Destined to Explode

“So wait, you’re telling me, that even though Rick beat the shit out of you on a regular basis, Marky didn’t tell me?”

“It wasn’t Marky’s business to tell anyone.” I scoff, following Jack as storms around the dining room “I’m telling you now, Jack, OK?”

“No! It’s not OK, not at all! My baby cousin has been fucking domestically abused for years and she didn’t tell anyone, she didn’t tell me.”

“What could you have done, huh? I wanted to be with Rick, be in Chicago and I thought putting up with the crap was worth it, nothing you could have said or done would have changed my mind.”

“What made you change your mind this time though? How do I know by this time next week you won’t be half way back there?”

“I’ve realised how fucking stupid I was, maybe? How ridiculously helpless and isolated I let myself become. I hate that I feel so weak all the time, that now Alex thinks I‘m fucking made of porcelain, and you will too. What‘s it gonna be like when everyone else finds out, huh? People are gonna tiptoe around me for months, Jack, that isn’t what I want, what I‘ve never wanted.”

“Are you going to tell anyone else?”

“It’s not like it’s something I can avoid, Jack.” I shake my head dejectedly, “You noticed the bruises as soon as you saw me, and they’re only going to get worse before they get better, there’s only so many times I can tell people I walked into a door, or whatever.”

“I think we should have a band meeting, get everyone over here, tell them about you joining us on tour-.”

“How did you know I was coming on tour?”

Jack frowns, “I’m wasn’t just gonna abandon you here, was I?”

I shake my head, “Alex has already told me I’m coming on tour. I’m selling GK stuff that Marky’s sending, so it looks like we’re collaborating with you guys or something. The amount of trouble people are going to cover up my mistakes, Jack, I can‘t-.”

“It’s because we all love you, Poppy.” He yanks me into hug, “Come on, I’ll ring the guys, we can get together and then we’ll just drink ourselves into oblivion for the rest of the night with the shit load of wine I‘ve some how acquired.”

“Ah, but Alex is sorting things with Lisa and he knows all the details he sorted with Mark, so maybe we wait for him?”

“Who knows when that will be sorted.” He mutters and I roll my eyes as childish Jack is suddenly back into the equation.

-----

I’m thoroughly intoxicated when my phone buzzes from the confines of my jeans pocket and it takes a few rings for my brain to actually realise that I should probably answer the call, seeing as it was late, and normally that means something’s happened.

“Hello?” I probably slur, laughing carelessly down the phone as Jack falls down the last 4 steps into the basement.

“Are you drunk, Poppy?”

“Jack had a lot of wine.” I state, “So we drunk it.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He sounds disappointed, “Can I come pick you up, or do you want to stay there for the night?”

“Do you want to come pick me up, Alex?”

“I want you home, Poppy. I’ll be ten minutes, OK?”

After promising an equally drunk Jack that I wasn’t going back to Illinois while he slept, I went to wait on the porch, knowing the cool air would help sober me up quicker, because I did feel guilty about being in this state when he’d probably just done something potentially heartbreaking.
I’m still gulping down air, trying to stop the dizziness in my head when Alex cars pulls into the drive and quickly skids onto the gravel drive, climbing out with the engine running and headlights on, leading me to conclude that he really is just here to pick me up and go back to his place.

“You gonna be sick?” He crouches down, probably noticing my off-beat breathing, “I don’t want that in my car, so if think you are, let me grab a bucket or something.”

I shake my head with a laugh, regretting it as my visual blurs again, “Wine doesn’t make me sick, it’s fine, I’m fine. Just help me up?”

He’s quick to grasp my hand, helping me steady my steps over the loose stones, even taking it as far as buckling my seat belt when I fall into the passenger seat, “Trust you to get drunk tonight, Pops.”

“What’s wrong with tonight? It helped distract Jack from me.”

Alex laughs, slamming my door shut, with more force then necessary in my eyes, probably to punish me for getting so intoxicated, yet he’s quick to apologise when he sits back down in front of the wheel.

“I could of done with your sober, wise self, tonight, shoulder to cry on, maybe.” He shrugs, “It can wait until morning.”

I frown, shaking my head as my lip trembles pathetically, “I didn’t even-. Did she not take it well? That was a dumb thing to say, sorry.”

Alex laughs quietly, hand leaving the steering wheel to squeeze mine, “No, she didn’t take it well, not that I expected she would do, but I think she was still pissed at me for freaking out about marriage and kids. I thought it’d be weird now that things are properly over since High School.”

“So, it’s not weird?”

He shakes his head vigorously, “It’s almost like a relief. Someone’s finally lifted some weight of my shoulders. I don’t know, I feel awful because I’ve just basically broken someone’s heart, but not as bas as I thought I would.”

------

The next morning is most definitely worse than the night before.
Not only do I have the massive headache from the amount of wine I consumed with Jack the night before (who I hope is feeling as shit because he certainly drank more than I did), but I felt extremely guilty for leaving Alex to deal with the Lisa thing alone, because it can’t have been easy, nor looking after my staggering self straight after.

“How’re you feeling?” Alex mutters sympathetically as he joins me in the lounge after I’d crawled out of bed and into the bathroom, where I’d tried to make myself feel human again, with no prevail, “I did try to make you eat something last night but you just kept asking to go to sleep.”

I groan, “Why do I even let myself get drunk? I’m sorry, Lex. You bring me home and help me sort my shit, and look at the thanks I give, I get beyond drunk and then force you to look after me.”

“I think you needed that night, Poppy.” He grins, “Don’t worry about it though, Ok? I wanted you to come back here even though you were royally pissed, I expected you to be worse than you were actually.”

“Yeah, well I still regret my choices. It feels like my head might fall off or explode.”

Alex jumps up, swinging his arm in a gesture to follow him, and when I do, he leads me through into the kitchen where he spreads his arms open.

“The cupboards are re-stocked with every type of food, there’s medical shit in the bathroom cabinet and Baz will want to cuddle you all afternoon because he hasn‘t seen you yet. Perfect hangover recipe, no?”

“Perfect if it could happen.” I groan, “Jack wants a band, crew, gang meeting so everyone knows about what’s happening.”

“Surely that means you have to tell them about Rick, even if it’s basic details?”

I nod, “I’m gonna have to man up about it, Lex, otherwise people will jump to conclusions about why I’m here again, and that could potentially end up in disaster.”

“You mean people will think you’re back because we’re fuck buddies again?”

“Well, things do look suspicious.”