Alex Gaskarth Must Die

‘Hey, Rebecca!’ As soon as Robin and I get out of her car, parked in Julia’s gigantic driveway with a special spot marked ‘Rebecca’, Brittany and Zoe bounce over to us. Brittany’s dressed in a floaty chiffon dress (‘Juicy Couture,’ she whispers to me later.) and Zoe’s dripping wet in her black bikini. She’s stayed loyal though; the Blink-182 logo is stamped across it in white.

‘Hi,’ I say, giving Brittany a hug and patting Zoe on the shoulder gingerly, trying not to get wet. She laughs, but doesn’t push the hugging business; just smiles happily.

‘Hey,’ Robin says with a smile. She can’t stand the cheerleading squad, but she does like Zoe. Jury’s still out on Brittany.

‘Come in, we’ve gotta introduce you to everyone,’ Brittany says, tugging on my arm. She smiles at Robin fleetingly; the slightly unsure feeling is mutual.

‘We’ll get some drinks,’ Zoe says, and walks away with Robin.

Brittany links her arm around mine and walks me up to the house, My heart’s beating in my ears from a combination of anxiety and nerves and I force myself to take deep breaths. It feels like the first day at a new school, when you’re not sure what’s going to happen, if they’ll like you or hate you, if you’ve done something wrong by just existing and I’m terrified. Back when I was a kid, on the first day of virtually everything, my dad would duck down to my level and take my hand with a promise for ice cream or a CD or something. My mom always had some kind of bullshit about how if they didn’t like you, that was their loss, and my dad and I always just kind of looked at each other and snorted when she said this.They were our little thing and they always helped calm me down before the first day of school or something.

Now, though, there’s just Brittany the cheerleader, a friend-but-not-quite, and a giant house that’s practically bouncing from all the loud music inside. Yeah, I’m terrified.

Inside, it’s, well, pretty much what I’ve come to expect from Hollywood. Loud music with thumping beats; too many people crammed into one common space together; and underage drinking and yelling to chug, chug, chug! Julia’s house is only a few streets away from Brittany’s and it’s even bigger. Most of the space has been cleared, though, expensive vases and sculptures hidden away to make room for beer pong tables and high schoolers sprawled out everywhere.

‘Hey, newbie!’ A boy winks as we pass by, he and his friends laughing and punching each other as they look us over. I give him a severely weirded-out look, but Brittany pinches my arm discreetly. She turns, giggles, and wiggles a few fingers at him.

‘Lesson Number One of Being a Cheerleader: You are vapid and giggle a lot,’ she says to me.

‘Isn’t that a bit…’

‘Setting back feminism for another three hundred years?’ Brittany laughs. ‘Sure. But it’s how high school works. Seriously though, laugh and giggle. We don’t want any weird tension; you’ve got to blend in.’

‘Uh… Sure.’ This whole thing still seems a bit backward, what with all the female empowerment and ‘stand up to peer pressure!’ movements, but I’m in high school. It’s blend in or get beat up, as far as that’s concerned, so here goes. ‘Like, oh my God!’ I try, raising my voice a couple pitches.

Brittany bursts out laughing. My face falls. ‘Was I that bad?’

‘Perfect,’ she laughs. ‘Pitch-perfect. You’re such a good liar, have I told you that yet?’

‘Um, I don’t think I’ve ever lied to you before.’

‘You’ve been lying your way around cheerleading for a week now,’ she reminds me.

‘True,’ I laugh. She brings me into the dining room and scopes it out quickly whilst talking to me; that’s another Rule of Being a Cheerleader: If you’re with someone, you’re always talking and laughing and having fun. Always. Finally she nods, smiles, and pokes a hole into a circle of people talking. She doesn’t need to though; they’ve already parted for her and let us in. There’s three girls next to Brittany, one of them leaning against one of Jack and Alex’s friends that I recognize from their cafeteria table. Then Jack, Alex, and another guy, all drinking beers.

‘Becky!’ Jack screeches. He yanks me across the circle and hugs me, slopping a bit of his drink onto my shoulder in the process.

‘Ew,’ I complain, batting my hand in the air around it uselessly.

‘I didn’t think you’d show!’ he says. ‘Sorry about that, by the way.’ He nods at the wet patch on my shirt.

‘We all know you love Rebecca, Jack, but give her back to her friend before you kill her,’ Alex laughs. He tugs Jack’s hands off of me and I return to Brittany’s side where she’s already waiting with a napkin.

‘Yeah, I don’t think you guys’ve met yet,’ Brittany says whilst dabbing at my shirt. ‘You know Jack, and that’s Alex-’ he does that head-nod thing guys do over the top of his beer ‘-and Rian-’ the boy who’s got his arm around a girl smile at me, flashing a set of pearly-white teeth at me from underneath his too-long brown bangs ‘-and Matt-’ a boy with short, cropped black hair and a tiny bit of stubble grins at me with a wave ‘-and Rian’s girlfriend, Kara.’ The girl leaning against Rian smiles brightly with a wave as she flips her wavy brown hair over her shoulder.

‘This is Jennifer,’ Brittany continues. Another girl with bleach-blonde hair waves, her face already slightly pink from the alcohol. ‘And Lisa.’ A girl with honey-coloured hair smiles and nods at me. ‘And, of course, this is Rebecca,’ Brittany finishes.

‘My soul-mate,’ Jack puts in.

‘Bitch, no, she’s mine,’ Brittany laughs.

‘You don’t even know what the rabbit is,’ Jack scoffs.

‘We should’ve known,’ Lisa says with a smile as Kara and Rian laugh and nod, ohhh-ing like something big has been explained to them.

‘He hasn’t shut up about you,’ Alex explains with an eye-roll. ‘We were starting to wonder if you had, like, triple H’s or something.’

‘Turns out it was just Blink,’ Matt says.

‘Fuck you,’ Jack laughs. ‘Like you ever shut up about Lauren.’ Brittany shoots me a quick look as Alex flushes slightly.

‘Things going that well with Lauren, then?’ Brittany asks sweetly. Alex doesn’t even blink as he starts talking to his ex-that-he-lied-to about his now-girlfriend-who-he-also-lied-to.

‘Yeah,’ he starts with a grin. The other members of our little circle roll their eyes and mumble ‘Oh, no,’ under their breaths, but they’re all smiling for him, happy that he’s happy. ‘She really… gets me,’ he says. ‘And my parents like her.’

‘We like her too!’ Jack pipes up.

‘And we’re obviously more important than his parents,’ Rian laughs.

‘Just as important,’ Matt says. Alex rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment, and for some reason, I’m kind of jealous of the easy friendship he’s got with his friends. They’re perfectly attuned to each other and give off the distinct impression of knowing everything there is to know about each other. I don’t have many friends like that; I only have one.

‘That’s great.’ Brittany smiles and places a hand on Alex’s chest. It would be a supportive gesture, but she looks up at him from underneath long eyelashes and holds her hand there for too long. There’s an awkward silence as he looks back at her and pushes her off after a slight pause.

‘Uh, um, I’m gonna get a drink,’ he mutters quickly before fleeing.

‘See you guys later,’ Brittany says, and darts after him.

‘God, what a slut!’ Lisa says with a laugh as soon as she leaves.

‘Amen to that,’ Matt says, and toasts her with his beer as everyone else nods in agreement. I cough under my breath, rolling my eyes and shaking my head at them. Brittany, for all her double-D’s and short skirts, is definitely not a slut. It’s all a front, another part of the never-ending Rules of Being a Cheerleader, and besides, these people are best friends with Alex Gaskarth. They can hardly be talking. I don’t speak up about it, though; I’m uncomfortable enough just being here after my comfortable career as a hermit for the better part of my high-school career.

‘Don’t deny it,’ Lisa laughs, shaking her head at me. ‘We know you’re her friend, but-’

‘It’s okay,’ Jennifer says encouragingly. ‘We won’t tell.’

I roll my eyes but stay silent. ‘Yeah, sure, whatever,’ I say, still slightly annoyed at them. ‘I’m gonna go get a drink, I’ll see you guys later.’ I smile politely and then turn away. Upon walking a few steps though, I quickly realize that, shit, I don’t know anyone here at all. God only knows where Robin, Brittany and Zoe are, especially in this mansion of a house, and I’m way too shy to go up to any of these strangers properly. I’ve been introduced to them briefly at school, but I’d never even consider going up to them here. I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do at house parties; I’ve never been to one before, and in the movies it’s just a montage of shots and kissing.

‘Shit,’ I mutter, as the crowds of laughing people in front of me seem to taunt me with their easy conversation. I’m alone in a crowded room. I have to get away. I catch sight of the back of Julia’s bobbing ponytail and walk up to her quickly. ‘Hey, Julia!’ I yell over the pounding music. She doesn’t respond. ‘Julia!’ I tap her on the shoulder.

‘Yeah?’ She spins away from her own circle of friends and looks at me expectantly.

‘Where’s the bathroom?’ I scream into her ear.

‘Up the stairs, take a right at the second corridor, third door on your left,’ she yells back.

‘Thanks,’ I mumble, but she’s already back to giggling with the football team.

- - -

After sending a quick, ‘emergency’ text to Robin, I push open the door to the giant bathroom and lean my head back against it once I’m in, breathing in slowly. Since Julia’s house is so big, the party’s only on the ground floor- this floor and the floor above are completely empty. It’s a welcome relief from the ear-shattering music downstairs and it gives me room to breathe. I feel terrifically cowardly, but I’d still rather be in here, alone, than down there, still alone.

It’s only when I walk into the actual bathroom (there’s a corridor, a spare wardrobe, and then the bathroom) that I see I’m not the only one in here.

‘Um- Hi,’ I offer awkwardly to Alex Gaskarth, who’s lying sprawled out in the bath, staring gloomily at his phone.

He jolts up and whips his head around to look at me. ‘Oh! Hi,’ he says back, maybe even more awkwardly.

‘Uh- I was just-’ I start, going to explain that I wasn’t actually going to use the toilet.

‘Oh, no, if you want to-’ He stands up and motions jerkily towards the toilet.

‘No-’

‘No, it’s fine, I wasn’t doing anything anyway-’

‘No, I don’t need to use it, I just-’

‘You need to fucking pee, okay?’ he says loudly. There’s a silence, and then suddenly we’re both laughing like it’s the most hilarious thing we’ve ever heard, choking and bending over when we can’t breathe.

‘I don’t actually need to pee,’ I get out between the last laughs that are coming out.

‘Okay, then,’ he says with a smile. ‘I kinda figured, you’d probably have peed your pants by now if you actually had to.’

‘Yeah, I was just- I just needed to leave for a bit,’ I say.

‘Me too,’ he nods.

‘Running from Brittany?’

The side of his lip quirks up. ‘Maybe.’

- - -

From Rebecca H. to Robin B. at 9:12PM, 09/17/05
where are u?

From Robin B. to Rebecca H. at 9:12PM, 09/17/05 (DRAFT)
by the pool w/ zoe, people are running around like mad and tossing people in- one dude’s phone just landed in the water, haha.