Opposites Always Attract.

Ahh, Tuesday. How you bore me. I thought to myself as I shuffled to my locker. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and dialled in the correct combination. Down the hallway I could see Maggie making her way towards me, but getting distracted because of all the boys she saw.

I smiled to myself at her behaviour and had to step back when a piece of paper fell out of my locker and onto the floor. With curious eyes I picked it up On it was a sentence that made my eyes go wide 'I know what you did last weekend', it said, in un-neat handwriting. I panicked and opened up the paper, only to laugh at what I saw inside.

Only joking. Come to mine, Friday, 9pm, bring Tara. Frank :)

That boy was going to give me a heart attack one day. I laughed a little and folded it again.

“What’s that?” Maggie’s shrill voice said from behind me. Quickly I shoved the note into my bag.
“N-nothing. Just a reminder I wrote for myself.”
“Oh yeah, what?”
“I’ve got to buy...Tampons.”
“Right. Whatever, let’s go.” I was thankful when Maggie dropped the subject and pulled me towards History.

It was uneventful. I’d spent most of the class staring out of the window with a bored expression while my teachers monotone voice seemed like a dull ache on the back of my mind. Luckily they didn’t notice, so I was free to daydream.

My next class was English, something I was very happy about. As I walked down the corridor, I noticed Miss Johnson struggling with a bunch of books, which were piled so high they were restricting her vision.

“Want some help, miss?” I asked, taking a handful of books from her regardless of her reply.
“Oh, Elliott. Yes, thank you. That’s very kind.” Her flustered face smiled back at mine.
“No problem,” I examined the book cover “Looking for Alaska?” I asked.
“Yes. I thought we could take a break from Shakespeare and read something...”
“Good?”
“I would have used the word modern. But ‘good’ works too.” She laughed, both of us rounding a corner.
“I’ve actually read this book. I like it.” I nodded in approval. I must have seemed like a nerd right now. Helping my English teacher, while talking to her about books. I didn’t care though, it’s not like Chloe would see me. She was on the opposite side of the school.

“Good, I’m glad. I’m happy that at least three students enjoys reading for pleasure.”
“Three? Who are the other two?”
“Frank Iero and Mikey Way. They often come to me for book advice. They’re nice guys, I don’t suppose you’ve spoken to them before. Unless you were introduced to them by Gera-“
“Please don’t mention that in public,” I said far too quickly, I ended up sounding rude “I-I just don’t want people to know.”
“Oh, I see. So it’s still all a secret then?” she giggled as we entered her classroom. I could sense that she felt like she was back at school, gossiping away with her best friends.

“Yeah, pretty much.” I admitted, helping her place a book on each desk.
“Like I said, stop thinking what everyone else thinks.”
“I know, miss. Trust me, I think about what you said every day, but it’s so hard.”
“I know, I understand. But just please take into consideration what I said. I promise it will help. Surely you’d rather admit to what you’re up to, then for your friends to find out by accident?”
“I don’t really intend for them to find out at all.” I laughed, sliding into my seat gracefully with a copy of the book in my hand.
“So stubborn,” she laughed “Like a real red head!”

-

I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw Ray’s face when he entered the classroom. Ray usually had a worried look in his eyes, like he was naturally anxious about everything around him. But today that look was even worse. I could see lines in his forehead where he’d constantly been creasing it in concern, and his usually full lips were in a straight line. Pressed tightly together. But what could be wrong? It was probably something silly, like Frank running into a glass door or something.

But all lesson he held that same straight face. His eyes were distant, like he was thinking about the thing that was troubling him constantly. I wanted to know, I needed to know. I may not know Ray as much as I did the others, but I felt like he was involved in my life now, as much as Gerard was. Because I felt myself caring for them.

It turned out that I made myself worried, because I’d seen Ray so worried. As much as I loved English, I just wanted to escape. I had to know what was troubling him, because if it was something serious, I wanted to help.

I raised my hand.

“Elliott?” Miss Johnson asked me
“C-can I go to the bathroom please?”
“Yes of course.” She said. She was smiling, but I could tell she was reading my worried expression. If it turned out to be nothing, I would feel like an idiot. But I had to make sure. What if Annie had done something again? I secretly took my bag, not wanting to make it obvious that I didn’t plan on returning, and slipped out of the classroom. All the while I could feel Ray’s eyes on me. Almost like he knew I knew.

Thoughts of Annie and Gerard was swimming through my mind. It was a slim chance, but you never know. Gerard is a fragile character, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. But maybe this doesn’t even involve Gerard. Maybe it’s just me making things up in my mind. I would soon find out though.

To: Gerard:

What’s going on with Ray?
He looked worried.

Gerard:

Hes nt worried
He’s probabn;y just angry
Wih me agsain
Nothung to wory about :) x

To: Gerard:

Please don’t tell me you’re drunk?
This is why he’s angry with you
Isn’t it?

Gerard:

Mayvbbe ;)

To: Gerard:

You are a complete fool!
It’s not even 12 yet!

Gerard:

So!? I;,m troubled!

To: Gerard:

Troubled? If you’re troubled Gerard
You talk to someone
You don’t get drunk.
Where are you?

Gerard:

Duno i;m lost
Ansb thsi is a bg thing
I can;t just talkj abiut it

I huffed as I stormed down the deserted corridor. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I just hoped no one saw me. Checking the time, I had about 40 minutes to find Gerard, tell him off, take him home and get back to school. Achievable, if Gerard was willing to cooperate.

I sneakily made it out of the building, and practically ran towards my car. At the same time I found Gerard’s number in my phone list. It took two rings before he picked up.

“Hello? Elliott? Hey, Elliott!” he slurred happily. From the noise I could tell he was outside.
“Where are you, Gerard?” I asked bluntly, not even bothering to be polite back. I unlocked my car and slipped in, adjusting my mirror slightly.

“I dunno. I’m outside, and I’m by a big sign post. And I’m by a shop. They didn’t ID me!” I could sense the smile from the other side of the phone.

I rolled my eyes in disgust and drove off. I had an idea of his whereabouts.

“Are you angry at me?” he asked. I heard the clink of bottle against teeth, and knew he was drinking beer.
“A little bit, if I’m honest,” I frowned while I drove, keeping my eyes firmly on the road “It was a bit of a silly thing to do, why did you do it?”
“You sound like my mom,” he moaned “And because I wanted too!”
“That’s not an excuse. Why did you do it?”
“Because I saw Annie last night.”
“What?!” I cried, nearly swerving off of the road in shock “Wh – Wha – Where? Why? Did she say anything?”
“No, I just saw her. Walking. Laughing. She looks the same you know.”
“Did she see you?”
“I don’t think so. She was with another guy.”
“But still, Gerard. You can’t just get drunk because you saw Annie. I know it’s hard after not seeing her for so long. But forget about her, Gerard. She’s not going to bother you again.”
“I know. But I had a flashback last night. I had a dream. And it was so real. I could almost smell he-“
“Gerard, stop. Just stop! Look, I’m coming for you, okay? We’ll talk about this then.”

-

I hung up the phone before waiting for his reply, and put my foot down. I found him five minutes later, leaning on a wall outside of a corner shop. He looked like a mess. His eyes were framed by dark shadows, and his eyes were bloodshot. If I hadn’t know any better, I would have thought he was a junkie.

I didn’t need to say words. I just exited my car and leant against it, waiting for him to notice me. He did. Running up to me, beer bottle swinging, he engulfed me in a hug. People stared at the wreck of a boy and his odd behaviour, and I felt my cheeks blush from embarrassment.

“Get in the car.” I ordered.
“But my be-“ he began, indicating to the other bottles that sat propped against the wall.
“Car. Now.” I stated again. I watched as his shoulders hunched, like an angry child.

“You stink.” I said as soon as I joined him in the car. In all honestly I didn’t really know why I was so angry with him. He’d done stuff like this before. But I guess it was because this whole week we’d been so happy. And now he had to spoil it by doing this.

“Of what?” Gerard grumbled, slouching in the car seat uncomfortable.
“Booze and weed.”
“Where are you taking me?”
“Home.”
“Are you gunna stay with me?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes.”
I sighed “Fine.”

-

It was slightly awkward at Gerard’s. I monitored him like a strict mother as he laid on the couch feeling sorry for himself. I refused to let him drink anymore, and had rummaged through his bag and taken away the weed. I felt stupid and pathetic, but Gerard would be thanking me later. He could truly be an idiot sometimes.

“Gerard?” I asked, my arms folded as we watched Peter Pan together. He turned to look at me.
“Why do you really do all of this?” meaning the drink and the drugs.
“Because I can? Because I’m a teenager?”
“But I’m a teenager. Sure, I smoke and drink sometimes. But never during the day. And you’re smoking weed way too often. Just be careful, okay? I’m worried about you.” I admitted for the first time.

“Who are you, my mom? I’m fine, Elliott. I don’t want people to be worried about me. I can look after myself.”
“You don’t want people to be worried about you? That’s so selfish, Gerard! You didn’t see Ray’s face today. He looked in pain because of how worried he was! What would Mikey say if he knew about this? Do you want to hurt your brother?” I knew this would end up in an argument, but he was frustrating me. As much as I liked him, almost loved him, I couldn’t tolerate for this attitude.

“Don’t talk to me about my brother, you don’t know him,” he said coolly “You don’t know what we’ve been through.”
“I know enough to know that he’s petrified of you!” I was letting out things I didn’t even realise I thought.
“What?”
“Look at him Gerard! He watches your every movement like it will be your last. He talks to you like it will be the last time he’ll ever speak to you. He’s petrified that you’re gunna lose it again!”
“You. Don’t. Know. Anything. Elliott!” his words were coming out so much more aggressively because of how drunk he was. His words slurred, making him sound menacing. But I wasn’t afraid. I was just angry.

“I don’t have to, Gerard! I didn’t know you when you were depressed, and suicidal. But I sure as hell know that even your parents are terrified that you’ll try something again. Remember that conversation they had ages ago? When they were scared that you would relapse? Because they thought I would be the same as Annie? Everybody worries about you, Gerard! Why can’t you see that?”
“Is it my fault they’re worried? Maybe they should concentrate on their own fucking lives instead of mine! I’m okay.”
“No, Gerard. You’re not okay! You are so fucking troubled. But you don’t want anybody to help you!”
“I’m telling you, I’m fucking fine!”
“If you’re ‘fine’, Gerard. Why are you sitting at home drunk and stoned before midday?”

He didn’t have an answer.

“Exactly. I know you don’t want people to worry about you, Gerard. But we do. Because you don’t let any of us in. We don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking. For all we know you could be planning your next suicide as we speak.”
“I’m not.” He muttered angrily.
“Well then stop making it seem that way. Talk to people. It helps.” I got up off of the couch, not wanting to argue anymore. I saw the sadness in his eyes, and kissed him on the lips, to tell him I was sorry, before leaving the house.

It was stupid to leave him on his own. He needed me. But right now I couldn’t be dealing with it. I liked Gerard. I liked him too much. And it scared me, because Gerard was dangerous to himself. For the first time, in a long time, a genuine tear of sadness leaked from my eye. I quickly brushed it away, and sniffed.

He’ll be fine. I told myself, we’ll be fine.

No, we wouldn’t.

-

The next day Gerard and I had made up, somewhat. I’d apologised, as had he. But I could tell something was still bothering him. In a way I found it silly that just seeing Annie again would start up his emotions. But I’d never been in a position like Gerard’s before. I couldn’t even imagine it, to be bullied so hard by someone you loved that you tried to take your own life.

In a way I believed Gerard. He wasn’t planning suicide again. After all, why would he? Besides the whole Annie thing, he was happy. Even more so since I’d walked into his life. But just because he wasn’t thinking of the extremes didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking of other things. Or taking other things.

The day went by slowly, but finally I was at home. I’d kicked of my shoes and pulled on my sweatpants and started up my laptop.

Playing The Sims can take over your evening, I decided. After playing the computer game for over four hours. It was now 8 o’clock. I laughed to myself, about how sad I was. I’d created someone who looked like myself, and someone who looked like Gerard. We ended up having twins, a boy and a girl. And, even for a computer game, they were the cutest things. With the help of ‘motherlode’ my family had a big house, large swimming pool and good jobs. I was a journalist, and Gerard was an ‘Rock Star’. If I’d have know what the real future held, I would have burst out laughing at the foreshadowing I had created. But of course, I didn’t know what Gerard was at that time.

Despite mine and Gerard’s argument, I was in a good mood. We had made up, and I had promised myself to look out for him. But my smile faded when I saw my phone start ringing.

‘You make me, fe-’

“Hello?”
“Elliott? Elliott, is that you?”
“Yeah? Is that you, Mikey? What’s up?” he sounded panicked. Too panicked, even for him.
“I-it’s Gerard. He’s...Oh God. Frankie! Frankie stop him! Elliott, he’s done something stupid again.”
“What’s he done this time?” I sighed, thinking it would be nothing more than what he’s already done.
“He toke cocaine.”
“What?” I almost choked.
“Loads of it. Frankie and I found him. He’s asking for you, Elliott. Frankie! Frankie, get him away from the road! Get over here, Elliott. Please.”
“Where are you?”
“The park with the bush shaped like Michael Jackson”
“I’ll be there.” I hung up and slipped my fluffy bunny slippers on. I had no time to get changed. It was only a matter of time. Somehow I knew that Gerard would do something like this. Ever since I saw it in his drawer. I hadn’t told anybody, not even Frank or Mikey. I didn’t want to worry them any more than they already were.

I paused my happy family and ran downstairs. Yelling to my parents that I would be back soon, and that it was an emergency, I flung the door open. The evening air was cold, but I didn’t have time to think about how ridiculously thin my sweatpants were, because I threw myself into the car.

I have never driven so fast. I must have been going double the speed limit, but luckily the drive was a pretty straight forward one. It wasn’t hard to notice them, they were standing on the sidewalk, Mikey and Frank standing either side of a very dazed Gerard. The screeching of my breaks screamed into the night as I stopped in front of them.

Without words they entered my car, Gerard and Frank in the back, while Mikey came in the front with me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him. He looked so stressed, almost like he was going to cry.
“Yes, just take us home.” He mumbled.

I did as he asked. Pulling away at full speed. A jittery Gerard was visible in my mirror, and I could tell a calm Frank was trying to stop him from shaking.

“Elliott! Put the radio on.” He asked. I could almost hear the jumpy tone in his voice. He was speaking far too quickly, and he appeared to be fidgety.

“No.” I said, continuing to drive at the same speed. Occasionally I would glance at Mikey. He was staring at his lap, almost like he was ashamed. He blamed himself, I could tell. Although I was worried about Gerard, I chose to ignore him. I was merely the driver in this situation. Frank seemed to be able to control Gerard. Because Gerard wouldn’t listen to me.

-

“Mikey,” I said as I pulled up outside their house “Stop looking like that. You know this isn’t your fault, right?”
“But why didn’t I know sooner?” Frank was pulling Gerard out of the car like a strict father, and frog marching him up to the front door.
“Because it only just started.” I said obviously. But somehow questioningly. Mikey looked at me with his hazel eyes, shaking his head.

“No, Elliott. It’s always been like this. He’s just good at hiding it. You know when he says he’s sleeping at Franks?” I nod “He’s off on his own. He just doesn’t tell anybody.”
“B-but...” I didn’t have words “Y-you mean he does c-coke? All the time?”
“No. But he gets drunk and high all the time. Like, every week. Sometimes more than once a week. I remember once, he did it for three weeks straight. Before you knew him though. I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I stop him?”
“It’s fine, Mikey. He’ll be okay. He’ll sleep it off and then we can keep an eye on him.” Again, Mikey shook his head.
“It’s already too late, Elliott. I left it too late.”
“Don’t blame yourself.” I said instantly.
“I’m a total fuckhead. I hate myself.”
“Don’t you start to,” I rolled my eyes “We’ll fix this, okay? I promise. He’ll be fine. It’s probably nothing. He’s probably just being stupid.”
“I hope so,” Mikey said positively, giving me a weak smile "I’d better go and help Frank. Thanks, Elliott.” He exited my car quietly, his head down.

“Mikey!” I called again “Promise me you won’t blame yourself. He’ll be fine.” He gave me a brisk nod. But we both knew, he didn’t believe me.

And I didn’t believe me. Why hadn’t I seen this sooner. Gerard wasn’t just tired all the time. Gerard was hung over all the time. It wasn’t too late. We could help him. I knew we could. It wasn’t a problem yet. Gerard could be stopped from this stupid behaviour. He wasn’t addicted. He wasn’t troubled. He was fine. He was just being silly.

So I wanted to think. I’ve read about teenagers with problems in so many magazines. About the ones who use to be shy and nerdy, and resort to silly things to help them through it. I just never realised how many of the boxes Gerard actually ticked. But I was going to make it my personal mission to help him. To make him happy again.

I’d already started. This last week was the happiest I had ever seen him. I was going to make him happy again. I was going to make his parents stop worrying. I was going to make Mikey stop blaming himself. I was going to make Frank stop getting angry with himself and at Gerard. I was going to do it.

I knew I could do it. Because I had to.