Maybe Holding Hands Wasn't Such a Good Idea

“I want Tiffany to catch us in bed together.”

I just sat there, completely floored. I was sure that my face was so fiercely tomato red that it would glow in the dark. He didn’t just say... He couldn’t have just said... What?

And then I started laughing. Loudly. Matt was screwing with me, getting me back for ganging up on him with Carver. However, when Matt didn’t so much as crack a small smile and continued to look at me with his serious stare, my stomach knotted up painfully. He couldn’t be serious... There was no way he was serious...

“What?” My voice came out small and strangled. I didn’t wait for Matt to answer and jumped up quickly. “I, I...I n-need...some water.” I all but ran into the safety of the kitchen. My heart was pounding like mad behind my ribs and I didn’t know when it would stop and beat with a normal rhythm again.

“I told you that you wouldn’t like it,” Matt said quietly from behind me.

I visibly started at the sound of his voice and whirled around to face him. “Scare the crap out of me, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” Matt shrugged as he leaned against the wall casually, his arms crossed over his chest.

“No, not just now. Well, yes, now but also with what you said in the sitting room. About what you wanted Tiffany to see,” I said. I could feel my heart slowing and the color starting to fade from my cheeks.

“About catching us in bed,” Matt said casually, almost as though he was commenting about the weather instead of us together...horizontally.

“Yes, that!” I started to pace quickly in front of the refrigerator. “How can you be so annoyingly calm about what you just said?”

Matt laughed but stopped short when I shot him a glance that would wither anything into a mere skeleton of what it used to be before.

“Sorry.”

I stopped pacing abruptly and faced Matt. “So are you just going to stand there and smirk at me or are you going to explain yourself?”

Matt breathed in deeply and took a slow step toward me. “Look, I know Tiffany, she won’t believe some rumor about us hooking up. She’ll have to see it to believe it. And I know that on top of asking you to do me a favor and then adding this to that seems—”

“Like a lot,” I cut in.

“Yeah, more than a lot, but she won’t believe it any other way. I’m sorry. I probably should have told you that I was already thinking about this before I asked you last night, but if I had opened up with that, I thought you’d just say no. And I really couldn’t afford to take that chance.”

Matt was standing in front of me now and I could see the hope shining in his eyes that I hadn’t changed my mind.

“You should have told me.” I sighed. “But seeing as how I already told you I was in, I’ll still help you. Just tell me the truth from now on, okay? I don’t want to learn things the hard way and then freak out. Understood?”

Matt held his hands up. “Gotcha. The whole truth and nothing but from here on out. Promise.”

“So, I’m going to assume that you have a way for her to catch us in...a compromising position. Right?” I asked.

Matt grinned. “Yeah. I don’t think it’ll be too hard to set up for next weekend.”

“Next weekend?” My stomach clenched. “Isn’t that a little...soon?”

“Not soon enough for me,” Matt said bitterly. “I wish we could do it now,” he smirked. “No pun intended, but I’m gonna have the house to myself next weekend.”

“That’s right. Kara mentioned that she and your parents were going to visit your Aunt Nora in Napa on Friday for her birthday. How did you get out of going?”

“I told my parents that the guys and I had a show,” Matt smiled.

I laughed. “And you kept Kara quiet how?”

“I didn’t have to. She knows our aunt doesn’t like me and that I can’t stand her or her little yipping rats she calls Chihuahuas so Kara thought she’d spare me another sure to be agonizing weekend.”

“So, I guess it works out perfectly then.” I opened the fridge and got two bottles of water out and handed one to Matt.

Matt took a drink of the water. “Yeah, it looks that way. So what do you think?”

“You mean I have a say in this?” I asked.

“Yeah, of course, Liv. It’s just an idea, but I don’t want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable.”

“But you just said she won’t believe it unless she sees us together.”

Matt nodded.

“So doesn’t that mean if you want Tiffany to dump you, that your idea is a surefire way to get her to do just that? Which means she has to see us together, right?”

“Well,” Matt said slowly. “Yeah.”

“Then that’s we’ll do,” I said decisively.

“Now who’s being annoyingly calm about my plan?” Matt smirked.

“The pot calling the kettle,” I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling at him. “Shut up.” I took a drink of my water. “Hey!”

“What?” Matt asked in alarm at my sudden exclamation.

“How did you do that?” I asked. “First, I was freaked out by your plan and then all of a sudden, I feel like I was the one who talked you into it.”

Matt grinned. “The benefits of having been around for a while.”

“Pfft. You’re not that much older than I am.”

“Trust me, Liv,” Matt said seriously. “A couple of years does make a difference. You wouldn’t date a thirteen year old, would you?”

“Good point,” I agreed. “So, what do we do now?”

“Well, I figured we could talk a bit and get to know each other,” Matt said. “I mean, we’ve been around each other for a long time now, but I only know you as Kara’s friend. We’re in a fake relationship after all, and I think if we knew more about each other that we can pull off this ‘dating’ thing and make it seem more believable. What do you say?”

“I think that’s a good idea actually,” I said. “Let’s go up to my room and talk there.”

I left the kitchen and heard Matt following me through my house. Our footsteps echoed loudly as we walked up the stairs.

“So,” Matt said, his voice was a little quiet as he spoke. “Do you usually stay here by yourself?”

“Seems that way sometimes,” I answered as we entered my room. “Carver’s around most of the time, but he doesn’t live here. And when my parents are home, they’re usually working.” I sat on my bed as Matt sat himself down in the chair. “So, what do you want to know?”

Matt and I spent the afternoon talking about our likes, dislikes, the things we cared about, the things we didn’t care so much about, favorite movies, TV shows, books, bands, and the like. We were both happy with the amount of interests we had in common. Matt, however, was a sports fan; baseball and basketball. I already knew he liked basketball; he was on the team at school and I’d seen most of his games with Kara. Plus on the weekends, when he wasn’t practicing with his friends, he and the guys would play two-on-two in the driveway.

Matt was surprised to learn that his band was my favorite—he thought I was only at every show to hang out with Kara. And he was even more surprised when I told him that I bought at least five of their demos at every show and handed them out to kids who I thought might be into their music.

“I don’t know why you’re so shocked,” I told him as we were making ourselves some dinner. “I know every word of every song by heart,” I said I as I stirred the beef and chicken stir fry I was making. Matt was busy manning the rice we had steaming so it wouldn’t over or under cook.

“I dunno,” Matt said. “I guess I just thought you wouldn’t be into the scene.”

“Because I don’t wear all black, all the time?” I smirked.

Matt laughed. “KInda.”

I laughed as I added the broccoli and chopped carrots into the wok and felt my phone vibrate in my pocket again. I lost track of how many times Tyler had called in the last hour. “I need to wear black or dress like some scene kid to be into the music that I love?”

“You have a point,” Matt said as he checked the rice. “So where did you learn to make this?”

“Food Network, where else?” I said as I started to prepare a special sauce that Carver taught me how to make to go along with the stir fry.



“I’ve gotta hand it to you, Liv,” Matt said rubbing his now full stomach. “I had no idea that you were such a good cook.”

I beamed at the compliment. “Thanks, Matt. I’m glad that you liked it,” I said stacking the dirty dishes together. “Although, you really have Carver to thank. He’s the one who taught me how to cook in the first place.” I started to wash the dishes. “Before I started watching Food Network.”

“So Carver really does a lot around here, huh?” Matt asked standing beside me at the sink, taking a soapy dish from me and rinsing it before drying it.

“It’s part of his job,” I said handing Matt another plate. “My parents pay him really well and his job isn’t too hard.”

“Yeah, but teaching you how to cook and looking out for you? I’m sure he doesn’t do those things because your parents pay him to.”

“No,” I smiled faintly. “He does those things because we’re close. I told you, Matt, he’s like the brother I never had.”

“That’s cool,” Matt said drying the last glass. “I’m glad that your parents have someone around to look after you when they’re busy working.”

I thought I heard a slight undertone in his voice, but couldn’t be too sure if that’s actually what I heard. “Matt,” I paused, struggling to find the right words to explain my parental situation. Nothing was coming to mind. “Did you want to take some of the food home for Kara?” I asked lamely.

“Yeah,” Matt said quietly. “That sounds good. I’m sure Kara would love some of this.”

“She does. I’ve made this for her a few times before actually.” I tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear and busied myself with finding a container to put the food in.

As soon as I snapped the lid shut, I turned back to Matt.

“You ready to go?” He asked me as he took the food from me.

My brows furrowed together in confusion. “Go where?”

“Back to my place. Your stuff is still there, remember?” Matt asked putting his black hoodie back on.

“Oh, right. Yeah, sure.” I grabbed my purse, checked for my house key and then followed Matt toward the front door. The night was slightly cool and I shivered when a soft breeze blew past, swirling my hair around my face.

Matt and I were both quiet on the way back to his house. Things seemed different sitting with him in the dark of his truck as he drove with only the music playing softly to keep the silence at bay.

I really didn’t feel the need to talk, and apparently neither did Matt. I was curious about what he was thinking however, but I didn’t want to intrude on his privacy. I figured he’d had enough of my questioning him for one day.

When Matt and I reached his house, he finally spoke.

“I’ll just wait here in the truck. Would you mind taking this in to Kara?” He asked as he handed me the leftovers.

“No problem,” I said taking the food from him. I walked up the drive and rang the doorbell. Kara answered the door a few moments later with a smile on her face.

“Hey, Liv,” Kara greeted me with a hug before pulling me inside.

“Hey, K. Guess what I made,” I smiled as I waved the food in front of her.

“Oh my god! I love you,” she said snatching the container from my grasp like a starved man who hadn’t eaten in days.

“I love you too, Kara,” I laughed.

“I was talking to the food,” Kara said as she skipped to the microwave and popped the stir fry in. “But I like you enough anyway, Liv. And I would love you forever if you made this for me every day.”

“Good to know where I stand,” I said with a smirk.

“Them’s the breaks, kid,” she said with a shrug, her eyes never once leaving the revolving dish in the microwave.

“I’m just here to get my stuff. Matt’s gonna drive me back to my place, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” Kara said absently, her attention entirely focused on the microwave’s timer.

“And I’m getting a tattoo of Bill Cosby’s face on my butt,” I said.

“Sounds good,” Kara said.

I thought I saw some drool pooling in the corner of her mouth. I chuckled softly and went upstairs to Kara’s room to find my things.

When I went back downstairs, I saw Kara sitting at the table in the kitchen with a look of supreme satisfaction on her face.

“Good night, K,” I called to her.

I received a muffled reply in response before closing the front door behind me.

Matt started the truck up once more as I settled myself in the passenger seat. The drive back to my house was just as quiet as the one before and I couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable. All of the quietness was starting to make me edgy.

I nearly jumped and screamed when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I quickly checked my phone and saw that Tyler was calling me. I didn’t really feel like talking to him at the moment and just shoved my phone back in my pocket where it continued to vibrate for a few more moments before stopping.

Matt pulled up at my house then, I didn’t realize how long we’d been driving due to my inexplicable anxiety. He put the truck in park and then turned it off. Before I could ask what was going on, he got out of the truck and opened the door to the back seat and took my bags in his hands.

He looked up at me. “You coming?”

That snapped me out of my confused daze and I undid my seatbelt and followed Matt up to my house. I unlocked the door and let Matt proceed me into the house.

Matt didn’t say a word as he walked toward the stairs. I quickened my pace to catch up with him.

“Matt, what are you doing?” I asked as he put my things down on my bed.

“Is Carver here?” He turned to face me, he looked a little worried.

“I don’t think so. Why? What does it matter if Carver’s here or not?”

“Remember when you said you wanted me to tell you the truth from now on?”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about something,” he said pacing a bit in front of me.

“About what?” I asked. “And why does Carver being here factor in to what you want to tell me?”

Matt laughed. “That’s simple; I want to stay on Carver’s good side,” he smiled.

“Why would you worry about getting on his shit list?” I questioned, unsure if I really wanted to know his answer or not.

“Because there’s another thing I need to ask you about.”

“And that would be?” I was glad that my voice sounded more confident than I was actually feeling at the moment.

“Well, I think that we had the right idea of getting to know each other this afternoon to sell our fake romance, but I think we need to do something else, too.”

“Really? What?”

“Just don’t freak out on me, okay?”

I nodded.

“I think, ahem,” Matt cleared his throat. “Ah, shit just don’t hate me or anything, but I think we should kiss and get comfortable hugging and holding hands casually a little.”

“What? Matt, I don’t think I can do—I have a boyfriend, remember?” It was my turn to start pacing. “Are you seriously asking me to cheat on him?”

“No, no I’m not. This is more like a friends with benefits thing. The benefit being that it gets rid of Tiffany for me.” Matt explained quickly.

I bit my bottom lip while I thought about Tyler. “Look, Matt, pretending to be your girlfriend is one thing, it’s pretty much harmless, but kissing you...I don’t know,” I ran a hand through my hair and sat down on my bed. “It feels wrong.”

“It’s not really cheating if you think about it,” Matt said sitting beside me.

“I’m sure Tyler wouldn’t agree with you.”

“But it’s not,” Matt insisted. “Besides there isn’t anything going on between us for real. It’s not even really like hooking up with each other. It’s just a show for Tiffany. Think about it like acting. When two actors kiss in a movie or on stage, it’s just a part, completely for entertainment purposes only.”

I sat there thinking about what Matt had said and sighed. Some parts of his logic made sense, but I still didn’t feel completely comfortable with the idea of kissing him. To me, it was still technically cheating on Tyler even if I had no romantic feelings for Matt and he didn’t have any interest in me. The hugging and holding hands didn’t bother me as much as the idea of kissing him did.

“You wanted honesty,” Matt said quietly. “I’m just trying to be honest with you like I promised.”

“Seems like I should be careful what I wish for,” I muttered.

Matt chuckled. “You don’t need to tell me what you’re thinking. I can pretty much see that you’re not too thrilled with the idea.”

I looked up at him and smiled apologetically. “I just don’t know if I can kiss you and not think it’s cheating and then make it look convincing in front of Tiffany,” I confessed.

“Would you think I’m a total douche if I asked you to think about it some more?” Matt asked with a small smile of his own. “I told you before that we’d really have to sell it to make her believe it and I don’t want to go to all this effort and then have her not believe it, you know?”

Again, Matt managed to make me feel his desperation and I hated the idea of him failing in his task to get Tiffany to dump him.

“Is Tiffany really that much trouble to make you go through all of this?” I asked.

“You have no idea,” Matt’s face twisted into a grimace before he lay on my bed. “She parked outside of my house for a whole week once,” he said.

“She sure has a funny way of showing her affection,” I said with a chuckle.

When Matt looked over at me, I stopped laughing. “You were serious?”

“Do you see why this thing has to work? I can’t take it anymore,” he bit out. “She’s driving me completely crazy.”

“Okay,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Matt shot up from the bed. “Okay what?” He asked slowly. “You mean okay we can kiss?”

I nodded and did my best to fight off the blush that was turning my cheeks the deepest crimson imaginable.

Matt grinned widely at me. “Are you sure?”

I gulped and then nodded again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Tiffany sounds like a complete whack-job and I’m starting to feel scared for you, Matt.”

“So did you want to try now?” Matt asked.

“Like now, now?” My heart raced like runaway locomotive in my chest.

“No time like the present,” Matt shrugged. “What, is the idea of kissing me such a terrible thing? I promise I won’t bite you.” He smirked. “Unless you want me to.”

“No! I mean kissing you wouldn’t be bad, I don’t think—not that I’ve thought about kissing you before or anything,” I laughed nervously. “Can I have a couple of days to get used to the idea?” I asked shyly.

Matt’s smile was understanding. “Sure, whatever you need.” He stood up. “Well, I guess I should get home.”

“I’ll see you out,” I said as we walked out of my room.

Matt turned to me as we stood at the front door.

“I had a nice time with you today, Liv.”

“Me too,” I said.

“See you later then,” Matt said as he held his arms open.

I smiled up at him as I walked forward and wrapped my arms around him. Matt’s arms enclosed tightly around me, holding me close to his chest. He held me a little longer than I thought he would have and then I remembered that he wanted us to be comfortable with hugging each other.

When I pulled back, Matt’s grip loosened slightly around my waist and our gazes locked with one another.

In the space of one heart beat, things between Matt and I changed. The warmth from his body enveloped me while the scent of his cologne entered my nose. It was soft, citrusy, almost unnoticeable unless you were as close to him as I was now. Completely different from Tyler’s cologne that you could smell from a minimum of fifteen feet away and assaulted your sense of smell with zero mercy.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as Matt’s eyes lowered to my lips. My own stare fell on his lips before locking with his eyes once more, the question in his hazel eyes as plain as day. I nodded, almost imperceptibly, and Matt slowly lowered his lips to mine, giving me the time to change my mind.

My mind was racing with unformed half-thoughts as my breathing quickened. His lips were closer now. I could feel his breath floating across my skin. His eyes were starting to close and my eyes were falling shut.

Just when Matt’s lips were mere millimeters from mine, my phone vibrated in my pocket, zapping me out of my temporary stupor.

Matt’s eyes flashed open as he felt my phone vibrating between us.

Without letting me go, Matt sighed, kissed me softly on my cheek before letting himself out without saying a single word.

My eyes stayed on the closed door as I removed my phone from my pocket and answered it without looking at who was calling.

“Hello,” my quiet voice was incredibly breathless.

“Hey, babe! You finally answered your phone. I was getting worried. Are you okay?” Tyler asked quickly.

“Y-yeah,” I said clearing my throat a bit. “I was uh, just taking a nap, which is why I missed your calls. How was practice?”

I hardly paid attention to Tyler as small pangs of guilt made my stomach hurt and twist. In those few moments before Matt and I almost kissed, Tyler hadn’t enter my mind once.

Maybe I should have listened to Kara and not put myself in this situation with Matt. But it was too late to regret my decision now. Matt needed my help with Tiffany and I’d already said I’d help him. I couldn’t go back on my word and let Matt down like that.

“Liv, you still there?” Tyler’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“Yeah,” I laughed. “Sorry about that, I guess I’m still half-asleep. What were you saying?”