We Knew That We Were Destined To Explode

Becca’s POV.

Walking out of that room was probably the worst thing I had ever done and about five footsteps away from the elevator I turn around and run back towards the room and end up pounding on the door and about a second later Jon is opening the door with tears running down his face and I do the first thing I can think of and throw my arms around him.

“Becca what are you doing?” He asks looking down at me with tears still falling and I can feel the tears starting to fall harder from my own eyes.

“I made a mistake, I should have never done that, please forgive me.” I say looking up at him with my bottom lip shaking.

“Becca you need to make up your mind this is getting out of hand; I don’t know how much I can take of this.” Jon says pulling himself away from me and walking away.

“I’m sorry Jon, I’ll keep saying this until you believe me but I love you and I’m sorry I said those things I’m just so lost right now and I don’t know what to do.” I say letting all my emotions out and falling to the floor.

“Becca, come on get off the floor, you need to sleep.” Jon says pulling me off the floor and I feel like I’m going to pass out at any moment.

The moment Jon lays me down on the bed I feel my eyelids getting heavy and sleep taking over my body, but before I fall asleep I manage to say, “please forgive me I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

When I wake up I feel as if I’ve slept for a week and I quickly forget where I am before I hear some snoring from beside me and I roll over to see Jon passed out and I do and climb onto my feet and start jumping up and down on the bed.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jon asks opening his eyes.

“Jumping on the bed.” I say.

“I don’t know what to do with you.” Jon says sitting up on the bed.

“And why is that?” I ask sitting down.

“Because just nine hours ago you were crying about you don’t know what to do with your life and that you can’t be with me and that you’re going home. But now you here smiling and jumping on the bed, something just doesn’t seem right, you’re having mood swings left and right.” Jon says looking at me and let’s just say Captain Serious Jonathan kicked in.

“You really want to know what’s wrong with me?” I ask him.

“Becca of course I want to know if something is wrong with you.” He says looking at me with a concerned look on his face and I get off the bed and go into my suitcase and pull out a bottle of pills and hand them to him. “What are these?” He asks looking at the bottle.

“It’s my Zoloft.” I say.

“Why do you need this?” He asks.

“For the past three years I’ve been on these pills to help with Posttraumatic stress disorder, panic attacks and obsessive-compulsive disorder.” I tell him.

“Did you stop taking these, because this bottle is pretty much full.” He says looking at me with a concerned look.

“I’m not going to lie and tell you I did stop taking these about 2 days ago, I felt like I was happy and I had everything under control when obviously I didn’t.” I say slightly laughing.

“Becca you can’t just be on med’s like this and not tell me and then decide to go off of them without being told something bad could’ve happened.” He tells me slightly yelling at me.

“I know, and I’m sorry I did it.” I say.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it I had no idea you were on a serious depression medicine, if something bad was to happen I wouldn’t be able to help you.” He says having a dark look in his eyes.

“I really am sorry I didn’t mean to mess anything up I was just so happy for once in my life everything was going right and I felt like maybe this is how the rest of my life should go I haven’t felt this way since…” I say stopping on the last work it had been three years since I mentioned his name.

“Since Freddie?” Jon asks his voice just over a whisper and I can feel the tears hit my eyes as soon as he said it.

“You know about Freddie?” I ask confused.

“Yeah I found out about him a few months after we were together and you had that breakdown where you wouldn’t talk to me.” He says scooting closer to me and wrapping his arms around me.

“He left, he didn’t even say fucking goodbye to me Jon, did I really mean that little to him that he couldn’t say good to me.” I sob into Jon’s chest.

“Becca I read his letter and you meant the world to him he was just sick and he didn’t find any way to get help for it.” He says rubbing my back.

“I feel as if it was my fault, if I really loved him I should’ve known something was wrong if I was in love with him it should’ve been me not him.” I cry.

“Rebecca don’t say things like that it should have never been you please promise you won’t do anything stupid, because I would’ve be able to do anything if I was to lose you.” He says softly placing a kiss on my lips with a tear falling from his eye.

“I promise, I wouldn’t want to leave you feeling as empty as I still feel today.” I say looking up at him and snuggling up into his chest.

“I love you so much.” He says lying back on the bed and taking me with him.

“I love you too.” I say.

Somehow just lying in Jon’s arm I regret everything that I’ve put him through and he deserves so much more than me I’m just a broken crazy person. We spend the next hour just lying and enjoying being close to each other.

“So tomorrow I’m going back to Winnipeg.” Jon says breaking the silences between us.

“That’s cool I don’t know where I’m going.” I say.

“You could always come with me.” he says.

“I can’t Jon; I need to get some help.” I say.

“If you need me for anything I’ll be there for you as soon as I can.” He says.

“Okay, I’m thinking about just going back Chicago and maybe looking for a new doctor and maybe spending some time at work.” I say.

“That sounds good.” Jon says rubbing small circles on my hand and I somehow manage to fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up to find Jon running around the room trying to gather his belonging from around the room.

“What are you doing?” I ask sleepily.

“I have to have all my stuff together because we’ve got to get out of this room in an hour and our flight is in 3 hours.” He says picking up his suit and putting in a bag.

“Okay, well my stuff all packed already so wake me up when you’re ready to leave.” I say pulling the blanket over my head.

“Becca it’s time to get your ass up.” Jon says tearing the blanket off of me.

“Fine I’m awake.” I say getting out of the bed and throwing a hoodie on and some flip flops on and making sure I had all of my other stuff before following Jon out of the room.

We make our way to the airport and onto our flight and were on our way back to Chicago. The two of us made our way back to my apartment before Jon had to go to Winnipeg.

“If you need anything, call me I’ll be back here in just over 2 hours.” Jon says walking to my apartment door.

“I promise you I will, and as soon as I find a doctor I’ll let you know.” I tell him.

“Okay, and if any of the guys are in town I will have them come check on you.” He tells me.

“Okay that’s fine, have fun at home with your parents.” I say pressing a quick kiss on his lips.

“I will and I’ll miss you and will you please wear this while I’m gone.” He says handing me back my wedding ring and placing a kiss on my forehead.

“I will and I’ll miss you too see you in a few months, I love you.” I say hugging him for the last time for the next few months.

“I love you too and see you in a little while.” He says walking out the door and what I didn’t know was that was the last time I would physically see Jonathan Toews for the next four months and the next time I would see him would not be in Chicago.

THE END.