Alex Gaskarth Must Die

Four days later, one day after the start of a new year, and school has arrived. I’ve successfully avoided seeing or talking to anyone that’s not a part of my immediate family ever since Alex came over, which means that on January 2nd, 2006, when I turn on my phone, I’m immediately bombarded by a pile of missed texts, calls, and voicemail messages. I spit out some of the coffee I’m sipping and then turn my phone off, tucking it into a kitchen cabinet so I don’t have to see it. A coward? Who, me?

Dustin, Jane, and I are standing around in the kitchen, eating our breakfast and managing a stilted conversation. Our inter-sibling relationships have never been great (I admit it’s mainly Jane and I not getting along, but Dustin and her don’t really either.) but mornings are, without a doubt, when they are at their best.

This is due, in part, to Jane being a sprightly cliche of a fresh-faced girl and waking up happily at 5:30 without any struggle every single morning. She gets ready for school, either calls or receives a call from her best friend Addison, and makes breakfast for Dustin and I. (Breakfast consists of microwaved something- her cooking skills don’t really extend past the microwave.) All this she does with Jack Johnson or Jason Mraz in the background and a nauseating attitude befitting a Disney princess. Dustin and I, on the other hand, have never been morning people. So while Jane is nice because she’s just naturally so in the mornings, Dustin and I are simply too tired to be anything but unthinkingly complacent. I’ve heard that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile and I’m still not sure if this is actually true or not, but it certainly takes more effort to be sarcastic and condescending than it does to hmm and ahh and ask about makeup or whatever.

‘God, I’m so excited for school to start again,’ Jane says happily, for what must be the fifty-seventh time this morning.

Dustin and I mm in reply over our coffee mugs.

‘I mean, the work sucks,’ Jane continues, ‘but it’s, you know, school. It’s not as if I can just stop going and, like, all my friends are there.’

‘Yeah,’ Dustin says, only slightly groggily as he eats his eggs robotically. I can tell he’s happy for school to start again, too, though. He might moan and groan about goddamn bio or fucking freshman year but he’s finally in high school, he has friends, and he’s even marginally popular. His sister’s also a cheerleader, so that probably helps a bit too.

And me, well, let’s see. It’s my last year of high school; I have friends (half of them fake); am involved in a ridiculous plan to break a guy’s heart; have suddenly rocketed up the popularity ladder due to said plan and the cheerleading it involves; and am also taking Honors French, AP US History, and AP English. (This last one is not so much of a big deal, but if I’m listing bad things about my life, I may as well tack those classes on.)

So, no, I’m not looking forward to school starting again.

- - -

‘Rebecca fucking Hall!’ Brittany shrieks almost the moment I step through the doors of school. I sigh resignedly as I watch her excuse herself and then bounce over to me. Her blonde ponytail swings and her cheerleader jacket and push-up bra are even more obnoxious than usual and it seems that today, she is everything I hate and have been dreading crammed into one person.

I smile though, because it’s not her fault that I’m feeling like shit. ‘Hey, Britt,’ I say as she pulls me into a hug.

‘Hellooooo,’ she trills back, falling into step with me on the way to my locker. She’s suspiciously silent for a second or two, and then she launches into a rundown of everything sordid that happened over winter break. I give her a shifty, side-eyed glance as she goes on but in the end I don’t know what it is that tells me she knows. Maybe I just know her too well nowadays.

‘Brittany,’ I interrupt, and then without any preamble, ‘who told you?’

She doesn’t miss a beat, only looks a little pleasantly surprised as she says, ‘Jack, weirdly enough. Cornered me two days ago when I was grocery shopping.’

I make a little hum of agreement as I open my locker.

‘You’re going to have to fill me - us - in properly, though,’ she continues. ‘I doubt Jack’s the best storyteller.’

‘Will do, boss.’ I don’t mean for it to sound as clipped or harsh as it does, but once it’s out, it’s out, so it’s not like I can do anything about it now. Brittany sighs quietly and leans in closer, away from the shrieks of the hallway.

‘Becca-’ she starts.

‘Look, Britt,’ I say, closing my locker and standing up straighter to maximize the one inch I’ve go on her, as if it’ll maybe help somehow, ‘I’m not going to back out now, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m going to go through with it. I don’t break my promises. Alex just isn’t the nicest person to date. Or think about dating.’

I hold her gaze, not blinking once, and she finally gives a little nod. ‘Okay,’ she says. ‘Good.’ And then she’s turning away, calling, ‘I’ll see you at lunch,’ because that’s one of the beauties of my schedule, that I don’t have any morning classes with cheerleaders, and walking off.

- - -

Cheerleaders, however, are just one part of my day that I’d rather avoid. They narrow down into three specific people (Brittany, Lauren, and Alex) of course, but those three pan out. Brittany leads to Zoe which leads to the rest of the cheerleaders and footballers and anyone else who might be friends with her; Lauren leads to all her friends, which are about half the people Brittany’s not friends with; and Alex, well, Alex leads to Jack and Rian and Kara and the rest of Dulaney who are not friends with Lauren or Brittany. So, while I’ve been mostly successful about avoiding Brittany, Lauren, and Alex, I know it won’t last.

For one thing, my first period ends in thirteen minutes, and then I’ll be forced into the same room as Jack and Alex. I’ll be forced into a seat next to Jack, as well. I glance up at the clock anxiously again and avoid the whispers and glances around me because yeah, of course news - or some twisted high school version of news - has already gotten out. Two minutes have passed. I consider faking a stomachache or a sore throat or something, anything, but that would mean I care and I don’t, do I?

I spend the next ten minutes telling myself this and not doing our homework assignment, which the teacher has given us the last twenty minutes of class for. I tell myself that it’s just Alex, a guy, someone I won’t even know come graduation in July; I tell myself that I already agreed so I can’t exactly back out now; and I tell myself I shouldn’t even be telling myself these things, because I shouldn’t even care so much.

Like most pep talks I give myself before stressful social situations, it doesn’t help at all when the actual problem comes along.

I stave off going into the science classroom for as long as possible but the bell rings and I have to make a mad dash for my seat because, let’s be real, I’m not that big of a rebel. I can’t just miss class because I’m having a bad day. But I avoid Alex’s eyes, bow my head sheepishly when Mr Bryant gives me a stern look, and turn my head to the right so my hair blocks out Jack. Of course, a curtain of hair would never stop him.

He takes pity on me though and starts out easy, just saying, ‘Hey,’ and poking my leg with his foot.

‘Hi,’ I mumble back, shifting my hair and looking down to fill out my planner.

‘Hey, Becca, Becca, Becks.’ He slides next to me until he’s pressed all the way against me, and noses his way past my hair, literally, with his giant nose pushed through the brown strands. I can’t help it; I burst out laughing.

‘Oh my god - you cannot - what are you - Jack!’ I wheeze, trying desperately to stop for fear of my cheeks exploding. He sits back with a satisfied expression, eyebrows raised in a Done? kind of way. ‘Asshole,’ I grumble, but I smile while I say it.

‘So,’ Jack starts, and oh god, the inquisition’s arrived, oh god, oh god, oh god, ‘how was your Winter Break?’

I freeze. ‘What?’

‘Winter Break,’ Jack says slowly. ‘You know, the two weeks we just spent not at school?’

‘No, I know, I just-’ I pause. Is this some kind of backhanded plot to subtly put in a good word for Alex? Is Jack that sneaky? Is Jack malicious enough to blackmail me into going out with him? Will he offer encouragement or egg me on? I don’t even know which one I’m hoping for; I’m equally ill-equipped to deal with any and all things he might throw at me.

As if he knows what I’m thinking - and he probably does - Jack rolls his eyes. ‘Dude. Becks. We’ll get to Alex later, okay? We are friends, you know.’

‘Right. Right, no, sorry. Um. It was - good, I guess. Boring, but in a good way. You?’

Jack shrugs. ‘Same old, same old.’ We stay silent for a while, each actually doing our work for once, before he caves and says, ‘Okay, can we talk about Alex now?’

‘I thought you said later,’ I say accusingly.

‘But now is later!’ he insists. ‘Come on,’ he whines, ‘Becks! You have to!’

‘Jack, I don’t want to,’ I hiss, trying to get him to lower his voice as well. I still don’t know if the whole school knows about this yet - and, quite frankly, I’m not sure I want to - but either way, I don’t want our conversation to be overheard. Jack, for once, takes the hint and lowers his voice.

‘Come on- There has to be something you want to know. Anything you want to ask? Say? Go through with Mr Jack, the Love Guru?’

I roll my eyes and snort before saying, ‘This is between you and me, alright? You. Me. No Alex. None.’ He nods seriously and I smile quickly as I think just how close we’ve become. I mean, it’s not like I had that many friends to begin with, but in the pyramid of friends I have now, Robin and Jack hold the top positions. He’d never leak this stuff to Alex. Plus, he’d never hold anything against me. ‘I don’t want to say yes,’ I start slowly, considering my words carefully. ‘But I don’t want to say no. Because, he’s my friend. I don’t want to, I don’t know, hurt him or anything because I actually care about him, you know? But he’s a crappy boyfriend, everyone knows that.’ There. At least that part’s true. Now for the rest. ‘And then, he’s, you know, I guess I like him too. But only as a friend.’ When Jack raises his eyebrows, I grit my teeth mentally and say, ‘Okay, maybe a little more than a friend. But, he’s slept with half of Dulaney-’

‘Not half,’ Jack interrupts.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I say dryly, ‘all of Dulaney.’

‘Nah, not even close to half. Girls just, you know, say they have. And Alex, well, he does too.’ Jack shrugs. I give him a look, trying not to let too much disgust-slash-confusion show through. Some of it must though, because Jack just laughs and says, ‘Come on, Mrs Reclusive-Socially-and-Emotionally-Stunted-Photographer. We’re teenagers. This is what we do.’

I shrug and don’t bother replying to his statements. ‘I just- I’ve never actually done this before, you know?’ I say quietly, like it’s a secret. And, yeah, it kind of is. I’ve never had a boyfriend and most of my ‘friends’ nowadays have at least five a year. ‘I’ve never… done this, any of this. I’m not sure I want to.’

‘With Alex? Or at all?’

‘With Alex,’ I say, and then reconsider. ‘With no one. Both. Neither.’

‘You know what you just said doesn’t make any sense, right?’

‘Shut up,’ I groan and flop dramatically onto the table.

‘Oh, my Socially-Challenged-Becks is finally growing up. Quick, someone get me a handkerchief!’

‘You’re an asshole.’

‘Jackass, actually.’

‘Something with an ass in it.’

‘I don’t think it’s possible to put your ass in someone. God, we really need to teach you about sex. Do you know what a “vagina” is?’

‘You suck,’ I laugh, and clamp a hand over his mouth. He widens his eyes at me and I say, ‘And swallow,’ before releasing him.

He nods approvingly and smirks. ‘Learning is the young Padawan.’

- - -

Because the universe ultimately hates me and is conspiring to ruin my life, at lunch Alex corners me. I make freaky eyes at Brittany who, after I told the whole story to her, Zoe, Robin, and Lauren, was surprisingly okay about it and let it go, but she just grins, wiggles her eyebrows, and walks away, leaving Alex and I alone outside the cafeteria.

‘Hey,’ Alex says, so quietly I have to lean in just to hear him, ‘can we talk?’

‘Um,’ I say, very intelligently, before my brain starts functioning again and I nod hesitantly. ‘Okay. I mean, yes. That would be good.’

‘Okay,’ he says. ‘Good.’ We both look at the people streaming in and out of the cafeteria giving us curious looks and quickly start walking the opposite direction, turning in silence until we come to a deserted hallway of lockers. We stand facing each other but looking away and I’m already starting to wish the floor would swallow me up.

‘So,’ I start.

‘So,’ he echoes. He fidgets with his hands in his pockets and blurts out, ‘Why don’t you want to go out with me?’ in a rush.

I blink. I feel like I might have even gone a few shades paler, if that’s even possible. ‘Um. Alex- What?’

‘I’m just- I’m wondering why you don’t want to go out with me,’ he says, sounding sheepish and avoiding my eyes.

I blink some more. I sigh and say, ‘Alex-’

‘Because, it’s just- it’s not really-’

‘Happened before,’ I finish, my tone going cold and clipped. And this is who is supposedly the master of all things to do with charming the opposite sex?

‘Yes,’ he exclaims, before realizing it and trying to backtrack. ‘I mean- Not that I- It’s not- I don’t- Jesus.’

‘Yeah.’ I put on my best unimpressed face and stare him down while he splutters.

‘Okay,’ he says. stopping and looking at the ground as he starts to speak. ‘I think we’ve established that I totally suck at this and also why you don’t wanna go out with me. I know that I suck at most things that aren’t Halo or eating food and I haven’t got the greatest reputation for dating but Rebecca, I really want to make this work. I really do. I think you’re great and I know that I suck but I can’t stop thinking about you. Would you please, please go out on one date with me?’

My mind immediately leaps to No! but I shut that part down and say to Alex’s way too pleading face, ‘Ask me in five hours and see what I think.’ I cringe immediately afterwards but my face must stay the same, because Alex hesitantly takes a step back and tilts his head slightly, as if to judge if I’m serious or not.

‘Are you-’

‘Five hours, Alex,’ I say sternly and probably a lot meanly too. I immediately feel guilty about it and add, ‘I’m sorry,’ before turning and basically running away.

- - -

Alex is Alex, so of course he’s actually going to show up five hours later. Jane ends up answering the door and yells up a, ‘Rebecca! Alex Gaskarth is here!’, and when I plod down as slowly as I can, I see her staring up wide-eyed at him while he talks, his mouth in an amused quirk.

‘Hi,’ I say.

‘Hey,’ Alex says, smiling. ‘Jane and I were just talking about middle school, the good ol’ days.’

‘Oh yeah, I remember those days. A whole, what, six years ago? So long.’ I roll my eyes and turn to Jane. ‘I’ve got this, thanks.’ She still looks a little shellshocked (I guess the news of my newfound popularity hasn’t trickled down to the middle school) so I smile a little awkwardly, grab my coat, and slide past her to stand on the porch next to Alex.

‘So,’ he says. ‘Will you go on one date with me? Just one?’ He smiles as he says it, but it doesn’t go over to his eyes.

I wince and scrunch my eyes shut. ‘Um. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Yes.’

Alex laughs out loud and scoops me into a hug, twirling me around once before setting us down in our original positions. ‘Great.’

‘Enthusiastic.’

‘Very.’

I smile at that, and he smiles back. ‘I will pick you up on…’

‘Friday,’ I say. ‘Anytime.’

‘Six o’clock, then. Don’t get dressed up too much.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Alright, then. Awesome. Great.’ He smiles at me before turning and hopping off the three steps, only to turn back and say, ‘I’m really, really looking forward to this, by the way.’

‘Really? I couldn’t tell,’ I joke.

He laughs and shrugs. ‘It’ll be great. I promise.’

‘Okay, Alex,’ I say doubtfully, shaking my head. ‘Whatever you say. Bye, now.’ I smile one last time before going back inside. I lock the door, sprint upstairs to my room, and jump face-first into my bed. ‘Jesus Christ,’ I mumble out, and I don’t know if the expression on my face is one of horror or happiness.

- - -

From Rebecca H. to Brittany L. (CC) on 01/02/06
well. it’s happened.

Brittany L. to Rebecca H. (CC)
IT HAS?? YOU GUYS ARE GOING OUT??

Lauren D. to Rebecca H. (CC)
oh. my. god!

Rebecca H. to Lauren D. (CC)
just a date, guys.

Zoe G. to Rebecca H. (CC)
still! hoooly crap!

Brittany L. to Rebecca H. (CC)
when??

Rebecca H. to Brittany L. (CC)
friday at 6.

Lauren D. to Rebecca H. (CC)
oh my god, rebecca! that’s terrible

Rebecca H. to Lauren D. (CC)
it is?

Brittany L. to Lauren D. (CC)
rebecca, you are giving us no time to work with!
we only have 2hrs to get you ready!

Rebecca H. to Brittany L. (CC)
and that’s not enough?

Brittany L. to Rebecca H. (CC)
nowhere near enough!

- - -