Little Red and the Big Bad Wolf

Puck stared at me, looking a little scared, like he hadn’t expected me to get upset over it. After all, it meant that I wasn’t pregnant, right? So I should be thrilled, really. “What’s wrong?”

I cracked my knuckles and started focusing my attention anywhere but him. How could he have done that without consulting me first? Or at least telling me?! It was such a big thing to do, and he didn’t seem to realize it. “You know that’s permanent, right? Like, you’ll never be able to have kids?”

“Well, yeah. But after getting Quinn pregnant, I thought it was the right thing to do. You know, like it would keep me from getting anyone else in that kind of situation.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I took a couple steps back, staring at him with horror. “What if we got married, and I wanted to have kids with you? You wouldn’t be able to. Do you realize how huge that is?”

“I didn’t even know it would matter!” It occurred to me that we were screaming in the middle of the hallway and missing Glee Club, but I didn’t even care. My head was so swirling with craziness that I almost forgot that anyone could overhear our conversation.

“Of course it would matter! That’s your problem, Puck: You’re totally in-the-moment! You don’t even stop to consider the long run!”

“I’m a teenager, Red. I don’t really have to think about what’s going to happen in ten years. Sorry that I’m not as mature as you!”

“Maybe you should try for once!” I stopped for a second and fixed my bag on my shoulder. Turning toward my locker, I threw some books into my bag and stormed down the hallway. It was an exit that even Rachel Berry would be jealous of.

“Red, where are you going?”

“Home,” I responded, not turning to look at him. The tears were starting to accumulate on my bottom eyelids, and I would be damned if I let him see. “I’m not going to stand here, arguing with you, in school.”

“I don’t even understand why you’re angry!”

“Because you didn’t even run this by me!” I turned around and yelled. “I thought I was supposed to be important to you, and you didn’t think to consult me before getting a vasectomy!”

“It was over the summer! We weren’t even really talking. You were so busy-”

“I can’t believe you’re going back to that!” My voice was now verging on totally insane, and I thought that my ears would start spitting steam at any second. “When is that excuse going to lose its validity, huh, Puck?! ‘Oh, I slept with Santana because you weren’t around and I was lonely. And I got a vasectomy without any notice because I couldn’t talk to you.’ I’m fucking sick of it!”

Puck clenched his jaw. “When are you going to stop holding it against me that I cheated on you with Santana?”

I took a deep breath, wondering that question. Was it going to be possible for me to leave that situation completely behind us, a clean slate, nothing ever happened? Honestly, I wasn’t sure.

Swallowing harshly, I looked at him and whispered, “I don’t know.”

Biting my lip, I turned around and hurried out of the school, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. What had happened to my life? Everything was all over the place, and I didn’t even know how my own brain worked anymore.

And the worst thing was that Puck and I weren’t working. After all the work he did to get me to trust him again, it still just…

I shook my head of the idea and put my ear buds in my ears, trying to drown out the insanity swirling in my head with music. It worked alright, but not for long.

When I got home, Aileen was sitting on her chair, looking like she had been waiting for me to arrive.

I gave her a funny look, totally distracted. Without a word, she walked over and put her arms around me.

Although I was confused, I hugged her back, thankful that something was going right.

She pulled back and smiled a little. “Ellie, I’m sorry. I don’t know…I just figured that you were still young and you wouldn’t be having sex yet. It wasn’t even so much that you did it behind my back that upset me as much as the fact that you were actually old enough to make that decision.”

I blinked a couple of times. “Really?”

“Yeah. But I understand that you’re a young adult and you can make the right choices. I guess I should have been happy that you were using a condom.”

I laughed a little, but it sounded shrill in my ears. It didn’t even matter. We could have skipped the condom, and Puck still wouldn’t have gotten me pregnant. Not that Aileen had to know that.

Remembering that, my eyes started to sting, signaling that tears weren’t too far behind. “It’s okay. I’m glad that we’re talking again. I gotta go do homework now, though, so I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you down for dinner.”

I ran up the stairs and threw myself on my bed, crying as quietly as possible. I hated Puck in that moment, but I hated myself, too. Why couldn’t I put his mistakes behind us? We were supposed to trust each other, and I just couldn’t do that.

Letting out a slow breath, I tried to think logically, figuring out what I should do. There was one answer that was louder than any other in my head, but I shoved it away. No way was I going to give into that.

My phone vibrated, so I pulled it out of my bag and opened the text. Though my heart was racing because I thought it was Puck, it turned out to be Kurt asking where I had been instead of going to Glee Club.

I tossed it to the side, deciding that I didn’t really want to talk to anyone about what had happened yet. I wasn’t even totally sure myself. Maybe I’d be able to tell someone when I figured out what a couple options of what I could do were, but I was too much of an emotional wreck.

A few minutes later, Sam sent me a text similar to the one Kurt had. I ignored him, too, before deciding that I should just take a shower and try to get a fresh way of looking at the problem in front of me.

When I swung my door open to go down the hall to the bathroom, I saw Puck standing there, his fist poised to knock. “Uh…hi,” he greeted before looking around uncomfortably. “Can we talk?”

I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes, knowing that they were puffy and disgusting. “I guess. Come in.”

He stood in the middle of my floor, looking uncomfortable. The last time we had been in my room, we were on much better terms. Obviously.

“Look, I just want to say that…” he trailed off and coughed into his hand. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to fight with you.”

“How can you expect me not to be angry? You do realize how much of a huge problem that is, don’t you?”

“I didn’t really, no. It’s better for me right now, to get rid of the possibility of me getting someone pregnant and having them turn out like Quinn. I, like, ruined her life.”

“And by getting a vasectomy, you basically ruined yours. You can’t just control yourself?”

For that, I got a snort of laughter and a look that showed that he couldn’t believe that possibility had entered my brain. “I’m a dude. Figure it out yourself.”

Running a hand through my hair, I shook my head. “Puck, I think you should go. I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

He looked hurt, but he nodded. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Yeah.” I watched him walk out the door, shutting it behind him, and felt my shoulders slump.

I couldn’t believe that the same person could make me feel so good and so crappy. Grinding my teeth together, I left and went into the bathroom, going back to my idea about showering to get rid of the entire problem.

At least for a little while.