So Hold on Tight and Don't Look Back

It’s early September and Jersey is surprisingly warm; the leaves on the trees are just starting to yellow and the temperature is starting to drop by a few degrees. In the Iero household, autumn is one of the favourite times of the year, the comfortable cool usually means that Frank can go out without a jacket and Jamia can go for an early morning run without feeling like she’s going to pass out from the heat. However, this year was different, the two were both on high alert, Jamia was eight and a half months pregnant with twins. So, out of the window were Jamia’s runs replaced with yoga and Lamaze breathing exercises, and Frank watched pretty much her every move, making sure if anything happened, he was right there.

That morning, both had risen early, Jamia had said that the twins were moving around too much for her to sleep. So they went downstairs and turned on the TV. Lounged on the couch, Jamia rested her head on Frank’s chest. ‘They’re still moving!’ Jamia sat up and exclaimed over an old re-run of Seinfeld. Frank placed his hands on Jamia’s stomach, one on either side, as she relaxed back on the couch. He brought his face closer to her stomach, lifting the thin purple material of her sleep shirt. His lips were mere centimetres away from her skin as he whispered ‘Stop moving in there, babies. You’re giving mommy a hard time.’ He proceeded to sing Dancing In the Dark by Bruce Springsteen, which elicited a small chuckle from Jamia. Finishing with a kiss, Frank rose from the sofa, Jamia squealed from the loss of warmth.

He left the room, and was en route to the kitchen, Jamia sat up, ready to ask Frank for some grape juice, but before she could even utter the words, he reappeared, holding a glass of the very same juice out to her. She looked at him, and he grinned at her knowingly before sitting back down and wrapping himself around her. As she leaned back against his chest, he absentmindedly began stroking her stomach through her shirt. The repeated motion lulled her into a sleep.

-

Months earlier when Jamia had called Frank and told him that she needed to speak to him, he expected the worst. He’d been busy working on the band’s first attempt at their new album, so he hadn’t been around much. Her voice had been hard and distant, two qualities he wasn’t used to hearing in her chirpy, melodic voice. As he slid his key into the lock of the front door and stepped through the threshold, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. His hands were covered in a thin sheen of sweat, so much so that he dropped his keys on the floor. After fumbling with them for a few seconds, he walked into the living room, to see Jamia sitting at the table, her back faced away from the door. The way her shoulder moved up and down jerkily, he could tell she was crying. And he could bet that she’d turned away from the door as soon as she heard him put his key in the lock: she hated people seeing her cry.

‘Jam, what’s wrong?’ He said, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her from behind, sinking to his knees and holding her close.

She turned around in his embrace, and he saw that her tears were not ones of sorrow or sadness, but happiness. Her smile radiated as drops slipped from her eyes.

Again, he asked her what was wrong, and still she didn’t answer. Instead she got up and walked over to the bathroom. She came back with something wrapped in toilet paper. She handed it to him, slowly he unwrapped it, without breaking eye contact with her. He didn’t break it until he’d completely unwrapped it, he looked down. All he saw was two pink lines.

His jaw dropped. ‘…Baby?’ was the only word he could muster.

She nodded and he stood, still dazed from the information and again he wrapped his arms
around her. Squeezing until he could squeeze no more. He was going to be a dad.

-

A few hours later, Frank left Jamia at home, going in to the studio for a couple of hours so he and the guys could track for the last song on their album. He hated leaving Jamia, but the band was so close to finishing the last song, and the whole album, and he knew everyone was itching to have it done and dusted.

Alicia was coming over to hang out with Jamia while he went to the studio. It was the first time he’d really left her for a couple of weeks, the band’s studio sessions were spaced far apart so Frank could be on call almost all the time in case Jamia went into labour. Although they had a c-section scheduled for later in the week, their doctor said that labour could occur naturally at any time.

Once Mikey had dropped off Alicia, Frank said bye to the two of them and got into the car with Mikey and set off for the studio.

‘Your face looks like it’s going to split in two.’ Mikey commented, glancing from the steering wheel to Frank’s goofy grin.

Mikey’s newly blonde bangs fell into his eyes; he brushed them away before adding, ‘Seriously dude, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before.’

Frank closed his eyes for a second before answering. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.’ He linked his fingers together, thinking about the new chapter of his life that was very close to starting. Despite the daunting nature of the whole task, he couldn’t help but ignore it and think of all the great times that were about to come to him.

At the studio, he and the guys were sitting trying to work out an alteration to the bridge for the song. When he and Mikey arrived, Gerard was writing out some lyrics and Ray was plucking mindlessly at the strings on his guitar.

‘’Sup dudes,’ he said when he got in, throwing his jacket on the couch.

A week before, he and Mikey had written their parts completely and were ready to track them. So luckily he had something to keep him busy, so he wouldn’t keep thinking about Jamia and what she was doing.

Being first in the booth meant that everyone was still alert and watching/listening to him while he recorded. However, when it got the end of the day and Gerard would track his vocals, everyone would be all bleary-eyed and half-asleep paying almost no attention at all to what he was doing.

A couple of hours in to his recording, Gerard got a phone call but he was out on a coffee run, so Frank answered the call.

‘Daddy?’ A small voice asked on the other end of the line.

‘Bandit, is that you? It’s Uncle Frankie!’ He said down the phone, answered by a sharp intake of breath.

‘Uncy Fwankie?!’ she squealed.

‘Yeah it is sweetie. Your daddy’s not here at the moment-’ he was interrupted by the high pitched voice once again.

‘I LOVE YOU, FWANKIE!’ she screamed.

‘Love you too, sweetie,’ he laughed into the receiver.

In the background, he faintly heard Lindsey chastising Bandit for using the phone without permission.

‘Frank?’ Lindsey’s tired voice asked.

‘Hey, Linds.’

‘I left her for one second, and somehow she found my phone, don’t even ask me how!’ she laughed.

Frank was about to answer when Ray rushed over to him holding out his cell phone to him. He could faintly hear on the other end someone shouting his name. He looked questioningly when Ray nodded his head, urging Frank to take the call. He said bye to Lindsey and answered.

‘FRANK?!’ Jamia’s frantic voice asked.

His eyes widened, was this it? ‘Yeah baby, I’m here, it’s me.’

‘I’m in labour!’ she screamed.

‘Oh God, oh God!’ He shouted, not knowing what to do with himself so he ended up walking around in circles. ‘Does it hurt?’ he asked, motioning to Ray that he was leaving and taking Mikey’s car by dangling the keys in his direction.

He heard some fumbling on the other side of the line. ‘Well, she said it doesn’t hurt but she’s freaking the fuck out, Frank!’ Alicia’s voice sounded quite worried.

‘Okay, tell her I’m on my way, I’ll meet you at the hospital, yeah?’ buckling his seatbelt and trying to get the keys into the ignition all while holding to phone to his ear proved too much and he realised he was trying to put the car keys into the seat buckle.

‘Yeah, the ambulance is on its way.’ She cut off the phone, but not before Frank could hear Jamia screech ‘oh my god’ one last time.

Two pairs of hazel eyes looked up and connected with his. This was the strongest bond Frank had felt with any human being ever, besides Jamia. He put his hand down into the cot, going to stroke Lily’s cheek, when her arm lifted slowly. Her fingers flexed, and reaching as far as she could, she wrapped her tiny fingers around Frank’s. At that moment, he knew that his life had changed forever. He knew that nothing would come before his family. Previously, his music had been the only thing in his life that he truly loved, and then there was Jamia, and now there were two more things that he knew he would move heaven and earth to protect.

Like many new parents, Frank’s parental side came into the light. It was an almost primal thing, now his world seemed to revolve around the two girls right in front of him. Already he felt that his centre of gravity had shifted, not necessarily moving away from Jamia, but it had spread out to include his daughters as well. As Lily let go of his hand, he stroked Cherry’s cheek. His finger slid down her soft skin with ease, he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off them. To him they were still so fragile, he’d been looking forward to their arrival so much that he wasn’t 100% sure if they were real. He felt as though if he diverted his gaze, they might not be there when he turned around again.

Behind him, he heard Jamia stir; she’d been sleeping for a few hours since the birth. When she woke, her eyes fluttered and focused on Frank. For a moment or two, neither said anything, they both just enjoyed the elation that joined them.

She looked over into the cot. ‘They’re beautiful,’ she spoke quietly, as though she thought her regular speaking voice would harm them.

‘I know,’ Frank replied, taking Jamia’s hand in his own as they both stared at their children.

A few minutes passed and there was a soft knock on the door. Gerard popped his head round the door and looked in, a grin already plastered on his face.

‘Hey,’ he said walking in followed by the rest of the band, Lindsey, Christa, Alicia and a sleeping Bandit. After congratulations were issued and a fair amount of time was spent cooing over the babies, Ray handed Frank a CD.

‘We finished the song.’ He said simply, not expecting a reply. With a clap on the shoulder, Ray turned away to look at the girls again.

‘They’re gorgeous!’ Lindsey exclaimed as she held Cherry in her arms. She stroked the tuft of dark hair that topped her head.

From the other side of the room Alicia added, ‘They really, really are.’ Lily cried in Alicia’s arms, but as soon as Frank lifted her and kissed her forehead, the wailing ceased nearly immediately.

‘He’s magic!’ Gerard declared. Frank grinned at that.

‘I think we might have to keep him handy for when Bandit’s bawling!’ Lindsey joked with her husband.

After the guys left, seeing as it was now only 4 o clock in the afternoon, there was a steady stream of close friends and family members coming in and out of the hospital. The pride welled up inside Frank as each and every person looked down at his daughters (it still felt weird to say that, his daughters) and said how beautiful they were. Of course he agreed with them, but it still felt amazing to hear other people say it too.

The doctor had recommended that Jamia stay in overnight just to recover. He said it wasn’t abnormal to be kept in for observation after having twins – the body was made to carry one child at a time, so anything more meant the body was under more strain.

As Frank’s parents left the hospital, he sat down on Jamia’s bed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They both stared into the cots at the side of the bed, as they did so, a yawn escaped Frank’s lips. ‘Go home baby, have a nap.’ Jamia spoke, rubbing her hand on his thigh.

‘I’m not going home until I can take you and the girls with me.’ He grinned over at her. ‘It’s not like I haven’t been up for longer than this. Remember when I had that bet with Mikey last year? I didn’t sleep for almost a week.’ He smiled fondly at the memory.

‘Yeah, and then you crashed and slept for about 40 hours straight.’ Jamia giggled.

‘Okay, so that wasn’t the best defence, but I’m serious. I’ll stay until the morning when the doctor checks you over and I can take you all home.’

Jamia moved into his side, obviously still exhausted. Her eyes fluttered and then closed, leaning her head on his chest.

‘Okay, you’re alright. You’re clear to go home.’ The doctor said, sliding Jamia’s clipboard back into the slot on the end of her bed. ‘Congratulations Mr and Mrs Iero,’ he nodded his head one last time before exiting the room.

A nurse entered the room and helped Jamia into a wheelchair as Frank picked up the twins one by one and strapped them into their car seats. They all made their way down to the parking lot and into the car.

Frank helped Jamia into the car and then strapped the girls into the back seats. As he did so, he couldn’t help but feel like a real parent. He felt the urge to buy a minivan and begin wearing his pants a few inches higher.

As they drove, Jamia began fishing around in her purse and pulled out an unmarked CD.

‘What’s this?’ she asked as Frank pulled up at some traffic lights.

He looked over and smiled, he’d forgotten about the CD Ray had given him the night earlier. He pushed the disc into the player and the song began.

The song played and a lump formed in Frank’s throat. He never thought his life would end up the way it did. A beautiful wife, two gorgeous daughters, an amazing core group of friends, a successful band, it was more than he ever imagined; he always saw himself in a dead end job dreaming of a better life. He knew he had a good life, but it seemed as though the realisation of how great that life was hit him all at once.

‘Are you okay Frankie?’ Jamia asked, placing her hand over his on the gear stick.

He couldn’t do anything but nod, knowing if he spoke he would tear up.

Jamia rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, wordlessly soothing her husband.

Upon arriving home, the pair took the twins up to their nursery. As a gift, Gerard had painted mythical creatures and fairies on the walls (and according to Gerard there was a vampire on the wall somewhere, but they’d have to look for it). He did a great job, considering he’d only locked himself in the room for 4 hours; there was a woodland scene all over the walls that went all the way up onto the ceiling.

Frank placed Cherry into her crib and Jamia placed Lily into hers and for a while, they both just sat in the room listening to the sound of their daughters sleeping. If there was a more perfect scenario in the world for Frank and Jamia to be, I don’t think either of them would have been able to think of it. They were perfectly content exactly where they were.