Status: Might not be over yet
Just an Average Person
Hello There
Well well. Wasn't I a depressing little nugget back then. All that talk about starving myself and being a S.A.D.D. In case you're wondering, if it isn't already obvious, I'm better now. Not fully okay, of course, but who is? I’ve got the usual-body image problems, clinical depression, OCD.
So, here I am, months later, chockfull of the pills I swore I would never take. By the way, they’re awesome. You should really try some. I still don’t believe in therapy though. Wondering what brought on the months of insanity and subsequent....me-ness? If you’re interested, this is my confession. You don’t have to read it. I won’t mind, dear.
Anyway, I entered high school, (not very healthy in the head anyway, not that I’ve ever been) and flopped. I discovered I hate nearly everyone in my school and that I have a phobia of crowds and being looked at. Hmm...let’s see, do you think the never ending weight of diabetes had something to do with the depression? –winks- Yeah, I’m Type 1 diabetic, it sucks.
Moving on, I started having problems with my parents and my grades fell drastically. (I’m in summer school for Math...)I felt disconnected from everything. Have I already mentioned that I came out as bi and got my heart broken by the first girl I ever fell in love with? (Turned out she had absolutely no interest in monogamy)
As I gained weight from overeating (to take away the sadness) I developed the beginnings of anorexia, but luckily I overcame that...sorta. My best friend of 14 years had her mom develop cancer, which was difficult. My friends have problems with their parents. One of my closest friends parent’s are abusive assholes. (Am I allowed to say that? Cause it’s true.) I myself still have a few problems with my family, but you won’t find me complaining. Besides all that crap, I’m a bit of a news follower, and as things got worse and worse so did I.
Mkay, so started cutting myself and starving, I cut myself off from everyone and pretty much ignored my friends. (Who had nothing to do with my...stuff) Dark times, dark times. After a while I was at the edge of killing myself (as in, hanging on by one finger) and took the cutting a bit too far, as well as the whole ‘anti social maniac/emo kid’ part too far.
To tell you the short way, my mom found out (only about the cutting, not the starving), freaked completely, and sent me to Pill/therapyLand. I’m better now, stopped cutting (I still want to though....I’m working on that) and I’m doing better with the whole starving myself thing. I’m eating right now! So...I got better with my friends and my parents obsessed over me for a few weeks. I felt bad, I don’t really deserve attention.
Hmmm....you wonder how I’ve changed? (Or is that just me?) Well, I’m far less dramatic, I hope. I’m darker than I used to be (like hide in shadows darker) and I like anime/manga now. (It’s a long story how that affected me)My stories are more serious and, I hope, better. Have you noticed there’s a lot of hope in this paragraph? I’m way more creative than I used to be and for some reason I’m better at drawing.
Hmm....I laugh less than I used to and I’m much more introverted, to the extent that I can’t have people around me for more than two days without taking a break. (I already happen to know I’m the lamest person on the planet) I avoid crowds and I talk about myself less. I have some serious trust issues now. I know myself better, a lot better. I’m more mature and my sense of humor is darker. I don’t scare people anymore though. Thankfully.
Most obviously, the way I dress and the music I listen to changed. I’m a big scream/punk/metal/deathcore/pop/dubstep/classical/anything else you can think of fan now. I’m hugely into music, way more than I used to be.
My clothes are darker, kinda emo sometimes, and I always wear something over my hips and on my arms. (I’m sure you can guess why) Mostly, I guess I’ve learned about myself. I’m a lot weaker than I thought.
So, for the same? Well, I’m still funny, I still play guitar, and I still don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Also, I’ve always hated Ke$ha. That’s all folks. So, that was my incredibly boring confession....to be continued. Will this girl heal herself at her new(Catholic-shudders-)school? Can I do this? Kay. I’m out.-mwah-
So, here I am, months later, chockfull of the pills I swore I would never take. By the way, they’re awesome. You should really try some. I still don’t believe in therapy though. Wondering what brought on the months of insanity and subsequent....me-ness? If you’re interested, this is my confession. You don’t have to read it. I won’t mind, dear.
Anyway, I entered high school, (not very healthy in the head anyway, not that I’ve ever been) and flopped. I discovered I hate nearly everyone in my school and that I have a phobia of crowds and being looked at. Hmm...let’s see, do you think the never ending weight of diabetes had something to do with the depression? –winks- Yeah, I’m Type 1 diabetic, it sucks.
Moving on, I started having problems with my parents and my grades fell drastically. (I’m in summer school for Math...)I felt disconnected from everything. Have I already mentioned that I came out as bi and got my heart broken by the first girl I ever fell in love with? (Turned out she had absolutely no interest in monogamy)
As I gained weight from overeating (to take away the sadness) I developed the beginnings of anorexia, but luckily I overcame that...sorta. My best friend of 14 years had her mom develop cancer, which was difficult. My friends have problems with their parents. One of my closest friends parent’s are abusive assholes. (Am I allowed to say that? Cause it’s true.) I myself still have a few problems with my family, but you won’t find me complaining. Besides all that crap, I’m a bit of a news follower, and as things got worse and worse so did I.
Mkay, so started cutting myself and starving, I cut myself off from everyone and pretty much ignored my friends. (Who had nothing to do with my...stuff) Dark times, dark times. After a while I was at the edge of killing myself (as in, hanging on by one finger) and took the cutting a bit too far, as well as the whole ‘anti social maniac/emo kid’ part too far.
To tell you the short way, my mom found out (only about the cutting, not the starving), freaked completely, and sent me to Pill/therapyLand. I’m better now, stopped cutting (I still want to though....I’m working on that) and I’m doing better with the whole starving myself thing. I’m eating right now! So...I got better with my friends and my parents obsessed over me for a few weeks. I felt bad, I don’t really deserve attention.
Hmmm....you wonder how I’ve changed? (Or is that just me?) Well, I’m far less dramatic, I hope. I’m darker than I used to be (like hide in shadows darker) and I like anime/manga now. (It’s a long story how that affected me)My stories are more serious and, I hope, better. Have you noticed there’s a lot of hope in this paragraph? I’m way more creative than I used to be and for some reason I’m better at drawing.
Hmm....I laugh less than I used to and I’m much more introverted, to the extent that I can’t have people around me for more than two days without taking a break. (I already happen to know I’m the lamest person on the planet) I avoid crowds and I talk about myself less. I have some serious trust issues now. I know myself better, a lot better. I’m more mature and my sense of humor is darker. I don’t scare people anymore though. Thankfully.
Most obviously, the way I dress and the music I listen to changed. I’m a big scream/punk/metal/deathcore/pop/dubstep/classical/anything else you can think of fan now. I’m hugely into music, way more than I used to be.
My clothes are darker, kinda emo sometimes, and I always wear something over my hips and on my arms. (I’m sure you can guess why) Mostly, I guess I’ve learned about myself. I’m a lot weaker than I thought.
So, for the same? Well, I’m still funny, I still play guitar, and I still don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Also, I’ve always hated Ke$ha. That’s all folks. So, that was my incredibly boring confession....to be continued. Will this girl heal herself at her new(Catholic-shudders-)school? Can I do this? Kay. I’m out.-mwah-
♠ ♠ ♠
So, enjoy me.