Maybe Holding Hands Wasn't Such a Good Idea

On Tuesday, I talked to one of the guidance counselors about my run in with Coach and was pulled out of my third period class by a serious looking Principal Smith the following day, much to my surprise. I didn’t think the principal himself would pull me out of class to tell me what was going on. Principal Smith, in his wheezy and tired voice, told me that after reviewing the tape—in which it’s clear that Coach had his hand on me and was hurting me—that he’d contacted the superintendant and that Coach had been suspended from work with pay for the next few weeks. Coach also had a date with the school board to discuss the consequences of his actions.

I pulled down the sleeve of my bright crimson cardigan nervously when Principal Smith’s dark eyes flashed down to my right forearm. It wasn’t hard to guess that he’d seen the pictures that the nurse had taken of my bruises yesterday in the counselor’s office.

Principal Smith also told me that if I wanted to file a police report against Coach that I could. In all honesty, I just wanted to put the whole thing behind me in light of what Coach told me about Tyler. I didn’t care if Coach was or wasn’t fired or if he’d only get off with a warning from the school board hearing next week. I just wanted it to be done with.

After our brief discussion, Principal Smith went back to his office and I went back into Mr. Johnson’s class pretending that I didn’t feel several pairs of curious, questioning eyes burning holes into my skin. Unfortunately, neither Mr. Johnson nor Jane Austin could distract me enough from hearing Coach’s voice in my head, telling me again that Tyler was only with me for my parent’s money.

I shook my head at myself in disgust. How could I not have seen that from the beginning? How could I left myself believe so easily that Tyler had fallen in love with me? That he actually cared about me at all? To think I was feeling so guilty about homecoming where Tiffany told Tyler I was cheating on him. And Tyler just stood there, glaring at me and Matt with that icy blue gaze of his like I’d actually hurt him.

At the very the least, Tyler was only embarrassed at homecoming when he learned that his little sophomore girlfriend had been cheating on him. That’s probably where the anger stemmed from, I realized suddenly. He probably wanted to be the one to break up with me on his own terms instead of having the situation just thrust upon him from out of the blue.

I heard the bell ring in the distance of my thoughts and automatically began packing away my things into my backpack with a sullen sigh as I thought of what else Coach had mentioned. That Tyler really did fall in love with me and that’s why he’s been playing football so badly.

I slung my backpack onto my shoulders and left the room. Matt’s hand immediately encompassed mine as soon as he saw me.

“Something wrong?” He leaned down to whisper into my ear. “Is it your arm?”

“No,” I smiled up at Matt. “I’m just beyond ready for today to be over with.”

Matt gazed down at me silently for a few moments, trying to read my mood but didn’t say anything as he nodded and I knew that he let me escape his questions, for the moment at least. We stopped off at our locker and I exchanged my books out while Matt held my backpack open for me. When Matt and I got to my next class, he wordlessly wrapped his arms snuggly around my waist and left a lingering kiss on my lips before he let me pull away from him.

“See you after class,” he whispered huskily before walking down the hallway.

I couldn’t look away from him for a few moments before someone accidentally bumped into me as they tried to squeeze past me into the classroom. My cheeks flushed red and I moved quickly away, no longer blocking the doorway, my eyes still on Matt’s retreating figure in the semi-crowded hallway. With a quick mental shake, I turned around to enter my class and saw Tyler staring at me from across the hall; an angry scowl on his face.

I held his gaze for a moment longer before ducking into my class and slinking down in my desk. Okay, now I was more than beyond ready for the day to end.

Lunch with Kara, Matt and his friends provided me with an excellent distraction, even if it was only a momentary break from the thoughts that had been floating throughout my mind since yesterday afternoon after my incident with Coach. Matt had his arm wrapped loosely around my waist, my legs were resting in his lap and I was able to relax and joke around with everyone as though nothing was bothering me.

Unfortunately, the distraction was short lived. Matt absolutely and vehemently refused to let me eat my lunch on my own, insisting that I was “too injured” to lift up my arm to feed myself. I’m sure my cheeks matched the bright red of my cardigan when he lifted a forkful of salad to my lips and started to feed me. The whole notion seemed much too intimate to me and made me feel flustered.

“Awwww, look at the wittle wove birds,” Jimmy cooed while making kissy noises at me and Matt.

Brian and Zacky laughed loudly as my cheeks burned hotter and Kara rolled her eyes at us and then pretended to be engrossed with her own lunch; a bag of Classic Lay’s potato chips and a Coke.

“Get a room,” Kara coughed.

After Kara’s comment, I tried futilely to get Matt to give me the white plastic fork so that I could eat on my own. He wouldn’t let it go.

“Come on, Matt, please! This is so embarrassing,” I complained as Jimmy and Brian mimicked me and Matt; Brian sat in Jimmy’s lap and Jimmy shoved chips into his mouth laughing hysterically.

They were purposely making a scene and I heard people laughing and giggling around us at the spectacle Jimmy and Brian were creating, they weren’t fazed by the attention at all. Zacky just shook his head and went back to reading his book, completely ignoring Brian and Jimmy while Kara looked as though she’d bust a gut from laughing so hard; tears were shining in her eyes.

“Here, baby, open up for the choo-choo train,” Jimmy said playfully and started making train noises as he fed Brian.

Matt shook his head ignoring his friends’ antics. “You have two choices here,” he said quietly as he stared into my eyes. “The first is that you sit there and let me feed you, like I’ve been doing,” he smirked widely as his arm squeezed gently around my waist. “The second is that you don’t get to finish eating. Now, which choice is it gonna be? One or two?”

I sat there quietly for a moment before opening my mouth and letting Matt feed me another forkful of salad. As I was chewing slowly, trying not to die from the sheer embarrassment of it all, Matt shoved a couple of bites of the salad into his own mouth with an entirely too satisfied, smug smirk on his lips.

“That’s wasn’t so hard now, was it?” He asked his eyes twinkled with his obvious enjoyment of the situation.

I tossed Matt a sour look and he laughed before leaning toward me and kissing my cheek. “Hey, I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend,” he said innocently, trying and failing to hide his smile. “I just wanna make sure you don’t starve or anything or hurt yourself with this incredibly heavy plastic fork. I mean, I know I make it look easy,” he made a show of moving the fork around in the air. “But that’s because I have these awesome muscles,” he flexed and stretched his arms showing off the sheer size of his huge biceps. “So it is easy. For me.”

“You know that’s total crap,” I leaned forward and accepted another bite of salad.

Matt laughed, a sudden bark of sound, and winked over at me. “Don’t get all jealous, Liv. You can touch ’em anytime you want to. All you gotta do is ask.”

“You’re impossible,” I laughed.

“God,” Jimmy said suddenly.

I turned to look at Jimmy in surprise, his chin resting in his hand as he stared at me and Matt with a sort of dreamy expression. I’d completely forgotten that Matt and I weren’t alone and that we were outside in the courtyard surrounded by hundreds of other people eating their own lunches, getting some last minute homework done, or hanging out with their friends.

“What, Jimmy?” Matt asked.

“You two are just so cute together,” he said seriously. “I wanna cuddle you two to my manly bosom and keep you with me all the fucking time.”

“Shut up, Jim,” Matt tossed a carrot at him.

“Just sayin’,” Jimmy shrugged before he turned his attention back to Kara. “So, Karebear, how’re things with you?”

“I’m trying not to puke at my brother and best friend’s love fest,” she said loudly. “How’re you, Jimbo?”

Matt and I shared a look and smiled. We both knew that Kara knew why we acting so affectionate toward each other. Although, I did think Matt was going a little too far with his actions today. I drank some of my lemonade and ignored Kara. What I couldn’t ignore was that a time not too long ago, I’d actually had daydreams where Matt would feed me like he was doing today. Of course, in my daydreams, we were alone on the beach somewhere and it was sunset and I was feeding him too before he kissed me into oblivion. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my fantasy would end up coming true, save for the fact that we were at school, surrounded by a lot of other people instead of alone at the beach.

I was thankful that my blush hadn’t gone down enough yet for anyone to notice because my cheeks were suddenly burning warmer once again at my foolish fantasies.

After lunch, Matt and Jimmy walked me to class. Matt kissed me goodbye much to Jimmy’s delight.

“Freaking adorable,” Jimmy said as he looked at us.

I bit my lip and waved at them both before taking my seat in class. No matter how distracting and embarrassing lunch had been, once I was alone, my previous thoughts flooded into my consciousness and I was once again lost in the dense quagmire that was my mind.

When the final bell of the day rang, my only thought was that it hadn’t sounded soon enough. I hadn’t been able to focus on my afternoon classes much and I knew that I’d have to study extra hard tonight so I’d be able to get caught up.

Kara and I walked silently side by side to the parking lot where Matt and his friends would be waiting for us.

“Sorry about lunch,” I said. “Matt wouldn’t give me the stupid fork.”

Kara swung her arm over my shoulder, syncing up our steps. “Don’t sweat it, kid, I know. Even if I thought it was puke-worthy, I know why it had to be done. Tiffany was positively green,” Kara grinned wickedly.

I turned to face her and felt the confusion on my face. “Tiffany was watching? I didn’t see her.”

Kara nodded. “She definitely saw you and Matt,” she laughed. “I thought her hair was going to burst into flames or something she looked so peeved.”

I was worrying my bottom lip with my teeth gently as Kara and I continued walking. Matt slipped his arms around me replacing Kara’s and lifting me off of the ground in a big hug. He kissed my cheek gently before putting me back down.

“Hey,” he said simply, a smile on his lips.

I laughed softly. “Hey back.”

“Are you two ready to leave?” He asked me and Kara.

“Shotgun!” Kara shouted.

“Alright, see you fuckers later,” Matt waved toward his friends.

“Later, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders,” Jimmy laughed, a twinkle shining brightly in his eyes.

I chuckled and shook my head. The guys said their goodbyes and Matt, Kara and I hopped into Matt’s truck; the Sanders in the front and me in the back.

When we got to Matt and Kara’s, Kara immediately went to the kitchen in search of a snack with me trailing behind her. I sat in the kitchen, keeping my eyes away from that spot and asked Kara if Ms. Barnes assigned any homework.

“Jeez, Liv, were you really that out of it today?”

I nodded.

“Just some reading. Chapter thirteen.”

I nodded again. I had yet to tell Kara what Coach told me yesterday afternoon and I had no idea why I didn’t want to tell her. I knew what her reaction was going to be to the whole thing. That wasn’t keeping me back. I think it had to do more with how dumb I felt about the whole thing. Even if Coach told me that Tyler was playing poorly because he really did love me, I couldn’t trust his word. Coach used Tyler to manipulate me to get what he wanted, how was I to know that what he said yesterday wasn’t just another way to manipulate me again?

I tapped my fingers on the kitchen table in a disjointed rhythm as I remembered the way Tyler was looking at me in the hallway after I kissed Matt. Judging by the look on Tyler’s face, there was no way that he didn’t see me and Matt kissing.

“Yo! Earth to Olivia!” Kara said loudly.

“Yeah?” I said blinking hard.

Kara looked at me seriously. “You okay, Liv? I mean, is there something you want to talk about?” She took a seat opposite me at the table, her concerned hazel eyes that were exactly like Matt’s narrowed on my face.

I looked away from her and continued drumming my fingers on the table. “Coach said something to me yesterday,” I said quietly.

“What was it?”

I cleared my throat and stared at my dancing fingers, unable to look into her eyes. “He told me that the only reason Tyler asked me out in the first place was because they knew they could use me to get that new stadium.”

There was a very pregnant silence in the room and I finally looked up Kara. I was waiting for an explosion that didn’t happen.

“I’m sorry,” Kara said quietly, a sympathetic look on her face. “I guess it’s a good thing you found out now before it was too late. Before you...”

“Slept with him,” I finished for her.

Kara nodded. “What a creep. I can’t believe that anyone would be so low to do something like that.”

I nodded.

“So this is what’s been eating you today?”

“Pretty much. Coach said that Tyler screwed up and fell in love with me, but I don’t know,” I shook my head and then laid it on the table. “What if Coach was just trying to screw with me again by saying that?” I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s just do something else.”

Kara smirked suddenly. “You wanna go get some Starbucks?”

“Oh my god, yes. I knew there was a reason why I picked you to be my best friend,” I said standing up. A bit of caffeine to get my mind off of things sounded perfect to me. And then I would drown myself in my homework and forgot all about Tiffany, Coach and Tyler for the rest of the day.

“Matt!” Kara yelled. “Take me and Liv to Starbucks!”

Two weeks had passed rather quickly, or at least that’s the way it seemed to me. Homework. Projects for school. The rare glimpse of my parents. Talking with Carver about his love life. Funky sleeping patterns. Hanging out with Kara. Hanging out with Matt. Being Matt’s girlfriend at school. Trying to ignore Tiffany and Tyler in the hallways. It was a lot to deal with.

A hell of a lot. For the most part, I felt like I was only treading water.

Matt was being a great friend through everything, too, more than great. Sometimes I forgot that it wasn’t just me being affected by our so called relationship. Granted, Matt didn’t have a lot of vicious rumors spread around the school about him but he was still my “boyfriend” and defended my honor on more than one occasion.

I was hoping that after some time had passed, people wouldn’t be as interested in talking about me and would move on to the next big high school scandal. Unfortunately, mine and Matt’s names remained in the unwanted lime light. And I knew that my infamy had a direct correlation to how badly the football team was doing. It seems the worse that they played, the more people hated me.

Especially Tommy the water boy; it wasn’t hard to figure out how much he hated me. Sometime two weeks ago I saw him after my English class and noticed he had a split lip and a bruise on his cheek. He glared at me before stalking off. I understand why he hated me though; I’d cheated on his idol and that was something he wouldn’t tolerate. A sin worthy of an eternity of misery.

The football team lost the last two games, Tyler never stepped foot on the field, according to the school paper, Coach wasn’t coaching and everyone was blaming me. But not for getting Coach suspended. As far as anyone could guess, Coach was suspended for reasons that had nothing to do with me and for that I was infinitely grateful.

I slammed mine and Matt’s locker door shut with a frustrated sigh after school on Tuesday and rested my head on the grey metal door with my eyes closed. My high school experience had quickly morphed into some teen drama with sprinkles of betrayal and rumors added in with a jealous, psycho ex-girlfriend that clearly needed to be on some kind of medication, a web of well weaved lies, a fictional romance, a manipulative and greedy football-obsessed coach, a love triangle between me, the king jock and the guy in that band who happened to be my best friend’s older brother who I’d previously had a huge crush on.

My life turned into some kind of fictional story on some website on the internet somewhere written by some girl who obviously hated me and wanted to see me suffer, if for no other reason than for the entertainment of others. And judging by the way things were looking at the moment, the end of my story wasn’t going to be a pretty one that ended with a cliché ‘they rode off into the sunset and they all lived happily ever after’.

At least whoever had been tagging my locker stopped. I don’t know who it was, the person was never caught. I just figured he or she had heard about the cameras working again and didn’t want to risk getting into trouble. Even though he or she had stopped, Matt insisted that I continue to share his locker anyway, I didn’t mind. Truthfully, I was getting used to sharing his locker and didn’t want to go back to using mine.

“Whoa, Liv.” Matt said. “What did our locker ever do to you?”

I looked over at Matt with a grin and rolled my eyes. “You ready to leave?” I asked.

Matt nodded and linked our hands together, his fingers tangling with mine. “So I’m thinking we should do something tonight,” he said casually as we walked out of the building.

“What? Like a date or something?” I couldn’t meet his eyes because I knew I was blushing and wanted to pretend that I wasn’t. I tried to calm my racing heart. Matt didn’t want to go on an actual date, this was an act. It was always an act.

“Yeah, a date. I figure since we’re together and everything, we should go out.”

Kids were still hanging around, going to practices, headed off for tutoring, rushing to the library to turn in a book so that they wouldn’t be fined for lateness, making out in the courtyard.

I stopped walking and Matt turned to look at me keeping our hands laced together. “What brought this on?” My voice was just a whisper.

Matt took a step closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I brought my hands up around his neck to help with the façade. He smirked at me with a raised brow. “What? A guy can’t take his girl out on a date without there being a reason behind it all?”

I stayed silent waiting for Matt to stop screwing around and tell me the real reason why he wanted us to go on a “date”.

He rolled his eyes at me with a smile and lowered his voice. “I can tell you had a rough couple of weeks. I just wanted to do something nice for you considering I’m the reason why you’re having a rough time in the first place.”

I considered his explanation with a thoughtful expression before smiling at him. “Thanks, Matt. I appreciate it.”

“So is that a yes?” He smiled down at me.

I sighed and looked around, not answering him. “I’ll only say yes if you agree to a few conditions first,” I said finally.

Matt laughed. “And what are these conditions?” His lips twitched with amusement.

I made sure my face was stern but my burgeoning grin ruined my attempt at seriousness. “The first condition is that you have to agree to the second condition without knowing what it is.”

“Is that all?” Matt smiled.

“No,” I shook my head. “The last condition is that you have to remember your promise with the first condition about the second and not argue with me about it. So do you agree to the terms of my saying yes?”

Matt looked at me thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” he said playfully. “Sounds kinda dangerous to agree to anything blindly.”

“I’m not making you promise anything dumb or potentially embarrassing,” I laughed.

“Whew,” he wiped at brow in relief. “Now that I know that, yes, Liv, I agree to your weird conditions.”

“They’re not weird,” I laughed.

“Okay, so please tell me that I didn’t just agree to wear a tutu or anything and have pictures posted on the internet of me in it.”

“No, you didn’t,” I smirked. “But thanks for the idea.”

Matt groaned. “The conditions,” he prompted as he squeezed my waist gently.

“Well you know the first and third,” I said slowly stalling for time knowing that Matt wouldn’t like the second condition.

“And the second?”

“The date’s on me.”

“What?” Matt’s eyes widened. “No. I’m not making you pay for our date. I asked you so that means I’m paying for tonight. End of discussion.”

“The third condition, Matt,” I reminded him. “You promised. So if you want to go out with me tonight, I’m paying and you have to suck it up.”

Matt looked away from me for a moment, glaring into the distance. “Fine,” he grated out. “You can pay for tonight.”

“And that means gas, too,” I smirked.

“Jeez, Liv, you’re making me feel unmanly,” Matt said. “Fine, and you can pay for my gas, too. Happy?”

“Yes.” I smiled up at him. “See, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

“Just so you know, this is the only time your little trick is gonna work. Next time we go out, I’m paying.”

I linked my hand with Matt’s again and started walking toward the parking lot where I’m sure Kara was waiting for us with the guys ignoring the flutter in my heart at the words next time. “Whatever you say, Matt.”

Matt muttered something beneath his breath that I didn’t quite catch and I stifled a laugh.

Matt proved to be a cheap date last night when we were at the movies, purposely ordering the smallest of everything. I ignored him and got him the jumbo popcorn combo that came with a large soda and two boxes of his choice of candy. He grumbled about it throughout the movie previews but grudgingly ate the jumbo popcorn sharing with me. He also wolfed down the candy and chugged his soda during the action comedy movie that we ended up seeing. The movie itself wasn’t too bad actually.

After the movie we went over to Nicky’s and had dinner. After Matt ordered his food—the kid’s burger platter—I cancelled his order and ordered him what I knew he would usually have. He argued with me the whole time and the waitress left to give us a few more minutes unable to stand anymore of our bickering. In the end though, I ordered Matt’s food without any complaint from him after I reminded him that he already agreed to my conditions for this pseudo date.

However, Matt’s plan proved a success, I was able to get my mind off of things and just relax with him last night. After our “date”, he dropped me off at home and I gave him some gas money. He’d been sneaky earlier and filled his tank before picking me up figuring I couldn’t pay for his gas because he didn’t need any. Oh, how wrong he was about that. I firmly planted thirty-five dollars into his hand and once again reminded him that we had a deal.

I could tell that my insisting to pay for our “date” last night was bothering Matt’s pride, but at the same time, we had a deal, albeit one that I’d made him blindly agree to in the first place. However, a deal’s a deal and I was only keeping up my end.

As Matt was walking me to my next class after English on Wednesday, I let him know that I wouldn’t need a ride home from him because I had a history paper that I needed to write and that I was going to do some research in the library.

He offered to pick me up whenever I was done and when I was about to argue with him about it, he said that if I didn’t accept his offer that he would just wait at the library with me until I was finished so that he could give me a ride home.

“And you know Kara’s just gonna love having to wait here, too,” he smirked knowing that he had me.

Kara wasn’t exactly of fan of staying at school for a minute longer than she absolutely had to. “Fine, I’ll call you when I’m done at the library so you can drive me home. Happy?”

“Yes. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

I shook my head at him with a smile. “You’re freaking incorrigible,” I said as I kissed his cheek and then walked into my class, his laughter sounded behind me. I couldn’t fight my smile as I took out my text book and notebook and doodled random doodles on a clean sheet of paper. I knew Matt was only being insistent so he wouldn’t feel so bad about me paying for our “date” the previous night and he was doing a good job at evening the score.

At the end of the day, I said goodbye to Kara—who was waiting till the last minute to start her own paper—and walked toward the library. After two and a half hours, I did all the research I could stand to do and called Matt like I promised I would.

I hung up with him and started gathering my things and the books that I was going to check out of the library. Mrs. Andrews, a stuffy fifty-something year old woman that hated teenagers, was working the check out station clothed in her usual brown sweater and floor length grey wool skirt. I don’t know what happened to Mrs. Andrews to make her seem much older and more bitter than a woman her age should be, rumors were going around that Mr. Andrews had left her for a younger woman half his age, but I hoped with everything in me that the same thing didn’t happen to me. I didn’t want to be her age one day and be completely nasty to anyone within a ten foot radius of me.

I left the library with my newly acquired books in my arms and made my way to the front of the school where Matt was going to pick me up. I was looking down at the books and walked into someone, my books falling out of my arms.

“Sorry,” I said quickly as I bent down to retrieve my books. A set of hands was already reaching for the ones furthest from me. “Thanks. I didn’t see where I was go—”

“Hey, Liv.”

“Ty-Tyler,” I stuttered. “I didn’t realize...I wasn’t paying attention.”

Tyler handed me my books and I took them without a word, suddenly feeling like I would sink into the cement as the necklace he gave me on my birthday burned hotly in my pocket.

“Thanks,” I said not quite able to look him directly in the eye.

“How are you doing, Liv?” He asked as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Fine,” I managed to get past dry lips. “You?”

“Could be better,” he shrugged. “Are you taking off?”

I nodded.

“Can I walk you out? Or would that be too weird considering?”

“No, I don’t mind,” I said quietly and started walking with Tyler away from the library. We walked silently as a million thoughts flooded my brain. This was the first time since homecoming that Tyler and I have spoken and I felt like I could drown in all of the awkward tension that was floating thickly in the air around us.

I didn’t know what to do in this situation; I’d never been in this situation before. Tyler was my first boyfriend ever now he was my first ex-boyfriend and I didn’t know how to talk him. I didn’t know what to say to him or whether I should apologize for that night. Maybe bringing up that night wasn’t such a good idea.

“So, this is weird, right?” Tyler asked being the one to break the silence first.

I let out a nervous chuckle. “Really weird.” I felt his necklace growing heavier in my pocket and thought it would actually start to drag me down. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the silver chain with the silver ‘T’ hanging on it. It felt lighter in my hand than it did in my pocket. “I think you should have this back. I’ve been wanting to give that back to you for a while now, but things have been so...you know.”

Tyler took the necklace from me and stared at it wistfully, he didn’t say anything.

We were nearing the front entrance to the school and I knew that I was just that close to getting away from this situation. I stopped walking and Tyler paused next to me, a questioning look on his face. I didn’t want to prolong this torture for another second longer but I couldn’t stop myself from extending my own sentence.

“I’m really sorry about everything,” I said truthfully. “I can understand it if you’re still mad at me and don’t want to forgive me, but I just wanted to let you know how bad I felt.”

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me with those blue, blue eyes of his. “I,” he sighed. “I never wanted any of this to happen,” he said finally. “You didn’t deserve pretty much the whole school turning against you like that. And it was Tommy,” he said quietly. “Writing those things on your locker.”

I looked up at him, not expecting to hear him say any of what he was saying.

“I was here early one morning,” Tyler explained. “I was working on my passes and I saw him with a couple of cans of spray paint and he was walking to your locker. I knew the cameras were back on so I took him to the gym and asked him about it.” He turned to face me with hardened eyes. “I took care of it.”

I closed my eyes as I recalled the memory of Tommy walking around with a split lip and bruised cheek that day in the halls, remembering the glare he shot me and wondered if he had other bruises that I couldn’t see. “I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.

I bit my lip to keep myself from asking about what Coach had told me. It was cowardly of me, but I didn’t want to know just yet if Tyler really had only asked me out to get a new stadium. I started walking and heard Tyler’s footsteps falling beside me.

Even though Tyler was still walking beside me, I couldn’t help the eagerness that had bubbling through me competing with the awkwardness and making me walk just that much faster. I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t excited to see Matt leaning against the side of his truck waiting for me with that smile on his lips. I tried to tell myself that I was only eager to escape the situation that I was in now with Tyler, to get away from the awkwardness and that it had nothing to do with the relief I would feel when I saw Matt.

I still couldn’t slow my pace down as I neared the school’s entrance despite everything that I was telling myself.

I saw Matt’s truck first and then his figure leaning against the frame. As I got closer, Tyler’s steps slowed down as he saw Matt’s truck, I felt my heart give a painful squeeze as I realized he wasn’t alone.

“Liv, wait!” Tyler said. But the warning was said too late.

My heart lurched painfully in my chest and I stopped in my tracks as my brain slowly processed the scene before me.

Matt and Tiffany.

Kissing.

They had their arms wrapped around each other, making out furiously.

I felt tears well in my eyes and I must have made some sound because suddenly Matt was looking at me in complete surprise.

“Liv, this isn’t—”

I turned swiftly on my heel and ran quickly away without a word or backward glance. I heard Matt swear loudly, calling my name behind me, asking me, begging me, to wait.

The tears blurred my vision as I saw Tiffany’s face in that last moment in my mind, a twisted, self-satisfied smirk on her lips. The message on her face was as plain as day: I win.

I stopped running and breathed harshly. This wasn’t happening, I thought to myself. Matt would never do this to me. He would never go back to Tiffany. He would never...

“Liv?”

“Tyler,” his name came out unsteadily as I fought with myself to keep from crying in front of him.

“Let me drive you home,” he said softly.

I nodded and let him guide me to his Mustang, he opened the door for me and closed it once I was settled.

“Here,” he said as he sat in the driver’s seat.

I took the tissue from him and dried my cheeks.

“Look, Liv,” he sighed out as he ran his hands through his hair. “This sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered as he turned the car on.

“Don’t be. I got what I deserved,” I was surprised at how steady my voice was now, how cold, expressionless. “I cheated on you, he cheated on me. We’ve come full circle.”

Tyler didn’t say anything as he drove me home. The image of Matt and Tiffany together was still playing in my mind as I sat in the car with him. I tried to tell myself that I was fine, that seeing Matt and Tiffany like that didn’t bother me. That there had to be some reason why they were together in the first place. I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t hurt, that I wasn’t feeling jealous. That I didn’t want to cry my eyes out as soon as I got home. That my heart wasn’t beating painfully in my chest.

That’s what I wanted to believe so desperately and it was all lies. I hadn’t admitted it to myself, I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but somewhere down the line, I had stopped pretending to be Matt’s girlfriend.