Status: done.
The Black Parade
Cancer
Corrine's point of view
I'm not allowed to be in the room when he gets his chemo treatments. This is round two and we are all hoping that it does more for him than the first one. He was sick for about a week and the doctors saw no change.
He is supposed to be finishing up in a few minutes. But until then, I just sit here. I can't believe this is really happening. I didn't realize until right now that I am really going to lose him. I would never tell him but the doctors said his chances for survival were very unlikely. But I don't want him to give up.
Ten minutes have never felt so long. I hope everything is going ok. I'm not really sure how it all works..
About 15 minutes later, Frankie's doctor came out. He saw me and called for me to come to him.
"He seems to be responding well. You can go see him now." He smiled. He handed me a mask to cover my mouth. Chemotherapy destroys his immunities and we have to be extremely careful about germs. I can't touch him either. That's the worst part of it all.
I slowly walked down the hall and headed towards the room I had quickly become familiar with. I opened the door and shut it behind me. I looked back at the bed and saw my baby lying with his eyes closed. He looked like a wreck. It was like looking at a corpse.
I walked over to the chair next to his bed and sat down. I didn't really want to wake him because I knew he needed rest. I just looked at him and felt a warm tear roll down my cheek.
"Don't cry, Corr." He scared me. I didn't know he knew I was there.
"How do you feel?" I had to resist the urge to grab his hand. I hated this.
"I've been better" He chuckled but ended up coughing. "Can you get me some water?" He pointed to a cup on a table across the room. I quickly got it for him and he took it from me and sipped from it.
"Thanks. I needed that bad." I don't know why but I felt like it was a good time to fake a smile. I didn't really work, though.
"Baby, you don't have to look at me. I know how hard this is. Turn away, I don't want you to remember me this way." I quickly shook my head is disagreement. He sighed.
"I wish that I could kiss you right now." He was almost as upset as I was. "You always told me how much you hated bald headed guys." He laughed again.
"How can you joke right now?" I was almost offended.
"Because sulking and feeling sorry for myself will never make this any easier. I don't want you to cry, Cory." Hearing him say that just made me cry a little harder.
"The doctor told me. I know you already knew." I nodded. The doctor told him about his chances.
"What is the hardest part?" I asked.
He thought hard for a second. "I think...." He thought some more and just nodded his head.
"The hardest part. The hardest part of all of this, is leaving you. Knowing I am just counting down the days until I never get to see your face again, it hurts more than anything this disease can do to me."
"I will never meet anyone else. I won't ever love anyone the way I love you. My heart is yours and I can't give it to someone else."
"No, Corr. You will. I want you to move on. I want you to live your life. I want you to be happy and I know you won't be happy if you are alone for the rest of your life."
"Knowing you are leaving me is the hardest part for me too." I reassured him.
Almost as if he realized that germs couldn't hurt him anymore than he was already hurting, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to kiss me.
I'm not allowed to be in the room when he gets his chemo treatments. This is round two and we are all hoping that it does more for him than the first one. He was sick for about a week and the doctors saw no change.
He is supposed to be finishing up in a few minutes. But until then, I just sit here. I can't believe this is really happening. I didn't realize until right now that I am really going to lose him. I would never tell him but the doctors said his chances for survival were very unlikely. But I don't want him to give up.
Ten minutes have never felt so long. I hope everything is going ok. I'm not really sure how it all works..
About 15 minutes later, Frankie's doctor came out. He saw me and called for me to come to him.
"He seems to be responding well. You can go see him now." He smiled. He handed me a mask to cover my mouth. Chemotherapy destroys his immunities and we have to be extremely careful about germs. I can't touch him either. That's the worst part of it all.
I slowly walked down the hall and headed towards the room I had quickly become familiar with. I opened the door and shut it behind me. I looked back at the bed and saw my baby lying with his eyes closed. He looked like a wreck. It was like looking at a corpse.
I walked over to the chair next to his bed and sat down. I didn't really want to wake him because I knew he needed rest. I just looked at him and felt a warm tear roll down my cheek.
"Don't cry, Corr." He scared me. I didn't know he knew I was there.
"How do you feel?" I had to resist the urge to grab his hand. I hated this.
"I've been better" He chuckled but ended up coughing. "Can you get me some water?" He pointed to a cup on a table across the room. I quickly got it for him and he took it from me and sipped from it.
"Thanks. I needed that bad." I don't know why but I felt like it was a good time to fake a smile. I didn't really work, though.
"Baby, you don't have to look at me. I know how hard this is. Turn away, I don't want you to remember me this way." I quickly shook my head is disagreement. He sighed.
"I wish that I could kiss you right now." He was almost as upset as I was. "You always told me how much you hated bald headed guys." He laughed again.
"How can you joke right now?" I was almost offended.
"Because sulking and feeling sorry for myself will never make this any easier. I don't want you to cry, Cory." Hearing him say that just made me cry a little harder.
"The doctor told me. I know you already knew." I nodded. The doctor told him about his chances.
"What is the hardest part?" I asked.
He thought hard for a second. "I think...." He thought some more and just nodded his head.
"The hardest part. The hardest part of all of this, is leaving you. Knowing I am just counting down the days until I never get to see your face again, it hurts more than anything this disease can do to me."
"I will never meet anyone else. I won't ever love anyone the way I love you. My heart is yours and I can't give it to someone else."
"No, Corr. You will. I want you to move on. I want you to live your life. I want you to be happy and I know you won't be happy if you are alone for the rest of your life."
"Knowing you are leaving me is the hardest part for me too." I reassured him.
Almost as if he realized that germs couldn't hurt him anymore than he was already hurting, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to kiss me.