Opposites Always Attract.

“You’re so amazing, El.” Gerard whispered in my ear. I turned to face him, my eyes still glistening with tears while my nose was red from the cold. In his hazel eyes I could see the flashes of fireworks.

Everything around me stopped. My eyes seemed to block out the music, the people around me faded from my vision, my hands became numb. I could only sense the stinging in my eyes as I focused on his smile, so genuine and sweet. He was happy for once in his life. In this one moment he was thrilled to be alive. And I felt so guilty. I forced a smile, one that didn’t quite reach my eyes.

Why was I doing this to him? Why was I doing this to anyone? Tara, my parents, even the boys. I was leaving them all. But I just can’t stay, no matter how much it will rip me apart I just can’t stay. My heart belongs here, I know it. But, it’s just too much. I need to move on. Things will never be the same. We’re all moving on, and as much as we can try and kid ourselves the truth is we all have to grow up. We all have to move on. Without knowing my eyes welled up again, and Gerard cupped my face.

“What is it?” he questioned, using his rough thumb to stroke a stray tear away. “Nothing,” I lied, “It’s nothing.”
“How can you be so beautiful, even when you cry?” his voice was like silk. Soft, gentle, caring.

My chin wobbled, “Don’t.” I said, looking away from him and instead staring at our feet. “Why?” he asks, moving his hand to my chin and forcing my eyes to his. I bite my lip, “I-” I can’t find the words. My voice croaks and nothing else comes out.

My chest hurt with the amount of guilt I was feeling, my head pounded and suddenly I had to get away from him. He was too perfect.

“I have to go.” I mumbled, carefully removing his hand from my chin and looking into his eyes. He was confused. Before I moved away I kissed him on the cheek, falsely telling him I was okay, before running away. Like a coward.

By the time I got into my car I had already broken down. His childlike expression was stuck in my mind as I sobbed, slamming a fist onto the steering wheel. I wiped my eyes furiously and took deep breaths. I growled at myself for how stupid I was. I had to contain myself. You’re leaving it all behind, Elliott. You have to learn that. It will hurt. Not only you, but them as well. You’re a selfish fool, but you have to grow up, you have to move on. You’re not a child anymore, Elliott. One day you are going to look back on this day and realise it was all child’s play. You are a teenager, Elliott, you know nothing about the world. Love? You know nothing of the sort. This is nothing like the real world, Elliott. You’re doing the right thing. If you can handle this, you can handle anything. You can do it, Elliott. Do it for yourself. Do it for your sanity.

I pursed my lips and started my car, still breathing heavily. My eyes were red and puffy, mascara down my face, but I drove home without a care. The only noise being my breathing and the gentle hum of the engine. Peaceful.

“Elliott, are you okay? What happened?” my mum began as soon as I walked through the door. “I’m fine.” I said, although my croaky voice betrayed me. “Come here.” She engulfed me in a hug and led me to the couch, grabbing a blanket sat on the coffee table and wrapping it around my shoulders.

“Still upset over Seth?” she guessed. I was tempted to lie, and say yes, but I thought I should tell her the true. “Not quite.”

“Then what is it?”
“Do you think I can do it? Move to England, I mean.” I pulled the blanket tighter around myself and looked up at her. She was facing forward, biting her lip in thought.

“I do. I really do. I’ll miss you so much, Ellie, but you can do it. As much as I’ll hate you see you go, I think it will be good for you. It’s not like you can’t come back here and visit, is it? I mean, think about it, I managed to do it, and I was around the same age as you. It’s scary, sure, but after living in Belleville for all these years I think you can handle London again,” she laughed and put her arm around me, “but this isn’t just about you, is it? That’s not what you’re worried about, is it? You’re worried about him.”

“Them.” I corrected.

“Them, sorry,” she nodded, “but, Elliott, what you must remember is that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself before other people. You’ve been brilliant, Ellie. What you’ve had to deal with lately will seem like a piece of piss in years to come, but you’re seventeen! You’ve moved to another country, you’ve made friends, you’ve lost friends, and you’ve dealt with bullies, bitches, a boyfriend with a drug problem. You may not think it, honey, but actually you are a very strong girl. You may think you’re annoying, and selfish, and whatever the hell else. But really, you are one of the strongest little girls on the planet. I’m proud of you, I really am. And if Gerard, and Tara and whoever else really love you, then they’ll understand why you have to do this.”

“But Gerard’s so...broken. How can I leave him when he’s only just started to be okay again?” my chin began to wobble once more, I had to bite my lip to stop it.

“It’s not just up to you, El. Gerard is his own person, he shouldn’t have to rely on you.”
“But, Gerard needs me! He-”
“Elliott, Gerard will be fine.”
“But I love him.” I said it so quietly as I squeezed my eyes shut in embarrassment.
“Elliott, listen to me. If you really do love one another, then it will all work out in the end. Even if it’s five, ten, twenty years later, if it was meant to be, it will all work out. Please, Elliott, please just do something for yourself for once.”

I gave a watery smile to show I appreciated her words. Was it wrong to feel excited? Yes, it probably was.

-

“Elliott, what happened last night? Gerard said that you just, like, ran off?” Ray questioned me as I walked through the hallway.

“I had something to do.” I managed to say, not meeting his eye.
“What?”
“I had to revise for maths.”
“Math? You hate math.”
“I know, but I need to pass it. See you later.” I drifted into the maths room before Ray could say any more. My sudden departure hadn’t gone unnoticed by everyone then, I take it. I thumped into my seat and used my teeth to pull at a scab on my lip. This was becoming a habit, I needed to stop.

I mentally kicked myself. Stop thinking about him. Concentrate on this maths stuff. He’s going away to Art College. In a year’s time he’ll have forgotten you exist. Now, think! What the fuck does 12-x^2 -2xy = 0 mean?

-

“What the fuck happened to you?” I asked, standing next to Tara in the school bathroom as she wiped her face with paper towels.

“Blake threw a slush in my face.” Tara said, throwing the papers in the bin, stained with blue frozen liquid. “Whoa, couldn’t he think of something original?” I muttered, pulling pieces of ice out of her blonde hair.

“People really don’t like me anymore.” She moaned quietly. “Of course they like you! It’s just Chloe and her idiots who don’t anymore.” I patted her head after removing the last piece and leaned against a sink watching her.

“Elliott, are you okay?” she asked randomly, rubbing a finger under her eye to try and shift the mascara that had run. “Of course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?” I lied. “It’s just Frank told me you ran off last night. Did you a Gerard have a fight or something?”

“No! I just had stuff to do! Why is that so hard for people to understand?” I huffed and folded my arms. “I’m not so stupid anymore, Elliott. I know you’re lying to me.” Her blue eyes flickered to me in the mirror. I don’t want to tell her the truth. But she’s my best friend.

“Tara,” I took a deep breath. I’m not ready. I just can’t tell her. She looked at me, waiting for my answer, “do you think we’ll forget about high school? When we move to college and stuff, I mean? Like, do you think we’ll forget about Chloe, and Annie, and Seth, a-and Gerard?”

She thought for a moment, “I hope not. I think only if you want to forget, then you will. I think I’ll forgot Chloe, because I don’t want to remember her. But I’ll always remember Frank, besides, we’ve agreed to keep in contact.” She smiled. I smiled too, just seeing how happy she was made my heart ache. “What about you and Gerard, have you found ways to keep in touch. I mean, Gerard’s only gonna be in New York, right? Where are you gonna go?”

“Roehampton.” I barely whispered. “Roe-what? Where’s that? It’s not too far away, is it?” Tara’s voice was so full of confusion.

“It’s in England.” I shut my eyes, waiting for the dreaded response. “Oh, like New England? That’s not too far away, right?” she smiled.

“Yeah, Tara. Like New England.” I drifted out of the bathrooms and into the hallway, leaving her alone in her happy state. It was just my luck that I bumped into my maths teacher.

“Elliott!” he boomed as I collided into his bulging stomach. I stepped back in surprise.

“Mr. Haines! I’m sorry, I-” I blushed furiously.
“A good thing I ran into you. Judging by your recent test marks I assume you’re attempting to work hard. They’re improving. But I suggest if you want to pass my class you may consider a tutor. Now, out of my way.” He shoved past me. I rebounded off of his fat shoulder and almost knocked a small child to the ground, “Sorry!” I squeaked before walking away, my head low in embarrassment.

Not two minutes later I bumped into a second person. Today was really not my day. But this time, it wasn’t a fat maths teacher, but a stick thin bitch with blonde hair and familiar brown eyes.

“Watch were you’re going, fat ass!” she insulted, pushing my shoulders so I stumbled back. She sauntered past me, flicking her hair. I went to walk away, but stopped myself. “Hey, Chloe!” I called, to which she spun around in response, an eyebrow raised. People had stopped their conversation, all the more aware of the contact between the cheerleader and the emo fucker.

“What?” she said, spitting venom. I walked towards her, without a care in the world. “I’ll tell you what,” I began, not knowing what to say and acting purely on instinct, “you can bully Tara and me all you want. You can push us around, you can taunt us and you can call us names, but you know what? After I’ve been beaten to the ground at least I can get up and walk away knowing that I am a better person than you!” she snorted with laughter and crossed her arms, waiting for more, “You are a pathetic slut whose life revolves around makes other lives worse. One day you’ll look back at yourself, when you’re sat on a street corner with an STI, begging men to fuck you for money, and you’ll realise that it was all a waste of time. Because that kid you made fun of for having glasses and an overbite is finding a cure for cancer, and that girl with suicidal thoughts and greasy hair? She’s helping kids just like her have a better life, because people like you have nothing better to do than make fun of them. And you know why you do it? Because you’re jealous! You have nothing! You may think hair, and clothes, and popularity is all that matters, but it means nothing. You’re jealous because you’re not smart, you’re not genuine, you’re not kind and you don’t have someone who truly loves you for who you are. Your friends aren’t real friends. Tara and I were the best you had! Outside you may look like a fucking Goddess, but on the inside you’re still that pale, snivelling kid who begged me not to tell anyone that you had sex with John Ellis at fifteen around the back of McDonalds over the garbage bins! You are a waste of my time, and I pray to fucking God that one day you realise what a pathetic cunt you are, because maybe then you can become a better person.” I stopped talking; the words can come out like vomit. Her mouth was open, and I swear I could see her eyes shimmering with tears. Her lips were pursed, her breathing was heavy. I had ruined her. I had just stated what the entire school had been feeling the whole time Chloe Brown has been present in their lives.

“I hate you.” She managed to whisper, “I hate you!” she stomped up to me, fury in her eyes, and I knew what she was going to do. I allowed her to slap me straight in the face; after all, maybe I deserved it. She stared at me, through her rage and tears I could sense her satisfaction, a smirk. I smiled back at her with so much sarcasm. I placed my hand on her chest, covering a beautiful necklace I had brought her for her birthday. An expensive one at that. I tightened my fist around the silver chain, my nails scratching her skin, and then with such anger I ripped the necklace from her neck. She yelled at the pain and her eyes widened. Still with a smile on my face I threw the necklace to the ground. The only sound that was heard was the dove shaped silver clattering on the floor. It’s diamond eye winking in the harsh light.

“Never talk to me again.” I stated calmly. A strong pair of hands landed on my shoulders. I hadn’t even realised he was behind me. “Come on.” Gerard said, guiding me away from the devastated cheerleader. What a horrible person I am. But she did deserve it.