Watching and Waiting

The nights were warming and the sun was staying up longer but it would always be dark when she walked past.
Recently she seemed stressed in a way; I could tell by the way she walked. Her feet dragged along the ground more than usual and her shoulders slumped like the world rested upon them. It has become harder and harder to just watch her walk by. Each night she seems to get worse and it’s harder for me not to go up to her and embrace her but I know I couldn’t make her feel better. I know if she ever actually met me she would never feel comfortable in the park again and wouldn’t trust me. That was the biggest thing that kept me from going up to her and talking to her, she would never come back here again. It was my job to protect her and make her feel secure, to watch over her and warn her from danger. I’ve only seen her in the park but I hope that she feels protected where ever she goes but I can’t bring myself to follow her into her life.

The sun had just set one Tuesday night and I had just gotten into place to watch and wait for her. I loved watching sunsets, mainly because I could imagine her standing with her back to the sunset just looking at me smiling. My mind was often filled with dreams like these, I knew they would never come true.
The sky darkened quickly and the air chilled. I wasn’t expecting her for another hour or so but there she was. She was carrying a laptop bag, it was quite unusual because normally all she had was a large handbag. The bag looked quite heavy and she looked like she was having trouble carrying it. She struggled on though and was soon out of my sight. I stayed where I was sitting giving her enough time to get far from sight but it wasn’t long before I heard a scream followed by shouting. I ran towards the noise and saw my girl being assaulted, someone was trying to steal her laptop bag. For a second my mind screamed at me to stay where I was but I couldn’t, this was my job. I ran at the assailant and tackled him, he let go of her bag and fell to the ground. My back was to her so she couldn’t see me, the assailant looked up at me and his eyes widened. He quickly got off the ground and ran away looking back like I was going to follow him.

“Thank you” her voice was sweet and soft, it suited her perfectly. I wanted to turn around and take my first look closely at her beautiful face but it would ruin everything.

Instead I ran.

I ran to the edge of the park. I only looked back when I reached the boundary and saw her sweet face looking in my direction longingly. She saw me look back and waved. I couldn’t bring myself to engage with her, I just turned back around and jumped the ten foot fence easily and ran home. I knew exactly what she was when I got home.

She was my ward.

The feeling I have of protection was one I had not felt for many, many years and I had wished I never would again. It has been so long that I didn’t quite recognise it when I first saw her, I thought it was something different and I still hope it is but I know now it isn’t.

I have to be a part of her life now.