Status: yes, it's a boy x boy pairing.
Watch Me Burn
3/3
Ever since the nightmare, Key had become a recluse. He had no interest in anything and didn’t feel the energy to do much anymore. Whenever he had to do anything that forced him to move or communicate with others, he’d put on a mask. The mask seemed to be working because no one seemed to notice anything wrong with him. Not even Jonghyun, who Key faked the most with.
As time went on, Jonghyun started to try to talk more and more with Key. He kept returning to him, asking him to hangout. It had been awhile since the two spent time together and he apparently missed Key. But Key continuously turned him down, making excuses and creating chores for himself in order to get out of it.
This morning, Jonghyun stalked Key to the kitchen, almost pleading him to accept his invite to hangout.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m busy today,” Key choked, trying to ignore the urges that wanted him to answer ‘yes’ already.
“Key, I checked your schedule. You have nothing planned to do today.”
“I have last minute plans to clean up the dorm today.”
“Yeah right. You’ve been cleaning it nonstop for weeks now and the place is spotless. The clothes are already washed and everything’s already picked up. Minho even told me so.”
“Well, in that case, I’m just going to have some alone time.”
“Key, you’re not ignoring me, are you?” Jonghyun asked, looking puzzled and concerned. Key couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked when he was confused. He quickly brushed the thought away before answering him.
“Of course not. What makes you think that?”
“Well, you’ve been avoiding me for some time now, for starters. And when you’re close to me, you try to inch away from me.” Jonghyun shrugged. “I was just worried that maybe you were getting tired of me.”
“Tired of you?”
“Yeah… the atmosphere’s changed between us and you seem less interested in being around me. I guess you can say I was afraid you’d have moved on from our attachment to each other,” he smiled.
“Jonghyun, I -”
“I’m just being paranoid though, right? Tell me I’m being paranoid,” Jonghyun said softly, his fingers grazing Key’s cheeks.
Key remained silent, his eyes locked with Jonghyun’s.
“I am being paranoid… right?” Jonghyun said slowly. But when Key refused to respond, Jonghyun dropped his hands, staring intently at Key. “Key, what’s wrong?”
“Did you just notice?”
“What?”
“Did you just notice I was avoiding you?”
“Well… yeah. It’s only been a recent thing.”
Key shook his head, waves of immense disappointment crashing into him. “No, it hasn’t. It’s been going on for a long time.”
“Key, I -”
“And is that all you noticed? Did you not notice the pain I was going through? Did you not see the hurt I’m feeling etched all over my face? Do you not notice, even to this minute, that it was you who ditched me? You who left me first?
I thought that you, Jonghyun, of all people would have noticed me changing. I’ve been alone, cold and hurt. Yet you didn’t notice. Not one bit,” Key whispered. He looked down, feeling his throat tighten.
“I’ve felt like I was being torched for weeks before I finally became numb. Numb to the pain, to the realization that you didn’t care. You didn’t even pay attention to me anymore.”
“Key, I care -”
“You only cared now. Because if you cared, if you really paid attention, you would’ve noticed the differences. You know me well, Kim Jonghyun. I waited for you to save me, but you never did.” Key smiled bitterly, shaking his head again. “I should have known though. It was all along just a one-sided thing. Always. I just never saw that till recently.”
“What was a one-sided thing?”
“Our love. My love. I love you, Kim Jonghyun. But it’s clear to me that you don’t feel the same. At least, not in the way I do. But it’s okay. I‘ve learned that love is sometimes a brutal war. And if a war can come to an end, then I believe love can too.
I’m tired of feeling or not feeling. I’m tired of being confused. And most of all, I’m tired of waiting. It’s all changed me and made me someone I’m not. Someone I shouldn’t be.”
Key gave a feeble laugh. “I can’t believe I just confessed this all to you. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“You should have told me before. Why didn’t you?”
“Would you have told me if you were in my position?” Key asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course. I trust you, Key. I love you and trust you.”
“Please, don’t. Just don’t. You’re just making the cut sting even more.” Key sighed, turning away. “I’m going to go now.”
“Wait no.” Jonghyun grabbed onto Key’s arm before he could walk away. Key pointedly stared at him, waiting for him to say something.
Staring right back at him, Jonghyun pulled Key close. He ran his fingers through Key’s hair, still looking into his eyes as he did so.
“Don’t you want to know how I feel?” He whispered, inching his face, hesitantly, closer to Key.
But Key didn’t want to hear anything. He pushed Jonghyun away from him and started to back away.
“I told you. Just stop. My love for you will end. And I’m not going to let you get in the way anymore.”
And with that Key turned away, the shaking of his heart worsening with every step. It took all his will to keep walking away from Jonghyun and not go back into his arms.
But Key knew that if he went back, he’d experience only a short term happiness before he was burnt again. And he was tired of being burnt. He was no longer going to stand around and allow himself to be scorched.
All this time, he might have been a masochist. But he was going to put an end to that.
Little did he know, though, that the Jonghyun he left behind wasn’t a fooling one anymore. It was a Jonghyun that was now broken, a Jonghyun that had acknowledged his feelings and felt defeated.
A Jonghyun that now felt the same as Key.
As time went on, Jonghyun started to try to talk more and more with Key. He kept returning to him, asking him to hangout. It had been awhile since the two spent time together and he apparently missed Key. But Key continuously turned him down, making excuses and creating chores for himself in order to get out of it.
This morning, Jonghyun stalked Key to the kitchen, almost pleading him to accept his invite to hangout.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m busy today,” Key choked, trying to ignore the urges that wanted him to answer ‘yes’ already.
“Key, I checked your schedule. You have nothing planned to do today.”
“I have last minute plans to clean up the dorm today.”
“Yeah right. You’ve been cleaning it nonstop for weeks now and the place is spotless. The clothes are already washed and everything’s already picked up. Minho even told me so.”
“Well, in that case, I’m just going to have some alone time.”
“Key, you’re not ignoring me, are you?” Jonghyun asked, looking puzzled and concerned. Key couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked when he was confused. He quickly brushed the thought away before answering him.
“Of course not. What makes you think that?”
“Well, you’ve been avoiding me for some time now, for starters. And when you’re close to me, you try to inch away from me.” Jonghyun shrugged. “I was just worried that maybe you were getting tired of me.”
“Tired of you?”
“Yeah… the atmosphere’s changed between us and you seem less interested in being around me. I guess you can say I was afraid you’d have moved on from our attachment to each other,” he smiled.
“Jonghyun, I -”
“I’m just being paranoid though, right? Tell me I’m being paranoid,” Jonghyun said softly, his fingers grazing Key’s cheeks.
Key remained silent, his eyes locked with Jonghyun’s.
“I am being paranoid… right?” Jonghyun said slowly. But when Key refused to respond, Jonghyun dropped his hands, staring intently at Key. “Key, what’s wrong?”
“Did you just notice?”
“What?”
“Did you just notice I was avoiding you?”
“Well… yeah. It’s only been a recent thing.”
Key shook his head, waves of immense disappointment crashing into him. “No, it hasn’t. It’s been going on for a long time.”
“Key, I -”
“And is that all you noticed? Did you not notice the pain I was going through? Did you not see the hurt I’m feeling etched all over my face? Do you not notice, even to this minute, that it was you who ditched me? You who left me first?
I thought that you, Jonghyun, of all people would have noticed me changing. I’ve been alone, cold and hurt. Yet you didn’t notice. Not one bit,” Key whispered. He looked down, feeling his throat tighten.
“I’ve felt like I was being torched for weeks before I finally became numb. Numb to the pain, to the realization that you didn’t care. You didn’t even pay attention to me anymore.”
“Key, I care -”
“You only cared now. Because if you cared, if you really paid attention, you would’ve noticed the differences. You know me well, Kim Jonghyun. I waited for you to save me, but you never did.” Key smiled bitterly, shaking his head again. “I should have known though. It was all along just a one-sided thing. Always. I just never saw that till recently.”
“What was a one-sided thing?”
“Our love. My love. I love you, Kim Jonghyun. But it’s clear to me that you don’t feel the same. At least, not in the way I do. But it’s okay. I‘ve learned that love is sometimes a brutal war. And if a war can come to an end, then I believe love can too.
I’m tired of feeling or not feeling. I’m tired of being confused. And most of all, I’m tired of waiting. It’s all changed me and made me someone I’m not. Someone I shouldn’t be.”
Key gave a feeble laugh. “I can’t believe I just confessed this all to you. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“You should have told me before. Why didn’t you?”
“Would you have told me if you were in my position?” Key asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course. I trust you, Key. I love you and trust you.”
“Please, don’t. Just don’t. You’re just making the cut sting even more.” Key sighed, turning away. “I’m going to go now.”
“Wait no.” Jonghyun grabbed onto Key’s arm before he could walk away. Key pointedly stared at him, waiting for him to say something.
Staring right back at him, Jonghyun pulled Key close. He ran his fingers through Key’s hair, still looking into his eyes as he did so.
“Don’t you want to know how I feel?” He whispered, inching his face, hesitantly, closer to Key.
But Key didn’t want to hear anything. He pushed Jonghyun away from him and started to back away.
“I told you. Just stop. My love for you will end. And I’m not going to let you get in the way anymore.”
And with that Key turned away, the shaking of his heart worsening with every step. It took all his will to keep walking away from Jonghyun and not go back into his arms.
But Key knew that if he went back, he’d experience only a short term happiness before he was burnt again. And he was tired of being burnt. He was no longer going to stand around and allow himself to be scorched.
All this time, he might have been a masochist. But he was going to put an end to that.
Little did he know, though, that the Jonghyun he left behind wasn’t a fooling one anymore. It was a Jonghyun that was now broken, a Jonghyun that had acknowledged his feelings and felt defeated.
A Jonghyun that now felt the same as Key.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey, I'd appreciate some feedback. I'm not too confident about this piece. It's my return-to-writing piece but I think it ended weakly. So any constructive feedback you have, I'd love to hear.Thanks for reading.
xox