Infinite Repeat

It was a shock, to say the least, when people found out about us. Of course, I was called a whore for months from fans, saything that I was a band slut. Some fans weren't supportive of us at all, openly talking trash about me to my face or to John. Other fans were very okay with it. Those fans were my favorite.

The name calling finally stopped when I told my story. They boys had said they were doing a live chat to discuss a tour, but instead, it was just John, Stephen, and I. We shared what had happened in the past few months and after that, I felt like I was finally accepted.

So when the word got out of our engagement only seven months later, people were exceptionally happy. The female fans were jealous, but that was to be expected. I was okay with that and with John by my side, I felt like I was invincible. He was my everything and I was happy to be engaged to him.

Our wedding was perfect. It was in the beginning of November, when the temperatures were beginning to cool down. The boys were off tour and they would be for awhile, due to the wedding, honeymoon, and planning of a new album coming out.

Only our friends and family were invited. There were many of John and I's high school friends, along with people from Rhode Island and Texas. Even Trey had showed up. Through the time that had passed since I'd last seen him, he had gone to rehab and cleaned himself up. I was proud of him and the fact that he was getting the help that I had myself.

My life was finally coming together and I loved it.

"Mom, I don't understand why I can't just go!" my sixteen year old daughter, Lisi, groaned, stomping her foot.

I sighed. "Honey, I told you. Your Uncle Stephen is coming over and he's bringing Chelsea. Your father and I need you to watch her while we go out to dinner."

She groaned loudly, running her hand through her sandy colored hair that she got from John. "Why can't Uncle Stephen be normal and hire a babysitter?"

"That's where you come in, Lisi. Can you just please do this for me? I don't want you going to a party anyway. I know what goes on at those."

She rolled her eyes, groaning again. "No you don't, Mom. You have no idea! Things were different from you were my age."

"I do know, Lisette, don't you dare tell me I don't. I know there's alcohol and drugs. I was your age once."

"You let John go to parties all the time!" she pouted, speaking of her eighteen year old brother. He was the first child and son, so John and I had decided to keep the tradition and he was John the Sixth.

Just as Lisi spoke his name, he walked in the room, a water bottle in his left hand. "Yeah, that's different, Lis. I never had to babysit."

"Mom! This is so unfair! It's not like the drugs are bad and I don't even do them!"

"Just shut up, Lis," John muttered to his sister. He was the only one of the two to know about his mother's history with drugs and to know the full story. Because of that, John and I had trusted him more with going out to parties, since he knew the consequences better than his sister did. "You don't know shit, so stop it."

I scolded my son. "But he's correct, honey. Your brother knows things that you don't. We trust him more because he knows it."

"Knows what, Mom? Just tell me. I'm sixteen, I can handle it."

"Just drop it, dumbass."

As he spoke, John walked into the room, running his hand over his hair. "Don't talk to your sister like that." He leaned over and kissed me softly. "But what is she dropping?"

"Daddy, will you tell me?" Lisi pouted. "Mom and John won't tell me what he knows that I don't. Can I please know?"

He glanced at me, cocking an eyebrow. "Baby, maybe you should just tell her. John was younger when we told him. She should know."

I sighed, but nodded. "Go wait in the living room, Lisette. John, go with her. I have to talk to your father."

When our children left, I looked at John, pouting. "Baby, she won't love you any less," he told me, placing his hands on my waist. "She's your daughter and she loves her mother. You're an amazing mother, Addison. Please don't ever doubt that."

"What did I do to deserve you as my husband?" He kissed me again just as we heard the front door open. I sighed, figuring that it was Stephen and his daughter, Chelsea. She was seven and the cutest little girl, next to my daughter. John kissed me once more and followed me out to living room.

Instead of seeing Stephen, though, Lisi's friend, Rachel, was standing there with John the Sixth and Lisi. She was talking about the party, whispering about how someone had scored big. Lisi shushed her, her eyes wide as she spotted her father and I.

"You fucking idiot," Lisi whispered. "I can't even go, my uncle Stephen is coming and I have to watch Chels."

"You have like eighty seven uncles, Lis."

"They're not my real uncles, dumbass. You know my dad's old band? All my 'uncles' are members of his bands or his best friends that I grew up with."

John and I sat down next to our childen and Rachel, whose face was bright red. "So what exactly did your friend 'score', Rachel?" John asked, raising his eyebrows at his daughter's friend. She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

"Weed?" I guessed. "Cocaine?" I got no response. "Let me guess - he scored some real great glass, didn't he?" When Lisi looked down, I knew I was right. "I'm not angry, Lisette. I do, however, expect you to stop."

"Mom, it's not like it's bad-" she started.

John laughed at his sister. "Just shut up and listen, Lis."

She rolled her eyes. "Listen to your brother."

I nodded. "Honey, it's bad. When I was about twenty, you know how I met Trey then?" She nodded. "Well, he was a heavy meth user. I was dating your uncle Stephen then and you know that part of the story, I was in love with your father. But I started using it. I became addicted and my life - it fell apart, Lisette."

Both she and Rachel were silent through the full length story. Their eyes were wide as they paid attention. My husband would input whenever he could and my son was listening to the story he already knew.

"How did John find out?" Lisi asked, her eyes shifting to her brother.

"I was looking up Uncle Stephen's band and I saw Mom's name on something from before Mom and Dad got married, so I clicked on it. There was a picture of them kissing and under it, it said Stephen Gomez dating Crankster?. The next article was a full story on when Mom and Dad and Uncle Stephen talked about it on a live chat with their friends. So I searched the video and I found it. I asked Dad about it and he told Mom, so they told me what all happened."

Demanding to know what else happened, Lisi asked. We told her everything we could and she was surprising okay with everything.

By the time we finished, Stephen had arrived with Chelsea. Lisi spoke with him, asking him about the past and how much he loved me and if he still did. He replied by saying that he'd always love me, but he wasn't in love with me. I was fine with that, because I knew that I'd always love Stephen, but I wasn't in love with him, either. I was in love with John, my husband. We had two beautiful children together and we were married. We were happy and that was all I really wanted in the end .

I didn't know what else the future would hold. Maybe my son would get married soon and we'd have to share the story to them one day. Maybe my daughter were get addicted to drugs and we'd have to help her. The future could hold anything and we all knew that.

I just hoped that somehow, someway, I had made an impact in my children's lives, teaching them the lessons on not only not to do drugs, but falling in love. If they ever had a predicament on what to do with the one they loved, I could help. Their father could help.

*

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I asked, glancing over at John as he pushed open the gate that was put in to block our entrance to our old infamous hang out spot.

"Just shut up and enjoy yourself. Your only young once, why waste it?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Baby, we haven't been young in a love time. If we were still young, we wouldn't have two kids and this whole sneaking in thing would be a lot more risky. Besides, I'm old and not as pretty now as I was then."

His expression changed as he looked sternly at me. "You're beautiful, Addison O'Callaghan. You always have been and you always will be. I love you. For forever."

Our love was on an infinite repeat.