This Masterpiece Will Fall Apart

I had just made the biggest mistake that I could of possibly of made in my life. When I woke up, my head was pounding and I was confused, because I knew I wasn't in the right place; I mean, Airin hadn't come screaming into the room to wake me up so we could go sight-seeing. When I opened my eyes, I went into a complete panic mode because I was next to Morgan (and completely stark-naked), and not Zack or Keith. Morgan woke up as soon as I started freaking out, and it took him a good twenty minutes to actually get me to calm down.

I couldn't believe that I had slept with Morgan. I refused to believe that I had cheated on Josh; that couldn't of happened, not when we had three kids. I felt so disgusted with myself that I couldn't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I loved Josh; he didn't deserve that. How could I of done that to him?

Morgan took me back to the hotel after I had gotten dressed, and he apologized the entire drive. I told him it was not his fault. It was entirely mine. I opened the door to the hotel room I was staying in, hoping no one was there, but with my terrible luck, Zack was sitting on the bed. He looked up at me when I walked in, “Where the hell were you?” he asked. I looked around the room to see it was only Zack in there, and there was no noise coming from the bathroom.

“Where's Keith?” I asked.

“He's downstairs with Marque and Airin getting some breakfast. I didn't go because my leg was being difficult.” Zack motioned to his abandoned prosthetic on his bed. “But where the hell were you? We were starting to get worried.”

I felt my whole body start to tremble. I walked over to Zack's bed and sat down, my legs shaking violently. “Zack, I fucked up. I fucked up big time.” I said.

“What did you do?” Zack asked.

“I...I...” I stammered, “I slept with Morgan.” I buried my face in my hands.

“What do you mean? Do you mean “slept-in-the-same-bed-as-you” slept with Morgan,or “he-stuck-his-dick-in-you” slept with Morgan?” Zack asked.

I snapped my head up, “Zack!”

“Well...you need to clarify.” Zack said defensively. “So?”

“It was the latter of the two.” I shamefully said.

Zack was quiet for some time. “Well, this certainly is a turn of events.” he said. I looked at him sullenly and he looked away sheepishly. “Why?”

“I don't know why.” I sighed, laying back on the bed. Zack's prosthetic leg was near my face, so I pushed it off the bed, accidentally of course.

“Hey, I needed that!” Zack said. I gave him a look. “You're right, we have bigger problems afoot.” Zack paused and then laughed at himself. “Ha, afoot. I made a pun.”

“Zack...” I groaned.

“Sorry.” Zack apologized. “So you don't know why? Were you drunk or something?”

“Yes.” I groaned again. I was confused when Zack was silent. “Well? Aren't you going to call me an idiot, or something?” I asked.

“No. Why would I? Yeah, you made a foolish mistake, but I have no reason to be mad at you. Josh, on the other hand...”

“Please don't remind me of that.” I told him.

“You are going to tell him, right?” Zack asked. “If you don't, he'll find out some other way. You of all people should know how much that hurts.” Zack was referring to when I found out Josh was addicted to heroin, and he was very right; I did know how much it hurt to be left in the dark about something serious.

“Josh doesn't deserve to be led on. I can't do that to him.” I said.

“You should probably tell him as soon as possible.” Zack said. I nodded slightly.

I only told Zack about what had happened. I didn't know how anyone else would react. The only reaction I was really worried about was Joshes. Josh, although he refused to admit it sometimes, was an extremely emotional person. He was emotionally volatile, but he was emotional nonetheless. I was really scared to see how he would react.

The day I came home from England was the most nervous I had ever been. The entire cab ride home I was shaking, but I knew I had to tell Josh what I had done. I nearly had to force myself out of the cab; my legs were shaking as I walked up the steps. I opened the front door and went inside, “Josh?” I called out.

Josh soon appeared from our bedroom, a look of excitement on his face. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. “God, I missed you so much.” He was so happy; I didn't want to ruin that. Joshes face fell when I didn't say anything. “Josline, is everything alright?”

“I have to tell you something.” I said. “You might want to sit down for this one.” Josh and I walked over to the couch and sat down. “Promise me you wont be mad, okay?”

“Josline, what is it?” Josh asked.

“Promise.”

“Okay, I promise. What is it?”

“I got really drunk in London.” I said.

“Your point is...?” Josh dragged out his sentence.

“Well, I was with Morgan, and I told him about our little fight we had. Honestly I was still a little made at you, and...” I paused to take a breath, “I don't know what made me do it, but I made out with Morgan.”

Josh was silent for a very long time. “Is that all you two did?” Josh asked and I looked down at my feet. “Josline, please tell me that's all you two did.”

I threw my hands to my face and sobbed, “I'm so sorry Josh.” He remained silent. I looked at him with tearful eyes; his face was like stone. “Please say something.”

“This...this is the last thing I'd ever expect from you.” Josh said. “What were you thinking? Oh, wait, you weren't.” the venom in his voice stung. “How...how could you?”

“Josh, I'm sorry! If I could take it back, I would, but I can't.” I told him.

“You shouldn't of done it in the first place.” Josh said.

“You don't think I know that?” I asked. I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe.

“No, I don't think you do!” Josh nearly yelled at me. “I don't even know who this guy is Josline! It's bad enough that you were nine hours away.” I could see Josh was starting to get teary-eyed. “I...I don't know if I can trust you anymore.”

“Josh, don't...”

“We've been together for almost seven years...this is the stupidest thing you've ever done, and you expect me to not be mad about it? Well, newsflash Josline, I'm fucking furious!” Josh had stood up, his hands balled into fists. He was actually shaking with anger, and I had never seen that before.

“Josh, you're scaring me.” I whimpered. Josh seemed to relax slightly.

“I...I need to go.” He said, turning on his heel. He walked towards the door to get his shoes one.

“Josh, don't do this! We have a family!” I begged him, standing up.

Josh spun around, and I could see the tears rolling down his face, “And you just tore it apart!” he yelled. The two of us were quiet. Josh turned around again, put his shoes on and left. I heard the door to the car slam shut and the engine kick on. I rushed over to the window just in time to see Josh pull out of the driveway and peel out down the road. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked back to the couch, barely making it due to my shaky legs. I doubled over and let the tears fall.

Josh was right; I tore my family apart, and I wasn't sure if I could fix it.