Something Ends, Another Begins

I slowly opened my eyes and it took me a few seconds to remember exactly where I was. I looked around the room and recognized the various band posters nailed at random places on the wall. I looked at the clock that was next to me and saw that it was eight o' clock. There sunshine was blaring behind the curtain at the window. Obviously, the storm had blown over.

I slowly turned over to find Cameron next to me, still sleeping. I suddenly remembered everything that he had told me last night. I actually felt guilty. I mean, ever since I've known him, I've acted horrible towards him and thought all of these bad things about him when I didn't even know the slightest bit of what he's gone through. He acts the way he does with people because he's been hurt and betrayed by his parents and doesn't want it to happen again. I just thought he was mean because that was just the way he was. I kept telling myself that I hated him because of how he treated me when it wasn't about me at all.

I noticed how peaceful he looks when he's sleeping. His broad chest was moving up and down steadily as he breathed in and out. As much as I wouldn't want to admit it, I felt the strongest urge to lay back down and rest my head on his chest. Before I could give in, however, I slowly moved the blanket off of me and sat up. I quickly looked back over at Cameron to make sure I didn't wake him. Thankfully, I didn't. I saw him turn over, facing me, with his eyes still closed. A piece of his hair moved in front of his eyes and automatically without thinking, I reached over and brushed the hair off of his face. Wow, his hair is extremely soft. I pulled my hand back quickly and continued to slowly get off the bed.

Once I stood up and was standing next to the bed, facing the window, I heard, "Hey."

I jumped a little, quickly turning around. Cameron had his eyes half way open and was smirking. I wondered how long he was actually awake. "Hey," I whispered.

"You're up early," Cameron said, sitting up to look at the clock. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, I did. I just couldn't go back to sleep so I'm going to go back downstairs and change."

"You're not leaving just yet, are you? You should at least stay for breakfast. I'll make you something."

The plan was to just go downstairs, change, and then leave. However, I replied, "Okay, that's sounds nice. I guess I'll just meet you downstairs." I started to walk towards the door.

Before I could turn the doorknob, I heard Cameron say, "Ali?"

I turned around. "Yeah?"

"What I told you last night...I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone else. Can you promise to just keep it between us?"

I smiled and nodded. "Of course. I won't tell a soul."

***

I walked through the front door and the first thing I saw was a note sitting on top of the table near the door that read: Ali - Went to work early today. Call me once you get home so I know you're there safely. Love, Mom

After I called Mom, I watched TV for a while, not really wanting to do anything. I'm not sure what time it was when I heard a knocking on the front door.

When I opened the door, I was extremely surprised to see Josh's mother, Gina, standing in front of me.

"Hello, Ali," Gina said, smiling widely when she saw me.

"Gina, hi," I replied as she pulled me in for a hug. "What brings you here?"

"I just thought I would visit and talk for a bit. Is your mom home?"

"No, she's not. She's at work right now. But, please come in." Once she was inside, I asked, "Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"Water would be nice, sweetheart."

After I gave her water, we sat down on the couch. "So, how are you?" I asked Gina cautiously.

Her smile faded a little but I could tell she was trying to hide by the way she looked down. "Well, you know, I'm taking things day by day. But, Tom and I are doing a lot better." Tom is Josh's dad. "How are you, Ali?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay. It's like what you said, I'm taking things day by day. It still hurts to think about him, though. I really miss him."

"We all do, honey. But, you have to remember, he's in a better place now and I'm sure he wouldn't want to look down at us and see us hurt and crying."

I nodded. "I know."

"Besides everything that's happened, how's senior year so far?"

"It's going well. My dad is actually getting married soon."

Gina raised her eyebrows. "Really? That's great."

"Yeah, it was a little difficult for me to deal with at first but then I realized that life is too short to get upset over things you have no control over."

"I understand completely. It can't be easy to accept one of your parents getting remarried. Especially since you have a lot going on anyway."

I smiled. "At least someone understands."

Gina laughed and nodded. Her laughter died down after a few moments and looked down again, with a strange look on her face.

"Gina, is everything okay?"

She quickly looked up. "Of course. Actually, Ali, there is a specific reason why I came to visit."

"Oh, what's up?"

Gina took a deep breath before saying, "There's something I haven't told you yet and I know I should've told you sooner but I couldn't bring myself to."

"Gina, you're freaking me out. What's going on?"

"Right after the accident, when Josh was in the hospital," she paused and closed her eyes, "He was still alive when Tom and I arrived at the hospital and saw him in one of the hospital rooms. As much as I tried to convince myself that he would survive, there was something deep down telling me that he wouldn't. Anyway, that's not really the point. When I went inside Josh's hospital room, he started talking to me about you and Cameron. It was only a couple of minutes before he died that he told me, in his room inside one of his drawers, there were two letters. One for you and one for Cam. I didn't know what he was talking about at the time or why he would have letters for both of you but that wasn't a concern for me back then."

"Josh wrote letters for us?" I asked, trying to process what she was telling me.

Gina nodded. "Yes, apparently he did. It took a long time to bring myself to step back inside Josh's room without breaking down but when I finally did a couple nights ago, I looked through his drawers and in the top one, I found two envelopes. One with your name on it and one with Cam's name." Gina reached inside her purse and sure enough, she pulled out a white envelope. I cautiously grabbed it and my name was written on it. I immediately recognized Josh's handwriting. "I didn't read the letters," Gina assured. "I just figured you would want it."

I just stared at the envelope, terrified of what was inside. My hands were actually shaking. "Thank you," I finally said, looking at her.

Gina smiled and I saw she had tears in her eyes. "No need to thank me, Ali. I should go visit Cam and give him his letter." She stood up and followed me to the front door. Before she walked outside, she pulled me in for another hug and said, "You don't know how important you were to Josh, Ali. I know he would not like to see you hurt."

I nodded. "I'll remember that. You and Tom take care. Thank you for visiting."

***

That letter has been haunting me for about an hour now. I kept telling myself to just rip the envelope open then something stops me. I'm so scared of what I might read.

After a while of contemplating, I snatched the letter that I set on the table and ran upstairs with it.

I sat on my bed and took a long deep breath before slowly ripping the envelope open. With shaking hands, I opened the letter and read:

My dear Ali,

If you're reading this, that most likely means I'm not around anymore. If that's the case, I don't want you to worry. I especially don't want you to cry. You know I hate it when you do that. You're probably wondering why I'm writing this to you. And the truth is, I have no idea. I don't know why I'm writing this letter exactly. I know it may sound weird but lately, I've been having this strange feeling that something bad might happen. It's creepy, but that's how I feel. I don't know what's causing this bad feeling but I know that's what motivated me to write this to you. I just want you to know that I love you. I know I've said that about a million times to you but it's true. I love you with all of my heart and that's how it will always be. That's why, if anything happens to me, I want you to move on. By that, I mean I want you to graduate, go to college, get a great job, get married, and have kids. Ali, please don't feel guilty if I'm gone and you find someone else. If I'm not with you, I want you to find a guy that treats you the way you deserve to be treated and that loves you and that will take care of you. I know that you love me but if you end up finding a guy that you want to be with, be with him. I love you too much to think that you wouldn't want to move on because of me. Believe me, baby, you'll find a guy that loves you and would want to be with you. Just make sure that he treats you right.

Also, I hope that when I'm gone, you and Cam will start to be nicer to each other. I know you're probably rolling your eyes at that but that's what I wish were to happen. It's not easy to watch my girlfriend and best friend fight all the time. He means well, Ali. He really does. You just have to give him a chance. And, don't get me wrong, Cam is also in the wrong but I just want you two to stop fighting all the time. It's honestly extremely annoying.

That's really all I have to say. Hopefully, you'll never get to read this letter but I just had to write this. Something tells me I should. Anyway, it's about two in the morning right now and I'm really tired so I'm going to go to bed. Again, I love you so much and, no matter what, I want you to be happy.

Love,
Josh