The More You Chase It

The Meeting Pt. I

January 2nd, 2011
[James]

It was only 10:45. Daisy would be here in 15 minutes. Although, she probably wasn’t as eager as I was for this meeting so it would more likely be half an hour. Maybe longer. There was a bench not far from the spot where Daisy and I had first met, smoking. There I could at least try and do the readings for my class.

The air was cool by the water where I took a seat. The new crisp cover of the collection of Keats was shiny, smooth. Reading was one of my favourite ways to pass the spare moments I had but I couldn’t concentrate. Not on the words of the poem. What the fuck was happening to me?

The only thing in my mind was that night by the water. The beginning of a new adventure. One storyline of many in my life. Time with Daisy was the only thing in a long time that hasn’t felt like some sort of performance. It was natural, real, genuine. A million other synonyms came to mind. Raw. Untainted.

I felt like Rick waiting for Ilsa at the train station in Casablanca. This wasn’t stupid fucking Hollywood romance. It wasn’t raining, there was no soppy letter. But it still felt like I would be left waiting for someone who wasn’t coming. Only we wouldn’t meet again, years later, we wouldn’t have Paris or Casablanca. There was no such thing as unconditional love. Nothing could save this.

As beautiful as chaos could be I wish life would just be a little bit fucking simpler. I wanted friendships to be unconditional. I wanted them to be static. What I didn’t want was what this had become.

I have a surprisingly vivid memory of sneaking out of the premiere for Date Night. I could remember throwing a hoodie over my suit and walking from the venue. I wanted a break from all the actors and the press, the critics and the rest. My shoulders were stiff with tension. I should have been writing my essay. Why was I even there? Walking without direction I despised the streets. There was too much there to take in. I looked for a quiet retreat when I saw a small path that veered from the road and disappeared into bushes. Hopefully it was a place where I could also disappear, into the dark, into the night. Beyond that was a bench, and the water, and a women smoking by herself, staring out at nothing. From this spot I could see the premiere I had just left, with all the lights and the people and the cars. I pulled out a cigarette and felt around in my pocket for a lighter. I felt the cool plastic of one but I didn’t take it out. I pretended I didn’t have one. A simple ploy to get the beautiful girl’s attention, or ease any awkwardness from me intruding on her space. When her face turned to look at me that night I couldn’t help but smile.

“James…” I was jolted out of my thoughts. I hadn’t even opened the book in my hands and I knew it wasn’t 11 yet.

Daisy followed the sound of footsteps towards me. She looked even more beautiful now than she had that night…