Everything I Used to be is Coming Back to Torture Me
Alcoholic
Unbeknownst to Clover, her amount of drinking had sky-rocketed since that first shot of alcohol. Her conscious mind kept trying to protect her, almost, by trying to justify her drinking even in the middle of the day. She chalked it up to nerves, stress, anything that made sense. Clover knew enough of her newfound addiction to hide it from the guys; she knew they’d disapprove of her drinking more than just at bars, relaxing after the concert.
Clover hadn’t been able to think about much else except for how the alcohol had given her temporary amnesia, forcing her to forget anything she didn’t want to remember. The band traveled basically all day, so she didn’t exactly know how she’d find somewhere to purchase illegal alcohol. They got to the venue for their second concert ahead of schedule, so once they finished with sound checks and all that preliminary stuff, Clover slipped out for a bit. She found out that it was quite easy to obtain illegal alcohol close to a place where there would be a concert.
She didn’t feel so guilty about it because she used her own money that she had earned. It wasn’t like she was stealing to get her fix, even though Clover didn’t really think of it as a “fix” or trying to get a high or anything like that. She didn’t even put a word to what she was doing. She just did it.
When Clover was thirteen, her foster parents set up a bank account for her. Since then, she had been putting her allowance and the money she made from her job working at a local burger join in the account. Then, when she turned eighteen, Patricia and Stephen had taken their names off of the account and she was granted sole control over it. When she left her foster home, she’d had about $4000 in the account. She had been using that money to buy anything she needed during the three weeks that she practiced for the concert. Now she began to let her hard-earned money dwindle by feeding an addiction she didn’t even realize she had.
One thing Clover did pretty well was hide her addiction. She thought none of them had noticed because none of them ever confronted her or tried to stop her when she would leave the venue to go get her alcohol. However, Brian and Matt noticed, even though they never mentioned it to anybody, not even each other.
After the concert in Knoxville, their fifth one of the tour, the band went out to a bar to relax a little bit since they weren’t planning on leaving for the next concert in Lexington until the following day. They were there for about an hour and a half, and then Clover started to get a little rowdy.
Matt wasn’t sure about the others, but he found Clover’s raucousness more than a little unnerving. Usually she was quiet, not exactly shy, but not outgoing either. He had taken note of how strangely she’d been acting lately, but didn’t think too much of it. It was her first tour; a little bit of change in her personality could be expected from that. Maybe he was blowing it out of proportion. He didn’t want to upset her by confronting her about it, so he’d left it alone, assuming it would correct itself.
Something about the way she was acting that night, however, just didn’t settle right with Matt. He decided that she’d had maybe a bit too much to drink and figured it best to just take her out of the bar.
“Hey, guys, I think Clover’s had enough,” Matt said. “I’m going to take her back to the bus.”
“No problem, man,” Johnny answered. “You coming back?”
“I might,” Matt said with a shrug. “Alright, c’mon, Clover.” He gently grabbed her upper arm and pulled her to her feet. He led the way out of the bar, and although Clover didn’t seem too happy about it, she didn’t fight either.
“Thanks, Dad, for killing my fun,” Clover grumbled once they were out of the bar and were walking towards the tour bus.
“Well, seeing as your real one’s dead, someone’s got to step in,” Matt snapped. One of the reasons they’d chosen Clover was because, despite her young age, she was extremely mature. But now, she didn’t appear to be showcasing that trait too well.
“Who said my dad’s dead?” Clover asked, genuinely confused. She looked up at Matt with a perplexed look only someone who’s drunk can pull off.
“Well, why else would you be in a foster home?” Matt floundered, confused himself now.
“I was in a foster home because I was a ward of the state, not because I’m an orphan,” Clover answered. “My dad’s still alive, at least last I knew.”
“Where is he then?” Matt wondered. He couldn’t understand how, if her father was still alive, he didn’t want anything to do with her. When she was sober, Clover was a jewel of a person. Matt never regretted picking her to join the band. He knew the others never did, either, especially Brian, with whom she seemed to have quickly bonded with.
“In jail,” Clover said matter-of-factly. “He killed my mom when I was nine.”
Clover hadn’t been able to think about much else except for how the alcohol had given her temporary amnesia, forcing her to forget anything she didn’t want to remember. The band traveled basically all day, so she didn’t exactly know how she’d find somewhere to purchase illegal alcohol. They got to the venue for their second concert ahead of schedule, so once they finished with sound checks and all that preliminary stuff, Clover slipped out for a bit. She found out that it was quite easy to obtain illegal alcohol close to a place where there would be a concert.
She didn’t feel so guilty about it because she used her own money that she had earned. It wasn’t like she was stealing to get her fix, even though Clover didn’t really think of it as a “fix” or trying to get a high or anything like that. She didn’t even put a word to what she was doing. She just did it.
When Clover was thirteen, her foster parents set up a bank account for her. Since then, she had been putting her allowance and the money she made from her job working at a local burger join in the account. Then, when she turned eighteen, Patricia and Stephen had taken their names off of the account and she was granted sole control over it. When she left her foster home, she’d had about $4000 in the account. She had been using that money to buy anything she needed during the three weeks that she practiced for the concert. Now she began to let her hard-earned money dwindle by feeding an addiction she didn’t even realize she had.
One thing Clover did pretty well was hide her addiction. She thought none of them had noticed because none of them ever confronted her or tried to stop her when she would leave the venue to go get her alcohol. However, Brian and Matt noticed, even though they never mentioned it to anybody, not even each other.
After the concert in Knoxville, their fifth one of the tour, the band went out to a bar to relax a little bit since they weren’t planning on leaving for the next concert in Lexington until the following day. They were there for about an hour and a half, and then Clover started to get a little rowdy.
Matt wasn’t sure about the others, but he found Clover’s raucousness more than a little unnerving. Usually she was quiet, not exactly shy, but not outgoing either. He had taken note of how strangely she’d been acting lately, but didn’t think too much of it. It was her first tour; a little bit of change in her personality could be expected from that. Maybe he was blowing it out of proportion. He didn’t want to upset her by confronting her about it, so he’d left it alone, assuming it would correct itself.
Something about the way she was acting that night, however, just didn’t settle right with Matt. He decided that she’d had maybe a bit too much to drink and figured it best to just take her out of the bar.
“Hey, guys, I think Clover’s had enough,” Matt said. “I’m going to take her back to the bus.”
“No problem, man,” Johnny answered. “You coming back?”
“I might,” Matt said with a shrug. “Alright, c’mon, Clover.” He gently grabbed her upper arm and pulled her to her feet. He led the way out of the bar, and although Clover didn’t seem too happy about it, she didn’t fight either.
“Thanks, Dad, for killing my fun,” Clover grumbled once they were out of the bar and were walking towards the tour bus.
“Well, seeing as your real one’s dead, someone’s got to step in,” Matt snapped. One of the reasons they’d chosen Clover was because, despite her young age, she was extremely mature. But now, she didn’t appear to be showcasing that trait too well.
“Who said my dad’s dead?” Clover asked, genuinely confused. She looked up at Matt with a perplexed look only someone who’s drunk can pull off.
“Well, why else would you be in a foster home?” Matt floundered, confused himself now.
“I was in a foster home because I was a ward of the state, not because I’m an orphan,” Clover answered. “My dad’s still alive, at least last I knew.”
“Where is he then?” Matt wondered. He couldn’t understand how, if her father was still alive, he didn’t want anything to do with her. When she was sober, Clover was a jewel of a person. Matt never regretted picking her to join the band. He knew the others never did, either, especially Brian, with whom she seemed to have quickly bonded with.
“In jail,” Clover said matter-of-factly. “He killed my mom when I was nine.”
♠ ♠ ♠
I am so sorry, guys. I lied to you. There are only going to be 26 chapters, not 27. Shoulda double-checked that before just going all willy-nilly and throwing out a random number.Please forgive me!