This Masterpiece Will Fall Apart

We had a great time performing in Edmonton. I didn't feel nauseated at all during the set, so I was sure it was just something I ate during the day. I have weird reactions to certain foods, like onions, so the burger I ate might have had onions on it that I wasn't aware of.

We had a radio interview the next morning at an Edmonton rock station. We just talked about the new album and what was going to happen on the tour. We also talked about what it was like touring with Surviving Nightlife and how hard it was being away from our families. It was a fairly normal interview. After that, we had no clue what to do with ourselves. We had 3 days off, so we had a lot of free time. We basically hung around for the first day. The second day, I was feeling sick again, so I just layed around reading. Josh called me at around 3:00 in the afternoon. “Hi Josh,” I answered by pressing the button on my headset.

“Hi babe, how are you doing?” He asked. I heard Finley say something in the background to someone else.

“I'm alright. I'm feeling a little sick right now. What about you?” I asked, flipping the page in my book.

“You're still feeling sick?” Josh said, “Well, I'm doing okay. Matt's over here with Duncan right now.”

“I hope you four boys are staying out of trouble,” I said.

“Oh, we're always good boys,” Josh said. Finley yelled something at Josh that was kind of muffled. “Hold on, Finley is babbling at me,” Josh said. I heard muffled voices and soon Finley's voice was speaking to me.

“Hi mommy!” Finley chirped.

“Hi sweetie! How are you?” I asked my son.

“I'm good,” Finley said. “I miss you mommy.”

“Aw, I miss you too Fin.”

“When are you coming home?” Finley asked me.

“Not for another month sweetheart,” I told him. I could actually hear Finley pout. It was strange how I knew he was doing that.

“Oh...okay,” Finley sounded disappointed.

“So, what did you do yesterday? I asked him.

“I played with Casey!” Finley exclaimed.

“Who's Casey?” I asked.

“Matt's friend,” Finley told me.

“Fin...can I talk to your dad again?” I asked him, sitting upright. Finley handed back the phone to Josh. When his voice sounded over the phone, I started speaking. “Josh...who's Casey?”

“Uh...hold on...” I heard Josh shuffle around, and soon I couldn't hear any other voices.

“So, who is Casey?” I asked again.

“Casey is...uh...Casey...” Josh stuttered.

“Josh...” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“She's Matt's girlfriend,” Josh admitted. It took me a little by surprise. I expected Matt to start dating again, but I didn't expect it to be a little over a year after Jazz passed away.

“Okay,” I shrugged.

“O...okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. I mean, Matt is allowed to date. Just as long as she doesn't hurt him, I'm fine with Casey,” I said. Josh told me that the four of them were going to go visit Eloisa for a little while. I kept reading until Zack came back into the room. I looked up from my book again and smiled at him. Zack was soaked from head to foot. “What the hell happened to you?” I asked.

“Snowball fight,” Zack said.

“Who won?” I asked.

“Well, SN was, until some fans showed up and joined our team, and then we started to dominate. But then Curtis decided it was a free-for-all, and they all ganged up on me,” Zack explained.

“So, that's why you're all wet right now?” Zack nodded.

“I had to come back in because my leg was starting to freeze up,” Zack explained. He started to peel his wet clothes off himself. I went back to reading my book. Zack went walked over to his bag, in his underwear, and pulled out dry clothes. I peered over my book at him. Zack caught that I was looking at him. “I feel so violated when you look at me like that,” he held his clothes up to his bare chest and laughed. I shook my head at him and turned the page in my book. Zack disappeared into the washroom, most likely to change and hang his wet clothes up, and appeared a few minutes later. I laughed when I saw the sweater he was wearing. It was a blue sweater with a dog on it. “What? What's so funny?”

“That sweater,” I laughed.

“Hey, don't diss my sweater! My nan made it for me!” Zack sounded like a child that had just been offended.

“I'm not dissing your sweater. It's cute!” I smiled. Zack smiled back and layed down on his bed.

“So, what have you been up to for the past few hours?” he asked me.

“What I'm doing right now,” I said simply.

“You've been reading for two hours?” Zack asked. “I can barely read for 2 minutes!”

“Well, this book is fairly interesting,” I said.

“What book is it?” Zack rolled over onto his side and propped his elbow up on his pillow.

“It's called Portrait of a Killer. It's about Jack the Ripper. I found it at a rummage sale a few years ago, and I never picked it up until now,” I explained. “I actually used to live near Whitechapel street. It's amazing that something like the Ripper murders happened so close to where I was.”

“Didn't they happen in the late 19th century?” Zack asked. I nodded. “Do you think I could read that after you?” I looked at him in amazement.

“You actually want to read my book?” I asked him.

“Yeah. I'm fascinated by the psychological aspect of it. How a man could act like Ripper did, it just sparks my curiosity,” Zack smiled.

“I didn't know you were interested in psychology,” I said.

“There are somethings about my life I do like to keep private,” Zack said, rolling onto his back.

It was around 2 in the morning when I woke up with intense nausea. I was in the bathroom for a half an hour before Zack finally knocked on the door. “Jaws? You okay in there?” I shakily stood up and opened the door, smiling weakly at Zack.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said. Another wave of nausea washed over me. “No, I'm not,” I rushed back over to the toilet and the cycle started again. Zack walked in and kneeled next to me, keeping a hand on my back and his other hand held back my hair. When I finally felt better I brushed my teeth and sat against the edge of the tub. I pressed my forehead against the palms of my hands. Zack sat down next to me. “I don't know what's wrong with me Zack.”

Zack started to rub my back, “Did you eat anything you weren't supposed to?” I shook my head. Zack 'hmm'd' to himself. “Maybe it's just a flu or something?”

“No, I don't think so, because when I have flu's, even stomach flu's, I always have a runny nose. I don't,” I explained. “I'm sorry you have to deal with this though.”

“Don't feel sorry Josline. You're like a big sister to me. I'm here for you if you need me,” Zack smiled at me. I lightened up slightly. We stayed quiet for a little while. Zack still rubbed my back and I wrapped both my arms around myself. “Wait...Josline when was the last day of your last period?” I looked at Zack strangely. Then I thought to myself. My cycle had always been a little weird. I wouldn't get it for a month or so, and then I would get it for 2 weeks a few months later.

“Um...November 26th. Why?” I asked.

“Well, I'm just thinking here. You've been kind of moody, no offence, and you've been having these odd food cravings, like pickles and peanut butter. And you've been throwing up a lot lately,” Zack said.

“What are you saying Zack?” I sat up straight, looking him dead in the eyes.

“Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?” Zack asked. Now that I thought of it, I had been feeling the same way I did when I was pregnant with Finley.

“Maybe...I don't know. Josh and I always use protection,” I said.

“Well, when was the last time you and Josh did the dirty?” Zack said. I had to actually think about that. Josh and I didn't get a lot of free time with one another.

“When Josh came home from touring,” I said.

“So that was, what? 2 and a half months ago? 3 months?” I went into deep thought.

“Oh God...I think I'm pregnant Zack,” I looked over at him. I didn't know if I should be excited or terrified.

“Do you have a test or anything?” Zack asked.

“No, they're all back in Vancouver,” I said.

“Get your coat on. We're going to go find one,” Zack said.

After searching for a place that was open for a half an hour, we finally found a place that was open, and had pregnancy tests. I was pacing back and forth in the bathroom, Zack was leaning against the sink. I was having an internal panic attack. Under any other circumstances, I would have been over the moon if I was pregnant. But I was on tour, and almost an entire day away from home. If I were pregnant, I would be around 4 months pregnant by the time the tour had ended. I wasn't very big in my fourth month with Finley (I really started to show around 6 months), so it probably wouldn't be that hard to cover up.

My heart stopped when Zack spoke, “Josline, what does two lines mean?”