Alex Gaskarth Must Die

‘You know what, guys?’ Lauren says thirty minutes into detention. ‘Let’s leave this to luck and chance.’ Zoe looks up from her book, sniffling slightly and picking at her lilac nail polish. Her eyes look kind of red and ugh, I feel so bad for her. I offer her a smile around the circular table we’re sitting around and she sniffles back.

We’re in some kind of ‘group-bonding’ classroom or something; the walls are painted brightly and the tables are all circular with colourful chairs around them. It feels like a nursery classroom to be honest, only super-sized. The teacher for detention is asleep with giant headphones clamped around his head, which means for the past half hour, Brittany and Lauren have been mentally clawing it out with each other while Zoe tries not to cry. I’ve been reading the assigned pages for English, although I can’t honestly get much done with Lauren and Brittany hissing across me.

‘Luck and chance?’ Brittany scoffs. ‘The only reason he’s with you is that you’re a controlling bitch- probably even more controlling in the bedroom. Kinky stuff.’

Lauren rolls her eyes and ignores her. ‘Luck and chance,’ she repeats as she takes out a sheet of paper from her binder. She rips it into three pieces and scribbles something quickly before crumpling them all up, then shoves them over to me. I hurriedly look back at the text and pretend not to have seen her. Lauren clears her throat and pokes me with her pen. ‘Pick one.’

‘Um- Sure,’ I say, and after mixing them around quickly pick a piece up. I unfold it and smooth its creases down before reading the name out loud: ‘Lauren.’

Lauren smirks and crosses her arms like that’s it, closing her binder back up. ‘Please,’ Brittany says and picks up the remaining two pieces of paper. She unfolds them both and slides them over to Zoe. ‘Read them, please.’

Zoe looks up at us and then at the paper, and then back up at us. ‘Um-’ She clears her throat and pushes her brown hair behind her ears. ‘Lauren and, um, Lauren.’ Brittany smiles smugly at the blush that’s creeping up Lauren’s face and raises her eyebrows challengingly.

‘Well- The only reason he’s with you is that you’re a total slut and probably put out on the first date!’ she explodes defensively.

‘The only reason he’s with you-’ Brittany starts, standing up and knocking her chair back with a clang.

‘No! Shut up, shut up!’ Zoe yells. She splays her hands out and jabs a finger at Lauren and Brittany. ‘We’ve all been played by some guy, and you guys are fighting over who gets to keep him? No! That is just- This is just- He is just- You are just-’ She stops and pants for breath slightly, and then seems to realize that she’s just had a major outburst after being kind of a hermit the whole day.

There’s an awkward silence for about a minute, all of us looking in different directions before I close my textbook and say, ‘She’s right, you know.’

Lauren opens her mouth to fire back something - probably about Gaskarth’s non-existant abs - when Brittany stops her short. ‘They’re both right. Face it Lauren, me and you are the queens of the school. He and Tyler McPherson are the kings, and Alex Gaskarth has just played us.’ Her voice is steadily growing stronger and it’s starting to scare me. This is like the moment in films when the leader - always somebody ageless and always gorgeous like Liam Neeson or Alan Rickman - comes up with a badass plan. Only, I mean, this is real life, not some Hollywood action flick, and it’s Brittany Lucas we’re talking about. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even know the different between an apple and a pear.

‘Now, I don’t know about you,’ she continues, ‘but I’m not okay with him fucking me over.’

Lauren looks like she’s struggling with a major epiphany right now and honestly, I can’t help the laugh I let out. She glares at me though, and I shut up quickly. ‘You’re right,’ Lauren finally relents. ‘We should get him back for this.’

‘Damn right we should!’ Brittany slams a hand down on the table and we all jump slightly. ‘We need a plan. We need to fuck him over. We need to humiliate him and ruin him.’

‘That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?’ I say after a pause. There’s no doubt in my head that he’s probably played dozens of girls, but does anyone really deserve that?

‘No,’ Lauren says, at the same time Brittany says a little sheepishly, ‘Yes.’ They stare at each other in slight astonishment before Zoe cuts in.

‘So what you’re saying is-’ she starts slowly, as if it’s just starting to make sense. ‘Alex Gaskarth must die,’ she finishes matter-of-factly.

A slow smile spreads across Lauren’s face. ‘I like the sound of that.’

‘It is catchy,’ Brittany says, and turns to me. ‘Well?’ she prompts.

‘Well what?’ I ask.

‘Are you in this or not?’

‘Oh! Um- No- I’m not- Not in this,’ I say hurriedly. I mean, fuck, they can screw him over or kill him, I don’t care, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m not involved in this. It’s shitty what he’s done, but I really, really don’t care all that much. As far as I’m concerned, high school is just a slow chapter in my book; I can’t wait until I’m in college, independent and finally able to do something. Getting involved in drama is just silly. Fun, but stupid and useless.

‘Aha,’ Brittany and Lauren laugh. ‘We’re all in this now.’

‘No. No,’ I repeat, more firmly this time. ‘This is stupid and ridiculous and immature, and I refuse to let my last year of high school go by like this.’

‘You have to,’ Brittany says.

‘Yeah. I mean, do you even know what the concept of ‘fun’ is?’ Lauren says.

Brittany glares at her. ‘What she’s trying to say is: you’ve spent the past, what, eight years all leading up to college. Your college applications are practically cinched now- you’ve taken like ten internships in one college, gotten good notes from all your teachers, and now you’re going to spend your last year in high school just doing the same thing. This is high school,’ she says, and damn it if I’m not starting to feel a little, tiny bit convinced. Who knew Brittany Lucas was such a good persuasive speaker? ‘This is our time,’ she continues, jabbing at the desk with a finger. ‘This is the last year you’ll be able to do fuck-all without having to pay bills or anything.’

‘Um.’ No. No. No. No. Yes? a voice pipes up in my head. No.

‘It’ll be fun,’ Lauren adds. ‘I mean,’ she says quickly as I open my mouth to say something about how ruining somebody’s life would definitely not be fun, ‘how many times have you watched those crappy teen films and wanted to do something stupid like that? Besides, you know Alex. He’ll probably pick himself up after a year or two and then be ruling the world with his band.’

‘Trying to probably,’ I say with a sigh.

‘Please?’ Zoe adds, looking up at me as she bites her fingernails down to stubs. She tugs on her brown hair and Jesus, she looks like a lost puppy.

‘I really shouldn’t.’

‘But you want to,’ Lauren prods.

‘You’ve already been published a few times,’ Brittany says, sounding bored. Wait-

‘Since when do you read things like Popular Photography and AP?’ I ask incredulously. My photographs have been published three times - Popular Photography once, after I won a contest, and AP twice after I got some good pictures at Warped - and I wasn’t that fussed about them. Okay, lie. I was incredibly excited and had the pages they were on tacked up on my wall, I just didn’t want anyone from school to know about them. I have this ‘inferiority-slash-personal-diary-complex’ about my photography according to Robin, and it’s true. I hardly let anyone see my work unless it’s a teacher or strangers on websites like Flickr and Buzznet. My photos are like diaries to me and I’m not about to let anyone see them without my permission.

‘Since my flight got delayed a whole day and I could only go through Vogue so many times,’ Brittany replies, still sounding like an intelligent human being instead of a slut machine on legs. Um, wow. Hidden depths, much?

‘Back to the Gaskarth plan,’ Lauren says. ‘So we’re all in, right?’

Brittany nods once and Zoe says, ‘I guess,’ with a shrug.

‘Fine,’ I sigh. I mean, why the hell not? It was my last year of high school, and I’ve always wanted to do something stupid like this.

‘Great,’ Brittany says with a grin. She pulls out her phone and quickly sends a text to each of us just as detention ends.

Brittany L. to Lauren D., Rebecca H., and Zoe G. at 4:28PM
brittanys no- 4104351390
laurens no- 4104336969
rebeccas no- 4104338378
zoes no- 4104293712

I giggle slightly at Lauren’s number because I’m mature, but don’t comment as I pack up my stuff. ‘You guys free today after school?’ Brittany asks as she stands up and slings her Juicy Couture purse over her shoulder. She shakes her blonde hair out and taps a manicured fingernail on the table.

I shake my head. ‘Working until seven.’

‘Still getting moved in,’ Zoe says.

‘Date.’

We all swivel around to look at Lauren.

‘You’re not talking about Gaskarth, are you?’ I ask slowly.

‘Uh, yeah I am,’ she says back slowly, giving us the ‘you guys are so stupid’ look.

‘Why? I’m blowing him off,’ Brittany says. ‘I’m telling him I’ve got a last minute cheerleading thing.’

‘Me too,’ Zoe nods. ‘I’m gonna text him later and say I’m too tired with the move to date.’

Lauren shakes her head and twists her auburn hair into a bun. ‘We have to play it safe. He doesn’t know about this, and he can’t start suspecting anything. We’ll be just like we normally are until we work out a plan.’

‘Makes sense. I’ll reschedule. What about you?’ Brittany asks Zoe.

‘My excuse is at least sort of true. I’m just gonna scope out the town and see if I can get a job anywhere,’ she says.

‘When should we meet, then? And where?’ I ask. I have to admit, this is kind of exciting.

‘My house,’ Brittany says immediately. ‘It’s bigger than all of yours and you live right next to Alex’s best friend,’ she says to me. ‘And you’re renovating,’ she says to Lauren, ‘and you guys are still moving in. Mine,’ she repeats.

‘Okay, seriously, how do you know all these things?’ Zoe asks, shaking her head.

‘I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m sort of the queen. I just know things,’ Brittany says with a shrug and an angelic smile.

‘And now you see why you wouldn’t like to get on her bad side,’ I say with a laugh. ‘I’m late for work, but we’ll work out a time later, ‘kay?’ I ask.

‘Yeah. I’ll text you guys,’ Brittany says. She looks at the clock and swears under her breath. ‘I’m late for the dentist,’ she says with a grimace. ‘Gotta run, bye!’ She waves quickly and bolts out.

‘I’ve got a meeting with the counselor,’ Lauren says. ‘Bye guys.’ She smiles, and leaves as well.

‘Guess that leaves us two,’ I say to Zoe. She smiles shyly back and I start walking slowly out the door. Sure enough, she’s beside me again quickly. ‘So why’d you move?’ I prompt, trying to be the nice girl to the new girl.

‘Dad’s job,’ she shrugs. ‘He’s a scientist. We moved from this one town in California called Poway.’

‘Oh, nice!’ I say, immediately perking up. ‘One of my favorite bands come from there.’

‘Blink-182?’ she asks with a grin, and I nod enthusiastically.

‘I am like the fangirl of fangirls for them,’ I laugh.

‘Yeah, me too,’ she smiles and flashes me a bunny pin on the side of her backpack. ‘I’m so sad they broke up though. Like, I cried when I found out.’ She laughs and grimaces at herself.

‘Jesus, I know. I got so pissed. Still not over it.’ We’ve reached the parking lot and I wave in the direction of my car. ‘My car’s over there, so see you on Monday, I guess. If you need anyone to show you around, you’ve got my number.’ I smile and turn to leave, calling out a ‘Bye!’ as I walk towards my car.

- - -

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:43PM
hey, hope i’m not bothering u but we were wondering where you work? my mom rlly wants me to get a job but i kinda wanna work with someone i kno

From Rebecca H. to Zoe G. at 5:44PM
oh yeah, no prob! it’d be awesome if you worked with me, we’re hiring right now. :)
+ i work at the pacsun in the townson mall, so drop by anytime or go online.

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:44PM
omg, thx so much. sending in my app now.
would’ve died if i’d had to spend all my time alone at home

From Rebecca H. to Zoe G. at 5:44PM
ah, i’d kill to be you.
i’ve got a younger brother and sister. they suck.

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:45PM
oh, i’d love to have siblings.

From Rebecca H. to Zoe G. at 5:46PM
oh no you don’t, haha and oh my god guess who’s here

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:46PM
um, who?

From Rebecca H. to Zoe G. at 5:47PM
lauren and alex gaskarth :O

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:47PM
YOU’RE KIDDING

From Rebecca H. to Zoe G. at 5:47PM
NO I’M NOT. :O
gtg now to help them out, aghhhhh.

From Zoe G. to Rebecca H. at 5:58PM
lol this is so stupid but so fun.
expecting ALL the details when we meet! brittany seconds that

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