Secret Admiring

The day was here. It had finally come and I couldn’t have been anymore excited. It was finally Thursday! We were going to play our rival club today so the game would be intense. The turnout was going to be huge, as it usually was. Ryan was going to be there, which made me happier than a pig in a mud bath. I got up a little early for school so I could straighten my hair, that way my ponytail wouldn’t be curly and in my way during the game and so I could look cute throughout the school day so Ryan would able to pardon the nasty, sweaty version of me after the game. After straightening my hair, I went to my closet and pulled out an outfit for the day: black jeans and turquoise camisole under a pink, turquoise, light green, and yellow plaid shirt all tied together with my grey Toms. I wore my hair down with it falling past my shoulders and my bangs perfectly coifed to their respective side. Once I was dressed, I began to pack my duffel for the game. I piled everything that I needed and proceeded to double check that I had my pre-game ritual: a pack of sour Skittles and orange Gatorade.

I grabbed my backpack and packed duffel went downstairs where I knew my Mom was making me breakfast since today was a big day. I was ready for the “Breakfast of a Champion”: waffles with chocolate chips, sausage, and a strawberry-banana smoothie. I thanked her for the breakfast and grabbed the car keys so I could drive since I got the car on Game Days and my sister got the car on Dance Days. I confirmed that they would all be there before heading out the door. I threw my stuff onto the back seat of the Honda Civic and got into the driver’s seat. I revved up the engine and headed to school. I pulled into the parking lot and parked. I took my backpack and duffel off of the seat and headed to the locker room, where I dropped off my volleyball bag, before heading to class.

“Morning,” I said cheerily, looking at Ryan as I walked in.

“Hey, Sunshine,” he greeted as he watched me slide into my desk chair, even though he was sitting on the desk itself. “You look really pretty.”

“Aw, thanks, Sweetie,” I replied.

“Are you ready for the game tonight?”

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed, as I grabbed his forearm, with eyes wide in excitement. “Yes, it is going to be awesome. Minds will be blown tonight.”

He laughed and with a huge grin said, “All right, well, prepare to blow my mind because I will be there.”

“It’s not all about you, you know.”

“Oh, but it is.”

My mouth gaped open slightly before I closed it with a half smile on my face.
“You want to laugh,” Ryan teased.

“No, I don’t. I’m just so excited about tonight that I can’t stop smiling.”

“You never smiled before your other games this year and you never looked liked this before them either.” He said, looking me over once more.

“Well, the other games haven’t been this big. This is a club rivalry game; it’s the All-Star game of high school Elite Volleyball.”

“And I haven’t been there.”

“Excuse me?”

“You want to look good because I’m going tonight.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I started as Miss Brinkley walked in and Ryan hopped off of my desk. “I’m going to look gross at the game anyway because I’ll be sweaty.”

“Yeah, whatever, it’s all for me.” Ryan said as he sat in his seat behind me and whispered in my ear.

“Shh,” I said, tilting my head over my shoulder, in a shushed whisper. “Class is about to start.”

Class began with a slideshow of notes that I began writing in my notebook. I felt a tap on my shoulder and, without looking, I handed a pen back to Ryan. He took it out of my hand and I felt a tap yet again. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a few sheets of looseleaf paper and handed that as well.

Nearly twenty minutes later, I felt another tap. I whipped my head around and glared at him. He handed me a folded up sheet of paper. I opened it and read it, ‘You’re avoiding the question.’

‘Which is?’ I wrote back and tossed over my shoulder fifteen minutes when Ms. Brinkley was drawing a diagram on the board. I copied the diagram until something rolled over my shoulder and fell into my lap.

‘Are you dressed up and excited because I’m going to be there tonight?’ He wrote.

I held the note, deciding on how I should answer. I couldn’t not figure if I wanted to just deflect as usual, or just tell him the truth, or just keep the note and ignore the question. I looked down and continued writing before I decided. ‘Yeah, I guess, I am,’ I started writing. ‘I do sorta have a crush on you. I’ve had you on my mind since you asked to borrow my pen on the first day and I realized it that day when you walked me to the courtyard. I'm just scared of what could happen and where this could go but having you come to my game makes me really happy.’ I began to the fold the paper up; just when I thought I said all I could say, the bell sounded.

“Well, Lynnie, I guess I’ll just never get that answer, huh?” He said solemnly.

I handed him the note only to watch him slip it into his back pocket. “I responded,” I argued.

“I guess I’ll just read it later. I’ll see you later; I really can’t be late to my next class.” He said remorsefully before he bent down and gave me soft kiss on the cheek.

The sadness that I caused him was tearing me to pieces but I just let it go. Once he read the note, however, everything would be fine and we would forget all about this. I was sure of it. I headed out the door behind to my next class, which flew by quickly along with all of my morning classes. I headed to lunch and sat with Marla as usual. We talked about the upcoming game and the party the following night. She assured me that she was going to come but she would be late. Then from that point on, we proceeded to talk about her and her hot date for the party. Really, she talked about herself and I zoned out until it was time to go to my next class.

The afternoon was slow, probably because I was watching the clock, but eventually dismissal was here. I grabbed my backpack and crossed the yard to go to my car. I drove to the gym where I headed straight to the locker room to change. I slipped out my clothes and got dressed for the game: volleyball shorts, sports bra then jersey, number eighteen. I sat on the bench as I slipped off my Toms and put on my socks and shoes. I grabbed my Skittles and Gatorade and went on the court to warm up.

“Hey Coach,” I greeted my coach, Zoë, a young woman in her late 20s to early 30s.

“Hey Supergirl,” she replied with the nickname I received from my jumping ability. “How’s the ankle?” She asked noticing that I wasn’t wearing my brace.

“It’s all chill. I have the brace in my bag just in case though.”

She nodded and gave me a thumbs-up as she continued. I continued my warm up and once I was done, I took a seat and ate my Skittles, which calmed me down. The game started about thirty minutes later. They introduced the starting lineup and play began. I took my spot on the court, front row on the left. The game went by so quickly and we won the first match 21-17.

We lined up on the back line and swapped sides with the other team. I grabbed my Gatorade from one of my teammates who brought it over for me. I took a huge gulp and got ready to go back on the floor. The next match was just as good as the first. At 16-16, it was our serve. One of our weaker servers went up to the line. I prepared myself for the return because I knew it was coming. I went up for the block but I only got a piece of it. It fell behind me only to be saved by my backup. She passed it to the setter.

“Outside! Outside! Outside!” I yelled so she knew to set the ball to me. She pulsed the ball up and I approached it: Right, Left, Right. I raised my right arm behind me, since my approach was always backwards, and snapped the ball down. I knew it was good and it would not be returned. The crowd cheered and looked towards them as I came down. It all happened in slow motion: I turned to find Marla climbing up the bleachers. They hugged each other and she gave him a quick kiss. His arm remained around her waist and her arm around his. I couldn’t interpret my thoughts or feelings on this. I didn’t have the time. I was on the floor.

“AHHHH!!!!!” I screamed. I was lying on the floor, with my eyes shut and clutching my right ankle. I fell on my landing and twisted my ankle. The pain was agonizing. It shot up from my ankle and I felt it all the way in the hip. I couldn’t cry. I could only focus on my breathing so I could keep it steady: inhale and exhale. I opened my eyes and I saw Coach Zoë and two of my teammates surrounding me.

I shook my head to answer any questions. I didn’t want to talk; I was in too much pain. My teammates pulled me up. I swung an arm around each one of their shoulders and used them as a crutch as they brought me into the locker room. I heard the crowd cheer as I got back on my feet, but I didn’t care. Once inside the locker room, I lied on the bench while the team nurse came and attended to me. While she was working, my parents and sister ran in.

“Are you Ok?” my sister said as she knelt by my side and grabbed my hand. “Don’t answer that; I know you’re not.”

“I wrapped it but she needs to get ice on it and be taken to the hospital for X-Rays tonight,” the nurse instructed as she put ice on my ankle.

“Ok, thank you,” my dad thanked her as she left.

My mom propped me up. I was breathing deeply from trying to keep it under control. “Do you have anything out there that you need before we head to the ER?”

The image of Ryan and Marla came back in my head and all I could do was shake my head. By going out there, I would have to see them again. I would be putting myself out there, allowing myself to get hurt. I didn’t want to face him. I didn’t want to face her. I didn’t want to face them. I didn’t want to face it—the idea of that they were together.