Everything I Used to be is Coming Back to Torture Me
Above Average
Clover lingered in the warm spray of the shower for a few minutes more, her eyes closed as the water cascaded over her face and down her body. She had an appointment with her counselor in half an hour; patients at Serenity Sobriety Center had weekly visits with their counselor to track their progress. As Clover stood there, she contemplated the previous two months of her life.
When Clover lived with Patricia and Stephen, she was led to believe that addicts were dirty, evil undesirables at the very bottom of society. She was under the assumption that they were hardly human anymore; all of them had murderous intentions and none of them had a moralistic bone left in their rotting bodies. To become an addict was the worst case scenario, worse than death itself.
Yet, as Clover had continuously learned since cutting all ties with her foster family, the way Stephen and Patricia viewed the world and the people inside it wasn’t the only one, and most certainly not always the right way either. Since becoming an addict herself, and meeting all of these other recovering addicts at Serenity Sobriety Center, Clover had come to realize that every addict is an individual human being with family, friends, goals, and dreams. Addicts are not always lost causes. Addiction doesn’t necessarily mean that one’s life is over.
Clover had made easy friends at the center. 99% of the addicts in the rehabilitation program were lovely people led astray for a short time but striving to get their life back on track. Addicts weren’t always the terrible, immoral monsters that television and movies made them out to be. Recovering at the center made Clover realize how little of the real world she’d actually seen and encountered during her teenage years.
Clover stepped out of the shower, quickly drying herself off and putting on the clothes she’d picked out. Patients were encouraged to dress casually when meeting with their counselors, but everyone usually pulled their nice clothes out of the back of the closet anyway. Counselors based their judgment of progress on behavior and not appearance, but all the patients figured they would make a better impression walking into the office looking crisp and clean instead of like they’d just walked off of a construction site.
Clover carefully braided her wet hair and checked herself one last time in the mirror before exiting the bathroom, shutting off the light and closing the door behind her. She grabbed her apartment key and stepped out the door, locking it behind her.
Once she stepped into Maria Sue’s office, they greeted each other and shook hands as per usual. Clover sat down in one of the chairs across from Maria Sue, folding her hands in her lap.
“Clover, I have great news,” Maria Sue said, resting her elbows on her desk and smiling at Clover. “You are actually above average concerning your recovery and rehabilitation. You are ahead of most people in this stage of their rehab. At this point in a patient’s rehabilitation, the patient has usually experienced the desire to relapse. Some come very close to just signing themselves out and leaving and starting drugs again. But you, Clover, have never shown any inclination, ever, to relapse. You’ve exceeded all expectations.”
“I don’t want to go back to the drugs,” Clover answered. “I understand what they did to me. They almost killed me. I’m not about to allow that to happen again.”
“I think the realization that the patient doesn’t need the drugs as a crutch, that they can go on without the drugs and can thrive without the drugs, is one of the main steps towards recovery,” Maria Sue said. “If only everyone found that out so soon.
“Well, Clover, what I’m trying to get to is that even though it’s early, I want to start getting you some training for returning to the outside. Drugs and alcohol are everywhere beyond these walls and temptations are harder to resist,” Maria Sue continued. “Training sounds a little odd for what we’ll be doing, but there’s really no other word to describe it. It’ll teach you how to resist temptations, how to turn down the offer of alcohol or drugs, that sort of thing.”
“So basically like high school?” Clover commented. “Don’t do drugs, don’t drink, don’t talk to strangers?”
“Yes, a little bit like that,” Maria Sue answered. “But it’ll be more intense and personal. And, if it goes well, then you could be out of here within a month.”
“A month?” Clover gaped.
“Yeah, maybe earlier if you respond well to training,” Maria Sue said with a nod.
“I’d love that!” Clover exclaimed.
Maria Sue smiled. “I know. How about we set up another appointment in a week? We’ll make sure you’re still on track; if you are, then we’ll start helping you readjust to the outside world, this time addiction-free.”
“Let’s do it,” Clover answered instantly, wanting nothing more than to return home.
When Clover lived with Patricia and Stephen, she was led to believe that addicts were dirty, evil undesirables at the very bottom of society. She was under the assumption that they were hardly human anymore; all of them had murderous intentions and none of them had a moralistic bone left in their rotting bodies. To become an addict was the worst case scenario, worse than death itself.
Yet, as Clover had continuously learned since cutting all ties with her foster family, the way Stephen and Patricia viewed the world and the people inside it wasn’t the only one, and most certainly not always the right way either. Since becoming an addict herself, and meeting all of these other recovering addicts at Serenity Sobriety Center, Clover had come to realize that every addict is an individual human being with family, friends, goals, and dreams. Addicts are not always lost causes. Addiction doesn’t necessarily mean that one’s life is over.
Clover had made easy friends at the center. 99% of the addicts in the rehabilitation program were lovely people led astray for a short time but striving to get their life back on track. Addicts weren’t always the terrible, immoral monsters that television and movies made them out to be. Recovering at the center made Clover realize how little of the real world she’d actually seen and encountered during her teenage years.
Clover stepped out of the shower, quickly drying herself off and putting on the clothes she’d picked out. Patients were encouraged to dress casually when meeting with their counselors, but everyone usually pulled their nice clothes out of the back of the closet anyway. Counselors based their judgment of progress on behavior and not appearance, but all the patients figured they would make a better impression walking into the office looking crisp and clean instead of like they’d just walked off of a construction site.
Clover carefully braided her wet hair and checked herself one last time in the mirror before exiting the bathroom, shutting off the light and closing the door behind her. She grabbed her apartment key and stepped out the door, locking it behind her.
Once she stepped into Maria Sue’s office, they greeted each other and shook hands as per usual. Clover sat down in one of the chairs across from Maria Sue, folding her hands in her lap.
“Clover, I have great news,” Maria Sue said, resting her elbows on her desk and smiling at Clover. “You are actually above average concerning your recovery and rehabilitation. You are ahead of most people in this stage of their rehab. At this point in a patient’s rehabilitation, the patient has usually experienced the desire to relapse. Some come very close to just signing themselves out and leaving and starting drugs again. But you, Clover, have never shown any inclination, ever, to relapse. You’ve exceeded all expectations.”
“I don’t want to go back to the drugs,” Clover answered. “I understand what they did to me. They almost killed me. I’m not about to allow that to happen again.”
“I think the realization that the patient doesn’t need the drugs as a crutch, that they can go on without the drugs and can thrive without the drugs, is one of the main steps towards recovery,” Maria Sue said. “If only everyone found that out so soon.
“Well, Clover, what I’m trying to get to is that even though it’s early, I want to start getting you some training for returning to the outside. Drugs and alcohol are everywhere beyond these walls and temptations are harder to resist,” Maria Sue continued. “Training sounds a little odd for what we’ll be doing, but there’s really no other word to describe it. It’ll teach you how to resist temptations, how to turn down the offer of alcohol or drugs, that sort of thing.”
“So basically like high school?” Clover commented. “Don’t do drugs, don’t drink, don’t talk to strangers?”
“Yes, a little bit like that,” Maria Sue answered. “But it’ll be more intense and personal. And, if it goes well, then you could be out of here within a month.”
“A month?” Clover gaped.
“Yeah, maybe earlier if you respond well to training,” Maria Sue said with a nod.
“I’d love that!” Clover exclaimed.
Maria Sue smiled. “I know. How about we set up another appointment in a week? We’ll make sure you’re still on track; if you are, then we’ll start helping you readjust to the outside world, this time addiction-free.”
“Let’s do it,” Clover answered instantly, wanting nothing more than to return home.