Maybe Holding Hands Wasn't Such a Good Idea

The moon was full tonight and there were no clouds in the sky. A slight breeze rustled the leaves of the surrounding trees.

I closed the door of Matt’s truck after settling in my seat. Immediately, I pulled on the seat belt, feeling more secure when I heard the familiar click. At the very least, I wouldn’t be ejected from the truck should anything happen.

Matt started the truck and Metallica filled the air at a reasonable volume that allowed any conversation to be heard without any strain. Overall, this was a completely different atmosphere when compared to earlier this afternoon.

Matt’s right hand rested behind my headrest as he slowly backed out of the drive, his hazel eyes singularly focused on the path of his truck. He put the truck in ‘Drive’, straightened out the steering wheel, and drove in the general direction of my house.

After a few moments, I broke the silence between us. “Matt?”

“Yeah?” He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

“No more ‘Fast and Furious’ reenactments, okay? I’m still recovering from earlier.”

Matt grimaced as he glanced over at me quickly. “Sorry about that. I forgot about your motion sickness thing.”

“Lucky you,” I said as Matt turned a corner smoothly and my mind drifted back to when my motion sickness was first triggered.

I was maybe five or six years old and in the first grade, when my nanny, Rose, had taken me to the park to “expend some energy”—apparently, I was a hyperactive kid when I was younger—when I decided to take a spin on the merry-go-round.

I was spinning myself on the merry-go-round slowly. Rose was standing about thirty yards away, flirting with some guy who also happened to be at the park, but I didn’t pay them much attention as I pushed myself some more.

I also wasn’t paying attention to the four third graders that were walking toward me. One minute I was having a fun time by myself and then the next, I was surrounded by the mean looking boys. I recognized the tallest, Doug, from my school, he was a big bully on the playground during recess; he liked to push kids off the swings.

I stopped the merry-go-round and attempted to get off to run to Rose, but Doug had other things in mind as he pushed me back onto the ride. He and his friends started to spin me on the merry-go-round. They just kept spinning me faster and faster. I was so dizzy and then I remember hearing one of them say, “Let’s see if we can get her to puke!” While the others laughed at me and spun me even faster.

I was holding onto the steel post with as much strength as I possessed at the time, which wasn’t very much, and I felt my hands growing sweaty and slipping off the bar. I knew at any moment that I was going to let go of the bar completely and was going to fly off the merry-go-round.

Then, suddenly, another voice shouted, “Hey!” A moment later, my body was no longer flying forward in a never-ending circle. Although, my head was still spinning quite viciously and I knew I was gonna toss my cookies. I had my eyes closed so I didn’t actually see anything, but I could hear past the whistling sound in my ears.

There were many yells and squeals of pain and then I heard Rose’s panicked voice and felt her hands pushing my hair back as she fussed over me, speaking comforting words quickly while trying to find out what had happened.

When I opened my eyes a few moments later, I finally saw my savior. Another little third grade boy whom I also recognized by his hazel eyes. He was looking in the direction the other boys were running in and after a moment, he walked toward me to see how I was.

Even back then, Matt’s eyes had made my head spin. Although, that also could have been the effect of my torturous ride. He had only had a small-bloodied cut on his cheek and scraped knuckles, but other than that, he appeared unscathed by the mismatched fight.

After I managed a weak whisper to tell Matt I was fine, he smiled at me, revealing his dimples, before walking home. As soon as he left, I threw up the sugar-free oatmeal cookies that Rose had given me earlier. After that day, Doug and his friends hadn’t bothered me again.

From that day on, I had had a crush on Matt. Not that he even talked to me much during the years that had passed.

I had a faint smile on my face at the memory when I turned to him. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

Matt turned to me with a smirk. “You kidding? A guy always remembers the first fight he gets into over a girl. Especially when he’s outnumbered four to one.”

I felt my cheeks burn warm as Matt eyes focused back on the road.

I wanted to keep Matt talking. “So why the stunt driver act today?”

Matt’s grip on the steering wheel tightened and he released an angry breath from his nose. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” I said dropping the matter by reaching forward to turn up the volume to show Matt that I wasn’t going to bring it up again.

When Matt and I arrived at my house, he let out a low whistle.

I turned to look over at him, the question plain on my face.

“I forgot you were loaded,” Matt answered with a chuckle.

An embarrassed smile made it’s way to my lips. “Yeah, well, when your parents are heads of the oncology department at the best hospital in California,” I shrugged, hopping out of the car and closing the door behind me with a loud thud.

I glanced up at my house, trying to view it as another person would when they saw it for the first time.

I looked over the modern architecture of the geometric, white square home with it‘s perfectly manicured front lawn adorned with many exotic plants with vibrant red flowers. The house had two levels, not including the attic or the basement. The windows on the front of the house were long, slim rectangles allowing the sun in but didn’t allow for easy viewing from the road as others passed by because of the slight angle they were set in.

The rear of the house had large square windows—made of UV tempered glass that kept out the sun’s harmful rays—that reached from floor to ceiling on the main floor showing off the backyard to it’s fullest advantage. The pool lights were on in the large square pool illuminating the backyard—with the help of the Thai paper lanterns—the white chaise like chairs, and the trees in the distance that bordered the edge of the property that kept prying eyes away. Privacy was very important to my parents.

On the second floor, the windows were the same but there weren’t as many. Mostly due to the fact that the second floor was were the bedrooms were. There were four large bedrooms in total. Each with it’s own en suite bathroom, aside from the house’s other two guest bathrooms. One of which was located downstairs and the other on the second floor.

Matt let out a longer whistle when I opened the door and revealed the interior to him. “Damn.”

I didn’t think he was aware that he’d said anything.

I looked around the modern yet elegantly decorated first floor. All of the squared or rectangular furniture was one of two colors: white or black, and made of stainless steel or glass, or a simulated leather like material. All in all, very surgical with sharp precise edges. The color of the room came from the bright red and deep purple colored throw pillows, the carpets on the slate gray shiny floors, the paintings on the walls, and the art pieces in the room.

My parents had remodeled it a few years ago and it wasn’t the largest or tallest home in the very rich neighborhood, thankfully, but it was the only one of its kind, making it the focal point of the street.

You couldn’t walk your dog around the block without running into prestigious doctors, lawyers, judges, plastic surgeons or the like. Then there were all the young trophy wives with their long blonde hair, surgically enhanced assets, and their fashionably expensive clothing. Not to mention all the stuck up snobbish kids that felt completely entitled and were used to getting whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted because of who their daddy was.

“Your house is like a freaking art exhibit.” Matt was looking around with an impressed expression while I was trying to hide my disdain as I remembered that my house was featured on the front cover of some modern architecture magazine featuring modernized homes. “I feel like I might break something just by breathing too hard.”

I cleared my throat and Matt looked away from the naked subjects in an art piece my parents bought in Nigeria when they gave a speech at a seminar there a few years back. “There’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry. Make yourself at home,” I said. “I’m just gonna go get my stuff and be right down.”

“Yeah, okay, thanks,” Matt said looking at me with a slightly uncomfortable expression as he shoved his hands in his pockets. I could see the change in his face. It was like he suddenly thought that I thought I was better than him, above him. Like I was somehow superior to him for whatever reason.

“The kitchen is down that hallway and to the right,” I explained.

Matt turned to go and I felt my face heat up with embarrassment. This was exactly the reason why I only ever invited Kara over to my house. And even then she was never over here very often, I was usually over at her house. I didn’t want anyone to treat me like I was a snobby, bratty rich kid that could have everything she wanted just because she wanted it.

I was not that person.

I walked up the dark-bluish slate stairs up to the second floor. My room was the last room on the right at the end of the long hallway. It was also the smallest one in the house, even though I thought it was bigger than I really needed. I twisted the knob and let myself in and breathed in a deep, relaxing breath before letting it out slowly.

My room was the only room in the whole house I felt comfortable in. It was not decorated in the same manner as the rest of the house, much to my delight. The walls were painted in a purple similar to Crayola’s Purple Mountain’s Majesty color, only just slightly darker. And despite being into the metal, punk, rock and post hardcore music scenes, there was hardly any black in my room.

My walls were pretty much bare save for the corkboard hanging on the wall above my desk where I pinned photos, concert tickets and reminders for homework and school projects, and some of the art pieces my parents thought didn’t suit the rest of the house. Surprisingly, enough, they did look great in my room.

I prescribed to the belief that just because I was a metalhead at heart it didn’t mean that I had to wear the same uniform that everyone else did. However, that didn’t mean that I didn’t own my fair share of black band T-shirts that I bought when I went to shows with Kara though.

My queen sized bed had a lush barely-there-light-green comforter on it that never made me want to wake up In the morning because it was just so damn comfortable. To the right of the bed was a sliding door that led to my balcony. I usually spent time on the hammock out there when I was reading.

To the left of my bed was my sitting area. Basically, it was like a small living room with a dark tan couch parked in front of my flat screen. I preferred to spend most of my time at home in my room and more often than not, fell asleep on couch while watching television.

I walked over to my roomy closet and found the bag I usually put my stuff in. I quickly grabbed a change of clothes, underwear and my pajamas and put them in the bag. I grabbed my laptop and put it in it’s case and slung it on my shoulder so I could get some homework done while I was at Kara’s.

I went into the bathroom and grabbed my tooth brush and make up removing wipes and tossed them in a separate part of my bag before zipping the whole thing up.

I left the door open as I left, turning the lights off on my way out. I swiftly made my way downstairs and set my bags by the couch before going to look for Matt.

As I neared the kitchen, I heard a voice speaking very quickly and instantly recognized the voice and grimaced as I entered the state of the art, stainless steel kitchen. Standing there with a wide-eyed, dazed look was Matt, and he was not alone.

Standing not two feet from Matt was Carver, who was spitting his words so clearly and low that I was sure Matt was not missing one single syllable.

Now, Matt was not one to be easily intimidated by anyone, but when you have some random stranger with crazed eyes, towering his six foot, four inch, well-muscled frame over you, saying the things Carver was saying, right into your face, it’s only natural to be a little alarmed.

“And if you hurt her in any way, just know that I have friends, the types of friends that no one should have. The types of friends who can get rid of a body.”

“Carver!” I exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing?” I looked over at Matt as his face changed from one of alarm to one of incomprehensible relief, almost as if a life preserver had been tossed out at him just as the waves of a tsunami were surely about to kill him dead.

“Oh, hi, Liv!” Carver smiled brightly at me, his tone was instantly cheerful and no longer darkly threatening. “I didn’t see you there. I was just introducing myself to your boyfriend here.”

I closed my eyes at Carver’s misunderstanding and when I opened them again, Matt was looking at me with a thoughtful expression. I sighed and walked toward the guys, standing between them before Carver did or said anything else.

“Carver, this is not my boyfriend. This is Matt Sanders, Kara’s older brother,” I gestured to Matt. “Matt, this is Carver Jacobs. My jackass.”

“Oh.” Carver’s cheeks flushed lightly as he realized his mistake. “You’re not—I thought you—Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked Matt.

Matt seemed relaxed now that the situation was resolving itself.

“I tried to tell you that I wasn’t dating Liv, but couldn’t get a word in edgewise during your friendly...chat,” Matt said with a grin.

“Yeah,” Carver rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I didn’t stop long enough to give you a chance to speak. I’m sorry about that. We cool?” He asked extending his hand to Matt in apology.

Matt looked down at Carver’s hand before slowly shaking it. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

Carver turned his brown-eyed gaze on me and pointed at me. “You.”

“Me what?” I asked.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d done the polite thing and introduced your boyfriend to me, who’s apparently not this guy, a long ass time ago.” He crossed his arms and grinned as smugly as though he discovered the cure for the common cold.

I shot him a smirk of my own. “Why would I do something stupid like that? If I had introduced you to Tyler, you’d have tried to verbally castrate him like you were trying to do to Matt just now. Besides,” I went on when Carver had opened his mouth to speak. “Had you just asked Matt his name before wrongfully assuming he was Tyler, we wouldn’t be here. You know what they say when you assume things.”

Carver’s handsomely tanned face grimaced at me as his eyes narrowed before he smiled in defeat. His hand ruffled his dirty blonde hair, making it even more messy before it settled again into its usual jumble of blonde. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

After a moment, Carver spoke again. “So, what is Matt doing here with you all alone then, if he’s not your boyfriend?” His eyes sparkled with mischief.

I rolled my eyes at his implication and looked at Matt with a smirk. “Well, we were gonna have wild, rough monkey sex all night long, but you kinda killed it for me by bringing up Tyler, Carver. Sorry, Matt,” I added sympathetically, trying not to laugh as his eyes widened incredulously. “Maybe next time.”

“Just when I was starting to like you, Matt.” Carver turned his angry eyes to Matt.

“We weren’t! I swear, I was just—” Matt stumbled over his words.

“You were just what?” Carver advanced on Matt slowly who was walking backwards quickly, running out of room to run.

“We’re just here to pick up Liv’s stuff so she can stay the night at my house.” Matt explained quickly.

Carver’s expression became even more pissed. “What?” He yelled.

Matt realized what he said and how it sounded. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

I couldn’t take it anymore and laughed, tears gathering in my eyes as Carver started yelling at Matt, poking his chest for emphasis. I couldn’t make out a single threatening word as my laughs drowned out every other sound for me.

“Carver,” I gasped as I laughed. “Stop,” I breathed. “He’s had enough.”

Carver instantly relaxed and started laughing himself which started me laughing again. “Dude, you should have seen your face! Oh my god! I thought you were gonna piss yourself!”

Matt looked between the two of us like we were crazy, which at the moment I guess was understandable.

“Sorry, Matt,” Carver said recovering. “We were just screwing with you.”

Matt looked at Carver with a calculating gaze, trying to figure out if he should be trusted. “Okay,” he said slowly. “It’s fine, I guess.”

“Yeah, sorry, Matt.” I said wiping some tears from my eyes. “I just couldn’t resist.”

“I know another thing you can’t resist,” Carver wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, yeah, baby,” I deadpanned. “You’re such a hunk, Carver. I want you so bad.”

“Girl, don’t play games,” he said. “We both know you want my junk,” he grabbed himself like a rapper would in a video and winked over at me.

“Ew, Carver, you’re so gross.” I looked away from him at Matt’s face at our exchange, as I asked. “So what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to stop by this weekend.”

He grabbed his chest with a hurt expression. “Damn, Liv, you sure know how to show a guy that you love him. Take it from me, Matt, and get out while you can.”

I didn’t say anything and waited for him to continue.

“I hadn’t planned on it, but your folks asked me to stop by after my shift to check on you.”

“But its Friday. You know I go over to Kara’s on Fridays.”

Carver smiled. “Yeah, I know. I was gonna call you when I got here to study, but ran into Matt here, and well, got distracted and you know the rest.”

Matt was looking between Carver and I and I could see the questions in his eyes.

“Matt, Carver, for all intensive purposes and for lack of better words, is the housekeeper, handyman, and babysitter for my parents.”

Carver snorted. “I’m drowning in the love, Liv. You’d better stop before I get a complex and my ego inflates to the size of Texas,” he said digging through the fridge for something to eat.

“Too late,” I quipped, rolling my eyes and continued to talk to Matt. “He’s an intern at the hospital my parents work at and was actually my neighbor before his folks sold their home and retired to Florida. He used to babysit me when I was younger, but as I grew up and no longer needed a babysitter, my parents decided to keep him around to keep an eye on things around here when they’re gone for extended periods of time. Like now, for instance.”

“So do you live here?” Matt asked Carver.

“Nah,” he said opening a bottle of water and taking a drink. “But sometimes, I’ll stay a night or two a week so our lovely, loving Liv here isn’t all alone.”

“Please,” I said. “The only reason you stay is for a quiet place to study and the large plasma in the game room.”

“Those aren’t the only reasons,” he said with a fake pout. “There is another, more pressing reason.”

“Which is?”

Carver adopted an English accent when he spoke next. “I hope to woo you one day and earn your love, my fair maiden. For I cannot live another day without your love. I shall perish if you do not return my feelings soon,” he said, dramatically sweeping down in a low bow capturing my hand and bringing it up to his lips, placing a light kiss on the back of my hand.

I laughed and smiled indulgently at him. “Okay, Carver, whatever you say. We’re gonna head out now,” I said hugging him tightly. “Don’t study too hard. I like my guys a little on the dumb side.” I lightly punched his arm.

He smirked and dropped the accent. “So that explains why you’re dating a jock,” he said with fake enlightenment as he ruffled my hair.

“And just for that, you will never meet Tyler,” I said fixing my hair.

“Sure I won’t,” Carver smiled as he ushered us out of the kitchen.

I remembered something Carver had said to Matt. “So by ‘friends who know how to make a body disappear’, did you mean Carlos and Jake?” I asked.

Carver nodded.

“Dude, they work in the coroners office!” I exclaimed. “Of course they know how to make a body ‘disappear’. It’s what they get paid to do!”

“What?” Carver shrugged. “It’s not like I lied.”

“No, you just bended to truth a bit.”

“Okay, shouldn’t you two be heading out? You kids drive safe now, you hear?” He said all but pushing us to the door now. “And remember, Matt, that’s the future mother of my children you’re carting around, so be careful with her.”

Even though Caver’s tone was light and playful, the threaded warning underneath was real.

Matt looked confused but nodded anyway. “Yeah, sure thing,” Matt said slowly. “It was nice meeting you, Carver,” he said as Carver handed him my bags.

“You too,” Carver answered.

When I reached for one of the bags, Carver swatted my hand away. “A lovely lady such as yourself never carries her own things when she has a strong guy around to do it for her,” he said looking over at Matt.

“Whatever you say, Carver,” I hugged him goodbye affectionately. “See you later.”

Carver almost had the door shut before something clicked in my head. “Wait!”

“Yeah?” Carver looked at me. “What’s up?”

“I think I left my laptop charger in my room. Matt, can you hand me my bag?” I took the bag from Matt and checked the pockets. “Yeah, I left it in my room. I’ll just go get it,” I said and glanced up at Matt.

After looking at Matt, I knew he didn’t want to be left alone with Carver. “Matt, you wanna come with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Matt said, quickly following me silently up the stairs.

“Be sure to get a good look, ’cause it’s probably the only time you’ll ever see it!” Carver shouted after us.

I stepped into my room and flipped the lights on.

“Wow,” Matt said looking around my room for the first time. “Your room is huge and looks nothing like how I thought it would.”

“It’s the smallest one in the house actually. And I decided to decorate it myself,” I said absently as I looked through my desk for my laptop’s power cord. “Ah, here we go,” I smiled at Matt as though I just struck gold.

My smile faltered slightly as Matt looked at me thoughtfully. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What? Huh? Oh,” Matt said snapping out of his thoughts. “It’s nothing. You ready to leave now?”

“Sure,” I answered slowly, feeling uncomfortable again. “Let’s go.”

I waited for Matt to leave first before turning the lights off again and we walked back downstairs silently.

“Night,” Carver called happily to us as he closed the door.

Matt put my stuff in the backseat as I settled in the passenger seat. When he got in, he didn’t start the car right away. He just looked back at the front door as though Carver was still standing there.

“What is it?” I asked as he looked at me.

“Is that guy really in love with you?” He asked. “I mean, he’s got to be at least ten years older than you and your parents trust him to look out for you?”

I laughed loudly at the seriousness in Matt’s voice.

“It’s not funny,” he grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Matt, I didn’t mean to laugh.”

“So is he?” He asked starting the truck.

I shook my head. “Carver’s like the brother I never had.”

Matt still looked a little disapproving. “But how does he feel about you?”

I almost laughed at Matt’s misplaced, unneeded, yet undeniably cute concern. “Let me put it to you this way,” I grinned. “Carver’s more likely to fall in love with you than me.”

“Oh.” Matt blinked in realization. “But he seems so...”

“Not fruity?” I suggested.

Matt grinned. “Yeah.”

“Not all gay guys are extremely feminine. Some are like Carver and are as masculine as straight guys. Which really isn’t saying much,” I added after a moment of thought.