Everything I Used to be is Coming Back to Torture Me
Transfer
“Is the wheelchair really necessary?” Clover asked the nurse, eyeing the generic hospital wheelchair distastefully. “Can’t I just walk out to the car?”
“We are required to take all patients out in a wheelchair,” the nurse answered kindly, smiling persuasively at Clover.
“No, I won’t do it,” Clover said, turning her nose up at the wheelchair. “I can walk out of this damn hospital on my own two feet, thank you very much. I’m just a drug addict; my legs still work.”
“But—” the nurse began, still smiling kindly at Clover.
“I refuse!” Clover insisted, crossing her arms and legs defiantly. She was no longer hooked up to any machines and the IV had finally been removed from her arm, allowing her more mobility than she’d had for the past few days. About that time, Matt walked in followed by the rest of the band mates and their girlfriends or wives. They had all come to see her off to the rehabilitation center.
“Now, Clover, do what the nice nurse tells you,” Brian said, walking over and messing up Clover’s hair playfully. She smacked his hand away, fixing her hair as she defiantly shook her head.
“She’s tough,” Zacky told the nurse seriously. “Just toss her out the window, she’ll be fine.”
“All I’m saying is, I put myself in this mess, I’ve got the dignity to get myself out of it,” Clover told the nurse.
“It’s not about dignity—”
“Well, I think it is. Really, is it that big of a deal if I don’t use the wheelchair?” Clover answered. She gave the nurse her best innocent, pleading puppy dog face. People rarely resisted it.
The nurse looked from Clover to the wheelchair and back. Clover could see the nurse’s resolve dissolving right before her eyes. Heaving a heavy sigh, the nurse grabbed the wheelchair and wheeled it into a distant corner of the room. “Fine, Clover, but only because I think you can walk on your own. Now, can I escort you downstairs to the car?”
“Yes, please,” Clover answered happily, quickly bouncing off of the bed and stepping out of the hospital room with her little entourage in tow.
After a short stint of recuperation in the hospital clearing her system of the drugs, Clover was finally well enough to be transferred to the rehab center. It was called Serenity Sobriety Center and was located on a private, remote (or, as remote as you can get in California) estate right on the beach. The previous day, a representative from the center came and told Clover all about it, showing her pictures of the estate and the room she would be staying in. To Clover, it looked more like a vacation resort than a rehabilitation center. When Clover mentioned that, the representative had told her that the resort environment was best because it was relaxing and far away from stressful things that could set a patient back on his or her recovery.
The center was about two hours north of Huntington Beach. Her friends would be allowed to visit, but only when the counselors agreed to it. Clover felt excited and nervous at the same time. Avenged had become her lifeline over the past few months; they were the closest thing to family that she had ever experienced. She was so scared to be without them. However, she knew that in order to become sober, she needed to be thrust into an entirely new, sober environment. And although she was scared to be alone, she felt ready to be independent again. She was sick and tired of relying on drugs and alcohol to get through each day. They helped her forget, but forgetting her past didn’t change it or help her move on from it.
The nurse led Clover and her friends to the front entrance of the hospital. A pale blue van idled outside of the entrance, waiting to take Clover to Serenity Sobriety Center. Clover took a deep breath and turned to look at her friends. They just stood there, smiling back at her. Just looking at them, Clover decided that they were never the type of family that she had been looking for, but they were always the type of family she needed. With their tattoos and piercings and rebel ways, they were the exact opposite of the family she’d spent a good portion of her life with, and she’d always viewed that as a good thing. And even though she became an addict on tour, she never blamed them for what happened. They were the only people keeping her from just quitting everything, and she was grateful for that. They had given her something worth living for.
“Oh, God, I’m going to miss you guys,” Clover said, opening her arms. All of them rushed forward, wrapping their arms around her in a massive group hug. After several moments, they pulled away and began to give her individual hugs.
Once everyone had given her a hug, Clover looked at them standing there looking sad. It was harder to say goodbye than she had first assumed. So she decided to just not say goodbye, because this wasn’t a goodbye, but rather a hello to a better life.
“Wish me luck, you guys,” Clover said instead, offering them one final reassuring smile before turning and climbing into the van. As the van pulled away from the hospital, she turned in her seat and waved back at them until the van turned onto the street and headed towards the SSC, where hopefully Clover would get her life back on track.
“We are required to take all patients out in a wheelchair,” the nurse answered kindly, smiling persuasively at Clover.
“No, I won’t do it,” Clover said, turning her nose up at the wheelchair. “I can walk out of this damn hospital on my own two feet, thank you very much. I’m just a drug addict; my legs still work.”
“But—” the nurse began, still smiling kindly at Clover.
“I refuse!” Clover insisted, crossing her arms and legs defiantly. She was no longer hooked up to any machines and the IV had finally been removed from her arm, allowing her more mobility than she’d had for the past few days. About that time, Matt walked in followed by the rest of the band mates and their girlfriends or wives. They had all come to see her off to the rehabilitation center.
“Now, Clover, do what the nice nurse tells you,” Brian said, walking over and messing up Clover’s hair playfully. She smacked his hand away, fixing her hair as she defiantly shook her head.
“She’s tough,” Zacky told the nurse seriously. “Just toss her out the window, she’ll be fine.”
“All I’m saying is, I put myself in this mess, I’ve got the dignity to get myself out of it,” Clover told the nurse.
“It’s not about dignity—”
“Well, I think it is. Really, is it that big of a deal if I don’t use the wheelchair?” Clover answered. She gave the nurse her best innocent, pleading puppy dog face. People rarely resisted it.
The nurse looked from Clover to the wheelchair and back. Clover could see the nurse’s resolve dissolving right before her eyes. Heaving a heavy sigh, the nurse grabbed the wheelchair and wheeled it into a distant corner of the room. “Fine, Clover, but only because I think you can walk on your own. Now, can I escort you downstairs to the car?”
“Yes, please,” Clover answered happily, quickly bouncing off of the bed and stepping out of the hospital room with her little entourage in tow.
After a short stint of recuperation in the hospital clearing her system of the drugs, Clover was finally well enough to be transferred to the rehab center. It was called Serenity Sobriety Center and was located on a private, remote (or, as remote as you can get in California) estate right on the beach. The previous day, a representative from the center came and told Clover all about it, showing her pictures of the estate and the room she would be staying in. To Clover, it looked more like a vacation resort than a rehabilitation center. When Clover mentioned that, the representative had told her that the resort environment was best because it was relaxing and far away from stressful things that could set a patient back on his or her recovery.
The center was about two hours north of Huntington Beach. Her friends would be allowed to visit, but only when the counselors agreed to it. Clover felt excited and nervous at the same time. Avenged had become her lifeline over the past few months; they were the closest thing to family that she had ever experienced. She was so scared to be without them. However, she knew that in order to become sober, she needed to be thrust into an entirely new, sober environment. And although she was scared to be alone, she felt ready to be independent again. She was sick and tired of relying on drugs and alcohol to get through each day. They helped her forget, but forgetting her past didn’t change it or help her move on from it.
The nurse led Clover and her friends to the front entrance of the hospital. A pale blue van idled outside of the entrance, waiting to take Clover to Serenity Sobriety Center. Clover took a deep breath and turned to look at her friends. They just stood there, smiling back at her. Just looking at them, Clover decided that they were never the type of family that she had been looking for, but they were always the type of family she needed. With their tattoos and piercings and rebel ways, they were the exact opposite of the family she’d spent a good portion of her life with, and she’d always viewed that as a good thing. And even though she became an addict on tour, she never blamed them for what happened. They were the only people keeping her from just quitting everything, and she was grateful for that. They had given her something worth living for.
“Oh, God, I’m going to miss you guys,” Clover said, opening her arms. All of them rushed forward, wrapping their arms around her in a massive group hug. After several moments, they pulled away and began to give her individual hugs.
Once everyone had given her a hug, Clover looked at them standing there looking sad. It was harder to say goodbye than she had first assumed. So she decided to just not say goodbye, because this wasn’t a goodbye, but rather a hello to a better life.
“Wish me luck, you guys,” Clover said instead, offering them one final reassuring smile before turning and climbing into the van. As the van pulled away from the hospital, she turned in her seat and waved back at them until the van turned onto the street and headed towards the SSC, where hopefully Clover would get her life back on track.
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