Magro

They will often be linked to having bulimia or anorexia.

This phobia is a dangerous and often needs to be treated by professionals.

Not being able to handle the anxiety of the phobia, some sufferers will make themselves vomit to avoid their fear.

Alex slammed his laptop closed; he couldn’t read anymore of that. There should have been warnings on the pages: This may lead you to believe your boyfriend is weird! Or; you are about to know the truth! He sighed heavily, the truth was daunting and unfair, for both he and Gustav.

Guilt hit him like a ton of bricks, why hadn’t he noticed sooner? All of the signs were there for him to see and he just looked right past them, completely oblivious to the obvious. He also felt hurt. If Gustav knew about this then he should have told him, Alex didn’t want to find out like this. Trust was a key part of any relationship; if Gustav was hiding this then what else could he be hiding?

Alex tensed as he heard the front door open and shut, Gustav was home. What was he to do, confront him? Act like nothing was wrong? Demand to know everything? Alex started to freak out, though at what he had read, Gustav would usually be freaking out. God, what if Gustav got upset and did horrible things to himself?

The man sprung to his feet upon seeing the other man, it was now or never. Vowels got caught in his throat as he opened his mouth, suddenly everything came crashing down. Gustav, for a 6 foot guy, was too thin. Ribs showed when he walked around shirtless, there was absolutely nothing to his arms or legs and his stomach was as flat as their kitchen table.

“What?” Gustav threw his keys down on the coffee table; the clang seemed louder than it should have in the silent room. Alex still stood there, just staring craters into Gustav’s skin, what else could he do? Gustav grew wary of Alex’s hard stare, usually he couldn’t keep Alex focused for that long. “Alex, what is it?”

Alex tried to move his mouth again, trying so hard to answer the older mans question. Now it was Gustav’s turn to stare, only with Gustav, his stare is much more intimidating. He doesn’t mean for his stare to make Alex uncomfortable but there’s something about those electric blue eyes that makes Alex shiver. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

“You have a problem,” Alex blurted out as fast as he could. Gustav being Gustav, took offence.

“Problem? Problem! I don’t have a fucking problem!”

“You do, with your weight.”

“Oh so now I have a problem and I’m fat.” Gustav stopped after he had said the word fat, he thought he was fat but Alex thought so too. The one thing he was trying to prevent and it had happened, Alex saw him as a fat cow. “You’re right, I’m fat.”

Alex’s jaw dropped, Gustav thought himself as fat. He truly did have obesophobia. It all made sense now; the thinking he was fat, the skipping dinner, the disappearing off to the bathroom. Gustav ticked all the boxes on the research he had done, he had the phobia cold and hard.

Alex got scared all of a sudden; Bulimia and Anorexia. Those words meant so much to people nowadays, almost everyone knew someone who had it. No, not Gustav, not his Gustav. It hadn’t reached that step though, Alex knew the line between where Gustav was and sickly thin. How long until Gustav was there? How long before Gustav becomes to thin and weak for his body to function properly.

“Why?” Was the only thing Alex could muster up to say, everything else would have been wasted breathes.

Gustav rubbed the back of his neck at a quick pace; he didn’t want to talk about it. The longer Alex waited for an answer the harder his palm pressed into his skin and the further it ventured. His hands were now rubbing up and down his face and running through his hair, why was Alex so caring all of a sudden? He hadn’t even noticed before.

Gustav licked his dried lips before choking out, “I’m not pretty enough.”

Bullshit, Alex thought, complete bullshit. Gustav was pretty enough for him, he should be pretty enough for himself too. “You’re not pretty, you’re beautiful.”

“But not thin.”

“You don’t have to be thin to be beautiful,” Alex said while taking a step closer to the older man, “just being Gustav makes you beautiful.”

Gustav pushed Alex away from him with a shaking hand, he hated the shakes. Anxiety attacks were the worst though, he had had a few. Alex wouldn’t understand that staying thin is all that he can think about. Every morsel that passes through his mouth, if any, has to be burned away. It either is exercised off or removed straight away the way it came.

“You don’t understand,” Gustav whispered, returning his shaking hands to wipe some tears away; he hadn’t even noticed he was crying.

“I do, I looked it up before you came in to-“

“No you don’t,” Gustav voice came out shrilled, “you know what a bunch of smart men think they know. They don’t know what it’s like to be scared of putting on weight…. They don’t know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own skin.” Gustav’s voice quietened down at the last sentence, he had told Alex the blunt truth of how he felt. Trapped. “The less of me the better.”

“But that doesn’t make sense, why’d you do it in the first place?”

“You,” Gustav muttered.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. You’re younger, prettier, you could have any guy you wanted and every guy wants you. When we go out I’m just the fat, fucking piece of trash on the side. Have you any idea how many times I think you will move on?” Gustav’s voice was wobbly but somehow he got to the end of his sentence.

Alex found himself dumbfounded, again. Yesterday he had just started to suspect Gustav had an issue and now he had been overloaded by the emotional matter, this happened way too fast. He should have kept his mouth shut but no, now he was in a bad place and Gustav was crying. Gustav was crying now but he might have two fingers down the back of his throat tonight…

“Aren’t you going to say anything,” Gustav mumbled, looking through his eye lashes and fringe. He looked sickly when he was sad, skinnier than usual. His eyes looked like ice because of the tears and blue eyes while his eyebrows finely knotted together in the centre of his forehead. He sighed again when Alex didn’t answer. He began to retreat back to their bedroom where surely Alex would not follow. He was probably disgusted by what he had just told him.

Gustav’s stomach churned in an odd way as he walked back into the hall and into his bedroom. As he pulled his shirt over his head, the cool air hit the sweat on his back, a horrible symptom of his phobia. He muttered curse words under his breathe and wished he was afraid on anything else but this. Being afraid of heights or even bloody bacon would have been more bearable. The world was so unfair sometimes; it made him fat and afraid of being fat.

His eyes caught his reflection in the mirror, he disgusted himself. His now sweaty fingers pinched at the skin of his stomach and side, you could make another person with all that, he thought to himself. He licked his lips again; he really should cut down on the amount of hours he spends sitting down. If only he could afford a gym membership, that being said, he wouldn’t want to add weight in muscle.

God, working out sometimes makes you gain weight. How disgusting.

Next he pulled the clingy jeans off of his legs; Gustav swore they used to fit him. The bed bounced Gustav up and down as he landed on its soft top layer; this was the first time I ages he’d gone to bed without Alex. He secretly hoped Alex wouldn’t be too long, ever since he was a little kid he had hated sleeping alone. Alex made him feel safe. Well, as safe as you can get when you’re on self-destruct mode.