Status: done.
The Black Parade
Mama
Frank's point of view
I'm laying awake in bed with Corrine sleeping soundly next to me and I can't help but wish I could take back everything I have put you through over all of these years.
There is so much I wish I could say to you but I can't seem to find the words. I know I haven't talked to you in a while and I hope that you are doing well. I hope you have accomplished things you always dreamed of but couldn't because of me.
I guess the reason I am writing you instead of telling you all of this face to face is because I am so scared to know what you think of me. I know I have let you down and embarrassed you more than I could possibly know, and I have never been able to forgive myself for how it affected you. After all this time, I can't find the courage to face you and see you cry.
There really isn't any easy way to tell you this, but I am dying. I have cancer and very little time left. I hope you will be able to forgive me for the past. I regret all of the lies that came from my mouth and hurt you. I'm sorry I left you alone, but I know that it was for the best. I couldn't stand to see you hurt anymore.
I heard you weren't in very good health either. I guess that means we are both counting down our days and they are building our coffins for us. I just want to make peace with you before it's too late.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if the baby girl was born. Would I even be here right now? Would you be happier with her? Do you wish I was never born? I know that I could have been a much better son and I am very sorry if I didn't help the pain of losing her.
Part of the reason I left was because of something I learned about in school. In the medicinal field, they can contain an infection and amputate the part of the body where the infection is held, and can save the rest of the body. I hoped that my departure from your life would save you from any more pain I could have caused you.
I remember when I made my decision. I never told you this, but it was because of something you said to me right after it happened. You told me that you were ashamed to be my mother and you hoped that they locked me up somewhere and never come back. I didn't sleep at all that night. I cried.
Do you still wish that? Will you read this letter at all? Will you just tear it up and throw it away? I really hope you read this. I still have the gone, Mama. I kept it. I look at it everyday and think about how much pain it caused in so many lives. As soon as I mail this letter I am going to throw it in the lake. I am forgiving myself and hope you can do the same. I don't want you to cry anymore.
I don't know what you have told people about me. Do your new friends even know you have a son? Do they think I am dead? Do they think I am locked up somewhere?
If anyone asks, you can tell them I died honorably. In the war or something. Me and my unit knew we were outnumbered and all hope was gone so we tied up the loose ends in our lives, raised our glasses and went out fighting.
I'm sending you a picture of Corrine, you would like her. You really would. She doesn't know about it either. I plan on telling her but am still trying to find the words.
No matter what has happened in our past, your memory has helped me get through each day. No one I know now has any idea about what happened. They don't know what I did.
Mama, I love you and I appreciate everything you have done for me. You may not know it, but you raised me well. I know I have made mistakes but I have changed so much and I hope you would have been proud of me. I will never forget you.
-Frank, the forgotten one.
I'm laying awake in bed with Corrine sleeping soundly next to me and I can't help but wish I could take back everything I have put you through over all of these years.
There is so much I wish I could say to you but I can't seem to find the words. I know I haven't talked to you in a while and I hope that you are doing well. I hope you have accomplished things you always dreamed of but couldn't because of me.
I guess the reason I am writing you instead of telling you all of this face to face is because I am so scared to know what you think of me. I know I have let you down and embarrassed you more than I could possibly know, and I have never been able to forgive myself for how it affected you. After all this time, I can't find the courage to face you and see you cry.
There really isn't any easy way to tell you this, but I am dying. I have cancer and very little time left. I hope you will be able to forgive me for the past. I regret all of the lies that came from my mouth and hurt you. I'm sorry I left you alone, but I know that it was for the best. I couldn't stand to see you hurt anymore.
I heard you weren't in very good health either. I guess that means we are both counting down our days and they are building our coffins for us. I just want to make peace with you before it's too late.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if the baby girl was born. Would I even be here right now? Would you be happier with her? Do you wish I was never born? I know that I could have been a much better son and I am very sorry if I didn't help the pain of losing her.
Part of the reason I left was because of something I learned about in school. In the medicinal field, they can contain an infection and amputate the part of the body where the infection is held, and can save the rest of the body. I hoped that my departure from your life would save you from any more pain I could have caused you.
I remember when I made my decision. I never told you this, but it was because of something you said to me right after it happened. You told me that you were ashamed to be my mother and you hoped that they locked me up somewhere and never come back. I didn't sleep at all that night. I cried.
Do you still wish that? Will you read this letter at all? Will you just tear it up and throw it away? I really hope you read this. I still have the gone, Mama. I kept it. I look at it everyday and think about how much pain it caused in so many lives. As soon as I mail this letter I am going to throw it in the lake. I am forgiving myself and hope you can do the same. I don't want you to cry anymore.
I don't know what you have told people about me. Do your new friends even know you have a son? Do they think I am dead? Do they think I am locked up somewhere?
If anyone asks, you can tell them I died honorably. In the war or something. Me and my unit knew we were outnumbered and all hope was gone so we tied up the loose ends in our lives, raised our glasses and went out fighting.
I'm sending you a picture of Corrine, you would like her. You really would. She doesn't know about it either. I plan on telling her but am still trying to find the words.
No matter what has happened in our past, your memory has helped me get through each day. No one I know now has any idea about what happened. They don't know what I did.
Mama, I love you and I appreciate everything you have done for me. You may not know it, but you raised me well. I know I have made mistakes but I have changed so much and I hope you would have been proud of me. I will never forget you.
-Frank, the forgotten one.