Alex Gaskarth Must Die

The girls were, of course, still camped out at my house when I got home. I’m really not sure why, but I guess I had expected to be, you know, alone when I got home. Maybe fend off my family, but otherwise just turn off my cell phone and collapse in bed, not to be disturbed until Monday. They were on the couch ‘watching a movie’ - which, of course, means ‘sitting on the couch and staring at the door, with the TV on mute.’ My mom was there too. The rest of my family at least had the decency to stand around in the kitchen pretending to be looking at the fruit bowl.

It turned out that all three of them had brought their sleeping bags, so they immediately ushered me upstairs and begged the story out of me. I assured them that the date went well and that the plan was also going well, and then - thankfully - they got distracted by four incoming texts to Brittany’s phone about a cheerleader, a footballer, said footballer’s fourth cousin twice removed, and said cheerleader’s ex-best friend, who also happens to be the female lead in the school play this semester. (Long story short, footballer and cheerleader were dating, footballer and supposed best friend of cheerleader cheated together, footballer and cheerleader broke up, footballer and now ex-best friend started and still are dating, but turns out cheerleader and best friend and footballer’s fourth cousin twice removed had a thing going during spring break down in Florida.) It’s now Saturday afternoon, Lauren’s gone, we’re at that French cafe we went to way back when this first started out, and I’m hoping that that’ll be the end of the interrogation.

‘Oh my god,’ Brittany says. ‘I still can’t believe Abby, Jenna, and Stuart-’

‘Who’s Stuart?’ I interrupt.

‘The cousin,’ Robin says, rolling her eyes.

‘-Did - you know,’ Brittany finishes. She shudders a bit in her seat.

‘What,’ Robin asks, ‘you got a problem with threesomes? Girl on girl? Girl on guy on girl?’

Brittany snorts. ‘Please,’ she says, and then: ‘It’s just- Why would you want to do that with, like, your best friend?’

‘I heard that Jenna broke down during rehearsal because someone brought up Abby,’ I offer.

Zoe shakes her head and nibbles on a slice of melon. ‘I don’t think so. I volunteered to build sets and there was this little group, like, yelling about the whole thing and Jenna wasn’t even fazed. She just, like, laughed and continued making out with Brad.’

‘No way,’ Brittany says, shaking her head. ‘Because I heard-’

Yeah, I think triumphantly, that’s the end of the interrogation.

- - -

On Sunday, I’m woken up very rudely by Jane banging on my door and yelling her head off.

‘Becca! Oh my god, Becca!’

‘What?’ I scream back.

‘Someone’s at the door for you! Guy with blonde in his hair?’

‘Tell him I’m not home!’

‘Fine!’

This, of course, does not work. As Jack put it later once I was strapped into the passenger seat of his car, ‘I’m pretty sure people in Texas could hear you guys.’ And now I’m back in Alex’s garage, only this time he and Lisa aren’t having sex upstairs and he’s, um, got his arm around my shoulders as we watch Home Alone. He still hasn’t asked me to be his official girlfriend, although I’m pretty sure we’ve both taken that for a given by now. He just smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek when I got here which is good. It means the plan’s going well. Jack and the rest of the boys seem happy that we’re together, and the girls too. It’s a little awkward ‘cause of Lisa, but not too bad, I think.

‘Hey,’ Alex whispers to me just as the credits start and Rian flips the lights back on.

‘Mm?’ I turn my head slightly, but keep watching the screen because I like watching the credits roll.

‘Uh - Do you wanna do something next Friday?’

‘Isn’t someone having a party that night?’

‘Kyle,’ he says. I turn my head fully to look at him and find that his cheeks are slightly red. ‘And I know. Yeah. He is. I just thought we could maybe watch a movie or something.’

‘A movie?’ I raise my eyebrows and his cheeks colour even more.

‘Well - Yeah - I mean - If you don’t want to that’s -’

‘You’re an idiot,’ I say, and press a kiss to his lips before settling in deeper and tucking my head into the crook of his neck. ‘Of course I want to pig out on food and watch movies with you instead of getting drunk and playing beer pong.’

‘Oh,’ he says with a small, slightly embarrassed laugh. ‘Okay, then.’

- - -

I’ve been holding my breath for Monday ever since the weekend.

It’s not so much that I’m worried about Alex and I except, well, yeah, I’m worried about Alex and I. It’s all okay when it’s just the two of us, or the two of us with his friends - I’m not sure how it would work out with the girls around so we haven’t gone that way yet - because I know how to act. I know what they expect and I can play to that. I guess I’m just worried about everyone else and how good I’ll be at keeping up appearances in front of everyone we know.

Alex getting a girlfriend is generally not particularly surprising news. Even when it’s someone unpopular - or, in my case, someone who was unpopular and then suddenly shot up the social ladder - the Dulaney student body usually follows the same routine. There’s a lot of envious stares, just as many (if not more) hate glares, a lot of gossip, and some bets on how long it took (or will take) for them to seal the deal. There’s a few variables in there depending on the girl: height, general attractiveness, popularity, grades, etcetera, etcetera, and people will react depending on that, but that’s generally how it goes. And then, in a month or so, they break up, there’s a week of solitude, someone else comes along, and then we repeat.

It’s not something that I’m looking forward to, to say the least. (And that’s not even counting the plan to drag him down into a committed relationship; the only time that’s happened for him was once last year with Lisa and way back in seventh grade and who knows what people will say then?)

I’m late to school, but not by choice, and when I stumble into first period AP English with a note from the office and mumbled apology, the whole room stares at me. I catch a few snatches of conversation about Alex and I - of course word has gotten out already; how could it not? - but most of the people in this class aren’t too concerned about social affairs and Mr Marks has always said that our class is the only senior class this year to actually work, so in ten minutes we’ve already returned to a discussion on Beowulf. The next three periods pass in mostly the same way, due to a combination of me steadfastly ignoring everyone around me and the teachers who have miraculously decided to give us all really tough assignments and make sure we actually do them. But when the bell rings for the end of fourth period and the start of lunch, it seems like an avalanche of stares and word and looks and whispers hit.

It’s. Well. It’s not something that I’m used to and it’s -- well -- weird. I’m not sure how I should feel about this - didn’t someone say that the worst thing that could possibly befall you was to not be talked about at all? - but I do know that the resounding emotion is panic. I walk out of AP US History down towards my locker, and while it’s certainly not as dramatic as they make it out to be in the movies, it’s still very, very noticeable. There are shrieks of, Abby! Oh my gosh I haven’t seen you in forever! but then the welcoming back is done and we leap into a whispered Have you heard? Alex Gaskarth is going out with Rebecca Hall, cliché obnoxious teenage girl accent and all. I catch their eyes as they talk but they look away and I’m - I’m lost.

It hadn’t really occured to me before now, before today, that Alex being my first boyfriend would mean I’d have no idea what to do with him. It’s not so much that I believe him being my first boyfriend will put much stock into my feelings or whatever; hell, I don’t even remember three-quarters of the people I had my Big First Moments with. It’s just - I have no idea how this works. Like, at all.

‘Sooooo,’ Jack says, walking up to my locker and wiggling his eyebrows. ‘How we holding up?’

‘Uh,’ I say intelligently, staring at the inside of my locker as the epiphany hits and a wave of doom crashes over me.

‘A wave of doom, huh?’ Jack asks and I realise that my internal monologue has gotten away from me.

‘Oh my God, I’m - I’m sorry,’ I say hurriedly. ‘I just-’ I lean closer to the locker and turn slowly towards him. ‘There are people talking about me,’ I hiss, ‘and, like, what do I do? Am I supposed to brush it off or what because this has never happened before and it’s weird and, like, why is this big news it’s not Alex gets a new girlfriend every second and even if it is me and I’ve never had a boyfriend before Jack you know this and I don’t really I don’t understand what’s-’

‘Jesus Christ, Becca, breathe,’ Jack says, laughing a little. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes and says, ‘Breathe. In, out, in, out,’ and I follow his instructions because at least there are instructions to follow.

Once my breathing calms down, he laughs a little worriedly, lets go, and says, ‘Listen, don’t worry, alright? Nobody else -’ I snort, and he rolls his eyes but amends, ‘- Nobody who matters gives a shit so just - I don’t know - go and be happy.’

‘You sound like Dr Seuss,’ I grin. ‘Albeit with a lot more curse words.’

He laughs and shrugs, and says, ‘Just part of the charm, m’dear,’ right when Robin comes up. She nods a greeting at Jack who promptly leads us both towards Alex’s table in the cafeteria, talking a mile a minute all the way.

The table - Evan, Danny, Kara, the usual crowd - welcomes us as loudly and obnoxiously as humanely possible, yelling and bashing the table until I’m pretty sure people in Texas can hear. ‘Jesus, guys, shut up!’ I say, my cheeks turning red as I sit down and hunch over in an effort to stay unseen. Robin and Jack just laugh, and the rest of the table just switches to wiggling their eyebrows and winking about my new relationship status.

‘So, so,’ Evan says, ‘you and Alex, eh?’ He tries to wiggle his eyebrows separately but they only move up and down together, and the whole table laughs when Lisa launches a french fry at them.

‘But giiiirl! You and Alex!’ Danny says in a horrific New Jersey accent. ‘Seriously - When did this shit happen?’

‘You haven’t heard already from the rest of the school?’

Most of the table snorts in reply. ‘Please,’ Kara says with an eye-roll. ‘All the rest of the school knows is that you and Alex are going out, there’s no details or anything. What do you think we are, master genius computer hackers who know everything about everyone?’

‘Uh. Yeah,’ I say, and everyone snort-laughs again. We’re just quieting down again when Alex comes in, and table starts up with the yelling and screaming again. Robin rolls her eyes next to me and I roll them back, but with a smile, because this really is part of their charm.

‘Ladies, ladies,’ Alex says jokingly, waving his hands around in an effort to quiet them down as he sits. ‘There’s enough of me to go around.’ But as he says it he beams at me and puts his arm around my waist, adjusting our bodies around so I can lean slightly into him.

‘But only enough for Rebecca,’ Jack says, winking.

We roll our eyes collectively before the table moves onto another conversation and I turn to Alex and say softly, ‘Hi.’

‘Hi,’ he says, almost whispers, back. ‘I missed you.’

‘You saw me, like, two periods ago.’

‘Yeah, but the dead frog innards were kind of distracting.’ I can’t help but smile and from the look on his face I know I’m turning red too.

‘I missed you too,’ I say, and he smiles back.

‘Oh, you fuckers, they’re not listening to a word we’re saying,’ Evan groans.

‘What?’ Alex and I reply.

- - -

It’s Friday now, the day of Alex and I’s second date at 6:30, and the day that marks five days since we started being an official couple. Most people ('the people that count,' Jack would say) are either happy for us or don't particularly care, so I'm pretty sure it's all good. I've managed to astonish my mom and sister ('Wait, you're dating Alex Gaskarth?' 'Yeah, Jane, I am.' '...Are you sure?'), get a smirk and pervy comments from my brother ('Oh, Alex!' screamed over my shoulder whenever I'm on the phone with him, 'I miss you and your raging boner! Come take me now!') and a grudging nod-smile from my dad ('Well, this Alex kid sounds nice.' 'Uh. Sure. Yeah.' 'He plays guitar, you say?' 'Yeah, he does.' 'What are his favourite bands?' 'Um, he likes New Found Glory and Blink-182.' '...Ah. So he's one of those kids who likes nasal voices and screeching guitars, then.' 'Hey! I'm one of those kids too!' 'Hm. I guess you'll have fun together then.'), and a satisfied, almost proud look on Brittany and Lauren's faces.

This is, of course, not entirely true.

'The people that matter' and 'the people who don't matter' are pretty evenly divided, so even though most people have been pretty positive about the whole thing, I have also managed to make more enemies in five days than in my entire life up ‘til now. I got a hate note slipped in my locker on Wednesday, much to Robin's amusement (it's hanging up on her bedroom wall now), and a fair amount of gossip too. The first two days were pretty much hell and all I wanted was to shrivel up and cry, but I'm working on shrugging it off with a chant of, They don't matter, I won't remember them in ten years, they're just being stupid mean teenagers, ignore them, go find your real friends, and so on. The storm of rumours has cooled off as well, but I sure as hell don't miss the expression people get when they say, 'You're dating Alex Gaskarth?'

So after school ends, Robin and I make a beeline for our lockers, speed-walking and speed-turning our locker dials and then speed-walking out and into the parking lot so as to avoid any human contact.

'Free at last!' I say dramatically, flinging up my arms in celebration once we're safely locked inside my car. She laughs and texts Brittany, Zoe, and Lauren to say that we're sorry for not staying late to talk about me and Alex but we have urgent business to attend to. 'Urgent business?' I ask.

'Yeah,' she says with a snort. 'We're going to talk about Alex and you and - ' she pauses dramatically and widens her eyes ' - the plan.'

'How fun.'

'Don't worry, we'll do the math homework I know you've been slacking on for weeks too. That should be fun for you.'

'Gee whiz, talking about the high school rom-com we somehow managed to get sucked into and doing math homework?! This is the stuff high-schoolers dream of doing on Fridays!'

- - -

The apartment Robin and her mom live in is not particularly large, which is a little odd, considering how her dad is a partner at some big law firm in Washington D.C., her mom owns a restaurant, and her two siblings are going to some of the top colleges in the world. It's only her, her mom, and their three cats though, so they don't need that much space and the designer decor certainly makes up for it. Robin's room is decorated like one of those rooms you see in magazines and Tommy Hilfiger ads- the typical-teenager rooms with Christmas lights strung around the room and vintage hardwood desks inherited from a great grandfather and a giant bed piled up with enough blankets and pillows to make that one princess with the pea jealous.

I immediately dive onto her bed upon entering and she climbs on too after putting Bob Marley on and grabbing her laptop. We pass about two hours like this, listening to the kind of music that makes you feel all sleepy and relaxed before we notice that I have to leave for Alex's house in an hour and a half. 'So,' she says to me while I flip through Rolling Stone, 'so.'

'So. Alex.'

'How did you know?!' she gasps, and then laughs. 'But yeah. Seriously - How do you feel?'

'Uh.' I close the magazine and flop onto my back, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars she and I put up way back when we were fourteen and decide what to say. 'It's not that bad, honestly.'

'Not that bad?'

'Yeah,' I say, my speech gaining more and more momentum as I talk. 'It's kind of nice. Like, considering Alex is going to go down in history as my first boyfriend - ' I make exaggerated hand motions here to really drive the ‘importance’ of this statement in ' - he's not that bad. It won't be a terrible thing to remember. I mean, Alex and I were friends before this, you know? Kind of, at least. We have things in common and mutual friends and all that so this isn't as big a change. Now we just, uh, do couple-y stuff.'

Robin raises an eyebrow. 'So you like him.'

'Sure,' I shrug. 'I don't hate him and I don't love him, and he's an alright friend. I don't want him to be, I dunno, hurt or anything, but he does treat girls like shit.'

'Yeah,' Robin says. 'Remember when Zoe caught him having that moment with Lisa behind the football field, like, a day after you guys started dating?'

I roll my eyes, remembering what Zoe had said about the two of them and I remember their almost-flirting even when I'm right next to them, and my stance on Alex hardens. 'Yeah. This'll be a lesson he'll remember. He definitely needs it.'

'Okay,' Robin nods. 'I just want you to be sure about this.'

'Yeah, yeah,' I say, pulling the magazine back. 'I am. Of course I am. And besides, this is just high school. I mean, what's this going to matter in the long run?'

Robin makes an mm-ing sound. ‘Yeah, I guess. Wanna go watch a really quick romantic comedy so your poor little relationship-challenged brain knows how to act?'

- - -

I leave Robin’s house right after we finish watching Pride and Prejudice which was, admittedly, not that good of a movie choice considering there probably won’t be many dramatic declarations of undying love in this relationship, but who really cares. It’ll just be the two of us watching a movie and eating dinner together; no big deal.

I show up at his house at 6:38 - Brittany had texted me telling me to walk in slightly late, so slightly late I am. It's supposed to make him want me more or something - I don't know. I end up waiting outside for a while though, and when he finally opens the door at 6:41, his hair's wet and he's only wearing a towel. 'Jesus, sorry, sorry, sorry!' he says, ushering me inside. 'My water ran out so I had to fix the pipes but, Jesus, uh, sit down and I'll be right back.' He rushes off before I even have the chance to greet him so I shrug, text Brittany, Lauren, Zoe, and Robin with the exciting news of the date having started, receive a text back of the party I'm missing out on, and make myself comfortable on his couch.

I'm flipping idly through my contact list before he pounds back down the stairs and runs in, his hair still wet. 'I'm really sorry,' he says, bending down and brushing a kiss across my lips.

''S fine,' I say, smiling into it. 'So, a movie?'

He hands over a pile of DVDs stacked on the coffee-table and goes to turn the TV on. 'Yeah, we just got a bunch of DVDs for Christmas, so just pick one from here.'

I pick Mr. and Mr. Smith, he puts it in, and I lean against him and he puts his arm around me as the film starts. I guess this would be called, uh, cuddling. The movie's not bad, although I'm kind of distracted by the constant pressure on my left side. It's not, like, a big deal or anything. Alex doesn't try to make any moves, his hand stays just on my shoulder, and the only talking we do is to make the occasional comment on the movie. It's just - distracting. I'm pressed up against him and even through the layers of clothes it feels like this, this thing we have, is starting to get serious. The movie ends, I insist on watching all the credits just in case there's a scene after them (there isn't) and then we flip on the lights and head to the kitchen to make our dinner. 'You cook?' I ask.

'I do, actually! I can do toast, cereal, ready-to-bake cookie dough, and pasta.'

'Wow,' I laugh, 'colour me impressed.'

'Yeah, I was kinda counting on you for some help...' he mumbles sheepishly.

'Locking your woman into the kitchen already, Gaskarth?'

'Oh, yeah, that's me,' he says with an eye-roll. 'Make me a sandwich! Do my - uh - laundry! Clean my room!'

I laugh and roll up my sleeves, emptying the bag of groceries on the counter as he talks to me about where his parents are tonight and the party we're missing right now. 'Do you wish you were there? At the party, I mean,' I ask, and he shakes his head and wraps his arms around me.

'Course I don't,' he says, kissing me on the cheek three times in quick succession. 'I'm here with yooouu!'

I laugh and shake him off, handing him the pasta to boil as I dig out some chicken and a jar of alfredo from the fridge. The dinner takes half an hour, with me giving instructions and laughing when he fails completely and him panicking over every little thing that goes wrong in the kitchen. ('Oh my god! Is the stove supposed to crack when it goes on? Is that, like, supposed to happen? Is that okay?') Then we return to the living room for CSI: Miami, but we leave the lights on and put it on a low-ish volume so we can talk over it. He makes everything the detectives say sound dirty and also makes me choke on my pasta a few times because I laugh too hard and we talk about our lives, the just-getting-to-know-each-other part that I guess you’d get in any relationship. This part, where we can actually talk and it's not silent and anything could be happening inside is head is exponentially nicer that the previous movie-in-the-dark part. He tells me about his dog (Peyton, a little fur ball of a dog that was currently passed out in his bedroom) and I tell him about my lifelong dream to own a dog named Belle, among other things. I had planned to leave around 10 or 11 but we lose track of time talking and it's only when we're in the middle of dessert, our fourth episode, and his parents come back from their business meeting-party-thing that we realise it's nearly midnight.

'Oh, Jesus!' he says when we hear a called 'Alex?' float through from the entrance hall. 'Shit - That's, uh, my parents and holy fuck, it's really late. Uh - '

'It's fine,' I say, shrugging as if meeting his parents will be no big deal except, uh, holy shit, it kind of totally is a giant deal and will probably send me into cardiac arrest, 'it's just your mom and dad. Of course they'll love me!' I add with a hair toss, just to alleviate some of the tension.

He smiles and nods, although the expression on his face doesn't change at all. 'If you say so, just don't blame me when you find them to be the weirdest fucking people ever.' And then, raising his voice: 'Hey, Mum? Dad?'

'Yes, honey?' The British accent on these people is ridiculous, I think, a brief deviation from the otherwise holy shit holy fuck holy crap holy shit goddamn fuck what is happening how is this happening what do I do where is Brittany when you need her going through my head. We walk into the dining room where they're taking off their coats and - well - I've seen Mr and Mrs Gaskarth before this but only vaguely, and it feels completely different now. I wouldn’t have expected them to have popped out, uh, Alex. They kind of remind me of my mom’s old and very very scary boss. They don’t look British (Although to be honest, my idea of British is tall, skinny, suit-wearing and smoking from a pipe, so…) at all but they kind of look like fire-breathing dragons as far as I’m concerned.

‘Uh, this is my - my - uh - Rebecca,’ he says. His mom looks at me with a surprised expression and I can see the click! in my head when she puts two and two together and figures out that I’m that Rebecca Hall.

‘Hi, Mr and Mrs Gaskarth. It’s nice to meet you,’ I say, offering my hand.

His mom ignores it and pulls me in for a hug. When she pulls back, she’s still grasping my arms. ‘Oh my gosh, it’s so nice to meet you! We’ve heard so much, haven’t we, Peter?’

His dad looks at me, smiles, and nods magnanimously. ‘It’s great to finally meet you,’ he says, shaking my hand instead of hugging me.

‘Yeah, you too. Um - I’m sorry I’m still here so late,’ I say with a nervous laugh, ‘but we were-’

‘We were eating and we just lost track of time,’ Alex finishes for me. ‘I’ll just, um, drive her home now.’

‘Alright, then. Be careful on the road,’ his mom says. I just manage to smile and call ‘Bye!’ before Alex hauls me outside and into his car, his face bright red. I start laughing, which makes him groan and bury his face in his hands and just makes me laugh even more.

‘Why are you laughing?’ he wails, but he starts laughing too, and by the time we actually start the car and pull out of his driveway both of us are nearly crying with it. ‘Holy fuck, fuck, fuck,’ he says through the laughter, ‘I can’t believe you just met my parents.’

‘I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal about it,’ I say back.

He shrugs. ‘It’s just been, you know, planned with all my other girlfriends. I tell them what my parents like and don’t like and I tell my parents what my girlfriend likes or doesn’t like, so it all makes sense. You know.’

‘No, I really don’t. But they were fine, I don’t know why you’re so worried.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ Alex snorts. ‘I’ll have you ‘round for dinner one day and then you’ll see.’

I shrug as we pull up to my road. ‘Looking forward to it.’ I say it casually, maybe too much, but I hold my breath and look over and he’s got the smile on his face that means he’s trying not to. I turn to look out the window so he won’t see mine either.

- - -

From Rebecca H. to Robin B. (CC) on 01/24/06
sooooooooo guess what

Brittany L. to Rebecca H. (CC)
what?

Rebecca H. to Brittany L. (CC)
i’ve been invited to my first band practice

Zoe G. to Brittany L. (CC)
!!!!!!!!!!!!
guess that 3-week mark you guys just passed did the trick, huh?

Lauren D. to Brittany L. (CC)
wooo things are moving fast! :)

Robin B. to Lauren D. (CC)
omg this sounds hilar
can i come??

Brittany L. to Robin B. (CC)
robin! this is an important moment!
and that is so AMAZING!

Rebecca H. to Brittany L. (CC)
haha yeah-
i’ll give you guys the full story later but basically i asked if i could come and he (very nervously) said yeah

Zoe G. to Rebecca H. (CC)
he was nervous? that’s so cute!

Rebecca H. to Zoe G. (CC)
uh, sure.
anyway i’m going over on thursday apres l’ecole, so i’ll fill you guys in on sat.

Brittany L. to Rebecca H. (CC)
:D
everything’s going SO according to plan!

Robin B. to Brittany L. (CC)
*insert evil cackle here*