Maybe Holding Hands Wasn't Such a Good Idea

Things couldn’t possibly get any worse, I thought sourly as I stared at my locker door and scoffed. Yeah right. Yesterday, a janitor had painted over the disgusting word aimed at me and this morning I was faced with a new word written in thick black letters, a word that somehow made ‘slut’ not seem as awful.

Whore.

The word just jumped out at you and held your attention no matter how badly you wanted to turn away and pretend that the word didn’t exist. Pretend that the word wasn’t directed at you. Pretend that there wasn’t someone who wanted to hurt you so badly that they would write something so obscene on your locker.

While both slut and whore were words I hated having directed at me, the term whore seemed twenty times worse than slut to me. The word whore made it seem like I could be bought for a price by anyone, anyone, who could meet it. It made me feel dirty even though the only remotely sexual thing I’d done was pretend to have sex with Matt.

This whole mess was leaving an acrid taste in my mouth and I had no one to blame but myself.

“I thought you were going to wait for me in front of the school.”

I turned around to face Matt and closed my locker door. He scowled darkly as he saw the new word that decorated my locker. “I was,” I said. “But everyone kept staring at me, whispering about me and I just needed to get away from them.”

Matt pulled me into his arms and held me close. “Fuck them,” he whispered into my ear. “Don’t let them get to you.”

I nodded against his chest pulling a deep breath of air into my lungs and with it, Matt’s soft smell, and let it out slowly, feeling a little more calm than I was a few minutes ago standing and staring at that word.

Matt and I once again found ourselves standing hand in hand in the secretaries’ office and I exchanged an awkward, shy smile with Patty.

“Liv’s locker needs another paint job,” Matt said, the faint scowl still prominent on his face letting everyone know just how upset he was over the situation with my locker and the mysterious foul-mouthed artist, or artists, behind it all.

“We’ll get someone straight on it, don’t worry, sweetheart,” Patty said shooting me an apologetic smile.

“Would it be possible for me to switch lockers?” I asked.

“Oh that won’t be necessary,” Patty informed me as she dialed the phone on her desk. “In light of yesterday’s events, the principal made some calls and the cameras will be fixed soon. So if anyone else is going to write anything on your locker, we’ll have them on tape.”

“That’s great. When will they be working again?” Matt asked.

Patty shook head with a small frown as she raised the phone to her ear. “I’m not too sure, Matt. There was a bit of a hold up with the company that installed them, but Principal Smith hopes to have them running by the end of the week, Monday at the latest. Yes, Mr. Wilson, we have another incident with the same locker as yesterday. Yes, that’s right,” Patty spoke into the phone. “Thank you,” she smiled as she hung up. “Mr. Wilson’s on it.”

“Thank you again, Patty, we appreciate it. Tell Margie I said hello,” Matt smiled and then led me out of the office.

As I trailed beside Matt down the hallway with his heavy arm protectively resting along my shoulders, my mind was still back in the secretaries’ office when Matt had referred to him and I as a we. I felt a small blush settle itself in my cheeks and suddenly the crappy start to the day didn’t seem to matter as much to me anymore.

I ignored the stares, the whispers, the not so silent accusations and wrapped my arm around Matt’s waist. He looked down at me with a smile and pulled our bodies even closer together and planted a soft kiss on my temple.

“Let’s go get your stuff,” Matt said.

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re moving into my locker,” he answered simply shooting me a dimpled smile. “I doubt anyone would want to piss me off by messing with my, well, our locker.”

“Thanks, Matt,” I said seriously. “I really appreciate this.”

“Don’t worry about it, Liv. I told you I’d do my best to protect you from any backlash.”

Matt helped me clear out my locker of anything important and had made room for my books in his locker and cleared out some random junk that littered the bottom shelf. He wrote down the combination on a slip of paper and handed it to me.

“Sharing a locker already?” Zacky smirked as he walked up to me and Matt in the hallway. “Congrats. That’s a big step in a relationship, bro.”

“Whatever, man,” Matt rolled his eyes at his friend as the bell rang. “Time to get you class, Liv,” Matt said as he wrapped my hand in his. “See you later, Zack.”

Zacky nodded. “See you two lovebirds at lunch,” he chuckled, a glint shined knowingly in his green eyes.

The rest of the day passed like Monday had and while Matt hadn’t been entirely correct about today being any easier, he also wasn’t completely wrong either; today had been a bit easier than yesterday. I think it had a lot to do with already knowing how people were going to act towards me and knowing that Matt was right there at my side, sending murderous glares at anyone who looked at me the wrong way.

Like yesterday, Matt walked me to my classes and kissed me lightly on my lips before walking to his own classes. And he was standing there outside in the halls waiting for me when my classes let out. His hand immediately tangled with mine and squeezed in a comforting manner from time to time reminding me that he was there at my side, that he wasn’t going to leave me alone, that we were in this together.

By the time Friday rolled around all of the confidence Matt had managed to instill in me during the week flew out of the window like a rabid bat out of hell and was replaced with a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling just grew more and more daunting when I saw that Sandy Duncan was still all over Tyler and Tiffany still hadn’t approached me or Matt. I felt like I was perched on a fine edge just waiting for a strong breeze to blow past knocking me over one way or the other.

“Liv. Liv!” Kara shook my shoulder.

My head snapped toward her. “What?”

“Bell rang, time to go home,” she said slowly. “Are you okay?”

I nodded stiffly and began gathering my things into my backpack. “Peachy.”

“Sure you are,” Kara rolled her hazel eyes at me. “Come on,” she said linking her arm through mine and walking out of Ms. Barnes’s class. “You need some major distraction tonight. It’s a good thing that I’m excellent at providing distractions,” she smirked with a mischievous glint shining in her eyes.

I opened my mouth to argue with her but figured she was right. Tonight was the first game that Tyler would be playing since our breakup and I was beyond anxious that they wouldn’t do so well. I needed them to win tonight.

“Lucky for you, I planned a night of infinite distractions for you, Olivia,” Kara said as we walked toward the parking lot. “You’ll be so distracted that you won’t be able to spare Tyler a single, solitary thought much less be able to worry about how the game’s going.”

I could see Matt leaning against the side of his truck, a huge smile on his face as he laughed at something that Jimmy said.

“Really now? What would those distractions be?” I asked absentmindedly. The main part of my focus was on Matt. I really couldn’t wait to have my hand wrapped in his or have his arm wrapped securely around my waist or shoulders because I knew that some of my nervousness would leave and that I would be able to breathe somewhat freely. I wasn’t entirely sure why I found so much comfort in Matt as I did, but I wasn’t questioning it. I really did need that comfort especially after the week I’d just had.

As Matt had said no one was willing to mess with him and piss him off by tagging his locker with obscene names. But that didn’t mean that my locker was left alone even though I was now sharing a locker with Matt.

“Liv!” Kara said loudly stopping in her tracks making me stop as well.

I turned to look at her. “What?”

“Stop undressing my brother with your eyes and pay attention to me for a minute!”

I felt heat rush to my cheeks as some of the other people walking near us heard what Kara had said and shot wicked grins or disgusted looks at me. “Kara, I wasn’t—”

“Save it,” Kara interrupted me. “We both know that you were.”

I stubbornly shook my head denying what she said and glanced up to see that Matt and the guys were looking over at me and Kara. “Let’s go,” I mumbled.

Kara muttered something under her breath that I didn’t catch and followed me to Matt’s truck.

Matt smiled and held out his hand toward mine and to me it looked like a lifeline and I eagerly wrapped my fingers around his hand and took a deep breath as I felt a sense of calm settle over me. He leaned down and kissed my cheek softly.

“Ready to get out of here?” Matt whispered into my hair.

I nodded my head against his shoulder. “You have no idea.” This week had been rough and I was glad that it was almost over. Not only was my locker still being defaced, but the cameras still weren’t operating yet so I still had no clue who was behind all of the vulgar words directed at me. But that wasn’t the worst of it. There had been some nasty rumors being spread around about me and I had a few ideas about who was spreading them around school. The worst rumor I’d heard going around yet was that not only was I sleeping with Matt, but that I was his band’s official groupie; Matt shared me with the rest of the guys.

No one seemed particularly convinced of that one rumor however, seeing as how most people figured that Matt wasn’t exactly the sharing type and wouldn’t just pass freely around what he considered to be his. They were convinced that since he was so protective of me that he wouldn’t let anyone other than himself, including his friends, touch me. Although, it still grated on me to know that people were saying these kinds of things about me. Things had no shred of truth behind them and were shared in whispers in the girls’ restrooms where I’d been collecting myself before class that morning.

Kara claimed shotgun and with a small sigh, I released Matt’s hand and climbed into the backseat of his truck and was sandwiched between Zacky and Jimmy once again. Matt dropped Kara and I off before leaving to hang out with his friends at Jimmy’s.

“And let the night of a million distractions begin,” Kara said before letting us into the house.

As much as I love Kara and as good a friend she is to me, not even her night of one million distractions was enough to get my mind off of Tyler and the game tonight.

I’d made my Chinese stir fry for her again as I was still under my obligation from last week when Kara went to Tyler’s game with me and then we both made some brownies. Admittedly, for a while, my mind was just focused on what was happening at the moment and not all of the crap that happened at school. Until Kara accidentally tuned into the local news later that night and they showed highlights of some high school football games, including Tyler’s.

The good news is that they won, only just barely with a score of 21 to 14 against the worst team in the district, meaning that our school should have had a higher score. And I heard the sportscaster say that Tyler had been the victim of three rough sacks—which Tyler told me were tackles the quarterback received in the “pocket” prior to throwing the ball forward—by two or more players and was taken out of the game towards the end of the third quarter and was replaced with Kevin Davis, the second string quarterback. Kara turned the TV off and tried to get my mind off of it with little success.

I was lying in my sleeping bag on Kara’s floor listening to her soft breathing as she slept unable to sleep myself.

“Liv?”

I looked toward the door and saw Matt’s large frame filling the doorway.

“Are you awake?” Matt asked again.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna talk?”

Silently I got up and followed Matt into his room. “I guess you heard then? About the game tonight?”

Matt nodded. “But they won, so that’s good right?”

“Depends on your definition of good, I guess,” I said quietly as I looked around his room taking in the slightly messy state of his desk, the metal band posters on the walls. “So, how was your night?” I finally looked over at him and he was still dressed in the clothes he was wearing earlier. “Did you just get in?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah. I was hanging out with the guys, just fucking around like always. Nothing too exciting.”

I nodded.

“Look, Liv,” Matt sighed. “I know this week sucked for you, it wasn’t that great for me either. I don’t know how many fights I almost got in over guys saying shit about you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah,” Matt said simply. “You’re my girlfriend, you know what I mean, I’m supposed to defend your honor. But it’s not just that, I don’t like hearing what they said about you. It really pissed me off.”

“Thanks, Matt,” I said quietly. “I never thought about how you were handling everything. I’ve just been too wrapped in my own head.”

“Can’t say I blame you,” Matt shrugged. “I don’t see how you keep your cool with all the rumors floating around.”

“I suppose you heard the one that was going around today then?” I felt my cheeks burning hotly.

“About you being my groupie.” Matt said darkly.

“That’s the one,” I said locking my fingers together as I felt my bottom lip start to tremble and willed myself to not cry in front of Matt again. “Where are they coming up with this crap?”

Matt moved swiftly across the room and pulled me into his chest tightly, his arms wrapped around my waist. “I don’t know,” he whispered, his warm breath floated against my ear and made me shiver. “But we both know that everyone is wrong about you and that’s what matters, okay, Liv?”

I nodded against his chest. “It just sucks, Matt.”

“I know, I know,” he said soothingly as he hugged me tighter.

“I should probably try to get some sleep,” I said after a few minutes.

Matt dropped his arms from around me and nodded. “Good night, Liv.”

“Night,” I said walking out of his room and back toward Kara’s. I lay beneath the sleeping bag and closed my eyes, and much to my surprise, fell asleep almost instantly.

The next week at school, things were a little more bearable. Matt and I followed our routine and played the happy couple and did our best to ignore the rumors that were finally starting to dwindle in numbers and ridiculousness. However, the guys on the football team didn’t stop glaring at me or making crude remarks and more than once, Zacky, Jimmy, and Brian had to bodily stop Matt from getting into a fight with them when they said something he didn’t particularly like about me.

Our football team lost the following game that week. From what I’d heard, Tyler was a mess on the field and got his ass handed to him on more than one occasion before being pulled out before the half and replaced with Kevin Davis once again. Unfortunately for Kevin, he couldn’t push the team forward and they suffered a huge loss.

When I showed up at school Monday morning it was plain on everyone’s faces that I was to blame for Tyler’s poor performance since our breakup at homecoming. The students and teachers were being snippy towards me and I really didn’t understand why they cared so much about a stupid game.

On Wednesday there was a lot of chatter around the school about whether or not Coach was actually going to let Tyler play or just bench him. I couldn’t say that I didn’t feel guilty about hearing this because I did feel guilty. If Tiffany hadn’t wanted to embarrass me in front of most of the school, Tyler and I would still be together and he probably wouldn’t be playing so badly.

I was in the secretaries’ office picking something up for Mr. Johnson when Margie told me that the cameras were up and running again and that whoever had been writing things on my locker would be caught soon. Finally, I thought to myself, at least one thing is going right today.

At the end of the day, I was at mine and Matt’s locker getting some books that I needed for my homework. Usually Matt or Kara would be with me but after a lot of the craziness died down and Tiffany still hadn’t approached me, I told them both to just wait at the truck and that I’d be there soon.

I heard footsteps approaching me quickly and rolled my eyes. “I told you I’d be fine, you didn’t have to come check up on me,” I said keeping my eyes in front of me.

“Good to know.”

I whirled around quickly my hand at my throat. “Coach! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

“Obviously. Listen here, sweetheart,” Coach boomed loudly, his voice echoed around the hallway. “I don’t know what happened between you and Vaughn and I don’t care about your teenage drama.”

“That’s nice, Coach.”

“Don’t sass me, girl. Like I was saying, I don’t care what happened, but I fully expect you to fix it. Vaughn can’t concentrate at practice, his throws are way off the mark and he forgets what drills we’re running and ends up getting hit. He’s my best player but you wouldn’t know it by the way he’s been playing recently.”

“That’s not my problem. I’m not one of your jocks, Coach,” I said taking a step away from him to create some distance between us. “You can’t just bark a command at me and expect me to jump when you want me to. Good afternoon, Coach, and good luck with this week’s game,” I slammed my locker shut and started to walk away from him and his quickly reddening face.

Coach’s hand on my forearm stopped me. “You wanna know why Tyler asked you out? Because I told him to, we needed a new stadium and I knew that we could use you to get it,” he snarled viciously.

I felt the shock flood my face at the new revelation that Tyler was using me. “Let me go!” I said through gritted teeth, struggling to free my arm from his grasp, keeping myself from wincing as he tightened his grip on me.

“Only the idiot ended up falling in love with you,” Coach leaned down to my face. “So it is your problem and you will talk to Vaughn and fix this little lover’s quarrel in time for Friday’s game, do you understand?”

“Go screw yourself, you gigantic assho—”

“Hey!”

I felt the relief deep in my stomach at the familiar raspy voice. He was here, I wasn’t alone anymore.

“Liv, are you alright?” Matt asked as Coach let me go roughly. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing,” Coach answered for me. “Just having a friendly chat with Masters here. Right, Masters?”

“Try and be friendlier next time,” Matt said darkly as he noticed the bruise starting to form on my arm.

Coach took a hasty step back as he met Matt’s narrowed gaze and I couldn’t help the smirk that broke out on my face as I realized that Coach was actually scared of Matt.

“Hey, Coach,” I said. “Turn around and smile big for the camera.”

Coach’s face reddened once more. “They aren’t working,” he said, but his voice wasn’t so confident.

“They’ve been running since this morning. I guess you missed the memo,” I told him feeling an obscene amount of smug satisfaction sweep through me as I took in his panicked expression as he quickly walked away from Matt and I. That’s right, little bunny, scamper away.

“Ow!” I jerked away from Matt’s gentle touch on my now raw, red bruise.

“Sorry,” Matt grimaced. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said as I wiped a tear away from my eye and tried to blink the rest back.

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Matt pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me tightly and rubbed my back. “He’s gone. You’re okay now. I won’t let him hurt you anymore.”

But Coach had hurt me and not just physically when he revealed to me why Tyler asked me out in the first place. He was using me. The entire time we’d been together was a lie and I’d never felt so betrayed in my life.

“I need to go to the office and report Coach,” I said numbly.

“Okay,” Matt said taking my hand in his. “Let’s go.”