorus, and then the bridge, his favourite part. I smiled remembering how he used to do all of the actions that Gerard did in the video. I smiled even brighter remembering the day the two had met.

"We'll carry on," I finished the song and blinked back the tears that had returned. I stood, staring at his face for a while, before turning to leave. Before I did, I held the edge of the coffin and turned around to whisper one last thing.

"Welcome to the Black Parade, Jules,"