Pretty Follies

The drive wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. In the sticky heat, Kate and Alyssa were already asleep in the backseat after only two and half hours and not a word had been said between Lorraine and I but we were fine with it.

I had reclined my seat back and folded my arms in my lap, watching the passing scenery. The windows were open, letting the warm breeze into the car as we drove at a steady 60 miles per hour on the open freeway. I was actually enjoying the car ride. The radio wasn’t on and the car was dead silent, but the rhythm of the car was soothing.

Texting and playing games on my cell phone was the majority of the entertainment, which earned ridicule from Lorraine right away. She claimed that I “couldn’t live a damn second without the stupid thing.” Which was a lie; I put it down for a minute at the gas station when I went in to use the bathroom.

“Can you close the window? I’m going to turn on the air conditioning.” I kept my stare out the window. Lorraine’s callous voice floated in my ear but I persisted on ignoring her. “Alex. I’m talking to you.”

“That’s nice,” I said dryly.

“Close the window. I. Am. Turning. On. The. Air.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” Without warning, my window started to inch up and I realized she was using the master control on her side. I fought back by using my own button and holding it down, causing the window to get rid of all the progress Lorraine had made on closing my window. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her grip the steering wheel tightly, causing her knuckles to turn white. “I don’t see why you want the windows up anyways…” I muttered. I was enjoying the breeze.

“It’s hot out, Alex. That’s why. Christ.”

“Or is it the wind is messing up your precious hair.”

“Are you kidding me? You know I could care less about my hair.” She was right. She wasn’t prissy about anything. Except me. “Can we please just not talk? We both know we’re incapable of being civil.”

“Thanks for putting words in my mouth. Bitch.” I could tell Lorraine was ignoring the last part of the statement.

“You’re so ignorant.”

I snorted. “You’re fastidious.”

“Immoral bigot.”

“Malevolent derelict.”

“Malediction lout.” I smirked at her clever choice of words. This “argument” inching up on being one of the best we’ve had.

“Effete anathema.”

She snorted. “Nefarious reprobate”

“Heinous b—”

“Can you guys use English please?” a young voice piped up from the back, annoyed that we woke her up.

“It is English, Alyssa,” I retorted. “It is just above your comprehension level.”

“I think it’s above most of the population’s conprenhenny-whatever level.”

“Comprehension,” Lorraine and I said at the same time.

“Whatever…” I knew Lorraine and I both rolled our eyes at the undeveloped girls in the back. The argument ended just a quickly as it started and exited our minds, like it always did, and we went back to being silent. With the windows down.

&&&&

At the sound of a cheap ringtone, I pressed my phone up against my ear and answered the phone call I was getting from my dad. “Yo.” I listened as he told me about the car. “Lorraine,” I asked after pulling the mouth piece away from my mouth. “What’s the heat gauge read on the car?”

She didn’t answer but kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road.

“Lorraine, you’re being a bit-disrespectful. My dad wants to know.” I sounded so sincere, but Lorraine knew I was mocking her. She didn’t want to give in because that would mean she would be listening to me and doing what I wanted her to do.

“Look yourself, buddy.”

“Hold on, dad,” I said before leaning over to look at the dash behind the steering wheel. I overdramatically stretched my neck to obscure her vision and might have “accidentally” let the elbow I was leaning on, slip, causing my chin to jab into her shoulder.

“Ow!”

“Oops sorry, Laney.” I heard her mumble “Lorraine” under her breath as I attached the phone back to my ear. “Yeah, dad, it’s fine. Yeah, we’re having loads of fun. Alyssa and Kate are asleep in the back again. Nope, Lorraine insisted on driving, in fact, she won’t even let me think about taking over. Oh yeah, she is the sweetest. Well, I’ll let you get back to having your fun and I’ll get back to having mine. Yep. Yeah, alright. See ya.”

As soon as I hit end, Lorraine spoke, “God you’re so pathetic. How does your dad believe you? It’s sickening, really.”

“It’s easy; you’re so sickening for the both us, that he doesn’t even notice me.”

“Oo! Good one, Alex,” she derided.

“Thanks, I thought it was too,” I said smugly, flashing a smile at her before turning my attention back to the passing scenery.

With the exceptions of a couple more substance-lacking, bickering disputes, our seven hour drive to no where wasn’t that bad. My phone and the two girls in the back, when they were awake, kept us entertained.

“Bitch, pass me the liquorish,” I argued with my sister. I turned around and grabbed the bag of Twizzlers.

“You’re so hairy. No,” Alyssa derided, causing Kate to let out a giggle. She suppressed her laughs when she saw me shoot a glare in her direction.

“Come on, give me one; you’re hogging the whole bag!”

“Oh my God!” Lorraine breathed annoyed. “Alyssa, give Alex the damn Twizzlers! Alex, sit the fuck down and buckle up!” I felt her yank my arm back into the seat. “No matter how much I wouldn’t mind loosing you in a crash, I will not continue driving unless everyone is buckled, so sit down, shut the fuck up and leave your sister alone.”

I rolled my eyes and lowered myself in the seat, quickly snatching the bag from Alyssa’s hands as I did, earning a couple shouts of protests.

Lorraine was always the one to break up the fights between everyone. We all bickered like we were one big family, but in the end we always loved each other, aside from my permanent fight with Lorraine. I loved Kate like she was my own sister, Chris treated me like his brother and my parents seemed to take care of the Johnson kids more than Alyssa and me sometimes. I had made myself two homes; I lived in my house but I also felt just as homey in the Johnson’s house.

Content with my liquorish, I closed my eyes and tried to rest but was quickly jerked awake by large bumps. “What the hell. Learn how to drive.”

Lorraine ignored my comment and continued to drive over the rough terrain. It was clear we were just minutes away from our destination because we were driving past towering trees on a dirt road.

Ahead of us, our parent’s break lights went on and shortly after they stopped on the edge of an open slate of land.

“This is so badass,” I commented as I looked around the campsite. We weren’t even in a park; it was simply in the middle of the woods. I wasn’t sure if it was actually legal to do, but our parents insisted on the “full experience.” I thought camping in a park’s campground seemed like enough experience, but it was my mom’s “marvelous idea” and we couldn’t pass that up apparently.

Slowly, all of us kids stepped out of the car and stretched our cramped limbs. I looked around at the open chuck of land. We had about 800 square feet of cleared area. About half of it was flat and grassy, easy to set up tents on. The other half had a couple slight hills, rocks and tree stumps sporadically placed. Everything was green, but dry from the hot weather. It was cooler in the woods than at home because trees blocked the majority of the sun and a cool breeze brushed through periodically.

I liked the area. It was big enough so it didn’t feel like we were scrunched together but it wasn’t too big that sounds echoed off tree trunks. The weekend was going to be great, even if there were some aspects that weren’t going to be pleasing, being with my family was going to be nice.

“Alex, you dig out the tents and start to set up, girls, get out the luggage and food,” Cheryl instructed once we hopped out of the crunched car. “It’s getting dark so Hank and Jim, go find firewood and Mary and I will try to put something together for dinner.”

I exhaled loudly. We hadn’t even been out of the car for two minutes and we were already bustling around. Leave it to our moms to be so ambitious and uppity.

“Nice, Gaskarth.” The tent I was attempting to pitch buckled, again, and I tossed the sticks on the hard ground. I looked up at Lorraine from where I was crouched on the ground. She towered over me, her hands folding around her chest and a mocking smirk on her lips.

“Shut up,” I muttered. A weak comeback.

“Didn’t you ever learn to pitch a tent?” she asked degradingly. I sneered at her and she just scoffed. Nonetheless, she bent down and started to work on the tent. And hour later, we had all five of the tents pitched and my nerves were on the brink. I needed to get away from Lorraine before she drove me insane. She was on a roll, firing shots that pushed the littlest of my buttons.

“Oh good, the tents are set up!” Cheryl called. She and my mom walked over with everyone’s luggage. “Alright, mine and Hanks, Jim and Mary…” she muttered as she set the suitcases and bags outside the tents. “Chris and Sophia, Kate and Alyssa…” I tightened up when I realized there were only two names left. “Alex, here’s your bag and Lorraine, these are yours.”

“We’re sharing a tent?” Lorraine’s face looked dismayed as she looked at her mom. I’m sure I looked the same; hoping this one time we wouldn’t be put together. We were always paired together. Because we were such great friends! Hank and Cheryl. My mom and dad. Alyssa and Kate. Chris and Sophia. It never failed. I had a feeling that that single handedly added to the unneeded tension between us.

It was amazing how clueless our parents could be sometimes. They never picked up on the tension that always floated between Lorraine and me. Not even our sisters. They all thought we were great friends. Everyone just assumed we were joking around when we fought because Lorraine and I did a good job at hiding our rudeness towards each other with sugary statements afterwards.

“Of course,” Cheryl said dumbly, like it was the stupidest question ever. “Why would that be a problem?”

“Oh, i-it isn’t…I-uh, just making sure I heard you correctly.” I scoffed silently, knowing fully well that Lorraine heard her. I could see right through her bullshit, how could Cheryl not? The fact that I could see through Lorraine just showed how much time we were forced to spend together and even though I couldn’t stand her, I knew her better than anyone.

“Well,” I exhaled. “Let’s get in there…” I climbed in and threw my bag down with my sleeping bag right in the middle of the tent, anticipating a reaction from Lorraine.

“Stay on your side. I don’t know if you took second grade math, but there is this thing called a “half.” Two halves make a whole. Since there is two of us, we each get a half.” She picked up my sleeping bag and chucked the ball at me.

I simply caught it and started to lay it out, “Yeah, Laney, I actually made it past second grade math the first time. But it’s good to know you finally got that concept after the fifth time through.”

“You’re just lovely,” she said sarcastically as she left me in the tent.

“I wish I could say the same for you.”