The More You Chase It

After coming home Daisy spent most of her days doing her school work or with her friends. Two friends in particular she had gotten close with after knowing them for years. She didn’t think about James when she was with them but they didn’t get her quite like he did. But that didn’t matter. Every time she heard about 127 Hours she pretended she hadn’t seen it. To her the night in Telluride was a secret. It was something she kept hidden from everyone and in that way it became like a dream. There were only two people who knew about that night: her and James. Without James in her life she had no one to verify it had actually happened and so it didn’t have to be reality. It was too perfect to fit into her life anyways. James hadn’t tried to call since that last day together but he had contemplated it several times.

***

October 11th, 2010
{Daisy}

Time continued without James in my life. Classes kept me busy, although I still thought of him. Clara asked why he didn’t come in the gallery anymore but I never told her what happened in Telluride. I wasn’t planning on telling anyone ever. As far as I was concerned it hadn’t happened.

My friends from school noticed a change in me, but it was a change they saw as being for the better. They didn’t know about James but they did notice that since school started up again I went out with them more.

Two of my friends, Kate and Samantha, would always take me out for drinks. I enjoyed our nights out but what I missed was lazy days going to the museum or watching movies. I appreciated and cared about my friends but I never really felt wholly myself around them. This was an occurrence from long before James came into my life but at least before I didn’t realize it as much.

“Okay, so, girls,” Kate said one night as we were sitting in the bar section of an Italian restaurant. The décor was classy and the music subtle. “I have some news.”

Both Samantha and I put down our glasses to pay attention. “What?”

“Well, starting the third week of January, I will be studying in England!”

Samantha and I looked at each other in shock.

“You’re going to England? For how long?” I couldn’t stop staring dumbly but really I was kind of jealous. Studying abroad seemed so perfect; I had always wanted to go to England. It was one of the few countries on my list I had yet to visit.

“Probably a year if all goes well.”

Samantha jumped into the conversation again, wiping the surprise off her face, “What made you decide this?”

Kate shrugged flightily, “I don’t know. I just wanted a change. You guys should come with! It would be great. The application process is really easy and I’ve already got a place lined up there.”

“There’s no way I could, my program is too strict.” Samantha looked disappointed with her own answer.

They both turned to look at me. Obviously I couldn’t just make a decision that big on the spot. I mean I had things I had to stay here for. What if I wanted to see James? Then I realized James wasn’t my James anymore. The only real important people to stay for were my sister and the two girls at the table with me. And one of them wasn’t even staying. Plus, this was England. I always wanted to go. Maybe there I could sort things out. Yes, this was a good idea. It was about time I did something impulsive.

A smile crept across my face, “I’m in.”

Samantha looked shocked but Kate grinned. “Yes, England here we come!”

“So you guys are just going to leave me here?”

I suddenly felt guilty as Samantha whined and Kate gestured for our server to bring us new drinks.

“Sorry Sam,” I truly was apologetic, “but you have other friends here anyway. And we’ll call all the time. You can come out and visit.”

Three fresh drinks were placed in front of us.

Samantha was slowly warming up to the radical idea but she still didn’t seem thrilled, “You better not get ahead of yourself, Daisy hasn’t even applied yet. And you haven’t really thought this through.”

“Well,” Kate said holding up her glass to toast, “here’s to hoping in a few months Daiz and I will be drinking these in England!”

I cringed at the nickname. She had never used it before not that it should have mattered. Nevertheless I toasted with the two of them and started planning in my head all the logistics of it. My heart was already set on it and I was getting excited too. The rest of the night as the conversation tried to veer to other topics my thoughts were still on England. I always wanted to study abroad and I knew I still had a lot of transfer credits I was allowed to get my degree.

By the end of the night I was rather giddy and tipsy and feeling better than I had in a long time. James couldn’t ruin this for me. There was no way for him to.

“I’m sooo excited! This is going to be so fun!” Kate cheered as we walked out of the restaurant. It was almost one but there were still people up and about as we stepped into the street.

“Kate,” I cautioned jokingly, “you need to calm down.”

“But it’s going to be awesome! You should see the place I got, you’ll love it.”

Samantha mumbled something neither of us could make out as we stood talking.

“But seriously, I haven’t even been approved yet.”

“I knowww.”

I waved down a taxi that was slowly heading towards the restaurant. The air was cool with a slight wind blowing my hair into my face so I couldn’t see that well.

“I’ve got to get home. I’ll start applying tomorrow,” I reassured Kate as the taxi pulled up to the curb. I gave both Kate and Samantha a hug good-bye before turning to get in the taxi. The wind was wiping my hair around in an irritating way. There was one reason to hate having long hair. That’s why I almost didn’t notice the familiar hand already opening the back door, not even noticing my existence.

“Hey, that was my cab!” I scolded in a more annoyed tone than I had wanted. Dave jerked his head to see who was speaking and his surprised expression eased into a smile. I could tell behind me, Kate and Samantha were watching the attractive man in front of me.

“Hey Daisy, I’m sorry.” He opened the door all the way and gestured in, “We can share can’t we?”

His charming smile reminded me so much of his brother’s it was creepy. I didn’t really like the idea of a ten minute cab ride with him but not because I had anything against Dave. He was always a great guy when I saw him, he just reminded me way too much of his brother. And what was I supposed to do if he asked me about James? Had James told him about Telluride? But unfortunately, I didn’t really seem to have a choice unless I wanted to be a total bitch.

“I guess.”

I turned around and saw Kate and Samantha staring at me with questioning looks. I only gave them a small wave in response and got into the cab, Dave’s body slid in beside me. After I gave the driver my address Dave gave him James’s.

The taxi was warmer than outside, especially with Dave and me crowding the small backseat. The air was filled with hints of his aftershave, much different than his brother’s scent. I was glad for that.

“So where’s Marissa?” I asked, trying to make conversation, “You two still dating?”

Dave drummed his fingers on his knees, he had obviously been drinking too, “Yeah but she wanted to have a night out with the girls so I went out with some friends.”

I nodded in approval.

“What about you? I haven’t seen you around James’s place lately.”

I hid the flinch as best I could. I was watching the buildings we passed thinking of how many more until we reached my house. I wondered if I could pause long enough to not have to answer before we got there but ten minutes is a long time.

“Yeah I have a huge workload with classes.”

“That’s cool. How’d you like Telluride? James was telling me he was going to ask you to go with him.”

I nodded awkwardly, glancing at him briefly before watching the back of the driver’s head in front of me, “yeah it was good. I’ve never been to a film festival before.”

“They’re fun right? He’s taken me to a couple. I actually drove to one a week ago to see 127 Hours.”

I wanted to change the subject, “what about you? Got any projects lined up?”

He didn’t seem to find the topic change strange which I found relieving. “A couple small things but I just tried out for a bigger part but I don’t want to tell you what it is in case I don’t get it.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

There was pause again in the conversation. The tension in my shoulders was building as we got closer and closer to my place. I was almost home free. I just wanted to be out of this situation.

“So...” Dave tried to break the silence, “This is probably weird but what’s the deal with you and my brother?”

My answer was quick and short, “we’re just friends.”

“Well Marissa really likes you. We should do something the four of us again, that was fun.”

I nodded. Home was finally coming into view. Just a few more minutes of this and I could go start my application to England. I wouldn’t have awkward encounters there like this one.

“Yeah, I’m really busy so I don’t know if I’ll be able to any time soon.”

“That’s a shame.”

The taxi finally pulled up to the curb and I went to pay my part of the fare but Dave stopped me.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it.”

It was really nice of him but it felt weird letting him do that when his brother and I weren’t even talking anymore, not that he knew that. “No, I can pay my part.”

I went to take the money out but Dave put his hand on mine, “Seriously Daisy, it’s fine. you were on the way anyways.”

I nodded, taking my hand from under his touch and got out of the car. “Thanks.”

When I got up to the door and fished out my key to unlock it, I looked back at Dave. “Will I be seeing you around?” he called to me.

Dave was so friendly and personable. He seemed like he was probably more the popular type than James when they were younger. He just tried to be friends with everybody whereas James was more introverted.

“Probably not.”

He looked confused but I ignored it and disappeared into the building. That was awkward. After a few moments at home my phone started ringing and James came up on caller I.D. I ignored it and started looking up my abroad options on my laptop, planning my own retreat to some place that would better than this. Some exciting new adventure.