Secret Admiring

We got to the expo with time to spare so we just hung out there and walked around. It was weird because it was about 7 in the morning and there weren't too many people moving about. 

"Ryan?" I asked as we were back at the car as he was getting his board out of the backseat. 

"Hmm?" 

"Why do you skate?" 

"Well, I mean, I love it and it's fun. In case you haven't realized, I'm also pretty boss at it." 

"Yeah," I chuckled, "I noticed."

"Why?" He asked, putting his board on the ground and standing in front of the open door. 

I stopped as well. "I was just wondering."

"About me? I've been taking over your thoughts, I see.".

"Does it bother you?"

"No, I'm flattered," he said, as he put both of his hands on my hips, pulling me closer and putting his lips against the base or my neck. 

"Ryan..."

"Tell me if you want me to stop," he said. We twirled and backed into the car. 

I lied on the backseat and closed my eyes. Ryan was on top of me as he made his way from the neck to my jawbone and then back to sucking my neck. His hand moved slowly up the side of my leg to my thigh as my knees tightened around him.

My hands found their way to his shoulders as I sighed. "Ryan..."

"Hmm?"

I tried to say it but I couldn't get it out. He was too great, too irresistible, too perfect. I didn't want to push him away, but something was telling me that I had to. 

"Ryan..." I said getting up. He moved out of the way with no form of resistance.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Ryan reached out and began to help prop me up. "I don't know what came over me. I was so out of line. I'm so sorry. If you want me to take you home, I will." 

"No, it's fine. It's my fault, really." 

"Nonsense, you didn't do anything." 

"Look, I can't do this to you. You obviously care about me in a way where I don't know if I feel the same," I continued. "You have feelings and we can't keep doing this."

"What does it matter? My feelings are for you. I'm crazy about you." 

"I don't know how I feel about you. I know I get this crazy heart-stopping, stomach-flipping feeling but I just don't know, Ryan. I've never experienced this before. There's nothing to compare to."

Ryan leaned over and pulled me into a hug. "Lynnie, I understand what's going and how you feel. I'm Ok, really."

I held him, "But I'm not Ok with doing this."

"So what do you want to do?" He asked as he pulled away and held my arms.

"I think we should take a break from all of this. Be friends and nothing more." 

He nodded silently. "Well, we should probably get going then." Ryan got out and helped me down. I ran my fingers through my hair and nervously fixed my clothes as he got his board. 

"Can I see the trailer?" 

He smiled and lead me to the trailer he always towed. He unlocked it and opened the doors, revealing a mini- skateboard shop. There was everything you could possibly need to maintain and make skateboards: wheels, cleaners, boards, WD-40, screws, bolts, and random tools that I guessed were important. A desk and stool was even bolted in place into the floor of the trailer. 

"Wow," I said softly. "You need all of this to make sure it works?" 

"Some of it," he started. "If I want, I can even build one specifically for the type of terrain I'll be riding on."

"Amazing."

As I looked at the wheels, some of which glow in the dark, a voice came to the loud speaker. "THE KICK-OFF WILL BEGIN SHORTLY WITH THE COMPETITION FOLLOWING." 

"I should probably go," Ryan started. "You can stay here if you want." 

"No, I want to come to. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't by your side through all of this?" I hopped down. Ryan and I made our way to where they were cutting the ribbon to start. 

~

The end of the day seemed to come quicker than at the last competition. Before I knew it, we were packing up and was headed back home. 

"Had fun?" He asked. 

"Yeah, but I am a little tired."

"Go off to sleep, then. I won't drive us over a cliff."

I leaned back and closed my eyes as I heard the soft sound of the engine and the whoosh-ing of the passing cars. The sound of music came on over the speakers soon after. The song I heard was by Parachute. I had heard the song once or twice on my Pandora but never could remember the words or identify it. Ryan softly hummed along by partially singing as I listened to the words. 

The one thing I can't get is what I need...