Green and Gray

As much as I didn't want to, I went into work on Wednesday. I had a responsibility of managing the store and being there when things got rough with shipments. Since Winter was on maternity leave, she was busting out design after design and getting them made. We always had new things to put on the shelves and practically all of them would sell out.

Winter was popular in the fashion district of Arizona and even some parts California. People would always request an online shop, but it hadn't gotten to that point, yet. I was always proud when I would see people wearing her designs walking down the street.

I was the first one at the store that morning. It was eerily quiet as I unloaded a new shipment of coats Winter had distributed. It was pretty overcast outside, so the only light filling the room was coming from the two chandeliers overhead and the couple of floor lamps by the jewelry and front counter.

Alison was the next to come in. It was usually just two people at once, but sometimes three people would be scheduled. “Hey Sparrow.” She greeted me with a smile. “How was your day with Landon?”

I sighed heavily while I stopped unpacking the box on the counter. “Shitty.” I answered then hung one of the coats on a hanger and put it on a clothes rack to be steamed later.

“What happened?” She questioned in confusion after she put her bag away in the back room.

“We broke up.”

She gasped, “Why?!”

I shrugged, not wanting to get into it, “He just ended up not being who he said he was.”

Since school was still out, the store was going the whole time it was open. Not until my lunch break did I finally get a moment to catch my breath. But then Ryver was waiting outside next to her silver Audi. We hadn't talked much since our fight at the bridal boutique, so I wasn't necessarily thrilled to see her.

“Hi.” She said in a small voice.

“What do you want, Ryver?” I felt so defeated and tired and didn't want to fight.

“I want to talk to you, apologize for how bitchy I've been.” I didn't say anything, just looked at her. “I shouldn't have gone off on you like that and I sure as hell shouldn't have been telling you how to live your life.” She sighed, “I just don't want you to get mixed up between two guys and get your heart broken.” Tears welled up in my eyes. My heart already got broken. “Hey, why are you crying?” She asked softly as she brought me in for a hug.

I let out a choked sob, “Everything is so fucked up.” I cried.

She was concerned, “Why, Sweetie? What happened?”

I sniffed loudly as I pulled away from her, “Landon is an asshole and was only using me for sex.” Her jaw went slack, “And John won't talk to me because he's mad at me because he pretty much put himself out there and I told him I loved Landon. But I don't love Landon, Ryver. I never did. I was just confused!”

“Oh, Honey.” She pulled me back into her chest.

“My heart hurts, Ryv. It hurts so much and I want it to go away.”

“I know you do, Hun. Here, why don't you take the rest of the day off and we'll get Winter and Clover and have a movie day?”

I shook my head, “I can't take the rest of the day off; I'm managing.”

“We'll have Winter call Trisha in or something. You're a wreck, Sparrow. You need a couple of days.”

We gathered at our parents' house and watched movie after movie and ate so much junk food that I felt like I was going to vomit. My sisters were being so great to me given the situation. After I explained what happened with John on New Years Eve, they gave me sympathetic looks, but didn't say anything. They knew I was already feeling guilty. Hell, I was feeling guilty about even seeing anyone else while he was away. I should have said no to Landon and waited for John to come home. That was the only thing I could think about.

As we laid around the living room I grew up in, watching sappy chick flicks, I would periodically check my phone to see if I had any new text messages, hoping John had manned up and texted me, but none were from him.

“You're just depressing yourself with that thing.” Clover said after she caught me checking my iPhone for the hundredth time.

“I know.” I sighed out.

“Why don't you text him?” Ryver suggested and I shook my head.

“Birdie,” I looked up at my mother, “do you love John?” She asked.

“No.” Did I? “I don't know. I'm not sure. I thought I loved Landon, but I realize, now, that I never did.”

She smiled knowingly at me, “How do you feel around John?” Without missing a beat, my mouth opened and “like mush” came out. They all chuckled. “Be more specific, Sweetheart.”

There were so many ways I could describe the feelings I got when I was with him, “You know that feeling you get when someone drops an ice cube down your back? It's like that, but more intense. I can't breathe when I'm with him and most of the time I feel nauseous from all of the butterflies I get. When he smiles at me it's practically swoon worthy. I've never had any guy give me the attention he gives me. Landon did at first, but with John, he looks at me and acts like everything out of my mouth is the most fascinated thing he's ever heard. He makes me feel worthy and special. Everything is exciting with him. Every day is a brand new adventure.” They were all smiling at me. “What?”

“I felt like that with your father.”

“I still feel like that with Milo.” Winter said.

“So do I with Jordan.” Clover nodded.

“Same for me with Jenn.” Ryver said.

I frowned. What did this mean?

“Sparrow, face it, you're in love.” Mom said.

“You need to go tell him how you feel!” Clover exclaimed excitedly.

“What? No! He won't even talk to me! He's pissed off!” They all groaned and rolled their eyes.

“Get up, you need to go over to his house and tell him all that you told us.” Winter said as she struggled to sit up.

“He's the one, Sparrow, don't let him get away.” Mom said.

“I look like shit, you guys!” I complained. “My face is red from crying and I'm wearing pajama pants!”

“Do you think he cares?” Ryver asked. I didn't, but I was too afraid to be rejected. I didn't want to go over there, spill my heart out to him, and have him laugh in my face. But my sisters were pushy and wouldn't let up until they got their way.

My mind was racing as I got into my Jeep and sped off. I didn't even know if he was home, but I was going either way. I couldn't believe I was doing it. I was going to tell him he was the right one for me.


John's truck was in the driveway, along with Garrett's little yellow car. Kennedy must have been off with Callie or something. My heart thumped in my chest as my fist pounded on the door. My body was rushing with adrenaline.

Garrett was the one who answered. His eyes widened when he saw that it was me. “Whoa, Sparrow! Hey. What are you doing here?”

I shoved my way passed him and into the house, “Where's John?” I asked as I looked around. I couldn't see him anywhere.

“He's in his room. Why? What are you doing, Sparrow?”

Ignoring him, I rushed over to John's closed door, not bothering to knock before barging in. “John, I-” I stopped short when I saw that he was not alone. There was a beautiful blonde in his bed and he was frozen on the other side of the room, pulling on his pants.

“I-I-I'm sorry.” I stuttered then immediately turned and walked out of the room.

“Sparrow!” He called after me.

Garrett was frozen, watching me as I rushed from the hallway. I could hear John rushing after me, but all I could focus on was finding my car keys through my blurry vision. His hand was gripping my bicep, but I ripped it from his grasp as if it burned.

“Sparrow, let me expl-”

“No! I know exactly what happened here.” I turned back to my keys and pressed the unlock button. I pulled the door open, but he shoved it closed.

“Do you?”

“Yes! - God, I'm so fucking stupid.” I pulled the door open again but he pushed it closed once more. I groaned in frustration. Why wouldn't he just let me leave?

“Let me explain!” He stressed but all I did was stare up at him with tears running down my red, blotchy cheeks.

“I was coming over here to tell you how I feel and I walk in on-on-on that!”

He was getting angry, “It isn't what it looks like!”

I shook my head, “It isn't some girl in your bed and you half naked?”

“No-”

“Bullshit!” I opened the door but he shut it again. “Stop!”

“Not until you listen to me!” The veins in his neck were coming to the surface as he was getting more and more frustrated.

“I don't want to listen to another thing out of your mouth ever again.”

“You know what? Fine! Go ahead and cut me out of your damn life! I don't fucking care anymore!” He backed up away from my car with his hands raised, like he was surrendering.

My chest panged but all I did was quickly get into my Jeep and peel out of the rock covered driveway, not looking back once. I was done.