I Know About You

Jack's POV

*One week later*

I had been spending a lot of time with Alex recently. Ever since we became friends last week we would spend basically everyday after school together with Rian and Zack, usually at Rian's house.

I try to flirt with Alex every now and then. I think he might like me, because everytime I say something flattering, he blushes. It's probably the cutest thing that I have ever seen. I'm thinking of telling him that I'm gay soon. I really like him, and I hope he likes me.

He still hasn't told me what is going on in his life that Rian knows about. One day last week he came to school with a bruise on his face and he would let out a whimper if I hugged him.
He said he just fell down the stairs of his house, but come on. That has to be the oldest excuse in the book. Something serious is going on that he isn't telling me, and I really wish Rian would say what it was.

I don't want to push it out of him, because I don't want him to be mad at me again, but I really want to know. I have to find out.

I also need to find out what it is that he knows about me that he won't say. Ever since he told me he knew my 'secret' on the first day, we haven't brought it up. I wonder what it is that he knows. It can't be too bad if he is still hanging out with me. I'm pretty sure I know what the secret is, but I can't be positive.

It was after school and we were hanging out at Rians like we usually do, when I brought it up. Rian and Zack were playing video games. Alex and myself were just cuddling on the couch. I loved being near him, it made me comfortable, like I had no worries. I'm head over heels, and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

"Alex" I whispered. I didn't really want Rian and Zack listening in for some reason.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember how on the first day of school, you told me you knew my secret and you wouldn't say it in front of everyone?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"What do you actually know? You never told me."

"Well, you're probably going to think I'm some evasdropping creeper, but a couple years ago, I had a class with you and Zack and Rian."

"I remember that, you sat near us. Science class, right?"

"Sure. Well, you see, this one day the three of you were having this like serious looking conversation, and I didn't really have anything else to do, so I listened."

"Go on."

"Okay, so you guys are just sitting there talking, and if it was so private than you shouldn't have been talking about it with people around, and I really haven't told anyone, I promise. I-"

"Alex, just tell me. Stop beating around the bush."

"That was the day I found out you were gay."

Wow. I guess I was kind of expecting that. It's the biggest secret that I have. I wonder if anyone else has heard about it. If it was that easy for Alex to eavesdrop on, that means it could be that easy for anyone. I haven't come out for a reason. Well, one is because of all the people that I used to hang out with, the same ones that picked on Alex. I knew I would get it worse than Alex, just because I was more well known. Another was because my parents weren't the most open-minded people. They had their standards, and being gay wasn't one of them. They wanted grandchildren one day, but they had my siblings for that right? I just wasn't ready to tell them. Maybe they would take the news okay, but if not, I wouldn't be able to take the glares of disgust, not from them, my parents.

I guess I kind of spaced out, because now Alex had a look of worry on his face. I probably shouldn't have just stopped talking, I probably scared him. He probably thinks I'm mad at him.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I mean I did, but I didn't know that's what the conversation was going to be about. I haven't told anyone, really. I promise."

"No, it's okay. Sorry. I was just thinking."

I went back to rubbing his back, and that seemed to settle his worries because he relaxed back into me. I smiled to myself at how he had become comfortable around me, in such a short amount of time.

"Hey Alex, how did you actually figure out that that was what we were talking about?"

"Well, they were just trying to convince you that you should come out to your parents and maybe even the school and you absolutly refused. I just kind of put the pieces together. There isn't much to come out to your parents about, you know."

"Yeah."

"You sure that you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Even though I said I was fine, and I guess I am, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head that there were other people that heard. Usually Rian and Zack don't bring me being gay up at school, they usually leave the convincing until after school, when nobody else can hear. What if someone else heard. That's all I can think about, and it's kind of making me mad at Rian and Zack for even bringing it up that day so long ago. I shouldn't be mad at them, there is no reason to be, but I am.

"Jack, your grip on me is getting kind of tight."

"Sorry."

I need to talk to Zack and Rian. I'm kind of freaking out now, and I just don't want Alex to think he did something wrong.

"Alex, I need to take you home."

"Oh. Okay. Why so early?"

It was 9 at night, and usually we stayed until 10. I swear when I told Alex that I needed to take him home, his face slightly paled. I really need to figure out what is going on at his house. It can't be good whatever it is, I can tell that much. Every time his home is brought up, he becomes tense.

"I just need to talk to Rian and Zack."

"All right."

After I took Alex home, I made my way back to Rian's. I guess I got more mad with each minute that passed. I'm pretty sure that if it could happen, there would be steam coming out of my ears right now. What's worse is that I don't know why I'm so angry.

I stormed into Rians basement where him and Zack were watching Family Guy. I rushed in front of the TV and they both looked at me, and from the second that they saw me, they knew I was mad.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Zack carefully asked. As if he wasn't sure of what I was going to do.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? You want to know what's wrong. Alex knows that I'm gay."
I was pretty much shouting at this point, it's a good thing Rian's parents were working late tonight.

"Why is that a bad thing? Now you guys might be able to get together." Rian stated calmly.

"It's a bad thing because of the way he found out."

"How did he find out?"

"He heard you guys trying to convince me to tell my parents and the school and couple of years ago when we all had science together."

Rian and Zack shared a look of confusion. Then Zack just said "So?"

Don't they understand why this was bad? At this point I had lost all my anger and I was just filled with anxiety.

"What if other people heard? I don't care that Alex knows. I was going to tell him soon anyway, and I know he hasn't told anyone. But what if someone else in that same class heard. What if other people know?"

"Look, I know it seems like a big deal right now, but it's really not. So what if other people heard? At least that means that they didn't care. Look at it this way, if other people heard, don't you think they would have told someone and it would have spread? I don't think anyone else heard really. And if they did, then oh well. They haven't done anything about it if they did hear. That was a couple of years ago. I think you're okay."

"I guess. I feel bad for Alex. He definatly didn't feel like leaving an hour early, but I was getting so worked up, and I didn't want him to think that I was mad at him. I'm pretty sure he does think that I'm mad at him though."

"Just call him or text him or something later. I'm sure he understands, he's had to deal with people picking on him for being gay, I bet he understands your frustration."

"Maybe. I hope so at least."

"You guys just need to makeout or somethings already" Zack blurts out.

"What?"

"The sexual tension between the two or you is so visible."

"Seriously Jack, will you ever make a move? It's clear that he likes you."

So I guess my friends think I'm a pussy because I haven't made any moves with Alex except for putting my arm around him. Big move there right? No.

"I'm just waiting for the right time. I'm not going to rush into things."

"In other words, that means that you're too scared to make a move, and you're just waiting until you get the guts to do something."

"Fuck you, Fuck both of you."

With that I got up and left. I think I'll just wait to talk to Alex at school tomorrow. I need time to think.