This Masterpiece Will Fall Apart

It was approximately 3 hours after I had to go in for the emergency c-section. I honestly felt empty, in more than one way. Josh and I barely spoke five words to one another while we were waiting to see what happened. You see, something had caused the twins' heartbeats to drop dramatically, and I started to panic, which made it worse. I was mentally beating myself up about that. I didn't know if I could forgive myself if I had endangered my children. Josh was sitting in a chair next to my bed, his legs bouncing rapidly. That was something he'd do if he was nervous. I would do that too, but it would only be one leg. Airin, Marque, Zack, Matt, Mariah and Stephanie were all in a little waiting room. They wanted to give us some space in case of something serious. My dad was pacing back and forth between the window, and my mom was sitting in a recliner that was near it.

“Dad, would you stop pacing?” I snapped at him suddenly. Dad stopped and looked at me, surprised that I actually raised my voice to him. Josh looked up (he had been looking at the floor for nearly three hours) and looked back between my dad and I. My eyes welled up and I frowned. “I'm sorry dad.” I sniffed. Josh put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it lightly. This was the most nervous I had ever been in my life. Josh could feel the tenseness in my body, so he sat next to me on the bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I turned slightly and buried my face into his chest. Josh rested his chin on the top of my head and gently rocked back and forth. Ultimately, that just made me nauseated more than I was.

Everyone looked over when there was a knock at the door. Carolynne and Miles both appeared in the room (my dad had called them and told them everything that was happening). They walked over, giving both Josh and I hugs. They turned to my parents and said something to them, but everything sounded fuzzy. “This is all my fault.” I said. Everyone turned and looked at me strangely.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked. “Nothing is your fault.”

“But, I...” I started to say, but just got choked up again. “I'll never be able to live with myself if something happened to them.”

“Hey...come on. They're part of the Jaulby family, and those are some of the toughest, most
stubborn people I have ever met.” Josh said. “There's no need to beat yourself up about this.” Josh kissed my forehead.

“How can I not though, Josh?” I asked. “If I would of just stayed calm...”

“Now, you listen to me.” I was startled when Carolynne spoke up. “Josh said it perfectly, you are a very stubborn, but strong person. So is Josh, so if your kids are anything like the two of you, you have nothing to worry about.” I opened my mouth to say something, but she looked at me sternly. “You have every right to be upset, because you are a mother, and a damn good one at that, but you need to think positively. And if I've learned anything about you in the last how many years I've known you, it's that you're a fighter. You need to be strong, if not for you, then for those twins.”

That made me shut up. Carolynne did have a very strange way of getting into your mind. Everyone just stayed quiet until the doctor came into the room. He appeared to have a very solemn look on his face, which worried me. “Is...is everything okay?” my mom was the first none to speak. Dr Masterson looked at everyone in the room.

“Well...” he started to say. I covered my mouth out of pure instinct. My thoughts were going a mile a minute. When Dr Masterson saw the look on my face, he smiled softly. “They're just fine.” It took my mind a minute to realize what he had said. I buried my face into Joshes shoulder, who then wrapped both his arms around me. “That little girl of yours, she's already quite vocal and demanding.”

“Hey, just like her mom!” Josh said. I looked up at him and frowned, but I ended up laughing instead. And, as if almost on cue, two nurses came into the room, each holding one of the twins. I was handed the girl, Josh the boy. All I could do was stare at my daughter. When she opened her eyes, she had the exact same eye colour as Josh, I knew right then and there that she would definitely be a daddy's girl.

“Do you have any names in mind?” My dad spoke up.

“Uh, yeah...” Josh started.

“No.” I said. Josh looked at me strangely.

“What do you mean no?” he asked me. “I thought we agreed...”

“She doesn't look like a Jasmine.” I said. “She looks more like a...” I thought for a while. “Autumn” I looked at Josh, who raised an eyebrow at me.

“Autumn? Really?” he questioned.

“Yes, really!” I said firmly. The infant in my arms made some kind of squealing noise. “See, even she agrees with me.” Josh chuckled and shook his head.

“But...”

“Look you, no uterus, no opinion.” I told Josh, causing laughter from everyone else.

“Okay, well how about Jasmine as her middle name?” Josh asked. I looked down at her again.

“Yeah, I guess that will work.” I smiled at him.

When we finally decided on the boy's name (Kodiak Jonathan Miles), my mom had left to the waiting room to tell everyone else the news. Airin and Marque were the first two to appear in the room. Marque was the first one to hold Autumn. “Oh...I want another one now.” Marque said. Airin, who was over with my dad (who had Kodiak), looked at Marque with a “what-the-fuck” sort of look on his face.

“We just got another one!” Airin said.

“I know that, but I mean a little one like this!” Marque said. Airin laughed and rolled his eyes at his husband. “What's her name?” Marque asked. Josh and I both looked at one another.

“Autumn Jasmine.” I said. Marque stopped in his place and looked at me.

“R-really?” Marque seemed speechless. He then smiled and looked back down at Autumn. “Who thought of that name?” he asked, obviously wondering about her middle name.

“Josh did.” I replied. Marque stopped again and looked up at Josh, who only smiled at him.

“You did?” Marque asked him, and Josh nodded. Marque looked like he was near tears before looking at his niece again. “You would of liked her, your aunt Jazz.” Marque said. “She sure would of liked you too.”

The other four (Zack, Stephanie, Matt and Mariah) entered the room and a discussion ensued about who the twins looked like. My mom pointed out that Kodiak looked a lot like Airin when he was a baby, so therefore, would look like me. I honestly didn't care who they would look like. I was just happy that the twins were okay.

Everyone had finally got their own turn with the twins. Zack had Autumn and was saying that it was weird how calm both twins were. Josh spoke up, “How is it possible that I have barely had a minute with my daughter?” Everyone else looked at him and Zack walked over to hand Autumn off to Josh. “That's better.” I smiled at him. Josh just seemed so at ease holding her, like it was natural to him. He also looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. When Josh started getting teary-eyed, I leaned my head on his shoulder, and Josh looked down at me. He looked tired, but content all the same. He leaned down and kissed me, and I knew that I had chosen the right guy.