Dans L'Esprit

Every time we spend time together, I learn something new. I learn about how your mind connects the stupid little things I say. I learn how far your limits are. I learn about what makes you laugh and what makes you tick all at the same time. I learn so much about how you work and in turn, what that does to me.

You’re the type of person who’s stubborn and when you want to know something, you’ll keep asking and asking until you know. I’m the type of person that tries to be stubborn and say ‘no’, but that word just does not click in my head. I’m the person that will eventually break down and say what I’m thinking. This combination, you realize, could be disastrous, but I find security in knowing that you realize that you can only push me but so far. I’ve told you time and time again that I can’t get mad at you just because you’re you and that means something to me, but like I’ve said, I can try. Last night, I learned that as long as I stick my ground, you’ll take me seriously.

I’m someone who’s too easily trusting; always have been. I like to blame it on me being a Libra because that seems to be the easiest answer. It’s in a Libra’s nature to bend over backwards to make everyone happy, which is pretty much true in my life. When it comes down to it, I want you to be happy, Josh, even if that means I have to close my eyes and take the leap of faith. Too many times I’ve seen this backfire in the worst of ways, but last night, when you said, “I promise”, I couldn’t help but believe it. I’ve watched promises be broken and simple pacts lose value, but just the way you looked at me with those blue eyes, I know that it’s true. I’ve learned that no matter how dangerous I know it is, I trust you and your judgment.

Your friends are crazy. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve heard as many dirty jokes in all sixteen years of my life as I did in those two and a half hours together. Your friends made fun of me for being short. They made fun of me for being a tiny little girl with a small voice. They made fun of me for unintentionally saying things that could easily have been taken the wrong way when “that’s what she said” is tacked on to the end. But what did you do? You really didn’t say much—you didn’t fight them, but at the same time, you didn’t join in. You were there to pull everyone back on track when you knew they crossed the line, but you weren’t controlling or demanding. I’ve told you before that I can take care of myself, and you see the independence. You seem to play the role of mediator. You don’t take sides, and for me to sit here and expect you to always side with me is really unfair. Sure, we’re dating, but they’re your friends too, and I can’t expect you to pick favorites. I learned that as awful as your friends can be, they can’t hurt me with you around.

Ever since last night, I’ve been surrounded by you. We talked all day, starting at 11:00am. We met up at 8:00pm and stayed out for at least two and a half hours. Even after that, we texted for hours. I love being around you. I love knowing you’re there with me and that you won’t leave. When you start out a conversation with “I just really want to talk to you”, I know it’s something genuine, and I don’t doubt for a second that you’re truthful. You’re someone that knows what I’m thinking and knows what I want to say without me ever having to open my mouth. There’s this thing between us that’s a beautiful system in which as soon as we look at each other, we just know. I don’t know how it happens or how it works, but it’s there and it’s amazing. I love how we have that connection and how close we have come to be. There’s an unspoken bond between us that just clicks, and I love it. I’ve learned that there’s so much potential between us, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

You and I have been talking every day for months, and I never get tired of having you around. I look forward to hearing what you have to say and getting your insight on the little aspects of everyday life. It’s been about twelve hours since I left you last night and I can still hear your voice, see your beautiful blue eyes and feel how safe I knew I was when your arms were around me. The looks you gave me, the things you said, your smile, your laugh—it’s all like a painting, imprinted into my memory and I won’t let it go.

I’ve learned that I can’t stop thinking about you.