Driven to Distraction

John and I didn’t talk much after that night, save for the few times we’d clash or see each other at parties on the weekends. We’d gone back to our normal … relationship, and I can’t say that I expected much else. That’s how it always went for us.

And, although my gut told me it was a bad idea, I found myself waiting beside John’s locker, silently praying that he wouldn’t humiliate me in front of half the student body when he made his way here.

“Alright, man, I’ll talk to you later,” I heard him say before I saw his figure turn the corner, coming towards me. When he noticed me, a smirk adorned his face. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Morrison?” he asked sarcastically.

I took in a large breath of air, trying not to sound too nervous. “Well … uh …”

“Just spit it out, girl. I’ve got to be at work in twenty minutes,” he stated before bumping fists with a guy passing by.

I sighed, knowing I would have to just blurt it out before John lost his cool with me. “I’m having a party tonight … at my house, and I just wanted to invite you. I mean, I’m not expecting you to come or anything, but just know that you’re invited. Okay, that’s all. Bye,” I sputtered quickly before turning on my heel, ready to walk away.

“Morrison!” he yelled before I got too far. I turned around, looking at him. “Happy Birthday,” he winked before opening his locker, ignoring me now.

I was surprised that he knew or remembered. Today was my sixteenth birthday, and due to encouragement from Kelsi and Garrett, I agreed to let them throw me a “Sweet Sixteen” at my house, being that my father had already told me he wouldn’t be home to celebrate with me. Although he did apologize, it still hurt to know that he wasn’t willing to take a day off for my birthday.

As soon as Kelsi, Garrett and I reached my house, the chaos began.

“Okay, Garrett and I will decorate, and Kenny will be coming by in a few to help, too. You just get upstairs and get ready,” Kelsi ordered.

I stared at her. “Kelsi, the party doesn’t even start until seven. It’s barely three. How long do you think it’s going to take me to get ready?”

“It’s your Sweet Sixteen, K! You better get all dolled up!”

I rolled my eyes. “Does it really matter if I get dressed up or not?”

“If you don’t get your ass upstairs-“ she began.

“I’m going! I’m going!” I laughed, taking the stairs two at a time.

Once I was in my room, I sighed and figured I should go ahead and take another shower, being that the heat had been causing me to sweat all day.

After showering and blow drying my hair, I turned on my stereo, playing a mixed CD I had made a few days prior. Talking Bird by Death Cab for Cutie began playing, and it instantly made me think of John, which oddly make me want to get dolled up, as Kelsi had put it.

I stared into my closet, tapping my index finger on my chin. I didn’t have anything that jumped out at me, or that was too dressy. Wrapping my robe around my body, I opened my door, and before I could yell, Kelsi was in my face, holding two boxes wrapped in red paper.

“The dress is from Garrett and the shoes are from me,” she grinned.

I couldn’t help but to smile as I took the boxes from her. “Kelsi, you guys didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Oh, yes we did, because you obviously didn’t have anything else to wear.”

I laughed. “You’re right.”

She smiled. “Take your time getting dressed,” she said before leaving.

I closed my door and sat both boxes down on my bed, not wanting to open them just yet. I set my curling iron to warm, while beginning on my eye makeup. I chose a golden eye shadow, figuring it could go with any color that the dress could potentially be. I applied mascara and eyeliner before smearing foundation and powder onto my face. I wasn't exactly one to wear makeup, being that the heat would cause me to sweat it off in no time, but it felt suitable for tonight. I began working on the curls for my hair, and once I was done, I spritzed hairspray all over my hair, hoping it would hold the ringlets through the night.

I reached for the first box on my bed, opening it. A smile adorned my face as I saw a pair of black heeled-peep toe shoes, butterfly wings adorning the back of the shoes. I sat them down on my bed and began opening the second box, which had to be the dress Garrett bought me. My eyes nearly bulged out of my head as I gazed at the dress.

It was a short black number, with an asymmetric overlay strap at the left shoulder. There was no doubt in my bed that this dress would hug against my body perfectly, but I wasn’t exactly too thrilled about the idea. I sighed as I slid the fabric over my body, my fears coming true. I had to shrug off my insecurities as I placed the heels on my feet. I chose to wear gold hoop earrings, and a set of gold bangles. When I was done, I applied a pink gloss to my lips and doused myself in perfume.

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat as I began descending the stairs.

Kelsi, Garrett, Kennedy and Pat all turned to look at me.

“Wow, Jewel,” Garrett stated, his eyes wide.

“You look sexy, girl,” Kelsi smiled; obviously pleased with the way I looked.

“You look very pretty, Ketely,” Pat told me, Kennedy’s head nodding in agreement.

“Thanks, guys,” I blushed. “Where’s Jared?”

“He mentioned something about having to pick up John,” Kelsi smirked. “I didn’t know you invited him.”

I rolled my eyes. “I was trying to be polite.”

“Uh huh,” she laughed, going back to placing a stack of pink napkins on the coffee table.

“By the way, thank you all so much for decorating. I really appreciate it,” I smiled.

“It’s your birthday, Jewel. We don’t mind,” Garrett said, waving me off.

“Since we have some time to kill, mind if we watch some TV?” Kennedy asked.

I shook my head. “Not at all.”

_____________________________________________________

Kids didn’t start showing up until nearly seven-thirty, but I was surprised at how many had come. It became clear to me, though, that many had just heard the word “party” and decided to come, because I didn’t recognize quite a few faces.

It was nearing eight o’clock when I heard the doorbell ring again. After placing the gift in my hands on the table, I walked over to the door, my eyes widening as I saw who it was.

“Surprised, Morrison?” he smirked.

“Happy Birthday, Ketely,” Jared smiled, holding out a small, red box.

“Thank you, Jared. Come in,” I said, widening the doorway.

“Before I forget, here; and don’t thank me, my mom wouldn’t let me leave the house until I bought a gift,” John stated, shoving a slim, square wrapped gift into my hands.

“Well, thank you anyways,” I told him before closing the door and walking back to the gift table.

“Where’s the booze?”

I rolled my eyes as I turned around. “It’s in the kitchen, John.”

“See ya,” he said before quickly walking away.

“Don’t let him get to you tonight, Jewel. It’s your birthday and I want you to have fun,” Garrett stated, wagging his index finger in my face.

I laughed, pushing it away. “I am having fun, Gare. I just need to grab a drink.”

He nodded his head. “Drink it up, birthday girl.”

I smiled. “I plan on it.” I had to push through the bodies in the living room to make it to my kitchen, and as I stepped onto the tiled floor, I sighed. “Thank God,” I mumbled before opening the fridge, pulling out a bottle of Corona. The alcohol had been provided by Pat’s older brother, who we were all slightly more grateful for, tonight.

“Hey, you’re the birthday girl, right?” I heard a low voice ask from behind me.

I turned around, seeing a boy who stood a few inches taller than me. He had short, spiked brown hair and a pair of beautiful brown eyes; I couldn’t help but to smile upon seeing him. “Yeah, I’m Ketely,” I blushed, watching his eyes wander over my body.

“Kurt,” he smiled, holding out his hand.

I shook it. “It’s nice to meet you, Kurt.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind that my friend brought me along here. I mean, I wasn’t really invited,” he chuckled nervously.

“Oh, it’s fine. Half the people here weren’t really invited,” I laughed.

“Well then, I feel better.”

I smiled before popping the cap off and taking a sip of my beer. “So do you go to Tempe High?” I asked, surprised at myself for actually initiating conversation.

“Uh, I actually go to Corona,” he stated before pulling out a Bud Light from the ice chest sitting on the floor.

“That’s cool.” I took a chug of my beer, knowing I would need liquid confidence if I was going to keep talking to Kurt.

“Yeah, it is. I hope I’m not being too forward by saying this, but you look extremely sexy,” he smirked, and for some reason, it reminded me of John.

I felt my cheeks set on fire, and I stared down at my feet, smiling. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

We continued making small talk in the kitchen before Kelsi announced that it was time to cut the cake, which had been the only thing my dad provided that night. We were all ushered into the living room, where she had the large, one sheet yellow cake set, sixteen assorted color candles lit on top. Someone shut the lights off, and I could feel my phobia begin to set in, and I had to remind myself to breathe, that nothing could happen, because there were dozens of people surrounding me.

“On the count of three, all you fuckers better sing my Jewel happy birthday!” Garrett shouted, clearly already buzzed.

I closed my eyes as everyone began singing, holding a shy smile on my face. When they finished, I held my hair behind my neck and blew out the candles. Everyone cheered, and Kelsi began cutting the cake.

“So what did you wish for, K?” Kennedy asked, looking at me.

“Um … I didn’t wish for anything, actually,” I admitted.

He pouted. “That’s no good! You should always wish for something!”

I gave a laugh, shrugging my shoulders. “I honestly don’t know what I would have wished for, even if I had.”

“Which piece of the cake do you want, K?” Kelsi asked me, her hand holding a silver knife above the cake.

“Save me the piece with the flower for later,” I told her.

“You got it.”

Soon enough, the music began playing and everyone was dancing and talking amongst themselves again. After those who wanted a piece of cake got their slices, Kelsi went dancing with Kennedy again, and I somehow found my way back to Kurt in the kitchen.

“Birthday shot?” he asked, holding up a bottle of Jägermeister.

I eyed the bottle warily before nodding my head. “Why not?”

He grinned. “Perfect.” He poured the liquid into shot glasses, and handed one to me. “To you.”

I laughed, holding my glass up. “To me.” We both knocked the shot back, and I tried not to make a face as it slid down my throat.

“Feel like getting some air?”

“Sure. We can go out back,” I said, pointing towards my backyard.

He nodded his head and grabbed the bottle as we made our way out the back door, and onto the soft grass. After walking far away from everyone else in the yard, we sat down, and began passing the bottle and forth.

“So how does it feel to be sixteen?”

“Oddly enough, I don’t feel any different from yesterday,” I laughed.

He chuckled and took a gulp of the liquor. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

I could feel butterflies forming in my stomach. “No, I don’t,” I answered timidly. He handed the bottle back to me and I took a swig of it.

“That’s good.”

“It is?”

“Mhm,” he hummed, stealing the bottle from my hands.

We continued passing the bottle back and forth, and it didn’t take long for me to begin feeling tipsy. I was giggling at nearly everything that came out of Kurt’s mouth, but I could tell by the smirk on his face, that he didn’t mind.

“Here,” he said, handing me the green bottle once again.

“I – I feel so weightless right now,” I hiccupped. He laughed and suddenly, I could feel his warm breath on my neck, planting kisses on my skin. I took a sip of the drink, and tried to gently push him off. “It’s your turn,” I stated.

He pushed the bottle up to my lips, ignoring me. “Keep drinking, sexy.” His lips kept leaving unwanted kisses on my neck, and his hands were beginning to creep up my thighs, raising my dress up.

“Hey – hey, Kurt, I really don’t-“ He didn’t let me finish as he forcefully pressed his lips against mine, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I felt my heart rate increase as I realized what was happening. Tears hoarded my eyes and I placed my palms against his chest, panicking. “P – pl – please – stop,” I cried out in between his kisses.

He laughed, his hand slipping under my dress. “Come on, baby.”

I clamped my eyes shut as I felt my breathing becoming ragged. “Kurt, please – no!” I gasped as his fingers slid inside of my underwear.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t knock your ass out right now,” John growled, yanking Kurt’s body off of me. I opened my eyes, shocked and still scared. He was glaring down Kurt, his hands balled into tight fists.

“John,” Kurt slurred, smiling. “You wanna share her, man? I mean, that’s-“ before he could finish, John’s fist was connecting with his cheek, making him fall to the ground.

“Listen to me, you disgusting piece of shit,” John began, crouching down to look at Kurt, “get the fuck out of here before I kill you with my bare hands."

Kurt sat up, holding his jaw. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “She’s not even worth this shit,” he said before standing up and walking off.

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until I inhaled sharply, gasping for air.

“Ketely, are you okay?” John asked, his voice sounding soft and concerned. He kneeled in front of me and I saw the worry in his eyes.

I wiped my eyes, feeling embarrassed. “I – I’m fine now.”

He sighed, looking me over. “Did he touch you at all?”

I nodded slowly, looking down. “Just – just for a second, though, because you came.”

He balled his hands into fists again, clenching his jaw. “I can’t fucking believe I let him get away.”

I couldn’t believe that John was actually worried about me. I mean … it was me.

“Thank you, John,” I whispered.

His face softened and he took a seat beside me on the grass. “You’re welcome. You – uh – you might want to fix your dress, Morrison,” he told me, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

“What?” He pointed to the hem of my dress, and I realized that it was raised up to the bottom of my underwear, thanks to Kurt. “Oh!” I shouted, yanking it down. “Sorry …”

He shrugged, and looked away. “What were you doing out here with Kurt, anyway?”

“We were just talking … and drinking … then he started kissing me. I asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen,” I stated, feeling fresh tears prick my eyes.

He let out a long breath before grabbing my hand. “Let’s get back inside and enjoy what’s left of your party.”

He pulled me off the grass with him, and I followed behind him as he led me back into my house. He pulled me through the kitchen and into the living room. I saw his eyes darting around the room, probably looking for Kelsi. When he didn’t see her, he bit down on his lip.

“Will you be okay if you wait here, alone, for a second?” he questioned, looking at me.

I nodded my head. “Yeah, John.”

He nodded his head and walked off into the crowd, and I fixed my dress, and wiped my eyes, trying to hide any evidence of what had just occurred. I crossed my arms over my chest, and waited patiently for John to return.

When he finally came back, he didn’t look too pleased. But when he saw me looking at him, he slapped a smile onto his face. “Feel like dancing?”

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“Come on, Morrison, why do you always have to be so damn difficult?” he asked through clenched teeth.

I rolled my eyes, feeling my heart swell with hurt. “Whatever, O’Callaghan. Go fucking enjoy yourself. Don’t stay with me because you feel sorry for me,” I spat harshly before turning and running upstairs, going straight for my room.

I slammed the door shut and ran towards my bed, throwing myself down on it. I kicked the heels off my feet, and wrapped my arms around my pillow, allowing tears to flow freely down my cheeks.

All that I wanted at that moment, was for my mother to wrap her arms around me, and to tell me that everything was alright, even if it wasn’t.

But of course, that couldn’t happen.

Instead, I heard two soft knocks on my door. “Morrison?”

I rolled my eyes. “Go away, John.” I had wanted to sound angry, but my voice came out cracked and soft.

I heard the door open and close before I felt the mattress sink by my feet.

“I didn’t mean to snap at you, Ketely. I just – I was talking to this girl before I saw what Kurt was doing to you, and I guess I’m just pissed off that I didn’t get to … finish,” he said, his voice trailing off at the end.

“Well I’m sure she’s still downstairs, John. Don’t waste your precious time on me.”

He groaned. “Oh, come on, Ketely. Sit up and at least try to talk to me.”

And for whatever reason, I found myself pushing my body up, and scooting closer to the edge of my bed, sitting beside him. I wiped my eyes and looked away, not wanting him to see how broken I felt.

“So … you’re sixteen now.”

“Cut the bullshit, O’Callaghan,” I mumbled.

“I – I don’t know what to do here, Morrison. I’m trying to be nice, and you’re acting like a bitch,” he stated, and I could feel his eyes on me.

And I knew he was being honest – I was acting like a bitch, but it was only because my feelings were hurt.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” he said, not sounding too certain.

“Why do you hate me?” I asked softly, finally turning my head to look at him.

“What?”

“Why do you hate me, John?”

He laughed and rolled his eyes. “I don’t hate you, Ketely.”

“You sure act and talk like you do.”

“Yeah, well you aren’t exactly the nicest person to me, either.”

“I only act that way because you do,” I said, attempting to defend myself.

“Good answer,” he stated sarcastically.

It became quiet after that. I didn’t know what to do, and I could tell he didn’t either. He began picking at the lint on his jeans, and I stared at the wall in front of me.

He finally broke the silence, though, when he sighed. “Don’t you have a boyfriend or someone who you can sit here and mope with?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend, obviously, or I wouldn’t have been talking to Kurt.”

This seemed to take him by surprise. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend, Morrison?”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend, O’Callaghan?” I retorted.

“Because I choose not to have one, but I can name about ten girls in your living room who would love to be called mine,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. “Right.”

“So come on, why don’t you have one?”

“I don’t know, John, why don’t you go ask the boys downstairs that?” My voice came out harsh, but it was only because I was embarrassed and hurt, because when I thought about it, Kurt had been the one to give me my first kiss. He ruined that special mark in my life for me.

“Okay, well I can see that we’re not gonna get anywhere … I’m gonna go downstairs. I’ll try and find Kelsi or Garrett for you,” he said before standing up and walking towards my door.

“John! Wait!” I yelled, rising to my feet. He turned around, looking expectantly at me. “Kiss me?” I don’t know why I said it, but the words were out in the open now, lingering in the air as he stared at me, eyes wide open.

“K – Ketely, um …” he stuttered, looking everywhere but at me.

“Please, John,” I begged. “Don’t think about it. Just – just kiss me.”

After a long moment, his feet finally began moving him my way and as we stood toe to toe, he looked into my eyes, and I saw something that I had never seen in them before: nervousness. His fingers gently brushed my hair behind my back, and he licked his lips, still staring me in the eyes. I tried to convey my every emotion in my eyes, letting him know that I needed him, if only for that moment … I needed him.

“Ketely, I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispered, his breath tickling my lips.

And when he said that, my heart dropped to the soles of my feet. I felt pathetic, and unwanted, and just about every other emotion of hurt. I had asked him to kiss me, and he rejected me.

“I think you need to go, John,” I stated softly, trying to hold back my tears.

“Morrison, ple-“

“I said go,” I yelled.

He gave me a sympathetic look before he turned and walked towards my door. He gave me one last look over his shoulder, before he opened the door and left, closing it behind him.

I let out a loud sob, falling to my knees. Every part of me felt crushed, and I had no idea how to handle it all. I buried my face into my hands as I cried my heart out.

“Ketely!”

I looked up as I heard my name being yelled, and my door flew open, John running straight towards me. Before I could even ask him what he wanted, his lips were on mine, and I was falling backwards onto my carpet.

His large hands cradled my face and he kissed me so passionately, that at only sixteen years old, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I kissed him back; pouring everything I had into it, hoping that it could match the feeling he was giving me.

He pulled away much too soon for my liking, and pressed his forehead against mine. His lips were swollen, and I imagined mines were the same way.

“What are we doing?” he asked, laughing lightly and staring into my eyes.

“Kissing?” I said, sounding all kinds of confused.

He laughed again, and stood up, extending his hand out to me. I grabbed it and he pulled me up. He shut my door before going to lay on my bed. I stared at him, furrowing my brows. “Come here.”

I didn’t ask any questions as I obeyed him, going to lay beside him on my bed. He placed one arm underneath my head, and with the other, he trailed his fingertips up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps on my skin.

“Have you been able to sleep at all?” he asked, his voice laced with care; something I’d never heard come from him before.

I shook my head. “Not really,” I admitted.

He sighed and wrapped his arm around me. “Close your eyes, Morrison.”

“I don’t want to,” I argued.

“Why not? You have to be tired.”

“I am. I just – I don’t want you to go away, John. Not tonight,” I confessed.

“I’ll be here in the morning, Ketely. Just like last time,” he said softly.

“Sing to me – for my birthday?” I asked, looking up at him.

He gave me a gentle smile before nodding his head and placing a kiss on my forehead. “Close your eyes, K.”

I felt a sensation go through my body as he used my nickname; he had never called me ‘K’ before – it was new to me. But I closed my eyes and nestled my face into the crook of his neck, and I listened as his soft, raspy voice sang me to sleep for the second time.

“You may tire of me, as our December sun is setting, ‘cause I’m not who I used to be. No longer easy on the eyes, these wrinkles masterfully disguise the youthful boy below, who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end. But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize, when he catches his reflection by accident. On the back of a motor bike, with your arms outstretched, trying to take flight, leaving everything behind. But even at our swiftest speed, we couldn’t break the concrete, in the city where we still reside. And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men. ‘Cause now we say goodnight, from our separate sides, like brothers on a hotel bed … like brothers on a hotel bed … like brothers on a hotel bed … like brothers on a hotel bed … You may tire of me as our December sun is setting, ‘cause I’m not who I used to be …” I was barely awake, but I heard him breathe in deeply before he placed another kiss on my forehead and whispered, “goodnight, Morrison.”