Three's A Crowd

Officer Jake Andrews was leaning on his elbow, glowering at me from across the table. He was trying to force me to focus on the whole Conner threat, but all I could think of was french fries. See, this is what happens when you interrogate a hormonal teen in a room that always smells like food. Not exactly the smartest of moves on their part, but it was one of the only rooms that would be empty the longest.

“Look, all the information you need, everything you've been asking, was told on the restraining order I filed. You know, the one he ignored. You shouldn't do the same, seeing as I renew it every year.” Of course, I didn't need to renew it, but it made me feel better; a reassurance that I was still out of his reach.

I slumped over the tabletop, slamming my head on the surface. I was in desperate need of a nap; I hadn't been able to sleep at all, constantly worrying about the possibility of Conner climbing in the window and endangering everything I loved. At four in the morning, that possibility is just not something you can ignore.

None of this mattered to the outstanding law upholders that were currently staring right through me. They only cared to rile me up and get on their marry way. My safety was nothing, let alone the safety of my family. I guess if you piss off someone enough times, you become a cockroach in their eyes.

“You know what he looks like, you know what he's after, you know how he acts, and you know where I'm staying. Why do you still believe this is an act?” the look on their faces was answer enough. I wasn't a kid stuck in a sticky situation anymore. Jezebel Kerrigan was a delinquent and a compulsive liar. If she says something one way, it must be the other. And I could play my hand to that. “Look, you saw my papers, or whatever the fuck you call them! You know I went to juvy because of this asshole!” I slammed my fists on the table and stood up. My chair clattered to the floor behind me. “We are done here. I'm told you everything I know and then some. What else can I fucking give you?”

“You see, that right there is the problem, Kerrigan.” Officer Andrews smiled at me, mockingly and cruelly. “All we know is you beat some blokes until they were nearly dead. Three men. One of them is still in a comma, did you know that?” I didn't.

“What..?” My head was full raging rampage. I hadn't kept tabs on them because of this. Because I knew there was a possibility that I could feel guilt over this. Years of thinking leave you nowhere. So now, here I am, caught in the middle of a massive rage parade battling it out inside my skull. “A comma? Who?”

Royce finally decided to use her voice. “Johnson Kelly. Good kid.” That was all it took to wipe clear all my guilt.

“I knew Johnson Kelly before that night, alright? He was everything but a 'good kid'. That boy would beat his girl until her face was nothing but black. You ever hear of Alice Verite? Nice girl, hospitalized for three broken ribs, a broken nose, and a few lacerations scattered around her body. The official story was that she fell down her basement stairs and fell onto a glass table. She was stuck in critical condition for three days because a piece of class punctured her left lung. You see, that was because Johnson Kelly, good kid that he was, punched in the face so hard that she flew back and fell down the stairs. She cleared the table, though. That was all the work of that good kid, too. Thought she wasn't in enough pain and he threw her on it.” I scoffed, flipping my hair out of my eyes. “So excuse me for getting him down after he pulled a knife on me. Last thing I needed was to end up like little Alice.” I backed up, watching the two people who maybe hated me the most in the world stare blankly at me. Yet again.

“Alice Verite laid the claim herself that her boyfriend of the time was not with her when she had he accident.” Royce smile reassuringly, gesturing for me to take a seat again.

“I don't care what she claimed, I was there. Now look, the bell is going to ring in about thirty seconds, and I have to go see Junior before lunch starts up and I can't find him in the hall.” I turned tail and walked quickly out of the room. “It was lovely catching up with you two.”

The hall was nearly deserted. There were a few people walking the halls, getting an early start. Some looked like they had legitimate reasons to be roaming the halls, but there were groups of friends laughing and stumbling about. I hated them all. I could see something in them, something that resembled Conner, something of Johnson. There was no reason for me to like any of them, no reason for me to ignore them. They were all one switch away from a punch in the face. They were all asking for it in some way. A look in their eyes, the was their lips twitched, the colour of their hair. There was always something. I had forgotten them, I had moved on. It was hard, but I had done it, and then the fucking slimeballs worm their was back into my life and wreak havoc. Unacceptable.

“Jez!” Junior ran down the hall towards me, looking as though he was trying to grin at me, but there was simply no way he could pull it off. “You're finally out! They sent Eva back to class pretty much as soon as they pulled her out. Maybe five minutes and she was dancing her way to freedom! They had me splayed out on the rack, man!” Oh here it goes. He's going to whine until his heart lets out.

“Hey kid,” Junior scowled at me. He hated being called kid. The exact reason I used the nickname from time to time. “Suck it up. I was stuck with Frankenstein and his monster in there.” I jerked my thumb behind me, hoping Andrews and Royce noticed. “Now, lets get Eva and take you home.”

By the time we reached Eva's class, it had mostly let out. But my awesome timing, which clearly was something I took pride in, got us there right as she stepped into the hall.

“Eves!” I slung my arm over her shoulder, grinning wildly at her look of mild concern. “What an experience, right? Fun times!” She stayed silent, a look of concentration on her face. She had that deep concentration look about her; one that I always thought looked like she was trying to keep diarrhoea in her ass and off her pants, but you know, that's just me. “What's bothering you, Lemoncake?” I cringed. “I never said that. Lets just completely forget that 'Lemoncake' ever came out of my mouth, alright? Not one of my shining moments, that's for sure.. Anyway, spit it out.”

Eva's laugh was slightly strained, but it wasn't fake. “It's nothing. Just thinking about how quickly this is going to spread, and what story they're going to think of.” There she goes. Her parents always seem to find a way into her life, don't they? They'll control her until they die. Well, they will if I can't change it. Because really, I love the girl to death, but she has to cut herself free from that Cooke family bullshit.

“Well, you'll never guess what I found last night in your dad's study!” My distraction attempt worked like a charm. Eva could hardly focus on opening her locker being the sneaky little shit she is.

“Yeah? You find some body parts under the floorboards?” Forced nonchalance. Nice. Gotta hand it to her, most people would buy it.

“Well, probably not in the way you think. And not under the floorboards.” I cringed a bit. “You know that locked drawer on your dad's desk? Well, I found the key...” And there goes Eva's act. We'd been trying to figure out what was in there for months.

“Why didn't you wake me up, Jez!?” Everyone who wasn't looking at us before was looking now. We just seem to always attract attention to ourselves no matter what we do, Eva and I.

“Well, you were still pissed off at me, and it was late, and, well, you know. Didn't think and all that. Anyway! Back to what I found! “ I started laughing. Doubled over, red in the face laughing. “You'll never guess! I mean, your dad doesn't really seem like the type!”

“Jez! Just tell us!” Junior finally spoke up, slapping me on the shoulder in annoyance.

“Alright alright! Okay. So. I open this drawer, expecting to see maybe a gun or a knife; something like that. Like in the movies, right?” They nod, waving me on impatiently. “So that just made it that much worse. I though I was seeing things for a second there! My god...”

“Jez!” Eva this time, shoving my shoulder.

“Sorry sorry. It's just.. Ugh. His drawer is filled with porn!” I whisper yelled, keeping it between us three, taking care to avoid from anyone in the quickly thinning out crowd to hear. “Porn!” I laughed again, this time at their shocked looks. And Junior's smirk. It didn't take much imagination to know what he was thinking about. But it was Eva that topped the cake. She looked disgusted and confused. “I didn't want to tell you, but god, I just couldn't not tell you! It was killing me!”

“Ew!” Eva shuddered, shoving her books into her locker “Ew!”

“Grab your things, dear, we're leaving.” My attempt at sounding like Shrek failed. Big time. But the new porn information didn't lead her to question anything. She grabbed her bag, stuffed a book or two in it, and slammed her locker shut. We were out the doors in less then a minute, strolling down the streets towards 'home'. At least, the closest thing we all had to one. For now.

“Hey Eves.. When we're old enough, how about we just kick it out of Lima, find an apartment somewhere, and set up base? Like mission control!”

Eva stared at me for a second, going through nearly every possible way that would make it so that she couldn't, and every way she could. “Jez..”

“Look, I know how crazy it sounds, but what is there for us is Lima? Sure, there are a few people, maybe two, but what else is there here? We need to get out of here, and we need out fast!”

Eva laughed. Flat out laughed. A giddy sort of desperate laugh. “Might as well if we can, right?”

“Exactly!” I slung my arms over Eva and Junior's shoulders, pushing them forward faster. “Now we need to get home. I need to watch some Shrek. I needs me some Donkeh in my life!” Eva grinned, but Junior stared at me like I was going insane. Almost like he though he was the more mature between the two of us. Right. Just let him believe it.

“Shrek it is!” Eva shouted, punching the sky. Part of me was shocked that she would do that, but then I remembered: this is fucking Eva Cooke. She does shit like this. So I laughed.

No one was home this time. We had the house to ourselves. Normally this would be no big deal, but what we really needed was some space to let loose. And that's exactly what we did. We put Shrek on, made some pizza, and stole a couple beers from the fridge. I thought about changing out of my skirt into a pair of shorts, but I never got around to it. It wasn't too long before we were all laughing, making impressions, coming up with our own plot twists, and making sex jokes left right and centre. We got to be teenagers again; something I wasn't sure we could, or at least I could, do after the last few days we had. But everything was perfect.

“I want some ice-cream!” Junior shouted, throwing his arm in the air and standing from his spot: splayed across Eva and my legs. Couch hog..

“I second that notion!” Eva shouted, slightly buzzed. After one drink. Lightweight.

“Then we should go get some..?” I laughed, standing up and reaching for Eva's bag. Her wallet was in there somewhere, and she owed me twenty bucks. We were out the door as fast as we could put on our shoes: Eva had some trouble remembering how laces worked, and got angry when she put her shoes on the wrong feet. I was staring to think Junior put a little something extra in her beer... A look at his smirk confirmed every suspicion I had.

“Vodka?” I raised my eyebrows at him. He laughed and nodded. Eva didn't notice at all.

“'Spose to be yours.” I laughed along with him, helping Eva ujp from off the ground after she figured out to wear shoes properly.

We ran and stumbled our way to the nearest corner store, buying up whatever ice-cream we wanted; three scoops each.

“Good spot!” Eva giggled, plopping herself down on the curb of some street corner.

“Well, Eva, we need to build up your alcohol tolerance.” Junior patted her on the shoulder, looking more serious then I had seen him about something so trivial in a long time. He was like a little kid, determined to teach you the Barney song so you could sing along with him.

“Hey, wait up, who's that?” Junior gestured across the street to no other then Noah Puckerman. Looked like her was headed to where we came from.

“That,” slurred Eva, taking a huge bite from her ice-cream. “Is Puckerman, the Sexy Beast.” I nearly choked I was laughing so hard.

“Is he gay? Looks like he could be...” Junior had his hungry face on. My laughter went crazy then. My cone slipped from my hand and clutched my sides.

“He's a moron, you sure you want that?” I slapped him in the shoulder, calming myself down enough so that I could enjoy myself with what was to come.

“You don't have to be smart to be good between the sheets, big sister.” He was patronizing me and I didn't care. This was just too fantastic for me to give a fuck.

“Good news for him, really. IQ of a sidewalk.” I snorted, eyeing Puckerman up and down. I'd thought it before, and I'll think it again, but the boy did look like he'd be an awesome lay. Not the do and ditch type, but the kind you keep going back for. “But I was a pimp, I'd totally make him my bitch.”

“That settles it. I'm going in. Hold my cone.” He stood up and strode across the street like he owned the world.

“Get some!” I slung my arm over Eva's shaking shoulder; her silent giggles were making it almost impossible to eat her ice-cream.

“Hey, I'm Junior.” Oh god oh god oh god.

“Puckerman.” He looked so adorably confused and tired I wanted to smash my head against a wall and laugh until I died. Of course, there was a part of me that wanted to jump him, but I'm just guessing that's the alcohol and sugar.

“You ever had sex with a Kerrigan before?” There it is! That pickup line that kills me every time I hear it used! Which is way more often then you would think. “You'll never get better then that.” Junior's sly little smirk would have worked on any girl, no matter their morals.

“Kerrigan?” Puckerman's eyes flashed over to me, a smirk matching Junior's. “Haven't. But I'd like to.”

“It's like watching animals at the zoo.” Eva whispered, giggling harder. I smirked, licking the drips off Junior's cone, nodding in agreement.

“That so?” Junior moved closer, grinning with hooded eyes. I was going insane with my silent laughing. “There could be a Kerrigan in your bed tonight.”

“Yeah? I like 'em bad.” He looked pointedly at me again. I almost had to hide my face, I thought I would give it away, but I managed a wink. By now, Junior had figured it out and was just playing with his head.

“Now, I just have to ask before this happens.” He put a hand on his shoulder, licking his lips. “Do you give or take?” We couldn't hold it in any longer. Eva and I burst out into hysterical laughter.

“What?” Puckerman's eyes widened.

“You said you wanted a Kerrigan... I'm Junior Kerrigan, hi.” With a little wave and a huge grin, Junior moved even closer. “Where do ya live, big boy?” Puck's mouth fell open. He could only stutter. How much sleep has this boy missed out on, exactly? “You were right, Jez! He's a moron!” I grinned, throwing an arm in the air.

“I normally am, kid!” I waved at Puck, taking a bit from Junior's cone.

“Bitch! That's mine!” He made to run across the street, but had to stop for a car.

“Eva, if we get home right now I'll let you keep that top of mine you've had your eye on!” Eva was up and down the street before I could even stand up all the way. “Nice seeing you Puck!” I shouted as I ran after her, thanking god my skirt wasn't longer and that I wasn't wearing heels. I could outrun Junior almost any day, but I had his ice-cream, and he fucking wanted it. I was legitimately scared for my life.