Alex Gaskarth Must Die

‘Hey Rebecca!’ Sarah Jones chirps as I walk down the hallway towards my locker on Monday morning. She falls into step besides me and begins chattering away, ignoring the weirded out looks I’m giving her. ‘So, like, Brittany told us all about you being co-captain for the cheerleading squad and Zoe joining. It’s totally cool! We’re gonna have such a blast this year,’ she says, and tosses her straightened blonde hair over her shoulder as she smiles at me. ‘Oh, I see my boyfriend! Bye!’ And then she’s gone in a puff of Juicy Couture perfume.

‘Jesus,’ I mutter under my breath as I twirl open my locker. Brittany must be taking this whole Alex Gaskarth Must Die thing seriously, if I’m already co-captain of the cheerleading squad. I’m just beginning to consider what Robin might think about this when, speak of the devil, she shows up.

‘So,’ she starts, with her arms crossed and a ‘we-are-not-amused’ look on her face. She taps a grey fingernail on her arm. ‘Cheerleading, huh?’

‘It’s not-’

‘What it looks like?’ she scoffs. ‘I thought we hated those people.’

‘And we do!’ I protest. ‘I’m only with them because- Okay- Because-’

‘Because?’ she says expectantly.

‘Okay, this is going to sound really stupid. But it’s- Remember the fight I told you about a few days ago?’ Robin nods. I move my French textbook into my locker and fix it straight before speaking. ‘The girls - Zoe, Brittany, and Lauren - want to ruin Alex. Get him back. So I kind of got roped in and…’ I trail off sheepishly and shrug. ‘I don’t know,’ I say in reply to Robin’s Judgmental Look #39: You Are So Stupid. ‘I thought it might be fun.’

‘It’s stupid,’ Robin says. She sighs and leans against the locker next to me. ‘It’s like some shitty high school drama where the girl hates the guy but then, oh look! Surprise, surprise, they-’

‘-Fall in love, I know, I know. I just, I don’t know. I think I’m okay for after high school, so I thought I could maybe just fuck off this last year.’

Robin rolls her eyes. ‘Bitchy published photographer. I hate you.’ But she smiles a little, so I figure we’re fine. ‘Fine. As long as we still hang out, go ahead and do whatever with them.’

‘Yeah, of course,’ I smile, and then catch Brittany’s eye by her locker. ‘Hey, see you later, ‘kay? I’m gonna go talk to Brittany and make sure she knows I’m shit at somersaults.’

- - -

‘You know,’ Zoe says as we walk to our Science classes. ‘This is going a lot better than I expected, now that Lauren’s taking over.’

‘Yeah,’ I agree. ‘They were, um-’

‘Extremely bad at hiding their feelings?’ she supplies helpfully.

‘Yes,’ I laugh. ‘But seriously, I think I might be scarred for life because of their little show in the janitor’s closet.’

‘Oh, don’t remind me! My eyes!’ We giggle a little and then separate, each going into our different classrooms which, coincidentally, are right next to each other.

Class starts and the teacher announces a change in seating- apparently Abby Harlow and Nicole Paulson can’t handle sitting next to each other after their big friendship break up, so the whole class has to move. ‘This is ridiculous,’ Alex mutters in front of me as we shuffle around to the front of the classroom, and for once, I actually agree with him.

‘Fuck this,’ he says again when the teacher puts him right in the front and his friend way in the back. I smirk a little, but fall quickly when my name is called to sit next to a Mr Jack Barakat.

‘Awesome,’ I say, plopping down in my new seat. Jack looks up from doodling something - ah, yes, penises - on the table and rolls his eyes.

‘I could say the same thing to you,’ he says. ‘I’m Jack Barakat,’ he continues, and sticks out his hand.

‘Rebecca Hall,’ I reply, shaking it. He’s got a surprisingly firm handshake, but his gaze flicks down quickly to my shirt. Otherwise known as, my boobs. ‘Eyes up here, Barakat,’ I say quickly.

‘No, no, no,’ he laughs. ‘Not that I’m not appreciative of your- lady- assets-’

‘I appreciate your word choice,’ I laugh.

‘But, um, you like Blink?’ I look down at my black shirt with their rabbit on it and nod.

‘Uh, yeah. They’re sort of my favourite band,’ I say. ‘Do you…’ I trail off, all my perceptions about Jack Barakat unraveling quickly. Maybe it was the hair, but I had him pegged for more of a Top-40-Transitioning-Into-Metal kinda guy.

‘Um, fuck yeah!’ he responds enthusiastically. ‘I love them. Best fucking band ever.’

‘Absolutely,’ I laugh. I flick a glance over to the teacher, who’s still boiling down an argument (‘I want to sit closer to the board! Abby’s already taken my boyfriend, I want the board!’) and turn back to him. ‘Okay, quick. Favourite song on three! One - Two - Three-’

‘Rock Show,’ he says quickly.

‘Reckless Abandon,’ I say at the same time.

‘Really?’ he responds immediately, scrunching up his face. ‘Would’ve pegged you as a… Romeo and Rebecca girl,’ he laughs.

‘Yuck, no. Romeo’s an icky name, I’m going for a…’

‘Jack?’ he suggests, striking a pose and pouting. I grin and shove his shoulder.

‘Nah, I’m going for a guy with some actual muscle on him,’ I tease.

‘Hey, I have muscle! Lots, actually. It’s just-’

‘Hiding under a layer of flab?’

‘The flab is protecting it,’ he says, affecting a wounded expression as he displays his nonexistent biceps muscle. I laugh and squeeze it.

‘Like jelly!’

- - -

It turns out, believe it or not, that I actually like Jack Barakat. Between the one hour we spent in class and the next five minutes at my locker, he’s alright. Not nearly as bad as Gaskarth, for one thing.

‘You’re kidding me, right?’ Robin says as I tell her this at lunch. We’re sitting at a table in the corner, all alone because Jennifer and Olivia have decided to run off to sit with some other girls now. It’s not that bad and I kind of like it, if I’m being perfectly honest.

‘No! I actually really like him. He’s funny.’ I shrug, and swirl my yoghurt around with my spoon.

Robin laughs. ‘So, hold on, lemme get this straight- the guy you couldn’t remember the name of and spent basically all of last week complaining about, is now your new best friend.’

I pause and swallow before answering. ‘Yes. I mean, I’m sorry and all, but I felt you and I had our moment, you know? Time to move on.’

‘But my heart, my heart, it aches only for you, etcetera, etcetera,’ she deadpans, rolling her eyes. ‘Seriously though.’ Robin reaches out her hand and places it on mine, looking seriously into my eyes. ‘You hated him last week. I think you are bipolar and I think you need help.’

I laugh and shake her hand off. ‘Okay, okay, I have been out-deadpanned. But, I mean- He likes Blink.’ Robin rolls her eyes.

‘You know, the world isn’t divided into two sets of people- those who like Blink-182-’

‘The good guys,’ I interject helpfully.

‘And those who don’t.’

‘Foul creatures who should be killed immediately, such as yourself.’

She laughs and shakes her head, not bothering to argue; we’d been through this several times before, each time culminating in her shoving Kurt Cobain memorial stickers in my face and me screaming the lyrics to All The Small Things incessantly. ‘But anyway, tell me about the Gaskarth thing.’

‘Um, well,’ I start. ‘Basically the plan is for Lauren to go in, have him fall in love with her, and then cheat on him or something to break his heart.’

Robin blinks. ‘So… No elaborate plan? No manipulation of five hundred other girls? No smashed guitars?’

‘Yeah, that’s it.’

Robin blinks again. ‘Hm. I expected more from the great Lauren Dufresne, to be honest.’

‘Like armies of ex’s and one night stands storming down the Gaskarth manor with pitchforks?’

Robin laughs and nods. ‘Something like that, yeah.’

‘Well, I dunno. They’re going for the ‘classic’ route,’ I say, my fingers sketching air quotes around the word. Robin’s eyebrows raise slightly.

‘I wasn’t aware there was a ‘classic’ route in the art of breaking someone’s heart.’

‘Yeah, well.’ I shrug and make a vague motion with my yoghurt spoon, a drip falling on the table in the process. ‘Ew,’ I mutter and I go to wipe it off with a napkin, keeping my eyes averted from Robin’s judgmental ones.

‘I just think it’s stupid,’ she says, finally getting out what I know she’s been itching to scream ever since I told her about the Alex Gaskarth thing.

‘I know.’

‘And I really, really don’t understand why you’re doing this,’ she continues.

‘I don’t either.’ I crumple the napkin into a ball and poke it around on the table.

‘Just, keep me updated, okay?’

‘What?’ My eyes shoot up to stare at Robin blankly. ‘Why?’

She shrugs and flushes a little and begins twirling her ring around her finger like she does when she’s nervous or telling a lie. The thing is, most of the time I can’t tell whether she’s just nervous, period, or if she’s nervous because she’s telling a lie. ‘I just, it might get interesting.’

‘Okay…’ I say slowly, dragging out the ‘O’. This is definitely a weird, abrupt, and completely random change of heart, but I’m not about to question it.

‘I mean, things are bound to get more dramatic eventually, right?’ she says quickly. ‘And, you know, Dulaney is probably the epitome of boring as far as high schools go.’

‘Um, sure.’ We pause awkwardly but Brittany swoops in and tugs me up by the arm.

‘Guess you better be going, co-captain,’ Robin teases as I allow myself to be pulled up. I laugh and give her an apologetic look as I turn and follow Brittany towards the gym, her white Converse moving hurriedly across the linoleum.

‘Emergency first day meeting in the gym,’ Brittany says once I catch up to her. ‘We have to work out the whole cheerleading thing as well,’ she adds.

‘Yeah, have you finally figured out that I can’t cheerlead for my life?’

She rolls her eyes impatiently and is about to respond when we pass Alex’s table, where he’s sitting with the normal crowd, a few random girls floating around the edge awkwardly. Alex wolf whistles and throws a tater tot that hits Brittany’s ass, smirking as she glares at him.

‘Asshole,’ I mutter through a stifled laugh, still grinning a little. Jack pokes my back as I walk past him and smiles at me through a mouthful of food when I look back at him. I wave at him and then turn back as we approach the doors to the gymnasium.

Brittany grins and rolls her eyes at me. ‘I saw that laugh you were hiding.’

‘Guilty as charged,’ I reply with a laugh. We walk into the gym to find a small circle of chairs in the corner, Lauren and Zoe already sitting there. Brittany turns and locks the door quickly as I laugh and shake my head at the gesture. ‘Because somebody will definitely be itching to know what’s going on in this super-secret cheerleader meeting,’ I say.

‘Nothing wrong with being safe,’ she replies defensively.

‘Finally,’ Lauren huffs loudly from her chair. ‘We’ve got so much to go over, it’s not even funny.’