Best Thing

The night was beautiful and the stars twinkled overhead. It was windy and everything smelled damp from the rain that had poured during the dance earlier. I was sweaty, but the wind cooled me quickly and I soon felt like I had just awakened from a nightmare in a cold sweat. Except, I wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t nervous. I was the complete opposite in a state of complete euphoria.

I stood there in his arms and sighed happily. I loved the feeling of the dress against my skin, the silky fabric made me feel like a princess. But, he looked like a prince. If it weren’t for the fact that I knew better, I would have sworn he was Prince Charming in the flesh as he stood in front of me in his dress pants and red shirt, to match my red dress.

There was something about him that made my heart pound fast, my stomach flutter, my knees go weak, and my mouth to lose its words. He was perfect to me and I couldn’t imagine standing here with anyone else. His brown hair had been slicked back by gel and a fine tooth comb, but done so in a manner that gave him a classy dressed-up look instead of a greasy wannabe look. He face was redder than normally due to the heat from the gymnasium we’d just exited and I wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms and stare at him forever.

“Thank you.” I whispered as we stood next to the passenger side door of his car. My arms were wrapped around his torso and his arms feel naturally around my waist. I rested my head on his chest and inhaled deeply. He smelt like fabric softener, autumn breezes, deodorant, and the cologne I’d gotten him as a gift. He knew I liked smells and would often switch which cologne he wore just so that I’d have something to comment on if I conversation ever lulled. He’d done it for when we’d first started dating and I felt awkward in conversation alone with him that wasn’t about band.

“What are you thanking me for, little one?” He asked leaning away so that we could see each other. His glasses reflected the moon light and made me smile. It made his brown eyes shine even more than normal. I loved his eyes. They always reminded me of the Destiny’s Child song, Brown Eyes. And that always reminded me that I was falling in love with him. Gradually, but obviously, right in front of my eyes.

“Being you.” I said softly, tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear. He smiled and shook his head. I moved a hand up and caressed his face. I always envied how clear his skin was, no blemishes or freckles or anything. A very mild case of rosacea, but that was it. And even that didn’t make him appear flawed in any manner.

“I can’t help it.” He shrugged and I smiled at him laughing lightly. My laugher made his smile brighten, to the point where I could see both dimples clearly. Normally, I could just make out one and I knew when I could see both that he was genuinely happy.

It was late and I knew we had to leave the school parking lot soon so he could get me home and still make his curfew. I didn’t want to ever have this moment end though. I knew it was a silly thing to wish, but I wanted to stay with him forever. I could see myself growing old with him and having children with him. I may have been young and stupid, but that was a thought which was clear in my head and didn’t appear to be going away.

I’d had two homecomings in my high school career, the first one had been spent wishing he’d ask me to dance and the second one had been spent in his arms. When I thought about that I realized how stupid I had been not to just ask him to dance last year. But, I knew that he hardly acknowledged my existence then. I was just that girl from band. But then this year, he’d been my section leader, as some had referred to it “bandcest.” But, that didn’t matter. Not anymore because he was mine.

“You know, last year, I almost asked you to dance?” He looked back down at me with a sad look in his eyes after hearing my words. I bit down on my lip as soon as I realized the words had left my mouth. They hadn’t meant to and I felt silly for saying it to him. He didn’t need to know, and I doubted he wanted to know, about the crush I’d had on him so intensely previously.

“What do you mean?” He asked quietly, and I could hear the soft heartbreaking undercurrent in his tone. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I was just proving how pathetic I was, but I couldn’t stop myself from talking anymore, and in spite of myself I felt inclined to answer.

“I wanted to dance with you. But you were with her the entire night, so I didn’t ask.” I said, looking down at my feet feeling slightly ashamed. I choked on my words slightly, but hoped he didn’t notice the small quiver in my speech. He knew me though, and I’m sure he picked up on it.

We both knew that by ‘her’ I meant his ex-girlfriend. The one who turned out to be a psycho and who he only started dating after they’d danced at homecoming the year before. I’d heard the story from so many people so many times before he’d asked me out. I knew all the things they did. It all started from homecoming. All started from the day when I didn’t make the move I should have. Because of it I had to be tortured and watch him date a girl who was all wrong for him.

And I’m not just saying that because I liked him, I genuinely mean that she changed his entire personality to fit the boy she wanted to date. He didn’t need to ever be changed though, he came perfect. I watched as he distanced himself from friends, and I heard from his best girl friend just how much everything had turned. She never knew how I felt though. If she knew that even then I felt for him, she would have been furious that I stood by and let someone else have him.

“Only because no one else would dance with me…” He lifted my chin up so I was looking at him, and I tried not to make eye contact. “Are you crying?” He asked softly, pushing my head over so I had to look at him. My eyeliner was running because of the tears, but I still tried to hold them back. I didn’t want him to know how upset I was. I wanted him to believe I was strong, even though we both knew I wasn’t.

I shook my head, afraid that my voice would deceive me. I felt so bad. I’d spent over a year just liking him and watching as he dated her and had to deal with relationship hell. Every time I thought about them being together it hurt me, and made me think more about everything I had missed. It also made me realize, I wasn’t the first person he’d loved. He’d get all my firsts and I wouldn’t get any of his. It was a realization that often kept me up at night, although I would never admit that to him.

She was prettier than me, and had more friends, and even though she was a complete bitch, part of me would always see her as better than me. In my eyes, no matter what I did to shake it, I always felt second best in comparison. He’d dedicated as much time to her as I had to him. It was a disturbing thought to know that how much I liked him was similar to how much he had at one point liked her. And even though I tried to deny it, I always felt that it was because of my subtle flirting that they’d broken up. Even though, I knew how toxic she was to him I still blamed myself for their failed relationship.

“I wish that I could go back in time and change who I fell for.” He whispered pulling me close to him and nuzzling his head into my hair. “I wish I could have noticed you from the start.” He leaned away from me and kissed my forehead softly. “You’re so gorgeous, I don’t know why it took me so long to notice.” I shook my head, mentally telling him that he was crazy for thinking that.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying.” I said, lowering my eyes again trying to calm myself, but the tears kept flowing. I was bad for myself. I shouldn’t put myself down like I did, but I couldn’t help it either. I had a negative mindset, even though I often was able to cover it up with a façade of optimism. It was one of my many personality traits that I always felt bad for showing around him because I felt he deserved someone better.

“It’s not your fault.” He whispered. “’You’re wonderful and I’m happy I have you now. I wish I could have had you then, but I have you know and I’ll just have to make up for lost time.” And again, he kissed me. Only this time it was on the lips and it wasn’t a soothing kiss. This time he kissed me softly but with fervor. It was a kiss that made me believe him in all the things he told me when I got upset.

In that kiss, I knew I wasn’t a rebound. I wasn’t at fault for his lost relationship and if anything it was better for him this way. As his lips pressed against mine, I let my negativity sweep away. The past was the past and the future was too far away to think about. The present was now and that’s what I should have been focused on. My eyes were shut, and his tongue gently brushed my bottom lip as I open my mouth for him. His mom’s words echoed in my head about how if you can kiss someone with your eyes open you weren’t really in love with them.

I pulled away and pushed his arms away from me. “We should really go. It’s getting late and I don’t want you to miss your curfew.” I whispered. I really didn’t want to leave him, but I knew I should. The more time I spent with him the more attached I got and I was afraid that if I wasn’t careful I’d end up in love with him.

Although, being in love wasn’t a bad thing. It was just frightening for me because he was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, sex. He got all those titles and I couldn’t say I was his first anything. It made me feel bad. It made me worry that I’d always have some tie to him stronger than he had to me.

“Screw the curfew.” He murmured, opening the car door for me and guiding me into the passenger seat. “If we’re a little late my parents won’t mind. They like you.” I smiled and shrugged as he nodded and shut my door before walking around to his own side.

“I doubt that means I have permission to make you miss curfew.” I said softly and he laughed loudly, taking my hand in his and staring at me for a few moments. I could read his eyes and knew he had so many things he just wanted to spill and tell me, but was holding back.

“They hated her.” He said, referring again to his ex-girlfriend, and I tensed up slightly. “They love you. You know what my mom said the other night? She said she was so happy to have a girl around the house who would laugh. She rants on and on about how you smile and laugh at my jokes and don’t think I’m weird. She thinks it’s the best thing ever.”

“That’s just your mom though.” I said quickly knowing that his mom found great amusement in the little details of life that most other people overlooked. He shook his head and quickly shushed me.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”