Three's A Crowd

I shouldn't have been surprised at all, but I was. It was that unavoidable surprise that only gets amplified because you're surprised. It was strange, twisting around in my chest and gut like a nest of snakes during matting season. I wanted to throw up, scream, and cry all at the same time. It was unfair for me to be feeling such a way, but I couldn't stop the twisting, churning feeling. The pricks in my eyes, the pulsing behind my temples, and the itch in the back of my throat proved that.

In Eva's eyes, though, I deserved anything she could throw at me. I had done the worst thing she could ever imagine me doing: I hurt myself and bitched her out. Of course I had done much worse in my short life, but Eva couldn't see me doing much more then petty school rivalries anymore. She thought I was completely over that stage in my life; that I would never slip back into it. She didn't know I had never changed, nor did she have the imagination to ever dream it up.

For a moment, when Eva's gaze caught mine, I saw a small flash of regret. Regret caused by whatever look my face held...

Swearing under my breath, I snapped on an uncaring and mocking look on my face. She may already know what I was feeling and thinking, but that didn't mean the rest of the room had to know, too.

“Well, whaddaya' know! Little miss finally grew some kick ass balls!” I grinned, leaning against the doorway. “Looks like I'm not needed. So I don't need to try out after all, huh?” Still grinning, I glared into Eva's eyes, watching with distaste as she shrunk away. I hated myself, I hated her, I hated everything. Anyone who has ever said that life sucks clearly hasn't had the only person in their life that they had ever cared about at all betray them. Even if it was in the most trivial way, it tore me apart. “That's a relief..!”

Eva, the closest thing I had to a loving family, had left me in the dust. Yes, I had pushed her away, but she was supposed to fight it. Wedge her way back into the life she no doubt thought I was forcefully shoving her out of, not push me even farther away.

“What..?” Mr. Shuester, looking rather confused and particularly like a baby sheep fell asleep on his head, stood from his seat. He took a few steps to make it to the front of the room, where Eva and I stood, but far enough away that if I wanted to, I could make it so that he couldn't hear what I said. A very good thing, in my eyes.

“Oh, it's nothing really.” I waved him off, scoffing lightly. “We were just going to audition together. No big deal.” Shoving myself off the door frame with a flip of my hair, I made my way over to Eva. She stood her ground, but I could tell it was mostly because she was in shock and just couldn't move. “But I was really only going to do that because Eva gets nasty bouts of stage fright and needed a safety blanket. You know how kids are.” With a mocking laugh, I moved closed to Eva, using the few inches I had on her to my advantage, and lowered my voice so only she could hear me. “Because you know that's what you are. A child.” I grinned darkly, stepping close enough to smell her shampoo. “An idiotic. Self-righteous. Child!” My snarl surprised me, but my emotions were just under my control. My hold on them was slipping; it just so happened that it was my anger that had leaked through my composure.

With another grin, and a dark glare, I stepped out of Eva's space, letting my guard slip for only a moment. “Next time, before you rush into anything brash, get the entire story, and take even just a fucking glance into the story you're missing.”

I almost ran from the room, avoiding even glancing at Eva's face. I didn't need to see her expression to know what it was.

For once, I hated the stares that followed me. Instead of causing a triumphant type of pride to well up in my chest, I only felt sadness, self-loathing, and betrayal. It shouldn't have mattered much, Eva's small step to independence, but it felt like more than that. I had been betrayed enough times in my life. The sting is familiar, but it isn't something that anyone could get used to. Or that anyone would even want to get used to at all.

With a small sense of despair, I realized that Eva wasn't following me. I didn't give her much of a reason to want to, but that didn't stop the pain of it from stabbing at my chest repeatedly and relentlessly. I almost felt regret, but there was really no use denying that what I had said needed to be. She needed to know, but she needed to figure it out on her own. All of it.

I needed time to think. Time alone with my thoughts to sort them, and my emotions, out.

My cell ringing cut my thoughts, and maniacal place, short.

“Yeah, whatddaya' want?” I snapped, all but crushing the small device in my firm grip.

“Jezebel, where are you!?” Junior's frantic voice, much like the ringing of the phone, cut through my thoughts of cellphone destruction.

“Jay..?” His tone was making me nervous. Junior had never been the type to show much emotion at all; unless sarcasm counted. But he is a teenage boy.

“Wherever the fuck you are, you better get here fast!” The line cut short before I could say anything, but voice was enough to convince me to break into a flat out sprint home. My panicked state made the ten minute walk, that normally took me at least half an hour, only took me four minutes. My brother needed me, and I would be there for him this time.

Junior was pacing by the front door, his dyed black hair flopping uselessly into his eyes. With an impatient flick of his wrist he brushed his hair back and glanced at the door warily, as if he expected the Kool-Aid Man to jump through the wall and crush him.

“What's happening?” Out of breath, I watched the relief and worry flash back in Juniors eyes. For a moment, he became the caring brother I once knew.

“He's back. He called. Don't tell mom. Don't tell dad. You have to go!” His hushed whisper drove terror into my blood; curdling and cooling it into clumps of ice.

“What do you mean, he's back!? How can he be back!?” I screamed, running into the house, pulling a reluctant Junior behind me. He wanted to stay watch for anything suspicious, but I needed him with me. Our lives had been ruined once because of that man; it didn't need to happen again.

“He called! I don't know!” He screamed, following me to my room.

“The fuck!?” I screamed, shoving random articles of clothing and various essentials into various bags I had lying around my room. “Go to your room and pack! You're coming, too.”

Junior only paused for a moment before he nodded sharply and ran up the two flights of stairs it took to get to his bedroom. I could care less what he was packing- he's smart enough to pick out only what he would need.

Fighting the tears that came to my eyes in my overly emotional state, I shoved random things in my backpack after dumping it's contents on the floor. First, a memorable morning. Then a lunchtime meltdown. Then yet another meltdown after school. And finally, this rather upsetting news. What a wonderful day. One to remember, that was for sure. The day left me drained, questioning myself, and terrified. Too bad it was far from over.

“Jez! We have to go right now!” Junior came running back down the stairs, leaving a wake of screams and crashes in his wake. Clearly, our parents weren't too fond of our wild running and clatter. It hardly mattered at the moment.

“Through the window, Jay.” I muttered, tossing our bags, a grand total of five, through before us. As I stepped aside to let Jay through, I racked my brain for places to go. There really weren't all that many places to go in Lima. I couldn't go to Eva's. I couldn't afford a hotel room, even for one night. Junior's friends, though loyal to him, only knew me as a failure and a violently dangerous teen, so all of them were ruled out. Not that he had too many friends in the first place; he's much too sarcastic for the general population's liking.

“Where are we going to go now..?” With a start, I snapped out of my planning to turn my head to a distraught looking Junior. I had never seen him with anything more than a bored look in his eyes and a small smirk on his lips. He was always a cocky bastard- a trait that ran in the family.

“I'm not sure yet...” I muttered, biting my lip in concentration. The choices were limited for even one night, let alone an undetermined amount of time.

“We could go to Kyle's!” His grin almost convinced me. The shine in his eye, however unfamiliar, scared me away from the idea. It reminded me of just how much I knew my own little brother: not at all. Not anymore.

“I don't think so, Junior... I have to know the person.” I muttered, looking away so as to avoid seeing the disappointment weigh down on his face. A disappointment I was almost certain had to do with something I shouldn't, and didn't really want to, know. “We'll talk about it over a coffee, alright?”

The question was more of a demand, but Junior still pondered over it for a few moments as though he had a say. He should have, this was affecting him, too, but I didn't allow it to. He was already in it, but not too deep to never get out. I wouldn't let him get that far in. Not ever, if I had a say in it.

“Sure, I could do for a coffee.” The small smile on his face looked out of place. The smirk was gone. The bored, sarcastic attitude was gone. The spark had left with Kyle's name. It pained me to look at him and see nothing but weary relief. The relief that came with the sense of half-security after running from your problems.

Muttering 'Cool, cool...' under my breath, I turned into an ally.

“Ugh, Jez..?” Junior gripped tightly onto my arm, pulling me back from the mouth of the ally I had taken only three steps into. “There's a coffee shop right there,” He pointed to a Starbucks. Overpriced, but delicious. “We can just go there.”

With a small nod, I cursed at myself for falling into my worries: something I never do. “Right. Lets go there...” I muttered, shuffling my feet along the sidewalk. “I'll buy.”

Junior smiled that small worried smile and linked his arm through mine. “You buy the coffee, I'll buy the snacks.” I was too emotionally and mentally drained to argue. I could hardly nod, let alone lift my feet. I needed the caffeine too much to care about anything else.

When I finally had some sugar and caffeine in my system, and after hours of mindless mumbling, I began to sort through my jumbled thoughts. I slowly, and regretfully, came to the only real option we had: Eva.

“Alright. I know where we can go.” I muttered around my muffin. “But there's a reason no one knows her. Keep that in mind, Junior.”

When he nodded silently, I stood from my spot; leaving my almost empty cup behind. The walk was slow, but silent. I had decided to take the long way, so as to come up with an excuse that wouldn't freak Eva out too much. By the time we actually made it to her door, it was almost two A.M.

Hesitantly, I knocked on the door. It was soft and tentative; something that wouldn't wake her parents at all, but could maybe jostle her from her slumber. After a few minuted of waiting, and constant whining from Junior, I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

Less then two minutes later, the door was being opened. There stood a half-asleep Eva with a tangled mess on her head; what had once been hair. She looked as though she was going to slam the door in my face, she made the move to do it, but when she say Junior over my shoulder she let out a small sigh. She turned around slowly, stumbling slightly, and walked back into the house leaving the door open behind her. With a small, sad smile, I pushed Junior in before I walked in, pulling the door closed behind me. Little brothers, no matter how annoying, are life savers. I would have to remember that for later.