The More You Chase It

January 10th, 2011
[James]

I had been away a week and when I got home my apartment was so dead. Not even Dave ever came by, because he was always with his new girlfriend.

I sat alone at the kitchen bar and drank a cup of coffee. My mind was on the first night Daisy stayed over. When she woke up in the morning and Dave and I were eating cereal she came downstairs and her striking dark brown waves were in a dishevelled mess. My pillow smelt like her perfume for days after that. I remembered carrying her up to the bed.

The weirdest thing about that being on my mind was that I had just got a call from my agent telling me I would be hosting the Oscars. As soon as I hung up I wanted to call Daisy but that might be strange. We had only texted a couple of times since we saw each other at the water. I hated that we weren’t snapping back into our old habits. It was driving me crazy every time I was home. But you’d think something like hosting the Oscars would be able to get my mind off of it, but no.

I stared at the thread piece above the fireplace. It was probably stupid filling my apartment with things that reminded me of her but I could never take them down. I decided to call her against my better judgment.

The phone was already beside me, waiting for me to take the initiative. Dialling her number was so familiar I didn’t have to think about the numbers as my fingers tapped the buttons.

“Hey, what’s up?” Daisy answered cheerily. I smiled, thinking that there was a chance I had made her cheery. Her happiness was the most infectious thing to in the world.

“Hey Daiz. Not a lot, I just got home.”

“Oh yeah?” It sounded like she was doing something on the other end of the line, there was rustling of papers, “How long are you in town?”

I rested my elbows on the marble counter space in front of me, “just today and maybe half of tomorrow.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah... listen Daize, I got some good news and I kind of wanted you to be the first to know.”

The rustling stopped, “What’s that?”

I felt nervous knowing that I now had her full attention, “I’m going to be hosting the Oscars!”

There was silence on the line for a moment. It seemed like she might be regaining her composure but was it because she was happily surprised?

“That’s wonderful, I... I’m sorry I won’t be here to see it.”

“Won’t be where?”

She paused again, “I won’t be in America.”

“You’re going on vacation? What about taking time off school?”

“I’m not going on vacation James. I’m studying abroad for a while. Maybe a semester, maybe more.”

My jaw nearly crashed to the floor. She was leaving the country? But how? Why? Was I really that bad and awful for her to be around? I shook my head at the self-centered thought. Obviously this wasn’t about me. That would be a little drastic.

“When were you going to say something?”

“I was just waiting until we were actually talking again but that never really happened.”

I didn’t know what to say. I clawed my hand through my hair trying to make sense of what I was hearing. I thought things were going to get better.

“Haven’t classes already started for the semester?”

“The abroad program starts a week later. Anyways, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’re hosting the Oscars. That really is amazing. I’m so happy for you.”

I could hear the rustling again, she was probably wrapping things up to pack.

“When are you leaving?”

She sighed. “4 or 5 days.”

What. The. Fuck. I actually somewhat wished I hadn’t called. But at the same time it was better knowing than not knowing, right?

When I got off the phone I grabbed a beer from the fridge, ignoring my phone as it rang multiple times, until Dave walked into my apartment with his girlfriend and I wasn’t alone anymore.